After the End Ch. 06

"I love you," I told him softly.

He just nodded.

I arranged myself between his legs, my knees against the bed. With Julian's thighs propped over mine and his hips tilted up, his legs could be more around my waist than in the air. Despite everything, my cock was still hard and willing, especially with his entrance just inches away. I lubed myself well and lined up with his tight channel.

"Ready?" I asked.

He hesitated for longer than I expected, his jaw set. Finally, he gave me another silent nod.

Julian watched my face while I pressed against his hole until it stretched to let me inside. I couldn't help crying out at the first clench of his ring around my cock. It felt incredible, and I had to force myself to stop and go slowly like I had promised.

He was breathing hard, clenching his fists and staring at nothing. I laid a hand against his face and waited until he looked at me.

"It's just me and you, Julian," I said, without moving my hips. "Put your hands on me and remember why you wanted to do this."

He unlocked his knuckles and gripped my biceps instead.

"Take a deep breath," I instructed next. Julian had helped me calm down lots of times, and I was pretty sure that's what he would have said if it were me.

We worked together to get my cock further inside. The pressure was heavenly, sucking against every sensitive millimeter of my cock whenever I moved. Julian stayed quiet, visibly forcing himself to accept the invasion.

When I was fully sheathed inside his ass, I paused, slightly delirious from the sensation overload. It was difficult to focus on anything except his interior perfectly molded around my rock-solid erection, but I paused to check his expression.

"I'm there," I said, stroking his chest again. "Are you doing ok?"

I watched him take a few shaky breaths. He seemed to struggle to remain in position, to allow my cock to stay lodged all the way up his ass.

"No, no, I can't!" Julian burst out suddenly, frantic in a way I'd never seen. He grabbed my waist, shoved me to the side, and was off the bed before I could even react. He stood by the far wall, arms wrapped around his body, rigid except for sharply heaving breaths while he battled the darkness in his mind.

Stunned by the speed of his deterioration, I sat where he'd left me. Even though I knew it wasn't me he was rejecting, it still stung. I had no idea what to do; he'd always done the comforting between us.

"I'm sorry, Julian," I tried. Sorry for everything that had ever caused him pain, and sorry that I'd made him feel it again. Sorry I couldn't give him the wonderful first experience he'd given me. Sorry I hadn't stopped when I knew I should have, no matter what he said.

Another minute passed before he came back and sat at the head of the bed. I caught a glimpse of pale skin and wet eyes before he crossed his arms over his bent knees and hid his face against them.

I could only imagine what it would take to overwhelm Julian this way, when I'd never before seen him generate a single tear. Tentatively, I moved to sit beside him and touched his shoulder.

He pressed his hand over mine. "Avery," he whispered, like my name was his last lifeline.

"I'm here. You're ok," I murmured, as he always did for me. I put my other arm across his back and leaned against him.

He spoke into his arm, fractured and forlorn. "I'm sorry, I - wanted to - I thought I could handle it."

"It's alright. You don't have anything to be sorry for."

I stayed with him until he regained some measure of calm. He sat up and wiped his eyes. "Really never wanted you to see me like that."

"You've seen me like that," I pointed out.

"Yeah." He sighed, then gently touched my waist and looked at me with concern. "I did not mean to throw you. It was pure panic. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Might be bruised, but surely nothing worse than the sore muscles and blisters from digging all day.

"You know it wasn't you, right? You didn't do anything wrong."

I nodded, though I needed to hear it. "Maybe we went too fast. You seemed ok with my fingers."

There was a pause, then Julian said quietly, "They didn't do that to me, so it doesn't bother me as much."

My heart squeezed painfully, but I kept my voice level. "So we can just stick with that for now."

"It's been so long since it happened." He met my gaze, much more vulnerable than I was used to him being. "Half my life ago. Am I always going to be...broken?"

"You're more the expert on that," I acknowledged. "But you did tell me there isn't a right time for trauma to get better, and I think that's true. And I don't think you're broken, just hurt. This was only your first try, so we can keep working on it. But it'll be ok even if you never can."

He looked down and spoke quietly. "It isn't fair to you."

"Julian, please don't worry about me. What isn't fair is what happened to you. This is not your fault, in any way."

He leaned closer and rested his forehead against mine. "You're too good to me."

"Not possible." I brushed my fingers through the close-clipped brown hair layering his scalp, something I rarely felt brave enough to do. He didn't shave it to the skin like they did in the military, but he never let it grow more than a few weeks before trimming it out of his way again. Unlike mine, which I left wild over my ears and only cut when Rowan complained about it.

Another sigh left him, but he seemed more peaceful. "So, we should get back to that fingering," he said, sitting up again.

"Really? We don't have to do anything else tonight."

"I would rather not end the evening with that tragedy."

As I considered how to salvage our goal of creating better memories, an idea occurred to me. I slipped off the bed, guided Julian to face me, and went to my knees between his bare thighs. I kissed his mouth, sweet but hungry, before sinking onto my heels.

"Just the idea of penetrating you would get me off," I told him, not even embarrassed about it. "Let alone actually doing it. But since you've had such a rough evening, I'm going to give up my orgasm for you. I won't come tonight, even though getting to finger you is probably the hottest thing that's ever happened to me."

That brought some life to Julian's cock and a small smile to his lips. "I'd think you were exaggerating, if I couldn't see how hard you already are again."

I dropped into a provocative tone. "Mmm hmm. So hard."

Keeping my gaze locked on his face above me, I put a hand to my straining erection and stroked it softly, teasingly, the way he did when he wanted me to beg for an orgasm. I shuddered slightly under the temptation of my own touch, but I kept it light. Knowing I'd had this very same cock inside him a few minutes ago made my need burn hotter.

"Hard and aching, desperate and frustrated," I told Julian while I tantalized myself, my voice getting breathy with effort. "Just the way you like me."

I'd never flirted with him so explicitly; it caught him off guard. His eyes widened and his erection swelled.

"Damn, Avery," he said when he recovered the ability to speak. "That's a powerful weapon you have there."

I smirked at him brazenly, then with no other warning, I let go of myself and sank his cock all the way into my mouth.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, clenching my shoulder.

I used my throat as long as I could without gagging. Before releasing him, I held his glans with my lips and stroked it with my tongue until he stopped breathing. I pulled off with a loud pop.

"Ready for me?" I asked mischievously.

Desire had melted the brilliant blue gems of his eyes. "You are a dangerous boy," he told me, both affectionate and awed. "Get up here."

Satisfied that he'd refocused from trauma to sex, I smiled and stretched out on my back next to him. "You on top, I think."

Julian propped himself above me on elbows and knees. In this position, he could be fully in control, facing me, and within kissing range. I re-lubed my fingers and stroked his cock while we made out. I was already suffering from the denial I'd promised, but it seemed the least I could do to help make up for his past. Besides, truthfully, I sort of enjoyed the erotic torture of deprivation.

"Can I?" I asked after a minute.

"Yes." He seemed relaxed this time, so I reached into his crevice and found his hole.

It wasn't quite as good when I couldn't see it, but it was pretty fucking good. I spread lube over his tiny ring and his cock flexed in my hand. I stared into his eyes while my fingertip brushed back and forth over his forbidden back door. Now that he wasn't afraid, being touched in that sensitive place clearly turned him on, which sent pre-come dripping down my own helplessly swollen length.

Julian glanced at the mess I was making.

"You're really not going to come?" he asked.

I swallowed and shook my head.

"Am I allowed to tease you?"

"When are you not?"

Slowly and deliberately, Julian dragged a thumb up my shaft to collect my fluids, then he swiped it over my nipple. I gasped as heat surged through my body and pulsed in my cock.

He gave me a knowing smile and his voice turned sultry. "Put that finger inside, Avery."

"Oh, god," I moaned. I was never going to get through this with him actually commanding me to fuck him.

I pressed into his hole, and he inhaled in a rush, but I thought it was excitement, not pain. He adjusted easily after the prep we'd already done, so I added a second finger and reached for his prostate. He sighed his gratification while I massaged him inside and ran my fist down his cock.

When I'd established a rhythm, he focused on my face and went for my nipple again, softly stroking with my own lubrication in time with my thrusts into his ass. God, that made me need to come. I tried to think about something else, but I couldn't. There was only Julian: his stunning body all around me, his tight ass opening for my fingers, his rod straining in my hand, and his thumb relentlessly pressing my easiest trigger.

"Julian..." I groaned against the delicious frustration of being this incredibly hard without any relief.

"You doing ok there, babe?" he teased.

"How...close are you?" I panted.

"Close."

I gripped his shaft tighter and fingered him faster, until he was arching up and making low needy sounds. All at once, he exploded into orgasm, his whole body contracting and his semen shooting over my abdomen. He spasmed over and over in my hand, while my cock throbbed against empty air.

It took everything I had not to grab my shaft and release my own eruption as soon as his subsided. I turned my face to the side and clamped my lip between my teeth, trying to control myself.

Suddenly fingertips stroked lightly up my cock.

The most exquisite pleasure surged through my whole body as I fought fiercely against the raging need for completion. The mixture of novelty, excitement, teasing, and touch worked like alchemy on my nervous system. Each of Julian's fingers could have been twenty tongues - that's how good it felt. I moaned and closed my eyes, hovering on the agonizing edge of rapture.

"I can't believe you had this inside me," he murmured, stroking me again.

"Me neither," I gasped. I didn't know if I could take much more of that without coming, or begging him to let me come. But I wanted to give this to him, however he wanted to take it. I clung to the edge with every shred of resolve I could muster.

His fingertips melted up my burning cock again.

Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, just let it burn...

Julian's quiet voice interrupted my mantra. "I want you to come for me."

"But..." That was all I got out before he started jerking me steadily.

I tried to hold out for him, tried to resist his hand, but I didn't last long. He pinched my nipple again as I tipped over, and I came as hard as I ever had, convulsing almost violently while fluid pumped from my depths.

I never could quite describe the pure gratification of an orgasm, no matter how many times it happened. I thought it was alchemy, too: my insides transformed into shimmery light, my blood into rivers of bliss.

Julian drained the last bit of come from my balls and rolled to the bed beside me.

"How is it," I said when I could catch my breath, "that you can give me an epic orgasm under absolutely any circumstances?"

He found my mouth and kissed me tenderly. "I love giving you pleasure, Avery." He held my gaze. "Thank you, for tonight."

We got cleaned up and were soon settled side by side beneath the sheet. It was a little early for sleep, but worn out from the evening's sexcapades, we let our talk drift aimlessly.

"Did you realize you called me 'babe,' earlier?" Julian asked at some point after I'd started getting drowsy.

"Um...that was an accident."

"It was nice."

"It was?" I thought he'd make fun of me, but he sounded almost wistful.

"You're my babe - why shouldn't I be yours?"

That was an easy answer. "Because you're Delta...you're not anyone's babe."

He shifted toward me and laid his temple against my shoulder. "I'm yours," he repeated, soft with affection.

I couldn't think of a reason to argue, so I caressed his head and drifted off in the deep peace only Julian's love could bring me.

* * * * *

"Up ahead!" I called to Rowan as we dashed down a wooded slope past the foundations of some ancient outpost of civilization, swept bare by fire or flood or storm and never rebuilt. "There's an old homestead where we can hide out."

She and I, plus a few of our friends, had trekked this morning to a cluster of settlers nearby our home, to introduce ourselves and see if they had anything useful to trade for. Back when we lived at Sabine Ridge, Rowan and I used to work together pretty often. Medical care for our population of a few thousand didn't demand her full attention during the earlier stages of her training, and she was the kind of person who couldn't be content without being in the middle of twelve different projects.

We both gravitated naturally toward leadership roles, which used to create a lot of arguments between us, until we learned to combine our strengths instead of clashing. We were twice as efficient as most teams, communicating in shorthand and seamlessly filling in where the other left off. Today had been like old times: the two of us planning together for the day's mission, assigning tasks to the others, and inevitably, running like hell when things went south. Even that was kind of fun, with Rowan. She thrived on risk; she got bored with routine. Escaping murderous rogues for her was more like a game than a survival necessity.

We'd split up into pairs to meet the residents braving this wilderness, and the others had headed back an hour ago. Rowan and I had stayed to follow a promising lead on some difficult-to-source ingredients our pharmacist needed. Unfortunately, we'd run into a gang who tried to take our spoils by force. It had probably been unwise to separate from the team, but Rowan did tend to draw out my reckless streak.

I found the farm I remembered from a previous trip through this area, and we ran to the mostly-intact house. The place was overgrown by trees and wild foliage, although someone had made an attempt to cut it back at some point in the last decade. This homestead was set out of sight from the road and was sheltered by hills to the north and west, so I thought we'd be fairly well hidden.

Carefully we climbed through the broken-out back windows and looked around. Our clothes were soaked from a stream we'd been forced to cross that turned out to be deceptively swollen with spring rains. Despite it being early May, the day had been chilly with gusty winds. With the late afternoon's warmth fading behind the trees, I knew we'd both be shivering as soon as we stopped running. That was another reason I'd aimed for this place: we'd be able to make a fire without the smoke summoning our enemies. If they saw it at all, it wouldn't look suspicious.

Since this house appeared currently unoccupied, we hurried to gather some leaves, sticks, and branches to burn. With the matches and tinder I always carried, we built a fire on the brick hearth that had probably been laid over a century ago. We watched closely to make sure the smoke was actually disappearing up the chimney, so we didn't end up smothering ourselves.

"Let's try to dry our clothes so we can make it home without freezing to death," Rowan said, pulling off her jacket and moving a three-legged wooden chair over to the fire to hang it on. She peeled off her damp shirt and pants as well, laying everything out to catch the most direct heat. I did likewise, leaving us both in our underwear.

As we fed the fallen branches we had collected into the young flame, I couldn't help watching the way Rowan's glossy apricot skin caught the firelight. Through the hard work of survival, she was just as fit as I was, lean and cut. Her thin bra left little to the imagination; I could see that her breasts were as firm and perfect as I'd always suspected. Her blonde hair was woven into braids along the top of her head, then fell down her bare back in waves.

I didn't know if she realized I'd been attracted to more than her toughness and intelligence over the years. She'd never taken any initiative with me physically, and I hadn't made a move either. Bold and beautiful, she could have had her choice of partners, but romance fell low on her list of priorities. By the time we'd become good friends, it had seemed best to save hooking up for girls I didn't actually care about. Not that Rowan had offered.

Today, though, she was watching me too, running her gaze appreciatively over my dark curly hair, strong arms, and defined abs. It wasn't the first time she'd seen me mostly naked, but the caressing of my skin with her eyes was new. Her gaze made me wonder what her body would feel like under my hands. She had the classic female silhouette: slender waist, curved hips, lithe limbs. The small smile on her cherubic lips made me think she was wondering what my hands would feel like, too.

When we had the fire crackling steadily and enough fuel to keep it going, she moved toward me.

"We should probably stay here until it's fully dark, to make sure they're not still hunting us," she said. Her words were innocent, but her eyes glittered as she stood directly in front of me, looking brazenly into my face.

"And if they are, we can avoid them more easily," I agreed, staring back at her in fascination. She stepped forward again and tilted her flawless face up toward mine, lips parting, practically begging to be kissed.

Suddenly I was leaning down and accepting that invitation, closing my eyes at the first touch of her delicate mouth. Rowan leaned into my kiss, her lips confident and enticing as they moved with mine. Then her hands were on my shoulders, running down my arms and across my bare back, pulling me closer. I forgot everything - who I was, where we were, why we were kissing. I only knew that she was soft and smooth and wanted me. I reached for her, feeling how small her waist was between my hands, how perfectly she was sized to fit into my arms, how receptive her mouth was to my tongue.

I stroked my fingertips over the swell of her breasts where her bra left them exposed, something I'd often dreamed of doing when she wore low-cut tops. She moaned and I cupped her mounds, pressing and squeezing through the tight fabric. Then the bra was gone, and her stunning breasts bounced out where I could fondle them freely. She encouraged me, grinding her hips against my barely-covered erection.

Without warning, she dropped to her knees in front of me, pulled down my trunks, and engulfed my cock in her perfect mouth. If every outlaw in the state had shown up at the door, I wouldn't have noticed. I was aware of nothing but the gorgeous woman in front of me suctioning her lips over my solid shaft. The way she looked up at me through her long lashes as she licked from base to tip set my veins coursing with fire. She was so damn sexy from this angle, where I could look deep into her cleavage while her tongue painted my cock with pleasure.