After Porn

After Porn

"I... I... can't do this, Jake!" my girlfriend said to me with a low and trembling voice. "You don't know what you are doing...," she added.

Her look was directed to her dessert plate. She took my hand and put the Cartier diamond ring in my palm.

"Keep it!" she said while trying to avoid my eyes. "I don't deserve it!" Her hand was trembling. She tried to keep herself in good composure, but it was obvious that her eyes started to get wet. Her breath was heavy.

We were in a modern British restaurant on level 70 of Swissotel the Stamford in central Singapore. It was supposed to be a big day for us. I had planned this for months. I bought a beautiful ring and made reservation at this upscale restaurant for the sole purpose of proposing to her. We were here in Singapore for a 2-week holiday. I set aside a significant portion of my saving for this big day. My parents were rich, but I was not. I tried to stand on my own feet especially since they day I brought Ellie back to Jakarta to meet them for the first time. My dad went crazy after he inquired about her background and I naively gave him an honest reply. He shouted at us, called her names and asked me to throw this "disgraced prostitute" out of his house. Things were spoken in Indonesian, but of course, Ellie was not dumb especially when my dad's voice was so loud and he made rude pointing gestures at her. My mom just sat there and cried while watching the whole scene. What was planned to be a one-week holiday was cut short to just barely 2 days. We flew back to New York where I had lived with her in the past 1 year and since then, I seldom talked to my parents.

"You don't know yourself! You deserve a better person!" her voice woke me up from a moment of flashback.

I just looked at my palm, the one holding the ring. Her hand was on top of mine.

"I love you...," I said to her softly.

"I love you too!" she replied. "But..., I just can't do this...," she wiped her tears with the napkin.

The restaurant staffs could sense what happened on this table. They tried not to stare at us out of politeness. We went to the lounge next door. The cashier gave me a pity look as I settled the bill.

In the lounge, we ordered Singapore Sling. We stood at one corner where there was a high bar table. It was not crowded today. There were only 5 people there: a couple and three businessmen in suits.

We looked out to the night view of Singapore. I hugged her from behind.

"A man is still a man. You know that something is not right about me and deep inside, you're not okay with it. You may not know your true self, honey!"

"Please, Ellie!" I said. She went at it again. She was a girl with a low self esteem and the scene at my family's house a few months ago surely made it worse.

She led my hand to her crotch.

"A dozen men were here before you. A dozen cocks came inside this pussy. Soon or later, you'll mention it! I am indeed a dirty slut!" she said softly.

"Ellie...!" I said. From the glass reflection in front of us, I could see her tears. They shone like drops of crystal falling from an angel's eyes.

Every time, she mentioned about her past, I felt both a strange feeling of arousal and sadness at the same time. I saw a sexually liberated girl in her, but I felt really sad at how she always felt so low and dirty about herself.

We saw a dining complex just way down below this hotel, across the street. That place was where I first met her.

It was about 1 and a half years ago. I came to Singapore for a short holiday. One night, I was in a pub in Chijmes, an old church complex from the colonial era which had been converted to pubs and restaurants, when I saw a familiar beautiful face. She was a white girl with blonde hair and goddess-like figure in a simple black cocktail dress and high heels. She was with another white brunette girl. They were chatting over cocktails. I couldn't believe my eyes. "It can't be true," I thought. I called the staff and asked him to put their orders on my tab. I wrote a short note and asked him to pass it to "the blonde angel" while at the same time I asked him to offer them another round of drink. I told him not to let them know about me. The staff approached them, said something and they seemed to be surprised in a pleasant, but curious way. They started to scan the pub looking for her secret admirer. I looked down on my iPhone trying not to get noticed. Half an hour later, I settled my bill and walked out of the bar. I was staring at the beautiful tower of the historical building when I heard her voice.

"Thanks so much for your treat, Mr.!"

She was standing beside me. I was a little surprised.

"You're welcome!" I said to her. "How did you...?"

"Find out? You don't need to know. I just figured it out!" she giggled.

"Your friend?"

"She went back to her room," she said. "So, you watched them?"

"Sorry, I don't think I follow you..." I replied, slightly confused.

"You said that you thought I looked familiar! So, you watched my movies?"

I got what she meant and nodded slowly. "So, it is really you!" I said. I couldn't hide my excitement.

She nodded. "I've quit though."

We looked into each other's eyes and I knew that it was more than just a lust.

"How about some midnight supper?" I asked her.

She smiled and off we went to Arab Street in central Singapore where Middle Eastern restaurants and pubs stood side by side. We went to a jazz club and all eyes were on us. It was rare to see a Chinese guy and a white girl together, especially when she was extremely gorgeous. We went back to her hotel room and had sex. It was a bareback sex and I still could remember vividly the strange thing that she said in the morning.

"Aren't you scared that I may have some disease?" she asked while looking down solemnly.

I shook my head. "I trust you!"

Ellie was 28 years old secretary. However, just barely one year before we met, she was a porn actress. She worked with a studio which specialized in interracial sex between white women and black men. Even though, I told her many times that I saw her movies as art work and I myself had always harboured this hotwifing fantasy, but she still could not make peace with what life had thrown at her.

My life looked good on the surface, but deep down, I was not contented. My family was wealthy. They owned a number of houses and shopping complexes which they rented out for passive income. I did well in school and managed to earn a doctorate in an Ivy-League university in New England. There was a catch though. My whole life was a movie directed by my parents. As they belonged to the upper echelon of society, they expected me to inherit their business one day and find a good demure wife from the same social class.

Like many young people, the more they were pushed, the more they rebelled, I did the same. I gave myself liberty to watch pornography and drink alcohol to my heart's content. It was funny that it was how I got to see Ellie for the first time on the screen. I also dated a number of girls while in university and had pre-marital sex with them, something which was a big no-no in my family. Nevertheless, my life changed completely after that night I met Ellie.

She was from New York and initially, I worked in Massachusetts. However, shortly after our first meeting in Singapore, I moved to New York two months later, so that I could spend more time with her. She had many doubts about me. She couldn't believe that a man from the outside world would be able to accept her.

Shortly after I moved in with her in New York, one night, as we cuddled on the bed after our love-making session, she told me more about her past. She joined the adult study as she needed quick money for her college and her mom's cancer treatment. Her dad died when she was small and her family was not rich in the first place. The director of the studio where she worked was a nice lady in her 40s. She and the other actors and actresses were generally nice to her. After 1 year in the industry, she left after her mom lost her fight with the disease. It was not an easy job in the first place even though the pay was high, so she didn't see the point of staying there. However, her past followed her. She had two boyfriends afterwards, but then they broke up with her and all was related to her previous porn career. One of them openly let her know how he went for a health check after they had sex for the first time, out of fear that he might have contracted some disease from her. It made her feel very low and dirty. It also explained why she asked me that strange question in the morning after our first encounter. The other guy proposed to her, but he called her "cheap whore" and "ugly slut" during one night of heated argument. She couldn't take it and cut the engagement straight away. She told me how hard it was to find a normal job once she left the adult industry. She worked for a while as a barista, but when some customers recognized her, her boss terminated her employment. When things were very low, her previous boss called her and offered her a job as her secretary. So, she still worked with the same group of people, but in a different capacity. She no longer needed to get naked. She just needed to manage the schedule, finance and other administration stuffs of the studio.

After our Singapore holiday ended, we flew back to New York and life went on as usual or it was how it looked. I contacted her boss and asked to meet her over dinner just one week after we arrived back in the city. I texted Ellie that I would work over time.

I came to the Japanese restaurant at 7 pm, half an hour earlier than our appointment. I ordered a glass of cold green tea and tried to think through about what I wanted to talk with Ellie's boss.

At around 7.20 am, Celine came. She was with a black guy.

"Hi, Jake! This is Curtis! Sorry, I didn't inform you earlier about him joining us. I hope it would be okay?"

"Sure!"

I shook hands with both of them and asked a waiter to grab another chair for him. We placed orders for food.

"Any drink?" the waiter asked politely.

"Just hot green tea, please!" Celine said.

"And Coke for me!" Curtis added.

The waiter left us.

"So, Jake, what is it?" she asked gracefully, direct to the point.

Curtis looked at me and I suddenly felt a bit nervous.

"It's about Ellie! I proposed to her and...."

"She turned it down? I know. She told me about it," Celine said. "An understandable decision," she looked down and smiled a little. It was a forced smile.

I looked at her in a mixture of disbelief and confusion.

"Jake!" Curtis said. "Our world is different from yours! We heard about you. She told us how she met an amazing guy, but...."

"But?" I said.

Curtis turned his head to look at Celine. She looked back at him.

"We reminded her about Amy."

"Amy?" I asked curiously. "Who's Amy?"

"She was our colleague. She died just three years ago. She was only 23," Curtis said.

"What does this have to do with Ellie?" I asked.

"She died just one week after she got married, Jake!" Celine said. "One night, I got a call from the police at 1 am and rushed to the central hospital. She was there, lying with bruises all of her body. She was beaten badly by her husband, the guy she just married barely one week earlier," she took the napkin and wiped her tears. "Her husband told me that he just lost it!"

I was numb.

"She died in the following afternoon," Celine continued. "That night, she told me that they had a fight. Her husband called her whore, slut and other names you may not wanna hear. He reminded her how low she was and how lucky she was to meet him!"

"Jake!" Curtis said in a low voice. "We know how we are viewed by people from the outside world. So, we always try to take care of one another."

I was stunned. "Are you worrying that I will kill Ellie one day? It's impossible!"

"That is also what Amy's husband had told everyone before marrying her!" Curtis answered. "You may harbour some resentment without knowing it, Jake! A man is still a man. Unless you've ever entered this world, you'll never truly understand!"

"Dating is different from marriage!" Celine added. "You'll need to face your family and the world. Especially, you are Asian and you are from an upper-class family! I know how conservative people from Asia can be, especially those from the high society. Can you handle it?"

"I... I think so!" I said softly. I felt a growing sense of nervousness.

"What would you say when people tell you that you've married a slut?" Curtis asked.

"A slut? Ellie's not a slut," I said.

"That's how the people from the outside world call us, Jake!" Curtis said. "We are gigolos, sluts, whores, whatever.... I'm used to it. All of us are used to it."

The waiter brought their drinks and refilled my ice green tea.

"What do you say if I tell you that she was already fucked by more than 20 guys?" Curtis asked. "Some more, she still fucked some of us even after she started her secretary job. Do you know that?" he asked me.

I was taken aback. I looked at him and shook my head.

"I think I'm fine with it though," I looked down. "Maybe, she just loves sex. Who doesn't? I'm cool with it! I'm really cool with it!" I said.

They looked at each other.

I could not hide my emotion anymore. Tears started to form on my eyes. I took out my handkerchief and covered my face.

"Wow... wow...! Relax, man!" Curtis tapped my shoulder. "Jake, a man from your world can easily find another beauty! What's the point of crying over a ..."

"I don't want to find another one," I cut him. "And please don't call her a slut anymore!"

The waiter came and served our dinner. We didn't touch it. There was an icy silence. I tried to compose myself.

"What will it take to win her? What should I do? Tell me!"

They both looked at each other. In the end, they promised that they would think of a way to help me. We finished our dinner and went back. Celine took a taxi while I and Curtis walked back home.

"You know, Jake! About her still fucking some of us!" he looked at me. "It happened only before she met you. She suddenly changed after her first Singapore trip and simply called it quit!"

I was taken aback. He tapped my shoulders.

"She loves you so much, Jake!" he said. "And, after tonight's dinner, I'm sure that she has struck a jackpot!"

We left our separate ways. We hugged like two long lost friends. When I arrived at home, it was 11 pm and she was already asleep. She looked so pretty in her silk pajamas.

I met Curtis again after work a few days later to pass him the proposal ring. Celine had told me earlier to do so and while she didn't specifically say what she had in mind, she just told me that she needed my cooperation if I wanted things to go smoothly.

One week later, I and Ellie were having dinner in our rented apartment.

"Jake! Celine asked me if I wanted to play a role again for the last time!" she told me. "She told me that it was for a special movie!" She checked my reaction. "I turned her down immediately!"

I stopped moving with fork and bacon still inside my mouth.

"I think you should take it, dear!" I told her.

She was taken by surprise.

"You worry about me?" I asked her, looking into her eyes. She looked down and nodded. "You want it?"

She didn't say a word. I put my hand over hers.

"Ellie! They told me about you. You stopped after we met!"

Her eyes grew big. She was a little surprised.

"You miss their big cocks, don't you?"

"Jake! Please...!"

"You miss them!" I looked at her and rubbed her hand. "I'm cool with it, Ellie! You know what, if you ask for my opinion, I think you should accept her offer!"

"That's not all, Jake!" she said. "She wanted you to participate!"

My jaw dropped, but I had an immediate hard-on. She looked at me.

"Are you ok? Sorry... I'm sorry! Let's drop it!" she shook her head.

"No, Ellie! We'll take her offer! I'll participate!"

**********

So, the date was set. Two weeks later, we were in a taxi to the studio. Her head leaned over my shoulder. We were holding hands. Once we arrived, the assistant director, Lilian, escorted me to the gentlemen's dressing room.

"What's the point of dressing up?" I joked. "I will take them off anyway!"

She laughed. "You're not getting naked, Jake! Don't worry!"

I was intrigued by her answer. Ellie was in the ladies' dressing room.

Celine came to me and explained about the scene and the plan. We were about to do an interracial foursome. Ellie and another white girl, Capri, would be fucked by 2 black guys, Jackson and Will. Ellie was supposed to be a demure girl and Capri was to be her kinky friend. Capri would invite both guys and made out with Will. Jackson would then seduce Ellie. They would do reverse-cowgirl sex ended with creampies. Both guys would then change partners and came for the second time on the girls' faces. I felt that I was about to cum just listening to Celine's briefing. My role was just to do a simple phone conversation with Ellie. I was supposed to be her boyfriend who was not there at that time.

"Is everything clear to you?" Celine asked me. She passed me a short conversation script.

"Yes! So far so good!"

"Memorize it! We will not do a lot of repetitions. If possible, we'll finish it in one go. It will be just a 40-minute short movie!"

I nodded.

"And, remember! Just proceed with your thing after we finish!" she added.

"Roger!"

Then, I followed her to go to the shooting scene. It was a living room. It was neat, very clean and had white theme. Ellie and Capri were sitting on a sofa. She noticed that I was coming. We looked at each other deeply.

"I love you!" she mouthed.

"I love you too!" I replied back.

"Jake, please stand here!" Curtis said while pointing to one corner near the window.

I was amazed that such a small studio could transform to several locations.

"We'll shoot you first!" Curtis said. He passed me an iPhone. "Look out of the window and act as if you are in your home, far from where Ellie is!"

"Ok!" I said.

The crew set up the camera. Then, Celine said, "Action!"

I put the iPhone onto my ear and looked out of the window.

"Hi, dear! Where're you? " I started to speak.

"Capri's home! Are you at home?" Ellie spoke from her seat. She was also filmed at the same time.

"Yeah! I'm thinking... How about dinner at Masa tonight?"

"It sounds good."

"I'll pick you up at 7 pm. I love you!"

"I love you too! I can't wait to see you, baby!"

I ended the "phone call".

"Cut!" Curtis said.

"Not bad!" Celine said. "I think that's all for you!"

I was slightly surprised. "So simple!" I thought to myself.

They now proceeded to shoot the main scene. Capri and Ellie were talking on the sofa. Capri then received a call from her fuck buddy, Will. She asked him to invite Jackson as Ellie was also there. Ellie protested and called her friend insane. A few moments later, there was a knock at the door. Capri stood up and welcomed the two guys. There was some conversation among them after which, Capri started to make out with Will.

Looking at her friend, Ellie acted as if she was shocked and nervous. She played her role very well. Jackson's hands started to roam all over her bodies. Within minutes, four of them were naked. Both guys rested on the sofa while the girls sucked their big black cocks.

Celine made a gesture and both girls now positioned themselves in reverse cowgirl position. My cock was wet with pre-cum just by looking at the scene. I saw Jackson's cock slipped into Ellie's pussy and she started to moan. Both girls ground their hips and moved up and down in rhythm.

Celine gave another sign and both girls' moans got louder. Both guys fucked them faster now. Then, they shoved their cocks into the girls' pussies and shot their loads. They kissed each other's partner passionately, then stood up. Thick white cum flowed out of their stretched pussies. They lay on the sofa and the guys stood up. They changed partner. Will was now standing in front of Ellie. She stroked his cock and put it into her mouth. Capri did the same thing to Jackson. Their cocks started to get rock hard again. They also played with the girls' boobs. Sound of sex permeated the whole room. My cock was twitching inside my pants.