After the End Ch. 01

For a moment, the darkness in my tent was charged. I felt him stretch out next to me, and a craving for contact with him ran over my skin like electricity. Unsure if he would want it, I stayed where I was, but then he was reaching for me. He lay face up, and I curled against his side, my head on his shoulder, his arm across my bare back.

Just like earlier in the woods, Delta's embrace took away tension I didn't even know I was carrying. His acceptance and affection filled a need I had convinced myself wasn't there. I hadn't felt this close to another person -- wanted and safe -- in many years. Now I didn't know how I had survived so long without it.

I breathed deeply, listening to his heart beat. It seemed magical, that this piece of biological machinery kept him alive.

"Delta..." I whispered

"Would you call me by my real name?"

"I don't know your real name," I replied, surprised. "None of us do."

"It's Julian," he said quietly.

"Julian," I repeated. Strange to think how little I really knew about him. It suited him, though -- a Roman name for a man of classical perfection.

He let out a breath. After a moment, he asked, "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing, just...that was amazing."

"Yeah, it was."

"What about you though? I didn't...I mean..." I didn't know how to say it.

"Don't worry about that. I wanted your first time with a man to be about your pleasure. Watching you was plenty for me."

I didn't know why that would be true, but I took his advice and didn't worry. We lay in peaceful silence for a while.

"Did you have...family, where you came from?" I asked, shifting back so I wasn't right on top of him.

"I have some extended family still living, but we're not in contact. I don't have siblings. My parents are dead."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's no great loss."

I considered what his parents must have been like for him to feel that way. "What happened to them?"

"They were trying to kill each other, and they both succeeded." he paused. "There was a civil war a few years back, in the government-controlled territory out west. Some of us objected to the use of the military to protect private economic interests. I believed that resisting by force was the only way to make a change, and others followed me. My father, of course, supported the establishment. My mother and her disciples fought on our side, but as I hadn't seen her since I was a young child, it didn't much change my opinion of her."

This was a lot to take in. It was hard to fathom that Delta -- Julian, I reminded myself -- had already led a war, while I'd been standing guard over a tiny village.

"Your mother left?"

"When I was six."

"My father left when I was four," I said without meaning to.

"Do you know where he is?"

"No. My mother didn't tell me much about him. She said someone too weak to stay with his family didn't deserve to be remembered."

Without warning, the old irony stung me raw. By her own logic, she didn't deserve to be remembered either. Yet that argument never dulled my sorrow.

"You lost her too?" he asked.

"She died nine years ago." I hesitated. "And my sister."

Julian lay a hand on my arm briefly. "I'm sorry," he said in his turn.

I didn't say anything. What was the point in rehashing decade-old tragedies? I shoved the grief back down. "Why are you called Delta?"

He went along with the change in subject. "It's a nickname from school. My last name is Demos, and after four generations of generals, it carries a lot of baggage. My friends gave me a break from it by using my initial in the phonetic alphabet."

"Were Maurice and Iris in school with you?"

"Maurice was. Iris we met on base in Tacoma after we were assigned there."

We talked a little more, trading details that we'd never had the opportunity to share. At some point, we turned to the future.

"After tonight," Julian said, "we'll be in pretty close quarters with the team until we find a good location and establish a settlement. That will likely take weeks, and there's no telling what conditions will be like. Might be easier to keep our involvement under the radar for a while. Unless you don't mind constant scrutiny."

I smiled in the dark at this evidence that he planned on being involved with me long enough for this to matter. But no, I didn't want to be scrutinized. I was barely adjusting to how I felt about him; I had no interest in fielding a bunch of uninvited questions. I could all too easily imagine what they would be. I didn't want to hear anyone's opinion about me being with a man, especially if it was Julian. Most likely, this would end before anyone needed to know, and I'd never have to face those questions.

"Yes, I think that's best," I said aloud.

A moment later, he said, "It's late -- do you want me to go?"

My chest squeezed at the idea of him leaving, but I didn't want him to stay out of obligation. Just because he'd slept with me didn't mean he wanted to sleep over.

"You can go," I said, making my tone casual. "We have a long day tomorrow." I sat up, but he put his hand on my arm again.

"Avery...that's not what I asked." It was the same gentle command he had used in the forest when I was too afraid to look at him.

It took me a minute to answer. "No, I don't want you to go," I admitted softly, somehow feeling more exposed than I had earlier when he'd been fingering me. "But you can, if you want," I added hastily.

"Of course I can," he replied, pulling me back to the bed. "But I don't want to." He tilted my face so he could kiss me briefly.

My heart rate picked up again, and I listened to his steady breathing for a while, trying to match his calm.

"Go to sleep, Avery," Julian told me quietly. His warm, strong hand stroked along my arm. "I'll still be here."

"You promise?" I asked. This whole night had been incredible, and a large part of me feared it couldn't be real. Everything about it defied reason.

"I promise," he said.

"Goodnight, Julian."

"Goodnight."