All Comments on 'Adventure of Rekka Ch. 10'

Man, I love this tale. Please keep at it until it is finished. Cheers to you, author!

I thought it was going to end with so many pages, looking forward to more.

I also enjoy the story, but holy cow could it use some editing. The sentence structure this time around was so bad that I literally skipped paragraphs because it didnt have any dialogue or action in it. So many run on sentences and sentences that didnt make sense because it didnt have context. Dont get me wrong. I liked what you did with the characters story wise. But I would recommend getting a proofreader before posting the next story or try typing it in word or something to help with the readability. Tough criticism, but honest. And as I said, I do still enjoy the story. Keep up the good work.

I'll finish eventually, that's for sure. Unless I drop dead. I'm pretty much obsessed by this story. Sorry about all the waiting between chapters, I don't like it anymore than those that somehow manage to enjoy this story. I work from home now, it's a lot easier to write when I don't have to pretend I'm working so much.

I've got chapter 11 saved on a couple of clouds, my phone, and a flashdrive. I've learned my lesson, no hard drive is going to eat my work again. I'm pretty sure the first draft was a bit better before it was devoured. Hopefully this one is good enough. I'm about 11,000 words into Chapter 11, not sure how long it will take me to finish. I don't decide when a chapter ends, the chapters let me know when they've had enough of me.

Thanks for your comment! I enjoy every single one I get, even the negative ones. Won't stop me writing, but might make me write better. Feel free to critique away!

@Kingofone

You are absolutely not wrong. It was only something I noticed after it was posted. I have spoken with an editor for the next chapter, so I hope this improves. Thanks for enjoying it regardless, hopefully the next one is a little more coherent!

Going off what you and Kingofone were saying I agree very much and would like to suggest googledoc. It’s free, saves itself to your Google drive every few seconds and you can just email yourself drafts of whatever you’re working on as you go. It is also very helpful for editing as you can grant other people access to it and they can leave suggested edits for you to approve. I actually helped LTPC edit his last chapter of Endangered that way. It’s an amazing story by the way. (Sorry not sorry for the shameless plug.) Another suggestion I have for you is to try saying some of these sentences out loud. Especially the dialogue. It sounds like a silly thing to do but it is actually very helpful for weeding out stiff and cumbersome wording. That being said, please keep it up. This is definitely one of my favorite stories on this site.

Adventure of Rekka Ch 10! I didn't think it was being continued. I'm glad to see you're still around, MosesD.

Really good chapter here, but man, you need to learn to kill your darlings. So much of this dialogue could have, and should have, been trimmed down, shortened, or otherwise lessened. And there is something off about your sentence structure... I can't quite put my finger on it. It's almost like you're trying to find a balance between formal diction and natural speaking, and it comes out really awkward and oddly structured, making it really hard to follow along and read.

Well written. Definitely looking forward to reading more.

Great storie so fair, When is the next chapter coming out?

Maybe I .the only one, but the whole scene with Val in Bills head felt very Architect and Neo. I would suggest changing the chapter description to "The Architect explains the Matrix"

Finally got thru this to the current ragged edge of the tale, looking for the next installment. Still, if this is all there is or will be, I do think it is an agreeable if not satisfying stopping place. The protagonist’s internal conflict has been resolved, the path and pitfalls laid bare, and the allies aligned behind him.

Well I've enjoyed all the chapters up to now. I can see what I think is a Pratchett influence on your writing, hinted pretty early on with the pointy hat with stars on reference, but with a lot of the exposition and character flourishes later on. This chapter was a little hard to get through for me though, it was a little muddled and monologue-ish from the dream/meeting with (what turned into) Valentine and onwards. That whole 'dream' section was very 'monologue-y' and felt like rambling, which may have been intentional on your part to convey Bill's internal struggles. But the narration and exposition should have been more concise and cleared up any confusion where I felt like it just continued in a similar vein. Still, it's a good story with interesting ideas and characters and I'd like to see where it goes, so I hope you are still planning to continue with the story. Good stuff.

Too much navel gazing in this chapter. I still give it five stars though. Thanks so much for all your writing efforts.

DC

It's been a few years, I hope things are going well for you. Now that the niceties are out of the way... Bring the fucking magic bullshit fucking back. I want to see the fucking sex on the beach they are all heading fucking to at the end of the war and defeat of the gods. Hop to it!