All Comments on 'After the Fall Ch. 03'

I liked it — but you already knew that. I may as well be the bearer of bad news, despite all out efforts; alas, a couple of typos made it through the final draft. It's not unusual but still highly irritating ;) Keep reading folks, the story is just getting started !

I think at least the end of this chapter was supposed to endear Michael to the reader, but for me it fell flat. I still think he's a psycho who thinks sexual submission means sexual slavery.

What a turn!!! I've been following this story for just over a week now and it's absolutely brilliant. Your characters are so incredibly compelling I know that this is only just the beginning!! I'll be waiting for the next installment!! Keep up the beautiful work!!

P.S.: This might be a weird question but have you by any chance created birthdays for Michael and Mariah and if so what are they?! I really hope you're not off put by this btw!! I'm just curious!!

Thanks for letting me know what you think. The end of Chapter 3 was tricky for me. I agree that Michael is not terribly endearing at this point. My intention was to explain why he is such a control freak in general, and in particular, when it comes to anything he thinks might even tangentially relate to Mariah's safety or to keeping Mariah with him. There are strong echos of his fears for Mariah in Paula's story about Alice.

Michael won't become a more sympathetic character until he starts developing a sense of personal responsibility for his actions, and he's not there yet. If you continue to follow the story, and I hope you will, I think you will see his character evolve. I'm not promising you'll ever come to like him, but he will change.

One thing I should probably qualify is that even though this story has significant Domination/submission overtones in the main characters' sexual dynamic, it is not a BDSM story. Apart from the physical act of sex, neither character is giving the other what is due to one's partner in a more formal BDSM context. They're just following their natural inclinations.

You're the best. My typos multiply when you aren't looking! ;-) We really do try, though.

Thank you so much! Your comment really made me smile. Expect more twists and turns ahead.

I had not thought about birthdays for them. The first dates that popped into my head were November 17 for Michael and May 29 for Mariah. What birthdays would you give them? Is it horoscope related? You have me curious.

You are on the wrong category. Last I checked this was on the NonConsent/Reluctance. Try Romance and maybe you won’t have to read about things such as what’s happening here.

Great story, dear author.. Can’t wait to read more chapters.

What an episode in the series! I appreciate the steel spine on Mariah, I just wish she was a better communicator and could have made Michael feel even more guilty. I also understand the story of his sister's death is supposed to explain his obsession with Mariah's safety and how averse he is to her taking what he perceives as risks, but it sounds like he was a controlling loser even before the sister's accident, so it's really just his personality. So in the end I am not more sympathetic towards him. He really needs to learn to respect Mariah's boundaries if he wants any hope of developing a true relationship, but for that they both need to be better communicators. I hope they will start talking properly sooner rather than later.

I hoped you would be back! Alas, Michael continues to be an oaf and Mariah continues to be too stubborn or too pessimistic to communicate properly. I'm afraid that will continue for a while yet, but just think how short the story would be otherwise! There's hope for their communication skills, and there will be baby steps, but significant change is still on the very the distant horizon.

Thoroughly enjoying the interchange between Mr controlling and Miss stubborn. Just the right amount of angst to make it non con as opposed to a romance...perfect.

Had to laugh at Henry too. Good lad, chew his knackers.

Typo wise, yes a few, but not enough to distract. Do try and avoid repetitions though. At the end of the last chapter it was “bed”. This one is “room “

Only a nit pick on my part because I care so file it under “ to be considered “

Well done and roll on four

Thank you! That sort of repetition is one of my pet peeves, and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. For Chapter One, I spent hours checking word usage with a program that identified each instance of the same word. It took about four soul-sucking hours. I need to find an alternative. I might try a word cloud program, although the utility of those programs can be watered down when the repeated word is primarily confined to one section of a large document. I will try to figure something out, though.

I'm glad you are otherwise enjoying the series, and Henry. He's my favorite character, I think the series will meander further into and even entirely out of what people find appropriate for the non-con category, but if I had to summarize the plot, I would certainly use the term coercion, so non-con seemed appropriate.

Thanks again for another chapter 😊

I didn’t think I’d like this type of story but I’m loving it so much. I couldn’t stop reading. Beautiful writing :)

You're very welcome. There are more chapters to come, and I hope you'll enjoy them all.

That's a lovely compliment. I'm really glad you took a chance on this story. I often wish people knew how much variety there is within this category on Lit. There's romance, sci-fi, the occasional vampire or lycan, espionage, political intrigue, period pieces... all sorts of stories under one little roof. It ranges from sweetly twisted to stuff that would make me hide under my bed. I'm glad you happened to find my story, and I hope you continue to enjoy future chapters.

I'm so officially so sucked into this story. I love Micheals restraint, sexually, and his ability to keep mariah on edge. If he could just get his shit together.... Haha

Thank you! I love it when people are invested in the story. I have to admit that I enjoyed making things difficult for Michael in this chapter. I don't mean in the backstory, but the way every time he's being obnoxious, it backfires.

I love this story and I love the way the you’re taking advantage of the POV to provide insights into both main characters. I have to be honest that I was enjoying the story, but now you’ve lost me. Michael is acting abusive and manipulating her by withholding information. Paula’s attempts to justify his behaviour remind me of so many friends and family of abuse survivors. Because if this correlation, sadly I have to stop reading.

I'm so sorry to hear that, but I completely understand . Things do change in the story, but given that you're sensitive to this subject, I think you're probably making a good call. I'm sorry this wasn't the story for you. Thanks for explaining your reasons.

Happy reading!

This story has me captured. Well imagined and written. Just nipping at the heals of too much detail, but hey, the early Steven King had that going for him, and your story needs it I suppose. Oh, I even like the comment section and the answers that you give. Well done.

All of your chapters so far are very well-written; much moreso than most of the submissions. I suspect that you want to be (or are) a novelist. It's hard to get published. Maybe that's why you submit to this site. I do think that your work is better suited to another category. I don't see this as reluctance in an erotic sense.

I love this story! It's amazing how you bring up old (and somewhat) forgotten events and anticipate their future impact (like with Citizens United vs. FEC). Also, I love that you made Mariah a total badass but also compassionate and logical. It's a contrast that we don't see in heroines enough! Thank you for your work.