After the End Ch. 01

Most of the time, he was adept at hiding whatever internal battles he fought. Then suddenly, at moments like this, his defenses would break, revealing him arrestingly vulnerable, and desperate not to show it. At those times, despite myself, I ached to comfort him. He deserved to know what I'd only learned at a terrible price: that weakness and failure are inextricably human, and true strength requires accepting them. That affection should be freely given, not paid out as a prize.

Avery broke in before I could gather my thoughts. "Look, I'm not expecting anything. I promise I'll stay out of your way. I just want to be there."

There was the insecurity -- so sure his interest in me was one-sided, still fixedly avoiding my gaze. Would he believe me even if I told him how I saw him?

"Avery, look at me," I commanded softly, taking a step toward him. He was a couple inches shorter than me, but I was taller than average.

He shook his head, cheeks flaming.

Slowly, I moved closer, into his space, and he let me. Gently, I laid a hand against his heated face and turned it toward me, and he didn't stop me. Finally, he met my gaze, and there in his dark mahogany eyes was everything he'd been trying to hide, laid bare: fear and longing, shame and desire, pain, and beneath it all, tendrils of trust.

I didn't know what he saw in my eyes, but I hoped it was enough as I told him quietly, "I feel that way about you too."

"You do?" he whispered, transfixed.

I nodded, stroking my thumb across his cheekbone. "I didn't think I could say anything, because I'm your commander, and I thought you were straight."

"Oh," was all he said.

"I'll speak to the council tonight and add you to the mission."

"Thank you," he breathed, still staring up at me, expression unheeded.

"Can I kiss you?" The military has a long, unpleasant history of sexual abuse, everything from dubious consent to outright rape. Given my rank, I never relied on assumptions.

He nodded, lips parting slightly, and I closed the short distance to meet them. Not to take anything, but to offer my affection. I kissed him sweetly, reassuringly, like it was his first kiss ever. He responded almost as if it were, yielding shyly, letting me give to him.

After a minute, I pulled back, but he followed me, moving as near as he could without touching me. So I reached for him, and he came defenseless into my arms, just like he had the day Rowan was kidnapped.

Whatever had thawed before was now molten. I thought maybe it was my heart. It was intoxicating, the way he relaxed into my embrace, arms wrapping around my back, head tucked against my neck. His slender body, still only lightly muscled, fit perfectly against mine.

"It's ok," I murmured, not even sure what I was referring to, but needing him to know he was safe. He took a deep breath in, let it out slowly, and said nothing.

We stayed that way until he sighed again and released me.

"Let's get back to camp," I suggested. "I need to inform the council that you're indispensable to the mission." I gave him a slight smile, the shape of it unfamiliar on my face.

He nodded, eyes shining, and we headed down the path. On the way, we talked logistics, falling back into the routine of our professional relationship. Tomorrow was sure to be hectic, and the next few weeks arduous. But first, we had tonight.

Soon the rough plank walls of our encampment loomed in front of us, and we passed under the silent guards. I stopped Avery for a moment before we parted ways.

"I'll come see you later, ok?"

He nodded, but didn't move to leave.

"Might be late," I added.

"I'll be awake," he said, lips curving up. I wanted to kiss him again, but I suspected he wouldn't appreciate a display for the whole camp.

"See you soon," I told him, and headed into the command center.

* * * * *

Avery:

It was probably the worst packing job I'd ever done. I kept forgetting what I was looking for, and what I'd already stuffed into my well-worn pack. Replays filled my head: Delta's intense eyes staring into mine, his hand against my face, his voice telling me the impossible. My stomach flipped every time I remembered that he was coming over tonight. All those times I'd imagined him here, in the dusty tent that served as my living quarters, and now it was really happening.

My tent was tall enough for me to stand in, with weather-proofed fabric walls slanting over a frame I had built from salvaged pipe. It was warm enough here that protection from rain and insects was more important than insulation, so we made do with semi-permanent structures like this. Just a place to sleep and keep my things, but it was mine, and that served me well enough.

I finally got my pack in order and sprawled across my low bed. It was only a thin mattress stuffed with scraps of old fabric I'd collected and washed, propped on some crates, but at least it was off the ground. I was trying to decide how to break the news to my friends tomorrow, when I heard Delta's low voice calling my name.

"Come in," I answered, sitting up on the side of my bed and willing myself not to do anything stupid.

He bent to enter and secured the tent behind him, then surveyed my space. He was the kind of handsome that was immediately noticeable, yet didn't consist in any specific feature. Everything about his appearance was just more...finished than normal, from his serious brow to the swell of his biceps. Like he'd been designed by a professional, and the rest of us were homemade.

He was about six feet tall, the ideal height for power without becoming ungainly. He was broad-shouldered, efficiently muscular, not bulky. He kept his brown hair cropped short, and his skin was a similar shade to mine, but with an olive tone. Yet where my eyes were muddy brown, his were the rare blue. They were beautiful, but frightening -- always searching too deep, knowing too much about me.

By the low solar lamplight, his usual stern expression was more relaxed. When his gaze landed on me, nerves hit with full force. Standing there like a model in his solid black v-neck shirt and combat-style pants, he seemed as remote and unobtainable as ever. I had no idea what to do, how to start.

"Can I sit with you?" he asked.

I reminded myself that he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be and nodded, shifting over on my patched blanket to make room. He pulled off his hiking boots, then settled next to me. My fantasies had not prepared me for how fucking nervous I would be with him actually here, on my bed, watching me. When I had women over, I was always in control. I set the terms; I decided what they saw. But I clearly wasn't in control now. Delta outclassed me in every way; there was nothing I could do to impress him. I couldn't even have physically stopped him, if he chose to overpower me.

I could feel his eyes on my face, and I wished I were safely behind the mask of bravado I used with everyone else. Years of carefully-constructed walls seemed paper-thin in his presence. Yes, it was nice having someone know what I needed at exactly the right moment. It was a relief to lay down some responsibility, to let someone else lead. Overall, though, the way he looked right into me was nothing short of terrifying.

"Hey," he said, interrupting my anxieties with a hand on my shoulder. When I looked at him, he spoke in that surprisingly gentle voice I'd only ever heard him use with me. "I know how I come across. I'm not...easy to talk to. Or be around. But if you want something from me, you can tell me, alright? I want you to feel safe."

Strangely, I did feel safer when he said that. I nodded, and he removed his hand.

"I also want to make sure you understand that anything personal between us is completely separate from my position as commander. You should never feel pressured because of my rank. If you're ever uncomfortable about anything, or if you want me to leave for any reason, I need to know that you'll tell me. Will you promise me that?"

"Ok," I replied, warmed that he cared enough to make such a speech. I met his gaze, and I stopped wanting to hide. I just wanted him.

He kissed me again, longer than in the forest, tender but not soft. It unlike any kiss I'd experienced -- wilder, more intimate. Not being in control left me feeling exposed and secure at the same time, a heady combination that raced through my bloodstream like a drug. By the time he released my lips, I barely remembered I had been nervous about this.

"Have you ever been with a man?" he asked.

"No. Never wanted to, until I met you."

"Lucky me," he replied softly, those brilliant sapphire eyes piercing deep into me and heating my core. He brushed my unruly hair back from my face, and I leaned in to meet his lips again. I didn't care why I'd never desired another man this way; to be honest, I hadn't really desired a woman this way either. I'd taken plenty of pleasure, but I'd never wanted to give myself to anyone.

I pressed into Delta, needing to be closer, but he took my shoulders and broke away. He tilted his head to study me, and I was pleased to see his breathing had picked up too.

"Avery...this is new for you. Do you want to take it slow?"

"No," I said, not needing to think about it for even one second. Then I got worried. "Do you want to take it slow?"

"Not at all," he smiled. "But you can stop me at any point, ok?"

My heart started pounding, and I nodded. I very much doubted I was going to be stopping him from doing anything he wanted. Electricity spread through my body at the thought of what that might be.

He pulled me tighter, and this time, he kissed me with intention. His tongue entered my mouth, sending heat into my groin. His lips caressed mine expertly, with promises of what he could make me feel if he deployed them elsewhere.

Of course he would be as good at this as he was at everything else.

I was already getting lost in the passion radiating between us, forgetting that he shouldn't have been interested in me. I reached out, daring to touch him at last, after all this time believing I wouldn't be allowed to. His arms were taut beneath my hands, thicker with muscle than mine. I moved up to his shoulders, then to his back, lean and strong, but his shirt was in the way. I wanted to feel him.

I started to push the material up, and he caught the hint, letting go of me to strip it off. The first sight of his naked torso stunned me into stillness. As if his perfectly-proportioned form wasn't beautiful enough, much of it was covered with bold tattoos, intertwined symbols inscribed with precision. I'd had no idea this was hiding beneath his clothes.

Almost reverently, I traced the lines of blue ink across his shoulders, glistening in the lamplight. He took in a breath at the first touch, and I glanced up to see his eyes go dark with desire. His lips parted as I ran my fingers across the patterns on his bare chest. His own hands moved down my back, and we kissed some more. When he slipped his hand under my shirt to brush the skin beneath, I felt it like a shock. I gasped into his mouth as my need accelerated.

In response, he pulled my t-shirt over my head.

"God, you're amazing," he said, sounding truly impressed, although I didn't know why. Then he pushed me down onto the bed. I lay on my back, heart thudding against my ribs while I waited for him to touch me. With my feet still on the ground, my utility pants were stretched tight across my hips, and I saw his gaze rest briefly on the bulge at my groin. I shivered, fresh heat pulsing there.

Delta reclined beside me, propping himself on his elbow so he could still reach my mouth. Between kisses, he began stroking my bare body, fingers trailing along my collarbone, over my pecs, down to my stomach. In my excited state, I felt sensitive everywhere. Maybe it was the deliberate way he did it, not rushed, just the right blend of firm and gentle. Maybe it was the certainty of his exploration, as if fully confident he could shatter me with pleasure, whenever and however he chose to.

And I had no trouble believing it. It was like no one had ever touched me until now. He traced the ridges of my abdomen as I tensed under him, and he caressed my waist, hand molding to the curve of my side. My back arched involuntarily. I wanted this to go on forever, yet these touches made me yearn for more.

Fingertips suddenly brushed over my nipple, hardening it instantly and sending a surge of pleasure through me. My nipples have always been a weak spot for me; I often used to hide how it felt from my female partners, not wanting to give them such power. But I didn't mind Delta knowing. I pressed into his mouth and his hand, and he kept his fingers there, lightly teasing my nipple again and again, until I couldn't help squirming. The sensation went straight to my cock and made it ache for contact.

Rather than giving me relief, Delta moved his mouth down to my other nipple, doubling the effect. I moaned and gripped his shoulder, hips rocking in time to his tongue lapping at me. I could have pushed him away, made him move on, but the combination of desire and frustration tingled amazingly in my groin.

After a minute, he looked up at me in satisfaction, eyes smoldering. "You're so hot like this."

Before I could figure out how to do anything but stare at him, he was sitting up and reaching for my belt. Oh, god, the very idea of Delta taking off my pants made me even harder, if that was possible. He unbuckled them, and I lifted my hips so he could get them down and drop them in a heap next to my hastily-packed bag. He left my trunks on, the shape of my erection clear beneath the dark fabric.

He lay next to me again and pressed his lips to the side of my neck below my ear. At the same time, he placed a warm hand on the upper thigh of my opposite leg. My cock throbbed in anticipation, but he didn't move toward it. Instead, his mouth experimented near my jawline, until he found a place that lit up my nerves.

Just when I'd started to forget about his hand, he slowly pushed his thumb inside my trunks and brushed across my balls. I made some kind of sound, half-delirious with sensation and expectation. I couldn't believe how much he made me feel, when it seemed like he'd barely touched me.

His tongue was still painting wet lines on the sensitive skin near my ear, while his thumb rubbed softly against my balls, inside my underwear. In my fantasies, he'd always stripped me naked. Somehow, this was so much hotter. Like he had every right to my most private parts, even when they were covered.

"Delta..." I groaned helplessly. Having his hand so close to my burning erection was unbearably arousing, and he seemed to know how desperate it made me.

"Yeah?" he answered knowingly, still toying with my balls. "Something you want?"

I let out a shuddering breath, unable to find any words. Suddenly, he reached further inside and stroked his thumb up my rigid shaft.

I groaned again, shameless. The thought of this man touching my cock, after weeks of wishing for it, was almost as exciting as him actually doing it. It felt so good, yet the light touch left me needing more.

Before I could complain, Delta's mouth began moving downward, placing kisses strategically across my chest and torso. I arched up as those surprisingly soft lips brushed across my stomach, then the front of my hips. The delicate stimulation inside my trunks continued, ramping up my desire beyond anything I would have thought possible. I barely noticed that Delta had moved off the bed in front of me to get a better angle.

Finally, he took his hand out and pulled off my trunks. I wanted him too badly to care that he was still wearing his own pants. I didn't know what to expect when he moved between my legs, but all thought fled when he leaned over me and licked the tip of my now-naked cock.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, as his tongue stroked the most sensitive place on my body. Still on my back, knees wide around him, I watched him, paralyzed with bliss. He grasped my shaft so that he had full control, running his tongue deliciously along the flared edges of my cockhead, then sucking on them. He took his time, licking up my shaft with a flat tongue, nibbling the pre-come from my slit, letting me enjoy each separate touch.

Eventually, he enveloped me in the wet suction of his mouth, while his hand began caressing my balls. God, it was amazing. My mind unfocused, absorbed in sensation. After a minute, I realized his fingers had crept behind my balls and were rubbing my perineum. A new thrill hit my stomach. Was he going where I thought he was going? I looked down to find him watching me.

Eyes fastened on mine, mouth still stretched around my cock, body holding my legs apart, he deliberately slid one finger down to my asshole. I blushed and looked up at my familiar canvas ceiling as Delta touched me where no one else had. I felt like I should protest, yet I didn't actually want to. Embarrassing as it was to admit, the stimulation back there felt good, especially with Delta's lips still pulling up and down my engorged cock. He added saliva to his finger and slowly circled that most intimate spot. My excitement and arousal grew with every moment that I allowed him to do it.

He pulled his mouth off me, leaving his finger resting tantalizingly against the center of my hole.

"Has anyone done this before?" he asked.

"No," I admitted, blushing harder, breathing too quickly. I still couldn't meet his eyes while he was touching my back entrance, but it pulsed in anticipation.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I panted. Some part of my mind objected to that answer, but I was way too turned on to care.

Delta licked deliberately up my cock, and at the same time, carefully inserted the tip of his finger into my virgin hole. It felt shockingly erotic to allow this man to penetrate me. It was a little uncomfortable, but I didn't notice it much alongside all the pleasure.

"Relax," he instructed, and I tried to calm myself enough to comply.

He gave me some time to adjust, then slowly pushed in further, pulling out a couple of times to add more saliva. He worked me open gradually, using one finger, then two. I was still trying to wrap my mind around what was happening, when suddenly he pressed something that made me gasp and spurt pre-come. I'd heard of the prostate, of course, but only in a clinical way. If I'd known it felt like being stroked off from the inside, I might have let someone finger me sooner. I couldn't help crying out and thrusting toward Delta's mouth. He obliged me, putting his lips back around my throbbing cock, swirling his tongue over the sensitive tip.

The combination of sensation inside and outside was incredible, a height of bliss I had never known. I abandoned myself to it, letting Delta have his way with my cock while his fingers rubbed gently across the trigger spot in my ass.

"Please, Delta," I heard myself begging at some point, and wasn't even sure what I was asking for. I didn't want this to end, but I didn't think he could take much more without release.

"You want to come for me?" he asked, his sultry tone making me need it twice as badly.

"Yes!"

His mouth and fingers changed rhythm, working me at just the right pace to a massive orgasm. I cried out as my muscles contracted, eyes squeezing shut, aware of nothing but the explosion of ecstasy. When the shockwaves calmed and I opened my eyes, Delta was furiously stroking his own cock. In moments, his semen joined mine.

I lay dazed. The intensity of our connection had taken me somewhere I wasn't sure I recognized, but didn't want to leave. Delta let me recover, cleaning me off, then sterilizing his fingers. He gave me back my briefs and helped me get into a more comfortable position on the bed. I thought he might leave, then. Instead, he got out of his pants and switched off my light.