After the Second Fall Pt. 03.1

Esther folded her arms and humphed, then looked pointedly at Pip. "I'm not going to wait forever, you know. When are you going to treat me like I deserve to be treated?"

Pip thought for a moment, looking down at the striking blonde, then gestured her over to sit on his thigh. She had clearly been trying to tease him, but Esther's eyebrows raised and she raced around the table, sliding onto his leg before he could change his mind. Pip pulled her close with one hand and she wrapped her arms around him, practically purring, until she realized he wasn't letting her go.

He gave her just enough space that she could look up at his face, which clearly indicated he had something mischievous in mind, and she started pushing harder, but to no effect. Pip slid the arm higher, immobilizing her, and Esther's eyes went wide as she saw his other hand move slowly toward her now exposed side.

"No, don't you --"

Her words cut off with a howl as he poked her ribs lightly, then started tickling gently up and down, running the fingers back and forth along the tight skin.

Esther's shriek of laughter drew looks from around the room, but Pip ignored them, continuing the attention, even as Esther's movements became more frantic.

"Uncle, Uncle!" she cried, and he eased off, then slowly released her.

"I definitely think you deserved that," he said with a grin.

Instead of answering, Esther poked him in the ribs as hard as she was able, then wiped her tear-filled eyes on his tunic. "I'll get you back for that."

"I'm looking forward to it." The two stared each other down until Rachel slid two plates in front of them on the table, breaking the battle of wills.

Pip shifted his attention immediately and slid his chair forward to start eating with Esther still sitting on his leg. The sudden change left her riled up and she poked him again, but barely earned a response other than a little grunt around a mouthful of eggs. With a dramatic sigh, she picked up her own fork.

Once Esther had settled in with her breakfast, Pip looked to Rachel and thanked her for the food, then turned to Rosie. "Any idea why Joanna grabbed Esther?"

His First nodded and indicated the table across the room to which she had been led; when Pip turned to look, all he could see were the backs of five women, packed tightly together. "My guess is they want to know about your time together last night."

"And I'm not allowed to be around for that?"

"Definitely not," laughed Maggie, "and I don't think you would want to anyway."

On cue, the table with the women erupted into laughter and Pip turned to see what had happened, then quickly spun around again when he saw them looking his way. "Point taken."

"Don't worry, Pip," Rachel said comfortingly. "All I see over there are a bunch of jealous looks."

"Not just over there," groused Esther, so Pip pulled her tighter to his side with the arm still wrapped around her side.

Breakfast finished without further incident and the villagers began to disperse. Unlike the previous morning, which had largely been set aside to deal with the fallout from Rachel's revelations, this was just another day in an agricultural village with all of its myriad realities.

With the harvesting done, Pip was learning basic carpentry and framing from his trainer, Cap, with the intention of building new residences in the Spring. After a final squeeze for Esther and kisses for his girls, Pip excused himself with a promise to meet for lunch.

Rosie and Maggie also departed, up to who-knows-what, leaving Rachel alone with her assistant. "How about a walk?"

Esther looked down at her boss and wiped a tear from her eye, then nodded, and the pair stepped out into the courtyard. Rachel picked a direction she hadn't explored before and started off with Esther at her hip; they were silent until they were well out of the village.

"He cares for you a lot."

Esther nodded, but her posture was terrible, shoulders slumped forward. "He doesn't love me, though."

"Not in the way you want, maybe, but he trusts you, and what's more, he genuinely likes you. I don't think he has any more of himself to give right now."

"That's easy for you to say, since you're already one of the chosen," Esther retorted.

Rachel sighed and moved off to sit on a stump that was next to the road. "It's not easy at all, actually. If it were truly up to me, I would keep him to myself."

The admission cut through Esther's funk and her expression changed from one of sadness to guilt. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm being selfish, and I know it -- I didn't even consider your position." She sat down in the grass next to the stump, ignoring the dew, then leaned her head over onto Rachel's lap. "What is it about him that makes us so crazy?"

"He saved me," Rachel answered simply, running her fingers slowly through Esther's hair. "There's more to it, of course, but that is really what it comes down to for me: compassion when it would have been easier to turn away."

Esther closed her eyes and drifted, feeling the morning sunshine warm her face as the crisp air cooled the skin of her arms and sides.

"For me, I think it's the mix of danger and wholesomeness that's always around him. I want to be part of it."

"You already are," Rachel replied, "which means there's more to it than that."

Sighing, Esther was quiet for several hundred beats, enjoying Rachel's soft touches and the birdsong.

"I'm jealous," Esther admitted finally. "I see the way he looks at you or Anne or the others and I want it to be me. I'm not used to not getting my way, and I don't like it."

"So what are you going to do?"

Esther heaved a long sigh and sat up, looking into Rachel's compassionate face. "I guess I'm going to grow up."

At lunch, Esther was uncharacteristically quiet and made none of her usual quips.

Dinner was the same.

As the group departed the hall for the evening, Pip tapped Esther on the arm and motioned her toward the center of the courtyard; they were soon sitting side by side on the rim of the fountain. Pip knew something serious was weighing on his friend, but didn't know how to breach the subject, so he sat silently.

It was a long time before Esther spoke, and when she did, her voice was low and sad. "I think I'm going to leave."

"To go be with Sheena in the Complex?"

Esther shook her head. "I mean away from everything I know. I think I need a fresh start."

Pip sighed sadly. "Because of me."

"No, because of myself. I was born a farmer, but that's not me. Working for Lilith and then Rachel was eye opening, but spending my life in an office isn't right, either. There's something in-between that's a better fit: I just need to find it."

"All this because I tickled you this morning," Pip replied, for which he received a sharp jab in the shoulder. "I'm going to miss you."

"Good," responded Esther, leaning against him and closing her eyes.

The following day brought Annora to the Vale, and when the transport departed for the Complex, Esther was on it, intending to say goodbye to her sister before starting her personal journey.

'It happened so fast,' thought Pip sadly as he watched the vehicle drive away.

"She's a strong woman," offered Rachel, who had also been present to see her protege off. "It will take some time, but I think she'll be back."

Pip nodded and turned, looking to where the town had gathered to meet their newest arrival. Annora looked overwhelmed, but Joanna was holding her hand, doing most of the talking, which seemed to be helping.

"Would you like to go over?" Rachel asked, but Pip shook his head, instead turning and walking toward one of the fields. Sighing, Rachel watched him go, then walked to the fountain and sat down on the edge to wait for the excitement to die down -- or for Pip to return -- whichever came first.

Her mind was soaring with the clouds far above when she heard her name and came back to herself, blinking to focus her eyes. Annora was walking quickly toward her from in front of the main hall, her face showing a combination of excitement and relief. "Rachel," she called again.

Rachel stood and tried to smile, but her heart felt heavy with Esther's departure and the hurt it had caused Pip. She hadn't intended this particular outcome, but it felt right, so she didn't fight against it; that only made the chains of guilt feel heavier.

"Welcome, Annora. Are you okay?" she asked as she stood up.

Rather than answer, Annora dropped to her knees and pulled Rachel into a hug, being careful not to squeeze too tightly. Rachel was surprised, but returned it willingly, glad for the physical sensation and comfort, even if the Eve wasn't her favorite person, which was just one more chain to carry.

When Annora finally released Rachel and sat back on her heels, she looked much relieved. "There are so many people here."

Nodding, Rachel tried to sooth her. "I told them you were coming and they wanted to meet you, but I understand it might be too much."

Annora bobbed her head, eyes wide, readily agreeing.

"What do you think of Joanna?"

"She's nice," replied Annora unenthusiastically.

Rachel looked seriously at the bigger woman, making sure Annora's eyes were meeting hers. "Annora, Pip and I will be very busy here in the Vale. We won't have nearly so much time to spend with you." The Eve nodded uncertainly, so Rachel continued. "Joanna will get you settled and help you learn your way around."

"She'll help me learn?" Annora asked, cherry picking the words in which she was most interested.

"Just ask her," Rachel replied, not actually answering the question.

The head nod Rachel received was perfunctory, but at least Annora seemed to understand. "Is there anything you need right now?"

"No, thank you," the large woman replied meekly.

With a motion, Rachel called Joanna over and suggested that it might be a good idea if Annora could see where she would be staying: some quiet after the excitement of her arrival might be calming. Joanna nodded and led the reluctant Eve away, but not before Annora had looked back over her shoulder twice at Rachel, who sighed heavily when the new arrival was finally out of sight.

Annora for Esther did not feel like a fair trade.

Tired of sitting, Rachel turned her face into the breeze and started walking, just wanting to be away from strong emotions for a time.

When she returned to town a couple bells later, she found Pip waiting for her on the fountain in very nearly the same place she had waited for him. She crawled up into his lap and let him hold her, not feeling any better than when she had departed.

"I'm struggling, Pip, like I'm fluttering in the wind again. Things have happened so fast, it feels like I don't have any control."

He nodded, but there was really no response necessary.

"I guess it's like that for everybody right now." Rachel sighed. "Can I have just tonight to sulk? I promise I'll be better by the morning."

Pip's mouth turned up and he kissed her forehead. "Can I sulk with you?"

"I don't think that's allowed. Two people sulking together just feels... wrong, like angsty teenagers getting together to complain about the world. How about if you sulk tomorrow?"

"But I don't wanna wait until tomorrow," whined Pip with an exaggerated pout.

Rachel let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, you can sulk with me. Should we get dinner first?"

"I'm not hungry, to be honest. You?"

"Not really. I guess that means we can go to the house, unless you want this to be a public sulking."

He contemplated the thought, not really sure what that might entail, and eventually determined that this kind of thing was best handled behind closed doors. "How about if I grab some bread and cheese and meet you back at the house, just in case we work up an appetite with all of the moping."

"Actually, I think moping requires moving around. I intend to lay on the bed and moan irritably, or possible wail softly; in other words, sulk."

The face Pip made was puzzled as he stood and set Rachel down. "This was a very weird conversation, but somehow I feel a little better."

Rachel put her hands on her hips and looked at him sternly, the corner of her mouth trying to turn up. "That's definitely not a sulk-worthy attitude. Maybe you should wait for tomorrow after all, when you're in the right mental state."

Pip's answering smile fought past Rachel's gloom and she stumbled upon an actual grin, despite her mood. Seeing that he had broken through, Pip winked and headed off toward the hall.

"Where did you and Pip get off to last night?" Rosie asked the next morning. "I didn't see you at dinner."

Rachel smiled, remembering how hard Pip had sulked her, but said nothing; her cheeks did turn just the faintest red at the memory, which Rosie, of course, picked up.

"Well that answers that question," said the younger woman, rolling her eyes. "What do you have planned today?"

"Working with Anne, I hope. I expect Pip will be busy all day as well. What do you and Maggie get up to during the day?"

"Basic medical stuff, mostly," Maggie answered around food.

"I'm her assistant," Rosie added.

"It's nice to boss her around for a change," finished the curly haired doctor with a smile. "Thank goodness they don't need me to be a veterinarian, too, because I don't like animals."

There was a pause as Rachel looked back and forth between her two friends, who had welcomed her to the Complex and helped put her back together following the timely death of her husband. "Will you both come by the house after dinner? I think we need to figure some things out."

"Whoa, that sounds ominous," Maggie said lightly, but with an undercurrent of uncertainty.

"I miss you, and so does Pip. I don't want somebody else I care about leaving."

"Don't worry, Rach," soothed Rosie. "I like Esther, but she has some growing up to do before she settles down."

"Aren't you the same age?" Maggie teased, which earned her a swift rebuttal in the form of a poke to the ribs.

Having elicited the desired squeak, Rosie turned back to Rachel. "I meant that she needs to find herself: to figure out who she wants to be. You understand, right?"

Rachel nodded, but she still looked sad. "I do, and I came to the same conclusion, but I'm worried the same concept applies to Pip."

The somber statement evoked an equally somber mood that lasted throughout the day for the three women. Dinner together was quiet, to the point that Pip picked up on it, but his inquiry was deferred until after the meal.

Sitting with the others in the main room of the Speaker's house, Anne on her left and the girls on her right, Rachel was struggling with how to start a discussion whose end she couldn't foresee. "I..." she started uncertainly, before Rosie stepped in.

"Pip, we've been talking," his First said, which caused him to raise his eyebrows questioningly. "Life in the Vale is different. Things here don't center around training and fighting, which means you're just another person. Okay, that didn't sound good, but the idea is right. Is that what you wanted when you decided we should move here?"

"It wasn't just me..." Pip started, then stopped, realizing he hadn't truly considered how moving to the Vale would affect his girls. His face fell and Rosie moved to his side, wrapping an arm around his back as best she could.

"For better or worse, our lives revolve around you, Pip. Each of us is okay with that, to an extent, but right now it feels like we're in a transition without an end. Until you figure out what's next..." she trailed off, but her meaning was clear.

Slowing the passage of time for himself, Pip considering the underlying issue, which he had been struggling with himself for weeks. He was not yet twenty-one years old and had already become the most successful fighter in the history of the Arena. Moreover, four different women professed their love for him (five, if Esther counted), which kept his life interesting, as well as enjoyable, if unpredictable.

And yet... up to this point, there had always been a well understood goal.

First, it was to survive until the next day, fighting off bigger and stronger classmates.

Then it was to win a training bout.

Next came making it into the Adam pool.

And finally, the biggest, most unreachable target of all, fighting in the Arena.

So what was his goal now?

Without a clear answer in mind, he started talking. "That first day we met Anne and Joanna, hearing them describe the Vale... it helped me realize there could be more than just fighting and killing. After the first day or two here, I knew I wouldn't be content with my old life again."

'Will you still fight?' Anne asked, who had followed the conversation with the help of Maggie's signing.

Pip's shoulders slumped and his countenance fell. "Not until I have to." The admission was the first time the women from the Complex had considered the possibility as realistic. After all, Pip was designed, born, and raised to fight in the Arena. Seeing their faces, he sighed. "It's hard for me to explain, but I'll try.

"John and Max always told me I shouldn't get complacent when I fight, but the problem is that there's no challenge, and there hasn't been for a long time. I've put down excellent fighters without injury so many times now that it's all become routine. It feels like I'm somehow cheating the system."

Seeing that Rosie was about to object, he made a calming motion. "I know: it's a lot better than the alternative. What worries me, though, is that I will miss something that I should have caught, and that will be the end. I've talked with Cap about it and he says I need to keep working to find my weaknesses. To be honest, I'm out of ideas on where to look."

Pip stared out the window to his right, ordering his thoughts.

"When I saw Annora in the Arena, things changed. I've fought men that weren't ready, and I didn't like it, but she was something altogether different, and it felt really wrong, like picking a fight with somebody on the street."

Another pause.

"Mars is really good, and he'll keep getting better, so I don't have to be the Lead Adam anymore. Eventually, somebody may beat him, or whoever comes after. If that happens, I'll fight again willingly, knowing it's an actual contest."

"Until then, I'll train other fighters, like I did with Mars. If they don't need me, I'll work in the fields or on the buildings."

Rachel nodded, but her face was still concerned. "Aside from you not fighting regularly, that was the plan, but will it be enough for you?"

'Why wouldn't it be?' said Pip's expression, but Rachel didn't back down. "You are probably the most well known person in the entire world, Pip. Can you go from being a hero to a farmhand?"

"I'm tired of the violence, Rach. I love the competition and the rivalry, but I need to get away from the killing. I can feel it tearing me up on the inside."

"Okay, but after the novelty has worn off, pushing a plow all day isn't going to satisfy your need to improve yourself. Will you put that energy toward Anne's child? If she's not pregnant now, she probably will be soon. What about Rachel and Maggie -- have you discussed children with them? Do you want to be involved?

"Or what about the Vale? There are others that can till dirt or use a hammer; are you going to use your gift to help the people that live here by driving nails faster than anybody else?"

"And what about --"

"Okay, Rach, okay," interrupted Pip, gesturing for her to ease off, "I understand." He looked down at Rosie, who was still pulled up against his side. "The truth is that I don't have a goal and I feel lost. I've been terribly selfish and didn't even realize it."

Meeting Anne's eyes, Pip signed, 'I do not know how to be a father, since I never had one. I can be a mentor, or a friend, but more may be too much.'