All Comments on 'After the Fall Ch. 04'

I am back for more (although I think it might be better if the story was updated more frequently to maintain the momentum of audience engagement), and it seems that our dear protagonists are still at it with their inability to communicate properly, it is so frustrating! Michael is a loser if he cannot recognize how his behaviour is undermining his goal of being with her in a long-term relationship and how it is ridiculous to say you love someone and yet treat them like a thing, his inconsistency kills me, e.g. how much cognitive dissonance can one person have if he gets mad about seeing a bruise on her arm from when someone grabbed her, but has no problem bruising her ass himself... and Mariah disappointed me this time (not only for the stupid reaction to the note - couldn't she at least check in with the twins regarding the dog? and did she think that giving herself up would free the dog? her reaction seemed illogical, immature and over the top, and the explanation did not fully convince me, as she could have done much smarter things if care for the dog's well-being was her first priority) for fantasizing about him and for wanting him to love her, there doesn't seem to be enough grounds for her to develop such thoughts, since he is not endearing himself to her and he is not earning her respect with his immature behavior, and there cannot be love without respect and fundamental equality, otherwise it's just a sexual kink, and it is clear there is space for more here, but both of them need to grow up, she needs to learn to communicate her inner life and he needs to learn to take it seriously. Oh, dear author, how you work us up about these two! I have faith that you have plans for an eventual satisfactory HEA, but I foresee a very bumpy road, as both protagonists have done so much nonsense that it is tricky at this point to reach a convincing resolution that would not cheapen the difficulty of resolving such a situation that is foundationally flawed from the beginning due to Michael's immature approach of how to build a relationship... Can't wait for more!

My dear Anonymous Grrr,

So pleased to hear from you again! It would have hurt my feelings a little if I didn't! I hope you won't mind if I am thrilled by your impatience with my publishing speed. You are a harsh taskmaster, though! The first chapter was published just over a month ago, and chapters 1 through 4 are about 79,000 words. Novels average around 80,000 words. The real villain here is the greed of my utility company, grocery store, auto insurer, and the assorted entities with hands in my pocketbook. Were it not for those money-grubbing bastards, I wouldn't have to spend time working for a living.

Michael is the absolute KING of cognitive dissonance. That bruise he saw on her arm where one of the men grabbed her? Same place he grabbed her when he was hauling her into the house. Why does he assume that other guy was the one who left the bruise? Because he's Michael.

Mariah's actions during the attempted kidnapping were guided by two things. First, blind terror. Maybe I didn't convey her state of mind well enough. Second, as she repeats in her inner dialog, none of those other possibilities mattered. If there was one-tenth of one percent of a chance that Henry needed saving and she could save him, she was going to take it. She didn't have a radio to contact the twins. (Her refusal to take a radio with her is mentioned earlier, during the inventory of Michael's control freak behavior over the previous week and a half.) She was too far from the building where the old pool was to go check. (The twins took a golf cart, and she doesn't have one.) She couldn't go anywhere because she had to be there when the ladder came over the wall. As Ezra suggests to Michael, as far as Mariah is concerned, Henry is her child. The risk/benefit analysis is immaterial to her.

I'm afraid you will be disappointed to hear this, but she would do exactly the same thing again. This may be something that's just not relatable to everyone. I am not (in my own opinion, anyway) a stupid or immature person, but I have experienced that blind terror, when risks are completely irrelevant, so to me, it makes sense. I should probably clarify that I don't mean I got kidnapped by fake dognappers, because someone will probably ask! I can understand why it might not make sense to someone else.

You have hit the nail on the head regarding the difficult of writing these two out of the corners they paint themselves into. And, alas, they aren't done yet. I shudder to think what you're going to say when the chapter finally arrives when Michael's behavior is at its nadir. It is already difficult for him to redeem himself, but he just keeps digging the hole deeper.

Your forecast of a bumpy road ahead is accurate. I think that from this chapter on, you will start to notice more of Mariah's flaws. They've been visible to a degree all along, but like most flaws, they have deeper roots. She will be brave, and in her own way, she will remain indominitable, but there's no such thing as bravery where strength is absolute. Bravery is having the weakness and perservering anyway. If you want to understand Mariah - and I love it that you do spend time understanding the characters - keep in mind that she has not been the conventional non-con heroine from the beginning. She didn't start out fighting Michael. She agreed to his terms. And yet, unlike many non-con heroines at this point in the story, she's never really been subdued. She's not really a showy restister, but I think she's an effective one. She will falter along the way, but she won't be beaten.

Thank you for your continued patience with me and with the characters. I'm afraid it will be two weeks before the next installment, and it's all the fault of those greedy money-grubbers who make me pay for things by working when I could be writing.

Why doesn't Mariah realize how lucky she is to have a manly man like Michael to fuck and beat her when he decides she has stepped out of line. It seemed like she was finally starting to understand at the end of this chapter, so hopefully she will be a good little bitch from now on. He even told her he loved her and she didn't say it back. What an ungrateful bitch.

I enjoyed this chapter as much this time as I did the other times I've read it. In my view, the character development in this entire story is one of the more intricately detailed, and well planned of the stories I've read. I'm also enjoying the intelligent and thoughtful comments from Anonymous Grrr . Such comments are an author's dream come true and the conversation between the author and Grrr are almost as interesting as the story. Kudos to both of you!

I loved it! I know you must put so much work into this!! Every chapter is detailed and helps move the story along in such an enthralling way! I am here for this, however long it takes is fine with me. The quality is worth the wait!

I didn’t comment on the last chapter because I didn’t know what it supposed to be. I was worried the ending was intended to setup a path for Mariah’s acceptance of Michael’s shitty approach to women? But this chapter answered that for me just fine and Mariah’s “fuck you” response to him set me at ease.

This was a great chapter in progressing their relationship. Michael acted like a man for once and stepped up to protect what is important to him without concern for what was best for himself. But he just continues screw everything else up. I know this doesn’t matter but since I’ve noted this before, I hereby declare Michael has move up the ladder to the level of ashtray.

What you have done so amazingly well is share with us the clear dichotomy of these two reticent lovers. Him driven by his belief that simply declaring that he has a new prized possession and that he intends to care for it, means he is a man in love. And her, too driven by a need to serve others and the general betterment of the society around her, that she lives in denial of her own emotional and physical needs.

You did a great job laying out that Michael does not love Mariah. He thinks he does, but having never experienced it himself he has no idea what it truly is. He needs to have someone love him first to understand the difference but that is chapters away and I look forward to it kicking him in the head and setting him right.

Clearly Mariah does not love Michael. Her admission that she wishes it was true was a strong step for her. It will be interesting to see how she uses that new found understanding going forward. I wonder how...never mind...I can wait.

I’m not sure the scene at the end did either of them any good. I look forward to the next chapter and how you describe the take away from each of them over this scene. Again I will save any thoughts or comments until that is written because I see two clear paths but they are not my characters, they are yours and I want to enjoy traveling down what ever path you decide is important for them to tread.

Great emotionally charged writing. Honest relatable flawed characters. Solid believable story arcs. I’m loving every moment of reading and rereading this story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

LNFB! (May I call you that?) I thought I'd lost you. Please, in the future, feel free to let me know when you don't care for a chapter. I do have a definite direction I'm heading in, but knowing what people don't like helps me, too.

Mariah was never going to let Michael off that easy, although at some point we're going to have to take him out of purgatory for the story to progress. He doesn't make that easy when he keeps doing things that make me want to stick him with a pitchfork. Believe it or not, he does have some good qualities hidden under the detritus of his existence to date. In that vein, I'm glad he's been promoted to ashtray, although I'm sad to say it's probably a short-lived promotion.

I'm glad you're enjoying the characters, and even enjoying NOT liking at least one of them. As I mentioned to Anonymous Grrr, Mariah's flaws are also going to become more apparent. My goal is to show both of them evolving, but the arcs of their evolution aren't synchronized.

If you see this and have the time and inclination, I'd really like to know more about your comment about the scene at the end. When you say you're not sure it did either of them any good, do you mean that it didn't do them any good as people, or that it wasn't helpful to character development for the story? If you mean it wasn't helpful in the story sense, was that because you felt it was inconsistent, going backwards, gratuitous, heading in the wrong direction, or something else?

One challenge I've set for myself is to include a sex scene in every chapter. I can certainly understand arguments against the arbitrary nature of that decision, and it doesn't bother me at all when other authors post sex-free chapters. Sometimes, it just really doesn't belong. I'm trying to do it because (1) I'm assuming that Literotica readers would appreciate that sort of thing, and (2) it's challenging to figure out how to weave sex in where it's difficult to place it. Where possible, I want my sex scenes to mirror or advance character development, so if the characters are in an awkward stage of development, it may be that the sex scene is discordant as a result. I was recently told that my sex scenes are pretty awful anyway, so I do worry a bit about whether I'm ruining the story with them. I'm not going to make a decision on that based on one person's opinion, but it's something I'll think about some more. Please feel free to share additional thoughts.

Some of us bitches are like that. No matter how much those big, strong, manly men beat us and fuck us, we just don't appreciate it. We could be beaten 20 times a day and still not show a hint of gratitude.

Thank you, and thanks for your help with the chapter.

Thank you very much for your kind words and for recognizing the work that goes into the story. It is important to me to try to maintain the quality of the writing, but I will try not to keep you guys waiting too long. I've had my own experiences with following an author eagerly, waiting for the next story, and then one year later... still nothing. :( Thanks for your patience, though!

I think the sex is often hot, but many of these stories that involve multi chapters and a more in depth plot revolve around a dominant guy who wants to control an unwilling woman, and these drive me a bit crazy. I think, especially in the post apocalyptic scenario work you’ve built here, this girl has learned to survive, and thrive, in a brutal environment, and she must be chafing something awful at Michael’s controlling, condescending and ultimately purely selfish ways, even if she thinks the sex is hot. Also, how are they equals if he is telling her what she can and can’t do. He’s been living in a protected bubble as society fell, and it’s one thing to watch it on tv and quite another to have to navigate through it, and I can’t imagine she’ll be able to put up with him and his fantasies of her for long without giving him a pretty big wake up call, project or no project.

It seems like this is heading towards HEA, and while I’m not necessarily against it there’s got to be a lot these characters go through to believably get there, as equals.

And how did Mariah not roll her eyes in utter disgust that not only did Michael buy her a fucking entire wardrobe, but one that didn’t include any pants or shorts, or anything practical for doing work? She should have realized right then how Michael would treat her and how deep his fantasy went.

You've described what I see as one of the biggest challenges in the non-con category. Unless you're writing about a single encounter, it's difficult to have characters develop in a reasonable way over the course of the story. I find it unrealistic when the hero/anti-hero immediately recognizes the error of their ways and reforms overnight. If the writer isn't going to go in that direction, they're left with continued interactions while the hero/anti-hero continues to be grievously flawed.

One feature of the way I write is that even though the story is all in third-person point of view, it shifts perspective between the narrator and characters. What I mean by that is sometimes you're reading things written from the perspective of the character. The characters have thoughts that are not intended to be objective truth, but to tell you what's motivating and informing the character. To understand either character, you have to think about what's motivating them.

For Mariah, Micheal's garbage is an extreme irritation, but she views it as something that at its worst will make her very unhappy. That's a price she is willing to pay. She would rather put up with him than see people suffering and dying, knowing that she could have helped them if she had been strong enough to put up with Michael. That's her overriding motivation. It's why she tries so hard to stick to the terms of their agreement. She doesn't try to make him happy. Michael had a very miserable eleven days following the implant of the tracking device, and it definitely was not because he developed a conscience about it. It was because Mariah cut him off emotionally. At this point in the story, she does exactly what she feels is required to provide her sexual submission and companionship according to the terms of the agreement. That's why you see her being a little legalistic about its terms.

They do not have a relationship between equals. Michael once told her that in every sense outside of her sexual submission, he saw them as equals. Michael lies to himself a lot. He almost instantly started proving that he does not see her as an equal. He thinks he does, but he doesn't.

Mariah never expected Michael to treat her as an equal, or even to treat her well. She's been consistently uncomfortable when he treats her like she's his girl friend because she hasn't lost sight of the reality that their relationship is based on extortion. Similarly, she's not surprised by the impracticality of the wardrobe because it's completely in keeping with what she expects from him.

I think it's virtually impossible to write a story in this category that shows the characters in an equal relationship in the early stages of the story. Generally speaking, these stories are not about healthy relationships. If you continue with the series, and I really hope you will, I think you're going to continue to see things about Michael and Mariah's interactions that make you want to pull your hair out. I know they drive me nuts writing them sometimes. I hope you'll also find character growth that makes it worthwhile.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. You've identified the greatest challenge of this category, and I'll continue to try to find better ways to meet it.

You've had 80,000 words, or so you say, and neither character has shown any sort of growth. The fact that you have to spend a thousand words in almost every comment explaining what you're trying to do should tell you what you're doing isn't working. Michael had 11 miserable days, yes, and that should have been enough for him to realize something was wrong and he needs to adjust his behavior. Does he? No. You're writing him like an idiot who can't recognize his behavior needs to change if he is to get what he wants. It's not attractive or

What percentage of the story is 80,000 words? Obviously I can't tell where your story is going, but that's not a good thing. By 80,000 words, even in a story of a million words, your readers should be able to see something of the direction you are taking them in. The work doesn't seem to have any structure, so I think you need to decide if this is erotica - in which case, plot what plot is fine, you can stop trying to force a story in between the sex scenes. But if you are trying to tell a story with erotica as an aspect to it, you can't just keep saying 'oh yeah, he's a jerk and that's not going to change' or 'she has her faults but I'm not going to tell you what they are yet' which is what we've had for an entire novel's worth of words.

I also recognize I don't have to read your work if I don't like it, and after this chapter I think I have reached that point. It seems like the story is stuck on repeat as far as their character development, which is a huge disappointment. I don't look forward to reading about characters that are deliberately written as idiots.

I'm sorry you haven't enjoyed the story, and it does sound like it's probably not suited to you and not something you will ever enjoy. I think a lot of the points you raise relate to pacing. I think I understand what you're saying about the characters, but I don't find it believable when characters turn on a dime and suddenly make big changes, so I'm not comfortable writing them that way. The character development is there, but perhaps it isn't as dramatic as you like. Whether the plot has structure is not something that can be judged until you see the entire plot. That's like reading one chapter of a book and deciding it has no conclusion. I think what I'm understanding from your comment is that you wanted to see the conclusion, or at least that the conclusion was on the near horizon, before now. I can understand that preference, but that's not the kind of story this is.

It's possible this story length just isn't a great format for you, and it's clear that these characters don't resonate with you and the plot doesn't interest you. Those things are all pretty fundamental to what the story is. If you don't like what you've read so far, I don't expect you would enjoy future chapters. I appreciate you sharing your opinion, though. I know not everyone likes the story, and of course I want to know why. Where possible, I'd like to use those opportunities to improve my work, but even in a case like this, where there's not much I can do, it's good to know. You've offered me a chance to understand more about how some people view the story, so I thank you for that.

The author has quite accurately portrayed the actions of two people who are actually quite immature when it comes to relationships. I vividly remember a girlfriend from way back who decided to use the silent treatment for some perceived slight and I hadn’t a clue how to deal with it. This is pretty much how I remember it.

In this case he is trying to cage someone who is used to her freedom and she is using the silent treatment as her revenge.

It has quite effectively created the angst that makes it readable.

As for it being 80k words...irrelevant. It is in bite sized chunks.

You either Like it or you don’t, same as any other book.

Yes, they are both inexperienced with serious relationships, and it shows in what is definitely immaturity in this context on Michael's part, and could reasonably be described as immaturity on Mariah's part. I hedge a bit about Mariah because she's not actually trying to make a romantic relationship work - or is she? I think that whether Mariah should be viewed as giving Michael the silent treatment or viewed as justifiably being unwilling to share anything more of herself than necessary depends a lot on whether this is a relationship she wants to maintain in a healthy way or a relationship she wants to limit out of self-preservation.. There's so much ambiguity in her own mind on that point that I think it's hard to say. Of course, her inability to recognize her own ambivalence reflects a certain immaturity, too.

There hasn't been a great way to bring it up in the story, but Michael's experience with relationships is limited to whatever he picked up before and during college. Since then, he's been isolated and creeping on Mariah via the security camera feeds. The only clues I've been able to work into the story about Mariah's inexperience come from her attempts to figure out what's "normal" being around her partner (for lack of a better word) in a more permanent and sustained situation. She's used to going her separate way after sex. for example That by itself doesn't scream inexperience, but I think the fact that she's not even sure what to expect being around her partner all the time is indicative of inexperience with anything more than a very casual relationship.

So, yet again, Michael and Mariah are modeling what not to do. They're facing a steep learning curve, and I hope readers will find their progression relatable, hopefully translated through the lens of each reader's own experiences.

I'm glad the length isn't bothering you. There are three parts of the story to tell: their relationship, their project for Ashland, and what's going on with the Elites. I don't think there's a short way to make all three of those parts advance without sacrificing character development. After the characters were established in Chapters 1 and 2, the story gains momentum. Chapter 4 is fairly representative of the pacing I anticipate moving forward. There's some interesting stuff going on if Michael can stop jumping her bones long enough for us to get to it.

Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you're finding it enjoyable.

Great job on keeping your readers hooked! The wait for chapter 5 is killing me. Is it gonna be released soon?

I'm glad you're enjoying it and I hope you stay hooked! :-) I submitted Chapter 5 on Wednesday, May 27 around noon. It usually only takes about three days for the story to get posted, but this is the sixth day. As I understand it - and I don't know this from personal knowledge - there is only one person reviewing every story that's submitted before they can get posted. They have to be reviewed to make sure they meet submission criteria (no underage, etc.) There are two story contests underway or upcoming (A Covid-19 lockdown story contest, and a Nude Day contest), and I can only guess that those submissions are backing things up. You can always check my profile page for estimates on completion of the next chapter. I always post an updated to it when I submit a new story, too. Hopefully, Chapter 5 will be out any day now.

Great! Thanks for taking the time to explain. :)

I love the direction you're taking. Mariah can not be dominated completely, no way. Too fiery, too independent. I would caution you not to fall into the trap that many doomsday scenarios fall into. When people have to survive in holocaust situations, they get a different perspective on survival, and they are certainly less gullible. Mariah's complete disregard of her own safety, seems like a stretch to me. She would have had to make tough decisions many many times, and a headlong run with no 'intel' and no shouted warning just wasn't smart. It also comes to mind, that she could have confided with Paula, as to the terms of her agreement with Michael, and Paula would have smacked him in the ear! BAM, and then given him a 2000 word lecture on treating people properly if you care for them. Anyway, I am off to chapter 5. It's like getting Netflix, when you find one you like, you can binge! Thanks for the good read. -D.T.

Indeed, Fucking Michael! What a prick he is ... But there are enough threads to hope he isn't entirely a prick. I will eagerly read the next episodes of this wonderful story!

that shower scene was just too fucking hot 🙈