After the End Ch. 19

At that last sentence, I heard some kind of hitching gasp, like he was suppressing a surge of emotion, maybe even a sob. With that clue, I started to put the pieces together. The gruesome attack on his teenage body had stolen his sense of autonomy, which left him feeling raped even when cognitively he knew our encounter was consensual. He needed me to prove that violating him this way would not lead to exploitation or brutality. That I cared for him enough to respect his boundaries despite having him in this most compromising of positions.

I pulled him closer into my body and drove a little more forcefully into the chamber he'd kept off-limits for so long. "I would never hurt you, Julian," I repeated. "Not sexually, or physically, or any other way. I'm yours just as much as you're mine. It makes no difference which one of us is on top or inside. Can you believe that?"

He nodded slightly, and tender devotion squeezed my chest. I worked one hand between our hips and found that his cock was hard, which sent a surge of desire through my core. Despite how difficult it was for him, being with me was undeniably turning him on.

I fucked and jacked him for another minute, until pleasure seemed to overtake the anxiety. He still held tight to my shoulders, but he was angling his pelvis to meet my hand and starting to make muted, throaty sounds beside my head.

"This is just an idea, and I don't want to push this further unless you do," I told him. "But would you like me to be on top at all?" If my theory was correct and he needed tangible evidence that I wouldn't abuse him even when I was able to, it might be more meaningful for him to take me when he couldn't easily escape.

He hesitated so long that I was about to rescind the offer, but then he said, "Get me close first."

"Could Avery use his mouth?" I suggested. That was one of the most effective methods I knew for bringing him to orgasm.

"Ok," was the quiet response.

"Whenever you're ready," I assured my partner, rubbing his back some more. "No rush."

He stayed close for several more strokes before sitting up. Avery gave him a long kiss, then he stretched out to place his lips over the target.

Julian let out a low sigh as his husband began working his cock while I kept working his ass. I had to fight to keep my internal temperature under control, but it wasn't long before he nudged the head in his lap to indicate he was ready.

With a final unguarded look that set my heart aching, he climbed off to my right and stretched out on his front, arms folded beneath his head. When I rolled toward him, he spread his thighs, and my pulse kicked up another notch. Consciously or unconsciously, he had taken exactly the same submissive posture Avery had been in when I'd first fucked him.

"You're so amazing, Julian," I said as I climbed over him. I added more lube and nudged his knees a little wider, just to see if he would allow me to. When he did, my cock throbbed with fresh heat.

I took it slow as I fed myself back into his waiting hole, making sure there was no resistance, which there wasn't. Then I laid myself across his back and wrapped my forearms around his chest, the way I had with his partner that first night.

"I'm unbelievably proud that I get to be with someone as brilliant and accomplished and courageous and caring as you are," I told Julian before starting up a piston motion with my pelvis, generating heavenly friction for myself and rubbing purposefully against his hidden inner gland.

He thrilled me by entwining his forearms with mine, so I was sort of pinning him down: arms trapped away from his body, legs held open by my knees, anus speared by my cock. I could have come from the eroticism of his surrender alone, not to mention his sphincter sliding up and down my sensitized shaft. By his moans, the sensation was driving him to the edge too.

"I'm yours, Major," I murmured beside his head while I fucked him with intention. "There's nothing you need to hide from me, or protect from me." Maybe I was going overboard with the babbling, but I didn't want to stop. It didn't seem possible to share too much, when he was sharing this with me.

My voice was growing rougher along with my thrusts, as my arousal approached the point of no return. "It's ok to want to be taken sometimes -- to be entered and filled. It's ok to admit how good it feels when a hot, hard dick drills you properly..."

At that, even though nothing was touching his crotch except the bedspread, he seized and let out a primal exclamation. He didn't try to pull his arms away from mine, so I let my rapid strokes against his prostate spur his orgasm until I exploded with my own. Just the fact that my seed was emptying into his innards contracted my pelvic muscles as hard as ever.

Once the spasms stopped, I kissed the side of his face and stayed with him until he started to stir. Avery had released his climax too, while he watched.

Afterward, I offered Julian the middle and was still almost surprised that he accepted. When I took his usual place on the right and ventured to reach for him in the dark, he came to me for the first time ever, nestling his back securely against my chest and guiding my arm to wrap around him. I brushed my lips once at the faintly musk-scented skin below his ear and rested my chin at his shoulder, almost afraid to breathe lest he decide this was too much contact for him.

But he didn't. My blood raced around and around my veins, yet the cadence of his lungs was calm against me, and this more than anything else convinced me that Julian was in love with me too.

Which, added to his partner's affections, catapulted me to heights of euphoria I'd never even known existed.

* * * * *

Avery:

"Hey, you two," Graham said with a smile, popping into our quarters and shutting the door quickly to keep the February evening chill out. "Happy official one-month anniversary."

"I suppose it is," Julian agreed from his position at the desk, tilting his head up to receive a kiss. "Should we have gotten you something?"

Graham came over to where I was sitting on the bed and gave me a kiss too, then sat next to me. "No present necessary, but I would like to give you something."

"Flowers, jewelry, or sex?" I asked playfully.

"None of those, little one," he replied in my favorite fond tone. "Well, technically it could be sex. I realize I've been over here most days in the past month, when we haven't been busy with other things, and I'd like to give you and Julian a night alone."

I glanced at my husband, who of course was looking at me. My first instinct was disappointment that Graham was leaving, but he was probably right. Julian and I rarely had a chance to exchange more than a few sentences on our own, and a lot had happened lately.

"That's very thoughtful, Graham," Julian told him. "Not that you're ever unwelcome, but I, at least, would appreciate your gift."

"You guys were together long before I came along," the captain replied. "I want to make sure you have the space to maintain your own bond."

I couldn't resist lacing my fingers through Graham's, since it was my only chance tonight. He welcomed the contact as easily as he always did. "You'll come over tomorrow?" I asked.

"Sure, after cards. You gonna be there?"

"Should be."

"Great. I'll see you then," he said, but when he tried to let go of my hand, I held on.

He cast me a look both indulgent and amused. "I'm not going to be far, you know."

I felt kind of stupid, but suddenly I really didn't want him to leave. "Just...stay until Julian's done with his notes?" I bargained.

"Alright, sweet boy." He gave my hand a friendly squeeze. "Anything exciting happen today?"

I settled a little more against his shoulder. "Lamont told me that Verity said 'goat' when they went by the herd yesterday. That's like her seventh animal word."

"Very exciting," Graham laughed, and I knew he was making fun of me, but not in a mean way. He didn't have much interest in children, but I loved watching my unofficial godchild learn new things. "Does she say your name?"

"She can't say the 'r' sound, but she calls me Avee."

"That's actually cute. I might have to borrow that."

I rolled my eyes, but I didn't really care what he called me, since all the nicknames and endearments meant the same thing. Which I didn't think I would ever get tired of.

"You should come over with me sometime when I visit," I said. "Lots of things she does are cute. You might like her if you spent any time with her."

"Well I don't think I would get much out of it, and I doubt the little munchkin would either. But if it's important to you, I'll go."

"She's important to me, and you're important to me, so..." I concluded with a shrug. "It would be nice."

"You name the date, then. Maybe we can even drag Julian along."

"Not likely," I muttered.

"I've spent plenty of time with Verity," my husband put in. "I could pick her cry out of any lineup."

I was still a little reluctant to let Graham go by the time Julian was finished updating his records, but I figured a check-in would be good for both of us, so I kissed the captain and made him promise to meet me for training in the morning.

One of my scented candles was already lit -- a present from Vik at the solstice -- so Julian turned off the main lamp and came to sit beside me with the spare blanket pulled over our legs.

"Are you alright without Graham tonight, babe?" he asked. "I know you and he are still making up for lost time."

"Yeah. I mean I don't want it to seem like I don't want to be alone with you. I just...miss him, when he's not here."

"I understand."

We talked for a while, about the events of the past few weeks and how things had been going, and that led to a topic I did actually want to bring up.

"You know I told Graham I wasn't ready to change the rule about the three of us having to be together for sex," I opened, and Julian nodded. "I think that...I'm still not ready to be alone with him myself, but if you two wanted to be together without me, that would be ok."

He sounded surprised. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Graham mentioned before that you're different when I'm not there," I explained. "I feel like, after the other night, I have a better idea of what he meant. It's like when we were with Vik: you didn't mind letting me be with him alone with him, because you already had what you needed from me, and that wasn't going to change if I spent a few nights with him. So, I already have what I need from you and Graham, and I don't think you guys being alone sometimes will change that."

"That means a lot, Avery," Julian told me, the truth reflected in the resonance of his voice. "I do think it would be helpful to my relationship with him. My concern would be leaving you alone. You already miss him tonight, even though I'm here. What would it be like if we were both gone?"

I had a plan for that. "I would just think of it like when you're away for a mission or something. And I would prefer if we set a curfew, like we used to with Vik, at least for now. So I would know you'd be coming back and I wouldn't be alone all night."

"I think that's very reasonable, and I'm sure Graham would agree." It was quiet for a moment, with nothing moving except the shadows cast by the flickering candlelight. "How soon would you like to start?"

"Not tomorrow...but maybe after that, if you want."

"Ok. So we might change the rule to say, 'Sexual contact is allowed between any two partners alone, when both of them agree they are ready. Partners should be considerate of the third person's needs when arranging encounters.'"

I had to laugh a little at his formality. "Exactly."

"Just to be clear," Julian added, "for me, that means once we've cleared this with Graham, you and he are also welcome to meet up for sex alone, whenever you decide that's what you want. You wouldn't need to get my permission first."

Some sort of winged creatures hatched in my stomach. Until now, I'd always been protected by the rules. Now it would be a daily choice not to engage with my boyfriend one-on-one. But I nodded.

"Avery," my husband said quietly after a moment, then waited for me to look at him. "I just want you to know how proud I am that we've been able to transform our relationship this way. I couldn't have imagined, back when you used to be so worried about me leaving all the time, that you'd one day feel secure enough to add a third partner."

"Yeah, me neither." In some ways, it seemed a lifetime ago that I'd been too scared even to admit what I was scared of. Yet the memory of the feeling was as vivid as yesterday.

"I also want to reinforce that there are no deadlines for you to do anything alone with Graham," Julian went on. "If you never want to, that would be ok. And if me being alone with him does bother you, please let us know right away. We can always dial down."

I had to wait for the wings to stop fluttering again before I answered. "The only reason I'm able to do this is because of you -- being so careful and making sure I'm ok. So...thank you. And if me and you need to spend more time alone together, I hope you would tell me."

"I appreciate that, babe." There was a brief pause before he spoke again. "I had noticed that you've been doing most of your snuggling with Graham. I wondered if you might like some with me tonight?" When I glanced over, I caught a trace of adorable hopefulness beneath his usual composed expression.

I think my eyes went a bit starry. "Mm hm," I agreed.

We undressed and got settled in bed, leaving the candle with its spicy holiday aroma burning, and I took my traditional position against Julian's left side, where I could listen to his heartbeat. He stroked my back and arm and head with the steady, gentle touch I was just as addicted to now as I had been from day one. No matter how much I cared for Graham, this was always going to be something separate: this closeness I'd forged with the first person to win my heart, over years of struggle and triumph and figuring each other out. Graham's relationships with us were constructed on a foundation that Julian and I had painstakingly laid over the course of four years. Those original bricks would always belong to us alone.

Like this: me lying in his arms, his presence enfolding me, his caresses warming me from the inside out. Sharing this with him would always mean a little more than it did with anyone else, because he pioneered this with me. He found a way to make me feel safe when I was basically still a grieving orphan -- barely out of my teens, trapped with my own turbulent emotions inside a fortress I hadn't consciously created, and terrified of letting down the drawbridge.

"I really love you, you know," I told him eventually.

"Yes I do," he answered, warm as glowing embers on the hearth. "And it's the best thing that will ever happen to me."

I smiled against his chest, really grateful I'd chosen to accept Graham's gift.

"And of course, you know that I really love you."

"Yes," I echoed, although I never got tired of hearing it. "And I'm not as poetic as you, but...it's the best thing for me too."

Julian's arms tightened around me briefly, and his cheek nestled into my hair. "Did you want to do anything else tonight? Or is snuggling enough?"

"I'm good with this, if you are," I told him, surprising myself. We'd been having a fair amount of intense sex with Graham, and all I really wanted right now was to feel my husband against me.

His voice vibrated beneath my ear, relaxing me automatically. "I am too."

There wasn't much else we needed to say. I let myself drift through spice-scented memories -- layer upon layer of nights we'd spent together, each one cementing our future happiness. I didn't even notice I was falling asleep.

Graham was pleased with the modified rule, and a couple days later, Julian went off to the captain's quarters for their first encounter alone. Honestly, I would have thought it would have seemed more momentous to me, but it just felt...right. Natural. Like Graham was somehow an extension of me -- a gift I was giving my spouse; a type of connection that was beyond my own capacity, but that I could offer through a surrogate. I went to hang out with Vik that evening, and the time went by quickly.

When Julian got home, he had a kind of glowy aura that was hard to describe, but he hugged me very close and gave me lots of kisses. He even offered to tell me what they'd been up to, and he stroked me with lavish, leisurely fingers while he whispered the erotic details. Definitely not discouraging me from wanting to send him over again.

It was another week or so before I agreed to visit the captain on my own, and that was with the explicit understanding that it wasn't for sex. I wasn't exactly sure why it made me so nervous to think about taking that step with him, when obviously I'd been naked and in all kinds of compromising positions with him many times, and I could hardly get enough. It wouldn't even be a new experience really, since I'd been alone with Vik in the past. But something felt really different about doing that with Graham.

This visit was for the purpose of a music lesson. I'd been kind of interested in learning to play the guitar since those early days with Graham, but we'd never really made time for it, and then it became something he did with Jade. He'd brought it up again recently, and I didn't want Julian to get too bored watching me and Graham mess around all the time, so I was here in his room for the first time since we'd gotten back together.

Everything looked about the same: spare uniforms folded into crates, photos of his family and friends tacked to the wall, guitar tabs piled next to handwritten reports on the desk. I perused his things absently, pausing at a letter lying next to the lamp.

"Who wrote you?" I asked, curious.

Graham looked up from uncasing his guitar. "Blair. You can read it if you want. She sent a new picture of my niece and nephew."

I found the photo above the nightstand -- two light-haired children maybe four and six years old, one in a crisp dress and the other in a miniature suit, holding hands in front of an imposing grand staircase.

"That's at the music hall," he explained. "My mother is very hopeful at least one of them will have inherited Blair's talent."

I perched at the edge of his wool-spread bed to look at the letter. It was like reading a novel about a fantastical society in a distant world, except the society was real, and the world was my own. These words about symphony orchestra performances following five-course catered meals reached by chauffeured cars had been written near Seattle only a few weeks ago.

I'd moved to the second page when my gaze stumbled suddenly over my own name. I stared at it for several moments before regaining the composure to read the sentence.

"You told your sister about me and Julian?" I asked aloud, both surprised and flattered.

"Of course. I told her a lot more about you too, in my last letter, but it wouldn't have reached her yet."

I held the cursive-lined paper with fresh reverence, a little overwhelmed that this stranger on the other side of the continent knew who I was.

Graham came to sit next to me. "Blair followed the traditional path of marriage and children because she wanted to, not because she didn't believe in other choices. She stays in my family's social circle because she likes having access to top-notch opportunities for the kids, but she understands that way of life isn't for everyone. I knew she would want to hear I've met two people I care so much for. She may even start writing to you."

I'd literally never received a letter in my life; we didn't exactly have a postal service out here. But corresponding with Graham's sister... It would be kind of like having a relative of my own. The thought struck sunbeams deep within my chest.