All Comments on 'Adventures of Tash and John Ch. 01'

A very good story line and a great basis for future instalments. A few grammatical errors, e.g. page 5 re. his cooking ability, it should be "make do" not make due". Not the end of the world and way better than many of the submissions.

Looking forward to more instalments. My spelling is British English. :)

Yeah, kind of wishing I had gone over it one more time before submitting it now. I wrote this in varying states of consciousness and on three different computers all using different word programs. The last part I wrote on my phone and it loves to do predictive text. Guess I missed some of the weird stuff.

Second chapter is in the process of being approved as well as a side story to give more background to the universe. Still writing chapter three. So don't worry, more to come.

just a little more polish will help. Find a second set of eyes to proof it for you before you submit. That does wonders for those pesky little errors.

I am a big fan of this story, both in the characterization and setting but also your writing style is light and enjoyable. My only criticism is tempo and lopsidedness of the power in the relationship with John for example that he completely controls the economic side and that humanity is viewed as some "demigod race", a bit too "traditional" for my liking. IN all honesty this might be a criticism of my views rather than your storytelling

The original idea of the story was influenced by some of the HFY (Humanity Fuck Yeah!) stories that I read a long time ago. I wanted to do something in the same vein but with my own interpretations. My idea was that 'what if Humans were a little above average on the galactic scale?'. I added to that by making an alien character who is enthralled by Human culture and sees it as superior to her own (for real life example please see Weaboos). So they are really only demi-gods in her eyes, but they have done enough as a people to be seen as an honorable and helpful militaristic culture. As for John being fairly wealthy... as he said, the military 'paid well'. Also Tash is just flat fucking broke, so even a little bit of money is rich to her. I hope this helps, and thank you for enjoying my work.