Afraid of What Exactly?

"They're good for each other, I think."

"Yeah, just like us, really!"

Raf and I texted back and forwards throughout the week. He was busy marking papers for the end of semester and wanted all his grading finished before Friday. I saw Charlotte when she collected Poppy in the mornings, and she came back and had a coffee once or twice.

"So, are you excited about Friday? Bought any lingerie or perfume or anything?"

"I, um, well no." Fortunately I did not have time to sit and talk with Charlotte as we were still busy, but her question had me wondering what preparations, if any, I should be doing.

"Hey Chook, I know you and Raf are having a bit of a date night tonight, don't worry about staying and tidying up if you have other things you need to be doing!" Nance had cornered me after we had closed on Friday and started some of the party preparations.

"Usually I don't stay and help because of Poppy. I thought tonight I might at least help a little. I mean, everyone seems so excited that, well, Raf and I, well, you know, but, I mean, Charlotte suggested lingerie and perfume and Raf hasn't really talked about it, I mean we've been texting and stuff, but, well, perhaps it isn't going to happen and I'm ok with that."

"Chook!" Nancy laughed, "Don't talk yourself out if it based on teenage experiences. And don't be fooled by marketing folks who think men want lingerie and perfume! Raf obviously likes spending time with you and you two make a gorgeous couple. Let things flow. Don't tell Simon I told you, but our first time together was a disaster! But we talked through things and let's just say things have improved a hell of a lot since then!"

On the bus ride home, I received a text from Raf telling me he had finished his marking and suggesting he got ready at my place.

'Sounds like a plan. I'm on the bus and will be home in 10 minutes. I'll pop the kettle on or something.'

'I'm looking forward to exploring the or something!'

I blushed and smiled as I re-read his message. I knew deep down Raf was as reserved as I was.

"Fuck off, Jacko!" I managed to get out before he even opened his mouth as I walked towards my unit. Jacko looked surprised and stubbed out his cigarette and retreated into his unit and closed his door before I could add anything extra.

"Way to go, love! You put him in his place!" Muriel, another neighbour cheered me on as I slipped the key into my lock. I was not sure where this inner confidence had come from, but I knew the pre-Halloween me would never have spoken to Jacko like that, no matter how much he deserved it. Pre-Halloween. I thought about the last fortnight or so and how quickly Raf had entered our lives. I thought about my initial reactions to Charlotte and her ludicrous coffee order and wondered how much she was hiding too.

I had slipped into Charlotte and her kids' life so easily and I surprised myself with my ability to form new friendships. Charlotte had given me a box of condoms that morning as she collected Poppy, handing them over with a wink. I was glad we were busy when she came back and I was unable to get away to have a talk. Thinking about Raf brought a smile to my face. I genuinely liked him. I liked the way he treated Poppy and me and I liked the way he fitted into our small family. Any doubts of our age gap had dissipated somewhat, but they were still there in the back of my mind.

"Coming!" I yelled as I ran to the door Raf had just knocked on.

"Hey!" Raf greeted me with a kiss, "Thanks for letting me get ready here, I've missed you this week."

We stood in the lounge kissing and gazing into each other's eyes.

"You smell like coffee!"

"You smell like, Raf! I don't think there is a marker pen scent! I haven't had a shower since finishing work."

"Did you want to have a shower now? I could, um, soap your back?"

I hadn't thought about the possibility. I glanced at the clock and saw we still had well over an hour before we needed to leave for the party.

"That sounds, um, nice, I think,' I replied kissing Raf more around his cheeks and chin.

"No expectations tonight, Sam, if things are moving too fast for either of us, we need to be able to say, but I have thought about being with you all week and it has made me smile, a lot!"

I started undoing the buttons on Raf's shirt as he placed his bag on the ground.

"So, well, I, um, well I haven't got any lingerie or perfume and I haven't shaved my, well, you know..."

"Oh, my sweet, sweet, love," Raf leaned in for more kisses, "If you wanted to do those things for you then do it, but please don't do things because you think it's something I want. I just want you."

Raf pulled my t-shirt over my head and fondled my breasts through my white bra. I ran my hands through Raf's chest hair, the blonde curls tickling me. We kicked off our shoes and I grabbed Raf's hand and lead him to my bedroom.

"The shower can wait, perhaps--"

Raf cut me off with more kisses as we both reached for each other's jeans and started unbuttoning them. Stepping out of them, I reached my arms around Raf's back and felt for his behind. It was firm and round and begging to be held onto. I could feel his arousal pressing against me. He leaned behind me and unhooked my bra, releasing my smallish breasts for the first time.

"Just beautiful!" Raf exclaimed as he leant in with his tongue to lick one sending shivers down my spine.

I ran my hands from his backside to his front, feeling his erection for the first time. I had few memories of Davo, but Raf seemed totally different- wider and harder. Slipping his jocks down his legs, I now had Raf standing in front of me totally naked.

"Wow!" I moaned as I continued to run my hands up and down his shaft, "Can you teach me to suck it, please?"

"Not just now, but, yeah, I think that could be arranged!"

"Charlotte, um, gave me condoms--"

"I bought my own!"

Raf removed my knickers and we stood there holding each other and kissing and stroking each other before I took Raf's hand and lead him to my bed. He reached for a foil packet from his jeans pocket, opened it and rolled it down his shaft.

"Is it alright with you if I lie back and let you guide the pace, also letting me fondle these beauties?" Raf asked as he again caressed my breasts.

My smile was the only answer he needed. I didn't need to remind Raf this was all new to me. I didn't need to ask him to take things slowly. I just knew I needed him inside me. I straddled my lover and leant down to kiss his lips again. It was as if our bodies were homing beacons and knew where they needed to be. Raf's cock slid up and down my folds before I started enveloping it.

The sensation was amazing. I flung my head back as my body became accustomed to the feeling.

"Just like that, Raf, just like that..."

Our rhythm developed organically, and our mouths again found each other. I could feel my climax building and hoped the grunts and moans I was vocalising would give Raf the hint. Our bodies were moving as one as we gazed into each other's eyes. It did not take long for my body to erupt in spasms of pleasure encouraging Raf to orgasm too, filling the condom with a loud grunt.

"Wow!" We both said at the same time causing us to start laughing. I noticed Muriel from next door had turned her television up to cover our sounds which lead to further giggles from both of us.

"Please don't ever try and tell me you have never had good sex before, but if that wasn't half as good for you as for me, then we can still improve, I'm sure."

"That was amazing!" I lay in Raf's arms again fondling his chest hair, "I just, wow, I, um, think I could get used to that!"

"Me too, Sam, me too."

Although we both longed to simply lie in bed, Raf convinced me to get ready for the party. It was in full swing by the time we arrived and Raf and I were soon separated. Simon's legendary Espresso Martinis were the hit of the night and I replaced Chrissy at the coffee machine to turn out some shots for Simon.

Glancing around the shop I saw Raf hiding in a corner staring at his phone. His shyness made me smile.

"Chrissy, can you please take this over to Raf and tell him I'll be with him soon. Perhaps introduce him to someone?"

"So, Nance was telling me, tonight, hey, Chook!" Simon looked at me with a grin on his face, "Remember, if he doesn't treat you well you just move on, ok. Although, I suspect he'll treat you very well indeed."

Usually I would have died of embarrassment, at Simon talking like this, but instead I simply smiled at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, thanking him for being such a wonderful boss and friend.

Looking to where I heard a group of men laughing hysterically, I smiled as I saw Raf with a grin on his face and the other two men with him laughing and toasting him for some reason.

"I've got this now, Chook, you go and be with your man!"

I thanked Simon and grabbed myself a glass of water and walked over to Raf who was chatting with some of the regular customers.

"And Here she is!" Julian exclaimed as I wrapped my arm around Raf's waist.

"What did I miss?" I asked

"The guys were telling me how sweet the red headed barista was and suggested if I was single, I might like to get to know you better. I told them we were already getting to know each other rather well!"

"It's good to see you smiling, Sam. Raf, Chris, Tom, I had best be heading off. Sally told me I could stay out late, but she's been with the kids all evening and truth be told, I miss it if I don't read them a bedtime story!"

Raf and I danced for a while before we started help clear cups and rubbish away.

"Thanks for all your help tonight, Chook. Simon and I really appreciate it you know, but you two need to get going I think!"

"We can stay and help. It's not like we're rushing off to the clubs with Chrissy and the others!"

"Simon and I have a, well, ritual, at the end of these parties and it's for the two of us only so I am actually kicking you out!"

"Nance! Too much information, but I suspect Raf and I might be..."

"Yes, I know, now you two skedaddle!"

As we walked to Raf's car we passed a store that sold various homemade items made by locals.

"Have you thought about selling some of your stuff in here?"

"Not really. It's more of a hobby I suppose. Plus, I need to find more time I suppose. I've always wanted to put Poppy first."

"You're pretty amazing you know, Ms Samella Smith."

It was late when we returned to my unit. Someone was fighting upstairs and Muriel still had her television blaring through the walls.

"I know you don't like living here and are wanting to move, but I probably need to, well, update you on some things." I had placed a mug of tea in front of Raf and slid next to him on the couch.

"This sounds ominous."

"Not really! Char and Jeff are pretty serious already. It's fast, I know, but I've told Char that I am going to move into my place around the corner from them after Christmas when the tenants move out. I don't want to pressure you or anything, but there's three bedrooms and more than enough room for you and Poppy should you choose to move there too."

"One bedroom each then are you saying?"

"Well, um, no. I'd like nothing more than to share with you, but, um, well, I didn't want to, well, assume anything."

"It just seems so quick!"

"I know, but I also know that I am falling head over heels for you."

I bit my lip as I gazed into my mug of tea. Had Raf seriously just told me that his feelings echoed mine? I'd been telling myself all week how crazy I was thinking of Raf so much and planning a life together. I tried to tell myself it was lust, but the more I thought about it, the more I recognised spending time with Raf was magical and the way we had made love that afternoon was out of this world.

I turned to face Raf and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh, Sam, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry, Fuck. I should have just shut--"

I cut Raf off with a kiss, a passionate kiss as I straddled him and took his cheeks in my hands.

"Shh! We'll have to ask Poppy, but I think she'll agree that it sounds about perfect!"

Whereas the fears I had seen surrounding Halloween were of frights or rejection or death, what Raf and I had discovered was the fears within us had almost stopped us from exploring something that would turn out to be magical. We would still be naturally shy people, but we could also recognise what was needed to bring out the best in each other and in Poppy.

It shocked neither Nance, Simon or Charlotte when we told them we were planning on getting married on Halloween the following year, so we could party with the spirits and souls. It wasn't a traditional ceremony, but we were able to declare out love for each other and our family, looking forward to a long and prosperous life together. As my husband twirled me around the dancefloor, he told me he had some tricks he was looking forward to showing me later on, to which I responded as long as he let me show him my treats.