Ah Santa, I can Explain - Norris

"There was nothing you could have done about the men in the rear," I was told time and time again. I went along with it but as time passed, I had the same dream over and over as the two men killed in that vehicle would call me on the radio for help, but I could not reply to their cries as I was busy being the hero.

"There was nothing you could have done." I heard that over and over. But inside me, I started to wonder and question that phrase. Could I have helped them? Why had I left the radio behind? Would have. Could have. Should have. Why did I live and why did they die? The typical survivor's guilt scenario.

It wasn't as pervasive in my mind at first. But the more successful I became, the more the guilt would surface in my thinking. After Amber and I had the twins, it got worse. Everything was going so well in my life. Yet I would see those two men shaking their heads at me in my dreams.

Then I started to have problems in bed. It started one night when Amber was between my legs giving me head. She is unbelievable when she does that! But right as things were going well, my cock went soft. Right in her mouth. The look she gave me when she raised her head cut me to the core.

"Baby, did I do something wrong?" she asked. "Did I hit you with my teeth? I'm so sorry."

"No, It's not you..." I replied. "I don't know what happened."

"It's OK," she replied. "Relax. We'll do something else in a bit."

And in ten minutes we did. I was hard as a rock as she rode me to her pleasure for almost thirty minutes and three orgasms! I tell you. Amber can cum and cum over and over. Being able to help her get there is a trip in itself. It made me feel special that I could give this woman pleasure and keep up with her.

But the problem was not gone. In fact it came back again. Then again and again. I saw doctors who said it had to be psychological. I eventually went to see a therapist specializing in such cases. But by then I was no longer even trying to have sex with Amber.

Well, you know the rest.

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Lana's call

I was at work when I got her call. I almost didn't recognize her voice.

"Hi Norris," she said. It was Lana, my girlfriend before Amber.

"Hi Lana," I replied in surprise. I had not heard from her in over five years.

"I hear you are a free man." She said. No it wasn't seductively. Just matter of fact.

"I am divorced if that's what you mean," I replied.

"I'll cut to the chase Norris," she said. "Do you want to get together?"

"Aren't you still married?" I asked. Lana had married a good looking lawyer three years back. I had seen a story about it online.

"And?" she asked as if I had asked if the sun came up from the east or not.

"Lana, I know screwing around on your spouse is all the rage with many people, but I'm not one of those people."

"Oh please Norris. You fucked a ton of women before me and Amber. You know many of them were married right?"

"If they were Lana, I didn't know."

"You mean you didn't check?"

"No Lana, I didn't check. What's this all about?"

"Nothing special Norris. I was thinking about you and thought you and I could hook up. You know. Old times sake. Some fun between or over the sheets?"

"I don't think so Lana." I replied with disappointment.

"Oh don't you look down at me Norris Griggs," she said now with an angry tone and hung up.

I sat there staring at my phone for a while and went back to work. I had a hard time concentrating on reviewing business reports and went for a walk. Our corporate HQ was next to one of our locations, so I walked around as people exercised and socialized. We had a coffee shop in each of our locations where people met often after workouts. I heard it was almost a meat market in some of our locations. But I was not surprised. People who worked out liked to show off their bodies and that led to personal attractions and... more.

I caught a few women looking at me and one or two smiled as I walked past. I returned their smiles and kept going. After all they were customers and I was still the face of the company. But by now, word had gotten out that I was divorced, and the vultures were circling. It was sad that Lana had reduced herself to one of those marriage scavengers. I had hopes she was better than that.

I had not been with a woman for so long, I didn't even think I would know how to go about it. The thought of another failure kept me from even bothering. But it was more than that. I missed Amber.

It took about six months for the anger for her to fade. Then it took another three months for me to accept my part in what had happened between us. I was still getting reports about her from my investigators. At first I excused my interest in her as purely keeping track of my children's mother. What she did could affect them. But it was more than that, I just didn't have the nerve to admit it. I still cared about her. I still had her picture on my desk. Granted, it was a picture of her with the kids, but still, her smile made my heart skip.

Her mother had not once given me grief about my relationship with Amber and the divorce. At first I thought it was so she could stay near her grandchildren. But as time passed and we talked more often I think she stayed for another reason. To be a conduit for communication between myself and Amber if needed. And the day came that Karen did her part. She let me know Amber would be visiting for a week before Christmas.

I debated talking to her for days, but in the end I was drawn to her like moths are to flame. Amber and I had unfinished business.

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After talking to Amber at Karen's

I ran out of Karen's apartment after finally coming clean with Amber. I was ashamed of how I had let my pride and ego destroy my marriage. Should I have talked to her like my therapist had advised? Should I have brough her to the therapy sessions? Would she have understood? Would I have solved my guilt issues with Amber by my side? Would I had been able to get over my guilt and been able to perform again in bed with Amber? I would never know now, because I had done none of those things.

My therapist said that my guilt over what happened in Iraq led me to believe I did not deserve Amber. And that led to my erectile disfunction issues. After months of therapy I had come to terms with it. I know, you are thinking I'm an idiot for taking the blame that my wife eventually cheated on me. But. I had my hand in it.

We men let our egos do our thinking in such cases. How could she do this to me? How could she fuck another guy? Well, in my case, I practically pushed her to it. I not only cut my wife off for months sexually, but I cut her off emotionally. I refused to let her know what was happening to me. And... I knew, I knew that my wife has a high sex drive. What did I expect would happen after I cut this healthy oversexed woman off from sex? It's a miracle that she lasted three months without getting laid.

And in my anger at Amber for finding sexual relief in another man's arms, I had let her feel guilty for months after I divorced her. To an outsider it was clear cut. The bitch had cheated on her husband. Let her burn. Let her suffer.

I know that now as I am running away from her and my shame. Shame not just of how I had let our marriage fall apart, but also because I had found solace and the ability to get it up again. Only I did it in the arms of another woman. Not my wife.

It was that guilt that made me run away from her. I ran before I could confess that I could have sex again and that I had not let my wife be the one to help me through it and be the one in my bed.

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The other woman

To say I was a mess would be an understatement. And it was that mess some time ago that had led me to do something totally stupid. It started soon after Karen had seen my erection. What else.

I started avoiding her gaze and tried walking around her. The embarrassment was not the half of it. I found myself having erotic dreams about Karen. No love, nothing like that, but pure unadulterated fuck dreams. In my dreams she and I were alone and having wild animal sex. They were the first sex dreams I had for some time and they were with the only woman I had contact and trusted the last eight months. I guess if you spent that much time with a person of the opposite sex as your only confidant in close quarters, you get to think of them that way.

No? You're not buying it? Well, you go with out for over a year, think you'll never get it up and when you do, there is a beautiful older woman around that gives you suggestive looks and what do you think will happen?

"Norris," Karen said snapping me out of my thoughts. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" I snapped back to earth.

"I was talking to you and you were staring... at my legs."

Did I say she had a short flower print dress on that day that rode up her thighs as she sat on the couch? OK, well now I have. Where were we? Yes. Karen, dress riding up, thighs.

"I'm sorry," I stammered.

But I stared again. And I was fucken hard as a rock. But what scared me was what would happen if I was with a woman and then had a failure like when it all started with Amber. The pitcher winds up, the toss and swing and a miss. Batter, you're out!

"I'm scared Karen," I finally replied.

"Of what?" she asked.

I could swear by the look on her face she had wanted to say, "scared of what stupid."

It was not easy for me to say this, but if anyone was close enough to me to understand it was Karen. There was no one else really and the Doc was too condescending.

"What if I can't..."

"Can't what?" She asked.

"You know," I replied looking down at my groin.

"Oh my," she said with a sad look. "You still have problems with that?"

That. Yes That. THAT was the 800 pound gorilla in any room I was in. The reason of all these problems.

"I get hard but am not sure if I can go all the way."

To her credit, Karen didn't laugh or chastise me. Instead she looked at me with empathy and nodded. I could tell she was thinking about something as she continued looking into my eyes.

"There is only one way to find out," she said and stood.

I stared at her in amazement as she reached to the bottom of her dress and began pulling it over her head. What, the, fu...!

"Karen, what are you doing?"

Now I have to say something about Karen. She may be forty nine, but she has the figure of a woman in her early thirties or younger. It must be the genes in that family, but the females have the svelte blond look down to an art. Karen is an older version of Amber and it showed as she tossed the dress on the floor showing me her tits in a nude color bra.

"This is a one time and one time only event Norris Griggs. You and I are not related, and I am not currently your mother in law. So we are going to road test your equipment and get some of those doubts out of your head about performance. And don't give me any crap. I have seen you staring at me the last couple of months and rearranging yourself in your pants."

She grabbed her pantyhose pulling them down while stepping out of her shoes. I was stunned to silence as she turned her back to me and pulled her hose down revealing a pair of black panties, that covered little. I was stunned at her figure. She was almost fifty!

I stared not able to move as she pulled her pantyhose off and tossed them over to her dress. Then she came closer and knelt before me. I couldn't believe what was happening. More than that, I couldn't believe what was happening inside my pants. My dick... was hard!

I stared down at my groin which led Karen to follow my eyes. Realizing the effect she had on me, she gave me a smirk and reached behind herself to undo her bra. She pulled it and arched her back making her breasts jut out toward me.

I could tell you that it was the fact that I had not seen a naked woman for a year. Or that it was the forbidden notion of seeing my now ex mother in law topless. But to be honest, she just had a great set of boobs with hard brown sugar colored nipples that begged to be touched and sucked.

Karen never stopped looking at me with that devilish grin of hers as she reached to unbuckle my belt. My zipper was next. I gasped as she pulled my jeans apart and placed her hand on my tented boxers. Her eyes popped open as she hefted my covered tool.

"Well, if you can get it up for this almost fifty year old woman, imagine what you will do for someone younger. Probably cream in your pants before she gets undressed."

I was glad she didn't say Amber's name.

"I may cream my pants now Karen," I managed to reply as she pulled both my pants and boxers waiting for me to lift my ass off the couch.

When I did, she pulled my clothes off in one motion and stared at my cock. She made a face showing approval of what she saw nodding.

"Not bad," she said. "No wonder Amber loved screwing you."

Before I could reply, her hands reached for me. It had been a while since I had sex with a woman nor did I anticipating having any soon; so I had not trimmed or shaved my nether regions. Karen didn't seem to mind as she hefted my balls gently and then reached for my shaft. I just stared like a teenager being woman-handled by his perverted teacher.

"Karen are you sure about this?"

"Are you feeling guilty or something? You're divorced. A free man and I am a free woman."

I hesitated to answer. She wasn't having any of it.

"I haven't gotten laid in months Norris." She said holding my balls and shaft as if she was checking fruit at the market. "Don't spoil this for me OK?"

I sat back afraid I would cum since I hadn't even tried jerking off in since, I could not remember when. Her hand started to stroke up and down making me tense. It felt amazing. Her fingers held me with just the right amount of pressure; fitting around me like a glove. OK, I had been jerked off by a woman before. Key word BEFORE. This was different. Karen was different.

I would be lying if I were to say I had never seen Karen as a woman even during the days I was married to her daughter Amber. Who hasn't taken a peak at their mother in law. Especially when their mother in law was a beautiful woman in her own right.

"Karen," I said. "What about protection?"

"Seriously!" she asked. "You haven't had sex in over a year and I... lets not go there. Plus, my tubes were tied many years ago. Are we good?"

I just nodded as she stood, pulled her panties down and straddled me. She leaned over me, took my cock in her hand and rubbed my head on her cunt lips. Damned if she wasn't shaved clean!

"Is that recent or are you always shaved?" I asked.

"Recent. I was wondering when you and I were going to do this. I've been waiting a while."

I sighed as she moved down impaling herself on my hard cock. It felt so good to be inside a woman again. She was the oldest woman I had ever been with, but she felt great inside. And her tits were right in front of my face. When one of her nipples got close to my mouth I could not resist. It felt great to suck on tits again. To feel the heft of breasts in my hands again. To feel a woman ride me again. Just then, I forgot all about Iraq, Rivera and Pearlman, the company, the world and even Amber.

Its not that I stopped loving her. Its that she was not there, and Karen was. Oh shit! I thought just after that gem of a thought crossed my mind. It was just what Amber's guy friend had said.

"Norris, don't be so hard on her. It was just sex. She still loves you."

The thing is that just like my wife had been deprived of sex and sought it in the arms of her college fuck buddy, I was doing the same with her mother of all people.

Two things happened that night.

First. Karen and I fucked all night like it was the end of the world. We both had not had sex for some time, so we were both hungry. We fed at the all you can eat sex buffet and went for seconds and thirds. In the middle of the night, we went for fourths. And I found out that my equipment was checked out at 100% functionality.

Second and most important, I realized that my wife's dalliance with the NBC reporter who I had met was just sex as she had said, and he had confirmed. I understood that now because her mother and I were having that kind of sex. Sex is not love. But love needs honesty if it is to survive.

Amber and I had not been honest with one another. Not about her going for "just sex" with her fuck buddy and I not talking to her about my problems and shutting her out.

If she and I were to ever have a chance again, the issue of honest communication, had to be addressed.

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How it started with Amber.

I had it all. The sterling reputation of war hero. Medal of Honor recipient. Successful businessman. Most wanted bachelor, top ten list of 2013 by Business Insider. CEO of Delta Fitness; a growing fitness franchise. And husband to "the" Amber Jones of Fox News. Yeah, that Amber Jones.

We were wealthy, healthy, and probably one of the hottest couples in society pages. Before Amber and I became an item and married, I dated movie stars, TV personalities, two supermodels and a US Olympic team track star. You know the one. Yeah, the hot sprinter; Lana Spiros. Greek Lightning herself. A stunning brunette with the face of Aphrodite and the body to rival a supermodel's.

But it was Amber who stole my heart that one day when I appeared on Fox and Friends. She wasn't even supposed to be there that day. But she was and all it took was one glance by her and I felt my heart skip a beat. I learned later that she got so flustered she forgot to ask me the question she was supposed to, and Steve D. stepped in gracefully to pick up the slack until Amber began talking. The guys on the show could tell that there was chemistry between us; the kind that starts reactions.

She was still on camera when I was ushered out, but Amber gave me this look that made me think there was something between us. You know that look. The we are not done look. I had an appointment to do some promo shoots at our New York location, but I called and postponed it. Tossing caution to the wind, I asked a show producer if I could just watch the last fifteen minutes of the show and was told to do so quietly.

"I would like to talk to Ms. Jones after," I asked the woman producer. "Is that possible?"

"I thought you would," she replied rolling her eyes. "I'll tell her you are waiting as soon as she is done. Wait here."

I watched as Amber and the guys bantered about the day's news and they told her she was welcome to come back anytime. She was so in her element. I think Amber was born to be in front of cameras.

Then the show was over, and I saw the lady producer whisper something in Amber's ear. Her response was one of surprise. "Really?" I saw her mouth and she smiled when the woman pointed toward me by the door. Amber let the technician take the mike off her and stood to walk to me.

"Captain Griggs!" she said using my retired military rank. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

"Please," I said. "Call me Norris."

"Norris it is," she said and blushed.

I know, I am the same Norris Griggs who was dating Greek Lightning. But this was Amber Jones. And when Amber Jones blushes at you... well, lets say I was stunned. No offense to any woman I had dated before, but I think at that moment, there was no other woman in the world. There was something about Amber even on our first day together that told me she was special. I know it because I found myself tongue tied and nervous. Me! Nervous?

We went to breakfast, brunch for Amber after having been up since three am. It felt like I was talking to an old friend. And one that was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. I know. People think that all the make up and the lighting make TV women look hotter than they are. But Amber blew that myth out of the water as we sat there in person. We talked for three hours with me doing a lot of listening until Amber yawned.