All Comments on 'Affair with My Friend's Son'

However, you could use an editor/proof reader, and a little more plot development.

This is NOT one of those 'you suck, die!' comments... those guys are just a$$holes who get off on bringing others down & I hate that - it is simply meant to help you become a better writer. You have a decent start here, but it just needs a little fine tuning.

Please understand that I know what I'm talking about, because I also submit stories here... and I had the same problem that you (& many others) have had. As an Author, you are actually your own worst editor - we all are.

Before posting a story, have someone else look it over - there are many readers here who volunteer to do exactly that - just search editors & talk to a few of them... shouldn't be too hard to find one who can help you.

Really - you are NOT far away, just need a little help 'getting there'... and there is no shame in that. The shame would be in not availing yourself of the resources that are available to help you.

Good Luck & keep writing!

Someone asked me if I thought James Franco, the actor, was a genius. I responded that I thought he was talented, but not as talented as "he" believed he was. There's a distinction.

I think you're a good author, but I don't think you're as good as "you" believe you are. I didn't pick up on the vibe of a person writing average material who aspires to become great, I instead got the vibe that I was reading average material that the author thought was already amazing.

I don't mean this to sound derisive, but I never, ever sugar-coat my criticism: This is a short story, on an erotica site, and it lasted not quite two full pages. The writing was decent, but not exceptional. The plot was decent, but not exceptional. There was evidence some kind of editing process took place, but it missed a lot of typos and other errors. (Halfway through, you began a paragraph with "Back at Molly's house, Adam moved his fingers..." which was confusing as all hell, since in the preceding paragraph, Adam and Cassie WERE in Molly's house. They didn't LEAVE Molly's house. So where did they come back FROM, to be be BACK at Molly's house?)

If you want to write a memorable story, you have to make it memorable. You can't write the equivalent of Chris Farley telling a story that consists in it's entirety of "Hey, remember that time that guy fell down? Heh, heh. That was funny." You wrote details that we (I am presuming) were supposed to take as "momentous and portentous" but they just weren't. They just "weren't", you know?

All in all, this was like reading a story composed by a fifth or sixth grade student as a homework assignment. One that they finished early, not something they waited until the last minute to start working on, but still... This might be a nice beginning, and it's good that you've got some confidence in yourself, but you've got to put in a lot more work before it's going to be as good as you seem to think it "already is".

Are you kidding me? Where in this story or his profile did the author purport to be a great writer? Maybe I read with complete lack of comprehension and/or attention to detail, but I don't see this author as boastful. It's a nice story that might need a little work. Overall, I'd encourage this person to continue writing and to not let people like you fabricate stories about him and project (perhaps?) their own boastful tendencies.

I never claimed to be a great writer, Learning by attempts and feedback.

Thanks for seeing this in me.

I can clearly see Ms. Wheeless, my 6th grade teacher asking me if I had suddenly forgotten everything she had taught me, then taking her note home to my gramma (a retired teacher) and grandpa (a retired newspaperman) and being rewarded with a couple hours daily of after school classwork for at least a couple of months, diagraming sentences.

But, as I said to begin with; I liked it. I could see past all the errors to the intended story, I think, and DID like it enough to look forward to a sequel or continuation of this story for several chapters.

I just signed up yesterday but have been reading daily for hours for for a couple of months (Ain't Retirement GREAT?)

I hope I didn't offend you. I see a good storyteller here with a little help from a proofreader or editor. Don't stop.

RASMAT