All Comments on 'Add It Up'

I had no idea what to expect, but it wasn't that. That was funny as hell. The tags were the icing on the cake. You're a funny writer, whoever you are.

Nt

I liked your story. I did not care for the ending but that is just me You are a very good writer so please give us more. Thank you.

I don't know what the hell that was. Funny and entertaining. I guess it's my patriotic duty to give it five stars. For Uncle Sam, of course.

Well written but the ending was unbelievable. It was all going so well until the "agents" were brought in.

Negative 3 stars for the ending

I didn't see that last page coming! I was all set to write this off as stupid wife, but you hit me with a hilarious curve ball. Great job!

That was hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh.

A screwball farce is a great way to start the day.

I eagerly await more.

5 big stars.

Hooked

The twist at the end was unexpected, but it still felt forced, for lack of a better word.

Personally, I wouldn't give a flying fuck if my wife was doing it for "Uncle Sam." When is it OK for her vows to be broken for the FBI? Let them put one of their sluts in undercover and "not swallow."

And why in the hell would she bring the asshole to her house?! Hell, even the FBI would say that was a no no. What as George gonna say, "Don't worry mate, she didn't swallow?" Why would he care about saving her marriage? He was a bad guy, remember.

The dialog was good and I liked how you went back at the in-laws.

Just not sure of the execution of the ending.

I think this should be in Humor & Satire.

Great fun and very well written. Easily on the level of some of the most popular authors on Lit.

It was fun for a while but even if my wife did it for god and country she would be gone as she did it!

nice one, thanks

...btw, I would still kick her out...

Entertaining, I like a quick wit. 5

fun read

Great imagination. Well written. I would have given it five stars, but the ending threw me for a loop and detracted from an otherwise great story. Thanks for sharing..

I think you should put in a second chapter about Patrick discovering the incident was faked and planned. I honestly feel like the "hostage situation" was a desperate attempt at fooling everyone at her work place since Patrick told Tom about Alicia's affair and also to fool him and his kids into taking her back. It's just too coincidental! (Sorry if the writing is sloppy.)

A little bit of a stretch...but it was cute!

whoring for national? she still deserves a divorce.

Did you have to get somewhere in a hurry?

This story was nicely written. The tension kept increasing as Alicia tried to justify her actions to husband and daughters. When agents Smith and Wesson were introduced I thought it was the final desperate action of a cornered woman. But that phone call from Tom, explaining how Mr. Battey was subdued after being shot by the agents at Alicia's place of work just blew me away! You hoodwinked me completely! I guess she's a hero(ine) now because of her fucking Battey to uphold national security. At least, after allowing him access to her 3 major points of entry, she didn't swallow.

* * * * *

I did not see that coming. I had to giggle. At her saying I did not swallow

Ok, this was entertaining as hell. The ending is, of course, past the realm of believability......but this is fiction.

The only issue I had was when he apologized for sleeping with his 3 previous long term girlfriends. Why? He stated he thought he was in love with them and he was clearly dating them. Why was he apologizing?

Ticked all the boxes and made me laugh.

Thanks for sharing.

But, I didn't laugh.

Right up to but not including the ridiculous ending!

Great story, especially for a new writer. 5* all the way. I enjoyed your sense of humor.

Love the humor. Five stars all the way. More, please?

ROFL!

I really thought the agents were fake, was going to comment on why they never showed IDs.

Alicia's excuse for cheating was a TOTAL HOOT!! Thank You 5***** The revelations of her cheating relations was good... but did they swallow? This was as good a story as I have ever read in LW Great Job... Gotta check your other stories

This was a laugh riot from the start - thanks for the humour.

I usually would either not rate or rate about 3* but this made me laugh 5*

Great until the ending

I get that you were going for a fun, 'subversive' ending there, but it just ruined the whole story. Up until those last few paragraphs, it was a truly good time, the kind of funny tale you can truly enjoy, and then... 2 stars. And that extra star is only because it was such a good time beforehand.

The poor husband having to get back together with his whore of a wife who will DEFINITELY cheat again, because, you know, he's not 'patriotic' if he doesn't let her fuck all the men in the world, basically... Just made me want to vomit.

Neither did I

And five stars for this sentence alone......"Well, yes, but it turned out that their indiscretions weren't all that discrete, or discreet," I said. But the ridiculous ending took a lot away for me.

I really don’t know how to describe this one . It was different it was enjoyable so I’m going to have to say . Yes I enjoyed it it was a good BTB build up then you thought she can’t stoop to this low then you learn the girls have seen one of the agents before aka on stage . You start think yes she has lowered herself really really low to keep her family then okay pow . The reader gets caught out instead so fantastic story really really did enjoy reading this. So please write more stories like this I really did enjoy getting caught out lol 😂.

I ..... am speechless.

The ending of this story made no sense. I gave it 3 stars. It should have been 1 star.

Very quirky and Kafkaesque. Keep them coming. Even the late Patrick Swayze would grin.

This story is hilarious and should score higher.... Keep writing. The dialogue was outstanding

Wow, she was a hero to help out our country. I am still smiling. Is there still a real Santa Claus?

I thought the story was good, but the twist at the end made it great!

That being said, I still have trouble though with the other husband calling with a 2nd account of what happened at the office. Was Marilyn part of the cover up? Why didn't the agents or Alicia mention a hostage crisis and shooting. Wouldn't that be an even better story to tell? How gullible can they be...

Why did she bring Battey to house, when he would be wanted by the FBI, etc.?

Incident at offices could've been staged too.

I would've asked to see credentials/badge numbers of the "special agents"; had they shown up at my house.

Everything is still too suspicious and, those are some big holes; especially when you already have at least one verified actress involved.

I gave it a 3; well written but, some big holes in her story; that could be addressed in a sequel.

That was hilarious and Kafkaeque as stated by another poster. The banter between the daughters was funny. The constant disbelief even to the end, the unbelievable ridiculous end. It had you wondering who and what to believe and the final line "I never swallowed" just topped it. I really don't understand why this hasn't scored higher. The writing was good, the dialogue was sharp and entertaining. I loved the way they named the girls and even the comments from that. Thanks for a very entertaining story.

A good story, right up to the ending which was unbelievable and completely spoiled it.

I enjoyed it from start to finish. I love the conundrum the husband has to face. Some readers suggest it wasn't real, but they'd toss the wife out, regardless. I have to ask this. WTF kind of an American would you be if you divorced a woman who gave her all for this great nation? Five stars from me!

well written story and the humor was perfect. please keep writing and don't listen to the negative nellies.

Haaahaaaahaaaaahaaa! Thanks for the laugh today!

The ending got me to laugh. A serious story on cheating turned 180 degrees at the finish. So many readers are such stiffs and cannot see the humor to this work.

A hero for Trimpy‘s team. She gave her ass for the great nation. as he gives a shit about it.

Go America.

Good laugh.

I have to say. This was funny as shit.

Perhaps the funniest story I've read in Loving Wives. Thank you for sharing

Pretty good first effort, thanks for posting.I will let the other readers nitpick the small errors. Thanks again.

Outrageous is fine, but the ending was too out of place.

Now that was a yarn!. And told very well. Tank you

@HikingThru, I loved the dig at the writers who screw up discreet/discrete.

@jd3608, unlike many "twist" stories, the narrator wasn't in on it, he was caught it the twist along with the readers.

Congrats on your first story, now how about a follow up where Patrick gets his few months and gets saved in the end by two men in black because the gal he had his affair with was an outlaw alien. Kay and Jay could say that Pay (Patrick's code name) was responsible for saving the whole world because the build up of his seaman caused her to end her reign of terror over gag reflex. She did swallow.

Really great story with a terrific ending. Thank you. Needless to say 5 stars.

No, that wasn't humor, it was shit.

That ended with a mighty fine twist! Thanks. A 5* read.

Oh yeah, baby! Rockin’ tale!

Well-played

I liked the story, but the ending made no sense.

I was with you all the way until the ending. 2*

Good for first story. But the ending was forced. Not supported by the early parts of the tale. But for a first effort a 4*

It was a great story (5*) until the end (3*). Remember one of the daughters recognized the agent as being an amateur actor, which would not have anything to do with national security. So why all of a sudden would all three become brain dead and fall for the load of crap?

"I have but one wife to give for my country."

nyuk nyuk nyuk ;)

Ehat kinda slutwife doesnt swallow i ask you??? Furthermore lovem and leavem boss boy would definetly be a domineering prick who would insist on plunging his jizz down here throat.... act of agression upon the submissive slutwife.

I loved the never ending dialogue between him and Alicia! All her cock and bull efforts to explain it away and his rejoinders......and then its true!!! Absolutely blew me away!!!

Ha Ha Ha!!!

I can't believe how this story ended. Great job. This story was well written. Congratulations!!

Why would you use story tags at all? Like any reader on this site will search for a story with "pyracantha shrubs" as a tag. If I was using search tags for a story I doubt very seriously I would use or even think of "baseball hall of fame", "didn't swallow", "spies". "Cheating" would work but that's about it. So in reality, in a few days, this story will fall into oblivion probably never to be read again. As a story it was ok.

Still divorce her. She still chose to compromise her values and her marriage. Our government is supposed to protect it’s citizens and our values from all enemies, foreign and domestic. By stealing the most valued possession of a citizen, they have destroyed the values they were sworn to protect. The ends do not justify the means.

But still a nice twist, cheers

until the end. then it sucked. To many mistakes to make it believable and really just beneath your talent.

What a twist, still, it ruined the story a bit.

Oh well, enjoyed though

I found Patrick to be totally despicable. If he can’t get over her cheating, that’s one thing, but bringing in his girls is beyond cowardly. I don’t blame Alicia for cheating.

Believable at the end? No. Original? Yes. Gave it a 5 because the crazy twist was just handled so well.

Nicely done Sir Knight!

5* Original and fun! Husband plays dumb yet knows everything. The twist ending proves the outlandish wife's story was true!? Hilarious! An FBI agent who does local theater..wow!

Too funny

Very entertaining - good balance

Quite a story for your first post in LW. That was quite a yarn with a kind of double twist ending. Agents Smith and Wesson is really funny, and they were caught by the daughter. I thought Alicia was toast, but you saved her with the shootout. At least she didn't swallow. BTW, Battey was a pretty wimpy foreign agent wasn't he? Story had more holes than Swiss cheese, but it was *5 funny for me.

She paid the actors to "shoot" her lover and drag him away. Fake blood, fake guns, probably even a fake pyracantha and a fake cock. Battey is a woman. It's obvious if you don't think about it.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed as her lovely posterior unexpectedly struck the floor as I stood up. Alicia's eyes rose to meet my glare, too startled to find further words.

"I'm not swallowing either. Not one ounce of this bullshit." I turned to my children. "Bailey. Canton. Cuff her. This is a citizen's arrest!"

"W-what? On what grounds?" she sputtered.

"Whoring without a license."

The story was good until the author took a dump on it with the ending. Too cutesy and seems very similar to SaddleTramp's Ashes to Ashes story. I liked his first chapter, hated the others.

Alicia's attitude was way too cavalier. I think how he needs to reply to her cocky "I never swallowed" comment is tell her "You got me there. I forgive you but I never promised to take you back. You may have saved the world, but I'm afraid I can't be part of your fan club. Call me when you gain some regret for being such a skank and lose your arrogance."

Right up until the ending you had me then it went to shit in few short sentences. Would have been totally better story if the wife had gotten Tom to back up her story and the kids laughed at her.

Something different for a change....thank you...I will only give you....***** no more!

A funny, messed up story that was great fun to read. Smith and Wesson, Bailey and Canton, the names are great. A really good story for first time author and I will be looking for the next one.

If it were me, I’d still divorce her.

Are we supposed to believe that the wife really became a whore to help with a federal investigation? Too bad all she told her sister was that the asshole had a big cock and really knew how to use it. Wonder how long it will take her asshole to heal?

Thanks for the effort.

Very Good

This is one of the few stories where the funny twist at the very end wasn't telegraphed and was really a twist. Nice job.

If in humor and satire I would have bought ending

Great first story. Some here criticize for the ending. It was all in good humor. Thank you

I know you were trying to give us a surprise twist at the end. And you did, but the twist was inconsistent with the rest of the story which made it odd and inappropriate, even as a twist. To make the twist work, it needs to make sense after we get the paradigm shift the twist introduces. The twist you introduced contradicted the woman's earlier behavior. Had she appeared remorseful or uncomfortable earlier in the story, the twist would have made sense.

The story could be rewritten in a way that would make the twist work, or you could craft a different ending more consistent with the earlier part of the story and I think have a better more consistent work.

On the bright side, your dialogue early in the story is spectacular. I feel like the interactions you introduced sounded more authentic then most on this site. You write well and in particular you write dialogue well. I appreciated that portion of your story more than anything else. Thank you for writing it and keep up the good work,

Was excellently done. I personally like twist endings especially those that make me laugh.

Wow..........that's quite a story. How do we know that Tom's not full of bullshit too?

I'm not buying the secret agent story, I think dad should leave and take the two hot daughters with him. Maybe they would swallow? I'll give you 4 stars for creativity.

I like comedies too and no I don't buy the end.

It was hard to read. Too much shouting. It read more like a screed than a story. A novel's worth of action crammed into 5,000 words. The ending was too cute by half. On the other hand, I think you've got potential. Keep at it.