Against All Odds Pt. 04

Melissa's heart broke. Tears sprang from her eyes and rolled down her face. He had stopped calling her "Mel." She was utterly devastated. She thought to herself. What had I done? What was happening? Why was this happening? Why?

His anger was like a furnace of fire coming off him. Melissa was scared, not for her safety but for Dave's sanity. With total defeat raging inside her head, she took off the engagement ring and handed it to him. She looked at him. Screaming I LOVE YOU inside her head. Turned and left, almost running from the loft. She was scared about what was next for her. On her way out, she stopped by JJ's.

JJ opened the door and was met with Melissa, shaking and crying. Tears poured down her face. She had a wad of cash in her hands. She looked at JJ and said, "Can I get a gram, please?"

JJ pulled her inside quickly and closed the door. "Are you OK?" She asked. "What happened?"

Melissa was now in denial but also angry. She was angry at Ryan and now angry at JJ. She just wanted the coke and to get the fuck away from her.

"Dave kicked me out. We're done!" Mel said. She then added, "I fucked up. I fucked up big time."

"He caught you, didn't he?"

"What?" Melissa said. "You knew?"

"Well, hard not to know; you're not that hard to read. But I thought you had an open relationship with Dave." Said JJ.

She was still crying and angry. "Well, I guess Dave was the only one that didn't know that. Can I get the fucking gram now, please" she demanded.

JJ was smart enough to know now was not the time. She took Melissa's money and handed her two grams. Melissa looked at it and was going to say something but just put the stash in her purse, opened the door and walked out.

JJ was sad for Melissa as she knew Dave was the guy for her. She then felt terrible as she knew she was part of the problem. She had made things transactional with Melissa. She fed the fire of her addiction for selfish gain. If she was a better person, she would have been able to help the two of them. She thought it was time for some change.

Melissa was about to order an Uber and realized the account used Dave's credit card. She cancelled it and went to the street and hailed a cab. She went directly to the train station. Got a ticket to her parent's town. I called them with the arrival time and said, "Mom, I need to come home for a while. I really fucked things up this time."

Once on the train, she sat alone and stared out the window. Fuck she was hurting. Dave, taking the ring, had gutted her. Why didn't he fight for her? She was so lost, and the worst of it. She never told him she loved him. As far as Dave was concerned, she had just left him for another man. A man with a giant cock. As if by magic, she got a text. She hoped it was Dave asking her to return, but it was from Ryan.

"Hey babe, I miss you. Can we talk?"

She had one reply. "No!"

A little while later, two men sat across from her. They tried to hit on her. She was angry and told them to leave her alone. She went to the bathroom, did a line of coke, then moved to another seat and continued to stare out the window. She knew she needed help. She needed to turn this disaster into something. It was time.

Dave at the Loft Monday - Making Decisions

Sitting at the table again, I took stock of the ruin I felt. I'd spent Sunday totally drunk and had run out of coke. I had booked time off work, but I wanted more blow so I could continue to drink heavily. I texted JJ and asked if she could deliver. We only lived down the hallway, so I thought it was not much of an ask.

I was surprised by how quickly the knock came at the door. I looked like shit, but I could care less. I opened the door, walked back into the loft, and sat at the dining room table. It was early morning, and I had yet to clear the collection of dead soldiers. I walked to the fridge, grabbed a cold one, and sat at the table. I needed to get more beer today as well.

JJ handed me the gram, took the cash on the table, and sat down without being asked. "You OK?" she asked.

I took a swig of beer, pulled the coke mirror over, dropped the entire gram out, cut out two big rails, and went to town on one of them. I handed her the rolled-up hundred, and she held her hand up to say no. "I've been better," I replied. I could tell she knew something was up; otherwise, her first question would be where is Melissa?

JJ was curious to see what was up and had rushed over, but now she felt like shit. Dave's despair was seeping out of him. His eyes were darting, his usual smile was gone, and he was obviously still drunk from last night.

"You guys having a fight?" she asked.

I looked up at her. The coke had cut through my hangover haze, and I could feel my pupils dilate. I was riding the cocaine rush. It felt fucking fantastic. I then said, "Never got to that point, I guess. She's gone. I guess you knew?"

JJ was feeling awkward. At first, she was wondering if this was about her play with Melissa. She had always thought Dave knew and was OK with it, but maybe that's what blew them up. The minute he asked her that, she knew it was something else. She was still struggling with her guilt that she was part of this despair. Hindsight shatters your preconceptions. She liked these two together. They fit. Yeah, the age gap was big, and yes, Melissa was young, but she saw how Dave loved her. She also knew Melissa loved him. "No, I don't know what is going on, Dave." She said.

My mind might have been fuzzy from the hangover, but the hair of the dog, plus the giant line I had just snorted, had ignited my brain. I looked at JJ and knew she was fucking Melissa, or, at the very least, she and the other 'loft lesbians' were all lusting after her. She was a good liar but not that good, at least not in the morning. She was waffling and covering and being obviously ambiguous. I didn't t give a fuck about her. I knew there was despair in her future. No one could keep up her lifestyle, be a dealer and not eventually have to pay a price. Her day would come. With this settled in my head, my anger went out the window. I had too much of it but none to waste.

"Well, it seems she has found a new bigger ride," I said while doing the other huge line I had put out for her. I heard the demons under the futon laugh at that comment. It made me chuckle.

"Are you sure?" Asked JJ.

"Yup, pretty certain. It was rather hard to miss," I replied. "I feel like a fool, to be honest."

JJ had only suspicions, adding to what she saw Saturday night. Had Dave come back and caught Melissa? Holy shit that wouldn't have been good. She then changed her mind, pulled out her own coke, and drew up two lines. She did one and handed the mirror to Dave. He just shrugged, did the "why not" shoulder shrug, snorted another line, and made a large coco puff.

She looked at him and said, "She loves you." That made Dave's jaw snap shut and temporarily stopped his emerging coke grind. His eyes watered, but you could see him fight it all back. "Yeah, well, obviously not enough, and I'm not stupid; there is no way I can compete with her new man. I think she's made her choice, JJ." He then did a fake chuckle and continued, "Look, we both knew it was inevitable, I had hoped, and I still love her, but I think it's time I got my shit together."

JJ thought he was jumping to conclusions. One thing she knew it was people who were addicted to coke. It was her business. She was feeling conflicted lately and had, at certain times, refused to sell to some people she knew were heading toward bottoms. In fact, when she put aside her lust for Melissa's sweet pussy, she knew that girl was an addiction train wreck waiting to happen, and she should have suggested to Melissa to stop, slow down or cut her off. If she came back for coke, she would make the call. She would watch Dave as well, but his thing was booze, and given what had just happened, who could blame him for going on a bender.

"Look, Dave, I really like you and Melissa. I think she's fucked up. I shouldn't tell you this, but she has a bad habit. Way more than what you probably knew about."

I let that sink in. It was accurate, and at that movement, I knew I was fucked up too. My day was coming. "Well, be that as it may. I think I'm good for a bender!"

With that, JJ knew it was time to leave. She left but was worried. Should she call Melissa? She decided to leave it alone. She had her own demons starting to echo inside her head.

I cleaned up the loft. Looked at this phone, hoping for a message from Mel. Nothing. Oh well, I thought. I went out on a run. Beer, some food, some other things, and garbage bags to pack up Melissa's shit. I went to our pub and sat at the bar, but everyone wanted to know where Melissa was. I told them, or at least what I thought was the truth, that she was at her parents. But that was most likely a lie. She was probably with Ryan taking a ride again.

When I returned to the loft, I continued to drink and do drugs. For a fleeting moment thought I was horny and pondered ordering a call girl. The idea of sex sounded good as an escape or maybe a revenge thing, but suddenly, my brain flooded with images of that guy's huge cock. I became petrified that I would not be able to get it up. A cold chill enveloped me as I fought off the terror. I decided on drinking; that was the answer. More drinking. I cut the coke off at 8PM. As hard as that was, it scared me more than the booze. I was so utterly alone, and a dark mood was eating me alive. I passed out by ten and didn't wake up until Tuesday at three PM.

I started drinking hard like I had to make up for lost time. I dressed, showered, and went out aimlessly, hopping from bar to bar, avoiding the ones we frequented together. I got hit on by a woman close to my age. She was hot. We drank together, but it soon became apparent she was a lush, and she figured that's what I was as well. That was depressing. I considered a call girl again, but then the sex dread returned, and a massive wave of despair hit me. I'd not heard from Mel. I knew it was really over. The denial phase was ending, and my anger was brewing. I said my goodbyes and went home. Back at the loft, I put on some music and drank by myself until I passed out on the futon. I had a nightmare that the demons had tied me down and made me watch Ryan fuck Melissa. He had her legs pinned up by her shoulders and was plunging his enormous dick in and out of her pussy. "Oh, Ryan, you're so fucking big." She then wrapped her legs around him as he hit bottom and said to him, "Now, grind your pelvis into me, holy shit, you're deep, fuck don't stop, you're going to make me cum, oh Ryan, I'm cumming!" I woke up and puked all over the coffee table but miraculously pulled the coke mirror away in time.

I cleaned up. I was covered in sweat, so I quickly showered and went to bed. So much for Tuesday, I thought.

Wednesday was a blur. I did some serious day drinking at a bar east of us. I was sneaking coke and running out. I kept just enough to make it to the night. I had not eaten in days. I was hungry but also committed to losing weight. I tried to masturbate, but every time I looked at my cock, I laughed. I wasn't even good enough to fuck myself. I went over to JJ's. They had a party going, and they invited me in. I did some lines. Had some shots. Even the gay guy was looking at me with pity. I left and went back to the loft and drank myself to oblivion. By this time, the demons were no longer getting a rise out of me. They could sense my rising anger and started to pity me. I told them to fuck off. Thankfully, I passed out in bed.

As the first light peaked in from the east, I got up, grabbed a towel to dry off and shuffled into the open area of the loft. I put on coffee, washed up and then sat at the dining table watching the sunrise. Doing this, even after no sleep, was more rewarding than doing it, being high and staying up all night. I sipped my coffee and pretended the rising sun would dry my tears and sweat. I grabbed my phone and scanned it to see if I had any texts from her. There was nothing. Some friends were checking in, but I wasn't ready to face anyone. I needed to figure my life out. I sat there, basking in the rising sun, drinking my coffee, trying to slow down and move forward at the same time. I missed her so much but hated her as well. I was now angry. I wanted to crack a beer, do a line, or smoke a spliff, but it was coffee for me this morning. I had got to get my shit together.

The bedroom was littered with clothes. So, I spent some time separating my clothes and realized I needed to do laundry. I grabbed the duffle bag and stuffed it full, called an Uber and fought off the desire to drink a beer. I was down to one, so it was symbolic. I put away the well-used coke mirror and packed up the dope stash. I could go one day without any of it. How hard could one day be?

A New Day

As I walked down the hallway with the very full laundry knapsack loading me down, I paused in the hallway leading to JJ's. I was out of coke. With resolve, I gritted my teeth and kept going. My Uber was waiting when I got down the stairs. The driver tried to make chit-chat, but I grunted and stared out the window. When I got to the laundromat, I was happy it was empty. I wanted to get four machines going. Once that was complete, I walked up the street to the Rocket. I was tweaking and needed a coffee bar.

I walked in, and Mike took one look at me and smiled. I knew instantly he could read it on my face, plus I was pretty sure I still smelled like booze, even with the shower. A wash of shame and sorrow filled me as I looked down at the ground. I could see Charity looking over from the kitchen. As I struggled not to cry, Mike had already made up a giant double Redeye and handed it to me.

"You OK, Dave?" he asked. This was a watershed moment. I had two demons battling inside me. The lost love and shattered heart were the most devastating, but Mike could see everything. I had known from my battles in the past that a junkie can't con another junkie. Mike knew. So, I surrendered and waived a white flag.

"No, Mike, I'm not OK," I said. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I continued, "I'm fucked; it's happening again but worse."

Mike looked over at Charity; she came over, looked at me sadly, and took over as Mike walked to one of the tables in the back with his water bottle. Charity had obvious concern but nodded at me while I grabbed my coffee and went to sit with Mike.

As I sat down, he said, "Are you still high?"

"Not today, but I sure want to be. Almost more than anything else, I want to get drunk and high as soon as I get back to the loft!" I told him.

Mike just looked at me and waited.

"But .." I began, and he said... "you're trying to go one day, aren't you?"

I just looked at him and started crying slowly. Tears rolled out of my eyes as I tried to stop them. With a stuttering intake of air, I said, "One day, yes, I can do one day."

"Well then, you've come to the right place. Do you want to share about that?"

Mike waited as I tried to stem the tears rolling down my face. I took some deep breaths, sipped that boiling black brew, and almost spit it out, which reminded me of the day I met Mel. I had two wars going on. A broken heart and knew that using drugs and especially drinking booze was a losing game for me. I glanced over at the corner and could swear I saw the demons hiding behind some chairs. They saw me looking and waved to me, lighting a joint and cracking open some beers. They nervously kept darting their eyes at Mike. They feared him. They didn't like him. I smiled with these images boiling in my mind and said to myself fuck you, you little shits, I'm done.

I broke it all down for Mike. I shared with him how much fun Mel and I had been having. The weeknight bomb ups. The epic weekend marathons. The loft lesbians, the drinking, and the coke. I did not spare any of the details. The live shows, the pool nights, swanky dinners, and road trips. I was not regretful as I proudly proclaimed we were having a blast. I was deeply in love and having the best sex in my life. The drugs were not a problem. I was not having blackouts like in the past. I was not driving drunk, and I was still killing it at work.

Mike looked at me and said, "So, why stop? "

"Mel left me; she found a younger, better boyfriend, it seems," I replied.

Mike crunched this thought, and it didn't make sense to him. He was good at reading people, and Charity was even more gifted. They both knew Melissa was as crazy in love with Dave as he was with her. Mike could tell Dave was dealing with a double bottom. He knew how to help with the using, but Charity was the broken heart expert.

"What happened?" Mike asked.

With a shudder, I shared that Mel was very Bi, and I had suspicions she was playing with the Loft Lesbians or something that might not pass the boyfriend test. It explained some things I had noticed. Then I told him about the trade show. I had almost lost my job when I showed up to a morning meeting, still high and drunk.

"You killed it, right?" Mike asked.

"What, killed what?

"You have been working hard on your latest project, Dave. It's easy to see your passions. You killed it, didn't you?"

I looked at him, frowning and simply replied, "Yeah, it was huge and probably why I still have a job."

"Then what happened?"

I told him about getting an earlier flight and being unable to get Mel on the phone and what happened when I heard them at the loft. I started to cry and get angry at the same time as I continued to describe what happened when I walked in on them, kicking Mel out and then getting as drunk and high as I could for the next four days.

"Did you get to speak to Melissa? Did you ask what was going on with her?"

I thought about this question and frowned some more. "No, not really, Mel came back the next day. It was very awkward. It felt like she was just trying to let me down easy. I mean, there is no way in the world I could compete with this guy."

"What do you mean? You're a pretty formidable man, Dave."

I started to blush; how the fuck do you say this? Then I just said it. "He was skinny, young, had hair, and a fully bonafide home-wrecker!"

Mike cringed, knowing this was a weakness in men. He instantly knew this all meant fucking nothing, but he also knew that despair, ego, betrayal and drugs are powerful partners. Fucking Melissa, Mike thought. He was mad at her but also worried. He knew she was deep in the clutch of addiction, and this thing these two had was complex. She was a kid, for fucks sake. A smart kid, but just a fucking kid. He highly doubted she wanted to end it with Dave. Now, sabotaging what they had? He grimaced and knew exactly what that felt like. He knew he was powerless; this was either the end of her addiction or the beginning of worse to come. He prayed for her.

"Where is she now?" asked Mike.

"I don't know. Melissa said with her parents, but she's probably with her new boyfriend." I replied.

"OK, so again, I am asking you, why stop drinking? Why stop doing the drugs? Aren't they helping?" Mike asked.

I sat there, and the demons started to scream and yell, "Yeah, why stop! Go get some beer Tiny Dick, do some lines, come party with us and all your problems will go away!" I took a big gulp of the now warm brew, gritted my teeth, looked at Mike, and said, "I can't use anymore. I want to. God, I can think of nothing I want more than a case of cold beer, some shots of Jack and a fucking eight ball." I paused ..my face softened. I let out a big breath ...." but it's not working anymore. It's all a lie. Where there was once harmless fun is now spiritual death. I can't use anymore, and I have no clue how to do that. Again."