After Coming Home

When I wrote Coming Home, (my first full length story) I was really just trying to put together a somewhat plausible story with a timeline that made sense and characters that, while flawed, sort of worked. Connor running off was not being a pussy, but someone who had his world rocked, and needed to kick his way out of the "box" his life was. As far as everyone telling him what to do, most everyone was just saying he needed to speak to Meg, to hear her out. Because it was obvious, he was still conflicted. Not to just take her back, but to at least give her the courtesy of listening. I purposely didn't write a lot of dialogue, because that story was more about putting the MC in the position of just having to think about things. He needed to come to certain conclusions/actions on his own without talking things to death. The scene where the two characters talk into the night was supposed to let you, the reader fill in the blanks.

From the end of COMING HOME:

The crowd was starting to thin out after Keith and Carla made their departure. I was ready to leave and saw Meg across the room talking with Charlene. I walked over and looked at her. Charlene took one long look at the two of us looking at each other and slowly walked off.

Meg just stood there, gazing up at me but not speaking.

"So, you wanna go for a ride in my truck?" I whispered.

AFTER COMING HOME

I opened the passenger side door of my truck and helped Meg up. Even with the running board step it was still awkward for her to get in with stiletto heels. I got in and put my key in the ignition and turned to face her. "Where do we go now?" I whispered.

"Are you speaking about tonight, or, forever?" she looked at me with the most serious look I'd seen in a long time.

"How about we just see how things go," and with that I started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.

I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that our evening wasn't over yet. That we needed to be together and figure out our shit. Yes, we had talked for hours the night before at the Baseball Field. And that did go a long way to clearing things up in my mind, but how does that carry forward and form the basis of a new relationship? I was just driving, not talking and not even sure where I was going.

I don't know if we'll date, get back together, or just be friends. I only knew that I didn't feel like there was this THING weighing me down. Somehow, I knew that regardless of how things turned out with Meg, we'd be okay.

Meg must have been thinking the same thoughts; she sat there quietly and stared out the window. Every once and a while she'd turn and study me; I could feel her gaze, but it never made me uncomfortable.

"You must have some idea of where we're going" she said. "And I don't mean forever, just tonight will do."

"I didn't have a clue when we left the reception, but I'm surprised you haven't figured it out by now. Or have you forgotten all the times we headed out Rte. 7 when we were younger?" I watched her out of the corner of my eye.

"Of course. I can't believe I didn't suggest so myself. It's the only other place besides the Ball Field that you and I went to regularly."

Yep, just like last week when Dave and I went fishing, I headed out west of town over the mountain and down to the put in on the Shenandoah River where we would take my truck when we were younger and go hang out. There was a dirt and gravel access road down to the river that ended up underneath the bridge.

"God this place brings back so many memories." She chuckled. "Why did we ever stop coming out here?"

"I don't know, I guess we got older and started doing adult stuff and had jobs and..." I just left that hanging there.

It was after midnight and even though it was June, the night air was cool. Like I said, I had always kept a blanket in the back of the truck. I grabbed it and went around to the passenger side to help Meg down.

"If you think I'm sitting up under the bridge on the concrete in this dress you're nuts," she said. "And I'm not walking anywhere in these heels."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to sit in the back like we used to do. Only I don't have any beer."

I helped her around the back of the truck and put the tailgate down. She stood there looking at me like she was waiting for something.

"Connor, I'm wearing a dress and heels, I'm not going to hop up there like I used to, you're going to have to help me here."

I put my hands around her waist to lift her up and stood there for moment. Memories came flooding back of all the times I had held her in my hands and for a moment I just wanted to kiss her.

"Uh, Connor..." she slowly said.

"Yeah, let me lift you up," and I gently deposited her on the tailgate. "Guess it's hard when you're not wearing shorts and sneakers."

I jumped up and we wrapped the blanket around us and sat there for a few minutes saying nothing. Just listening to the river slowly flowing by.

Meg seemed lost in thought and then she spoke. "I came out here once after you left. It must have been right after the divorce went through. It was the end of summer, and school was about to start. I sat here and wondered how things could get so screwed up, and what to do about it."

"I think that was when I started to get my life turned around. I told you last night some of what I went through, therapy, talking to my girlfriends, and thinking. But I realized that there were a whole lot of reasons why I felt so lost back then."

"You have always known what you wanted to do. What you wanted out of life and weren't afraid to chase after it. And yet you're also open to new things, new experiences. Hell, you ran off to Argentina even though you didn't speak the language! You just always seem to be in complete control."

"And then you weren't. Leaving like that scared the hell out of me as well as our friends. To say nothing of what it did to your folks."

"But I think I understand now. My behavior shook you, I upset your apple cart and I betrayed your trust by lying to you about the birth control."

Meg paused. I sat there for a minute and then said, "I know my leaving hurt a lot of people. I just needed to get away from things and once I had committed to leaving, I went all in. And as much as I enjoyed the experience... there were time I knew I was just stuffing everything down so I didn't have to think about us. I threw myself into the work, probably more than I should have. That's why Matt's on me to go back overseas."

"And then I came home and it seemed like everyone wanted me to talk to you. To their credit, no one was telling me we had to get back together, not even my folks. They just felt like I wasn't going to finally put things to rest until I did talk to you. Funny how they were right. I've felt more at peace the last 2 days then the last 3 years."

Meg reached over and took my hand and I gave it a squeeze.

"Con, you know my folks were in their 30's when they had me and while my mom had worked when she was younger, she never worked outside the home after I was born. After that she never had a life that was separate from being a wife and mother. I know she enjoyed being a mother, but when she was dying, she once made the comment that she wished she had done so much more with her life."

"I think that's part of what I was afraid of. You and I had always been together and you knew what your life was going to be. I wasn't so sure about where life was going to take me, other than I was sure it was going to be with you. Somehow, I lost sight of that when we started talking about having kids."

"So many other things were going through my mind then too. Did I want to always teach? I just felt like there was so much more that I wanted to do; that I wanted us to do. I realize now what I was feeling and thinking wasn't unusual and is quite common. The way I dealt with it was also common; basically, I denied what I was thinking and feeling."

"All these things were going through my head and I was starting to feel like the walls were closing in." Meg stopped talking and just looked out over the river.

I sat there and listened to Meg, really listened. And as she spoke, I replayed in my mind everything that had happened 3 years prior. The times she seemed to be in another place even as we sat side by side, the disagreements about starting our family, the lie about the birth control pills. And I began to see how she could have felt disconnected from me.

"I'm sorry," I said. I took another breath and slowly exhaled. "I had no idea you were feeling this way. I guess I just assumed that we were pretty much in agreement all the time. I mean, even when we were teenagers, we were always finishing each other's sentences."

"I know, and that's what hurts," Meg's voice caught. She hesitated and then continued. "I didn't know how to talk to you, and the more time I spent doing other things or going out with the girls after work, the more I felt like I wasn't myself. Talking with my therapist has made me able to see that I wasn't crazy or irrational; I was feeling things that are quite normal. My response to them, or lack thereof was what wasn't normal."

"I realized that I was feeling threatened by what seemed like changes in our life. My therapist has helped me see that my relationship with you should be 'safe' physically and emotionally, but that doesn't mean boring or predictable. That to grow intellectually and personally, we do need to move outside our 'safe' zone."

I put my hand on her leg and said, "Well, you weren't the only one to overreact to things. If nothing else, I've learned that running away from our issues didn't really solve them, it only pushed them aside. The entire time I was in Argentina I kept trying to convince myself that I hadn't done anything wrong; that you had been completely at fault and I just needed to move on. But it took coming home, and seeing people I knew and loved, places that we've grown up around, and people asking how I was that made me see I wasn't really over you.

"You're right, I've always known what I wanted to do. Not just for work, but I knew I wanted you when we were younger, I knew I wanted what my folks had in their marriage. I guess I just assumed that what we wanted and when we wanted it would be congruent. I didn't stop to think that your timetable might be different; that didn't mean it was wrong."

Meg turned to look at me and I could see her eyes were full of tears. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and pulled my head down to her shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "So, where does that leave us now?" she asked.

"Truthfully, I don't know." I replied. "I need to figure out what I'm going to do for work, I need to find a place to stay. I can't live with the folks indefinitely, and I think I need my privacy which I won't get with Mom around the house! As far as us...I think we've cleared up a lot of things and I really would like to be friends like you said the other day. I'd even like to try going out on a date. That is if you think you're still interested."

Meg didn't say anything, she just turned her head away from me and nodded yes. I pretended not to notice that she wiped some tears off her face. She turned around and looked at me real serious like and said, "I'd very much like to go on a date with you, that is if you get around to asking."

We talked a bit more, the breaks between our sentences getting longer and longer each time until it seemed there was nothing more need be said.

We sat there in silence for a while, the only sound an occasional car passing overhead on the bridge. By now it was well past 2am.

Finally, I hopped down off the tailgate and turned to face Meg. "Look, I think we've cleared up a whole lot tonight. I'm not making any promises, but can we just see how things go with this being friends and maybe more?"

Meg nodded her head and said, "I'd like that, but you already knew so."

The drive back to town neither of us spoke, but instead of feeling uncomfortable, it felt totally natural. Almost like when we were dating. I dropped Meg off at her car and waited until she drove off before I turned around and headed home.

The next few days I started thinking about getting my life back in order. First, I needed to find a job. Even though I had left my previous job on short notice, my boss understood and said I was welcome back if I wanted to return. I said I needed to think about things and would get back to him.

I called Matt and told him that I just couldn't go back overseas right now; there was too much in my life to resolve. Surprisingly he said he another option. They were going to be taking over a subcontract working on the Silver Line of the Metro that was going out past Dulles airport and beyond. It wasn't a huge job, but he still needed someone that could oversee things as well as do some of the work. Best part was, I could live at home, wherever that turned out to be, and still have a life.

I called Meg a few days later to talk. "Hey, I said I'd call. You doing anything this afternoon?"

"Nope, today's my day off from the store."

"You want to go for a walk?"

"Well, that depends, where are we going walking?" she teased me.

"How about you grab your hiking boots and I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Okay. I'll be ready."

I swung by the IGA and picked up some fried chicken, potato salad, cookies and a couple of soda's as well as a bottle of water and tossed it all in my backpack.

Meg was waiting outside of her apartment and hopped in my truck. "Where we off to? Back to the river?"

"Nope, somewhere else we've been before, but not for a long time. Hope you're ready to do some hiking and work up an appetite."

We drove through the countryside and headed up to Maryland on the other side of the Potomac River and then down along a winding road that led to a small turnoff. Being the middle of the week, there was only one other car there.

Maryland Heights was on the Appalachian trail and overlooked Harper's Ferry WV, site of John Brown's failed raid.

We headed up the trail and fell into an easy comfortable conversation. It was almost like years ago, only different, and in some ways better.

"I heard back about Grad school; I can start part time in the fall." Meg, seemed excited.

"Well, I've got some news of my own, Matt has a job here in N.VA that he needs someone like me. I can start next week. So, no commuting or traveling."

"Hey, that's great news. You going to be staying with your folks for the time being?"

"Well, yeah, for a bit, but I need to find a place soon."

We trudged on up the hill and then the trail starts back down a bit before opening up to a rock ledge overlooking the town and the junction of the two rivers. We plopped down and stretched out in the sun.

"So, what do you have in there to munch on? I'm starved. Meg said.

"Nothing fancy, just the usual," I said with a grin. "It might not be the healthiest lunch, but I think we've earned it with the hike up here."

We ate while making small talk and then stretched out on the rocks in the sun. Oddly we were the only ones up there and it felt like the rest of the world didn't exist. Somehow, I dozed off for God knows how long. I was dreaming about Meg and we were walking holding hands like we used to. Then I woke up and realized Meg was sitting there staring at me.

"How long was I out? I mumbled with thickness on my tongue.

"Maybe ten minutes. But you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you."

I just said, "Thanks. Maybe we should head back. Let's get going."

It would be nice to say that things worked out right away, we were back together and that was that. But life isn't like that. We did meet up a couple of times after that day for drinks or to take a walk. Things were starting to feel almost normal between us and I was beginning to think that maybe we could start a new relationship.

Even so, there had yet to be anything physical between us. Other than her giving me one kiss on the cheek, we hadn't even held hands aside from me helping her in and out of my truck. It was weird, there was sexual tension there, but it was almost as if we both ignored it, and just concentrated on talking or being around each other.

I had started working at my new job for Matt and it was going to be challenging, but not so demanding that I wouldn't have time to myself. Part of my responsibilities meant I was often in the trenches so to speak doing physical labor with the guys. Extending the Metro out almost 50 miles from Washington was going to open up a lot of opportunities for people to commute without sitting in traffic. Unfortunately, it was also going to mean a lot of farmland would be turned into housing developments.

Meg even called me about a week after I started working to see how the job was. We talked a bit and she mentioned a party that some coworkers were having soon. "Maybe you'd like to go?"

"Sure, sounds like fun."

A week or so later I was at MCCAINS on a Friday evening after work with Keith and Dave and I ran into Trish, the woman I knew from school and a few others. You know, the one that didn't want to introduce me to her sister-in-law? Well, she had heard that Meg and I talked, were on speaking terms and didn't kill each other. I guess she took that to mean it was okay to introduce us. Which was really easy because she was with Trish. Lori was tall and slender with auburn hair and a delightful personality. We fell into an easy conversation while still being part of the group.

Music was thumping from the other side of the bar, the dance side; Lori grabbed my hand and pulled. "Come on, I love this song and it's fun to dance to."

We made our way over and shimmied and shook to that song and the next, and when the DJ played a slow song, she put her arms around me and said, "one more?"

I have to admit, I was having fun. She was pretty, fun, and seemed to like me. And she felt good pressed against my body. The song ended and we walked back to the other side and rejoined the group. A bit later as I was leaving, Lori said, "Thank you for the dances, I usually can't find someone to dance with. I had fun. See you around?"

I smiled and said, "Yeah, me too. I'd like that."

Meg and I had gotten together a couple of times over the past few weeks since our hike and were slowly getting comfortable being around each other. In fact, the next day there was a pool party that one of her fellow teachers was having and we were invited.

I was just walking out the door when my cell phone rang. It was Meg. "Hey, um, have you left yet?"

"No, I was just leaving now."

"Look, I don't want talk about this, but I think I'd like to go to the party by myself. I know I invited you to come, but I just need some time to myself." She sounded not herself.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just need some time for me."

"Okay, um, how about tomorrow? Wanna do something?" I asked.

"I don't know, I think we need to take a break."

"What's the matter Meg? Talk to me."

"I'm sorry Connor, I just can't right now. I'll call you tomorrow."

I hopped in the truck and headed over to my sister Charlene's place. I figured she might be able to give me some girl point of view about things.

"Hey big brother, what's up?"

"The usual, I'm a clueless guy and thought you'd know everything."

"Well, I don't know everything, but I heard you had a good time last night." Char, tilted her head questioningly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, but don't play with fire if you're even thinking about getting back together with Meg. All I'm saying is don't lead her on. She's still really cautious around you even if it seems like things are good between the two of you."

"Noted," I said to Char. "So, what do you think is really going on with Meg? I know you know we've been hanging out a bit and spending time together. And I have to say, I feel like I've gotten over everything from a few years ago. I'm just not sure where things stand with her now. We seem to get along okay, but then she kind of blew me off today at the last minute."