Aislynn

Aislynn looked at him a little alarmed.

He stood and offered her a hand and she took it to get up, but he held it even after and led her out back. The backyard was huge and there was a large garden and a walkway with a bridge over a coy pond. He walked her all the way out to the back under a few cherry blossom trees and sat down on a glider, pulling her to sit with him.

He smiled as he sat back and she watched him a moment before speaking. "I... I know I am a pain in the ass, but... I can't rock. It makes me dizzy and nauseated."

"Oh, right, sorry!" he said quickly, stopping the glider. "How long have you had these issues?"

"Since I was seven?"

He nodded. "So, besides what you take for your stomach issues... what do you take? For your anxiety and PTSD and depression?"

Aislynn blinked and turned to look at him in shock. "Are... you spying on me?!?"

"No! No, I'm sorry! It may be none of my business, Sarah, but... it's what I do. I'm a psychologist. It's pretty easy to recognize the signs in you. Especially the PTSD and the way you react to things."

"Oh... umm... I don't really want to talk about it."

"I only ask because they don't seem to be working like they should. My guess is you tell your doctor you are fine and everything is working because you don't want to trouble him."

"Her... umm..."

"Sorry, I shouldn't assume. I'm sorry I'm being nosy, but you understand, right?"

"Sure. Your daughters are important to you. Umm..."

Aislynn did something then that she had never imagined she would do. She took his phone and pulled up the old article and handed the phone to him.

"This girl... This Aislynn... it's you?"

She nodded.

"Wow, I am sorry this happened to you."

"That's... not all," she whispered, taking the phone. She pulled up the next article. "They put me in witness protection and changed my name. He... found me," she managed, handing him the phone again.

"Oh... Oh Sarah, I am so sorry! This can't be easy for you. And you have never told anyone, have you? You have been carrying this burden alone. Are you still in witness protection?"

"No... Not really. I ran last time. They found me once, I wanted to disappear even from their radar. The leader of the organization was killed, so... I am certain no one is looking for me anymore, but... I see him sometimes. I know he is dead, but... Sometimes I feel bad. He wouldn't have hurt me, just kidnapped me again and make me be his girlfriend. I killed him so he wouldn't... was that fair? I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but I still shot him, I was so afraid of him getting his hands on me again."

"Sarah, this isn't your fault. Of course you had a right to defend yourself, that man was huge! I would have been afraid too! You weren't only justified, you were right to do it! Look at the things he had done! Murder, assault, rape. He was an awful person besides kidnapping a girl and terrorizing her. Sarah, look at me please? You made a hard choice, but it was the right choice. You are safe now and look at you! Putting yourself out there again. Letting people know you. That's a huge and amazing step, I am proud of you. Thank you for trusting me, Sarah, I won't betray it. All of this being said, I have a colleague you can talk to, she is pretty great and I know she is trustworthy. She's who I go to. You don't have to be afraid to open up to her and tell her everything."

"Maybe," Aislynn whispered. "Can we change the subject?"

"Of course. Look at me a moment? Thank you, Sarah for talking to me about this."

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Anything."

"Can you call me Aislynn? Or Ace? When we are alone. It's been so long since I heard my own name."

"Absolutely and thank you for allowing me to. Aislynn... Ace. Not sure Ace suits you."

"It used to," she answered, looking away.

"I bet. So, Aislynn... maybe I shouldn't be asking, but do you think I could kiss you?"

She turned and looked up at him, blushing. She nodded, smiling softly and he grinned, leaning in to kiss her gently. He didn't press it or linger, he just stroked her cheek softly after and then stood up, helping her up as well.

She felt so much lighter, so much more at ease now having all of that off of her shoulders.

She had told someone! And he hadn't run yet.

He pulled her to sit close to him on the couch as they watched the movie and partway in he put an arm around her and pulled her close in a little squeezing hug. He left his arm there and she let her head rest on his shoulder, not paying attention to the movie. She closed her eyes and let herself feel how good it felt to touch another human being, to be held again. He stroked her arm with his thumb and she felt so calm and content. So much different than she had felt in the last ten years. Not afraid, just... at ease.

The movie ended and she quickly sat up so the girls wouldn't say anything, though she was sure they had probably seen already. Lee squeezed her arm gently before letting her go and getting up.

"Alright girls. Mikki, bedtime, Dani don't stay up past 11 reading please."

"Daddy, can I read for a while too? Mikki asked pleadingly.

"Michaela, did I ask you to do something."

She pouted, but hugged him before running off to go to bed. Dani gave them both a grin before leaving and Aislynn looked at Lee a little unsure now.

Alone.

It had been a long time since she was alone with someone like this, even if the girls were in their rooms.

He put the movie in and sat down, giving her space like he knew she needed it.

She curled up in her corner and he got up and got her a blanket from the chair. She grinned at him and cuddled in. She started out giggling at the cheesy movie, but soon she was hiding her eyes and making 'eeewe' songs as it got gory and gross. She kicked her feet at a bad one and laughed as she squeezed her eyes shut. He chuckled at her and pulled her close to him.

"How can you watch all of that?" she demanded, still laughing.

"It's all fake! Corn syrup, jello, fake blood. None of it's real."

"It still LOOKS gross and UGH! The sounds! I can hear it squishing! Gross!"

He laughed again and turned her face to his, kissing her.

It shocked her enough that she went completely still.

It was more passionate than the soft kiss from earlier and his hands pulled her in tight against him and slid across her back and up to her hair. His mouth teased hers as he took her out of her own mind and she stopped hearing the movie or anything else. There was nothing but him as she gripped his arms and kissed him back. He laid her back on the couch, moving over her as he held her under him and kissed her more passionately and full of need.

He needed her. She could feel that in him. It wasn't a need for someone, anyone to feel the void, but for her specifically. He wanted her.

That made her feel a deeper warmth all over for him because she felt the same way. She needed him, he made her feel human again. The first person to make her want to be normal again.

He pulled back slightly and kissed her jaw and neck, then her lips again. "Baby, you are so amazing," he whispered, then kissed along her jaw again.

"You aren't a baby," Cutter snapped angrily. "Why do you let him call you that? You know I hate it."

Aislynn turned fearfully, looking at Cutter sitting there watching her with a scowl.

"That should be me," he snarled.

"What are you doing here?" she cried. "Get out! Get out and leave me alone!"

"I will never leave you alone, you are mine. You know that. I said so, I said you were mine and you know you are. Forever."

"Please! Please just leave me alone and let me have peace! Let me be happy!" she sobbed, curling up and hiding her face, willing him away.

"Aislynn. Sarah, please. Aislynn, you are here with me, here in my house with me. No one else is here, it's just us, just me and you. Me and you all alone and you are safe. I will keep you safe, always, I will never let anyone hurt you again. Aislynn? Can you look at me please? There she is," he said gently. "Are you back here with me?"

Aislynn nodded too quickly. "Yeah, yes, I'm ok. I'm fine," she whispered, wriggling away from him quickly.

He let her go and moved back, giving her space.

"Would you like to finish the movie or do you want me to turn it off?" he asked, still speaking soothingly. "I can make you some tea, I have some chamomile here. Do you want the lights on?"

"I'm ok," she said quickly, her eyes wide and unblinking as she shivered.

"Baby, can you look at me?"

"He doesn't like that! He doesn't like it when you call me that."

"He?"

"Cutter."

"The man who took you? Kidnapped you?"

"Yes."

"Ok, no problem. Aislynn, will you look at me? Thank you. It's just me and you here in this room right now. Dani and Mikki are upstairs. No one else is here. Just me and you and this cheesy movie. Cutter is gone, dead. He's been dead for a while now. You know that he is dead, you saw it happen. The news reported it, there was a funeral. You know that he is dead and gone and you know that the dead cannot come back. Right?"

"I know."

"Good. You know that when you see him, when you feel like you are with him or he is with you, that is just your mind coping and remembering. Can you look at me, Aislynn? Thank you. Do you know that?"

"I know."

"May I touch you, Aislynn? Hold your hand?"

"Yeah. Yes please."

He moved closer and took hold of her hand with both of his as he looked down at her in concern. "Do you have your meds with you?"

"Yeah. yes, they are in my bag."

"Sit tight, I will get your bag and make you some tea. You... want to come in the kitchen with me while I make it?"

"Yes please."

"Come on," he smiled, helping her up.

He turned every light on as he went to the kitchen and sat her at the island to make tea. She got her pills out and he saw how badly she was shaking as she lined them up on the counter.

He was quiet as she sipped her tea and took her pills, but after, he moved closer to her and held her hand again. "I know you are about to ask to go home now, Aislynn, but I would like it if you would stay just a little longer. Just until you settle down and I know you are alright. Can you stay for a while?"

"Yeah," she whispered, looking down. She had been about to ask to leave now.

"You want to finish the movie or maybe watch something funny and silly?"

"We can finish the movie, it doesn't bother me," she whispered.

She followed him back to the living room and he turned off all the lights, but turned on the one in the half bath and cracked the door to let a little light in from somewhere besides the TV. He sat and started the movie and when he did, she moved closer to him and cuddled against him, laying on his lap.

He pulled her up on his lap and hugged her close as he laid down on the couch and pulled her in tight against him. She lay on his arm and stared through the TV as he held her. His arms felt good. Solid and strong and warm. Nice. his hands were gentle as he stroked her arms and ever so often, he would turn his head and kiss the top of her head and nuzzle her comfortingly.

She closed her eyes again to just bask in the feeling of human contact and let out a deep sigh of contentment.

She opened her eyes to Dani grinning at her from the chair and daylight.

She sat up, stunned, looking around.

Lee woke up, blinking, then went up on one elbow. "You ok?"

"I... I slept!"

"Yeah," he smiled. "We both fell asleep."

"I slept!" she cried again, looking at him in elation. "I slept without having to take anything!"

He gave her a cockeyed grin and squeezed her hand. "I'm glad, Sarah, truly. That's amazing. How do you feel?"

"I... my neck hurts, but I feel good! I slept!" she said again, wondrously.

Dani giggled. "Sunday is bagel day! We get whatever kind we want and daddy always takes our orders like a waiter and serves them like he made them himself on plates. It never gets old."

"I..."

"It's true," Lee cut in, stopping Aislynn from saying she needed to go home. "It's my version of cooking. So what'll it be, Miss? Cinnamon raisin? Cranberry orange? Sesame seed?"

Aislynn smiled and shook her head. "Plain with plain cream cheese."

"I should have guessed!" he laughed. "Ok Dani, where's Mikki?"

"Watching cartoons."

Aislynn was still smiling as Lee left to go pick up their orders. Dani came and sat next to her on the couch and nudged her with her shoulder, still smirking. "Sooo?"

"So what?"

"Did you guys... you know?"

"No! No, wow. He'd probably faint if he knew you asked that!"

"I know," she giggled. "Did you at least kiss?"

"I... he kissed me. He asked first, then kissed me," Aislynn smiled.

Dani giggled and clapped her hands. "I'm so glad! I thought he'd never date again."

"He must have been really torn up over your mom," Aislynn replied sadly.

Dani's face went sober and she looked down.

"Do you miss her?" Aislynn asked softly.

"No," Dani answered emphatically, shocking Aislynn. "I mean, I know that sounds horrible and I'm going to hell or whatever, but... she sucked as a person. Don't get me wrong, I loved her in a way, but... she wasn't nice. She never treated daddy well, always yelling at him, nothing was ever good enough. She picked fights just to keep him miserable. I wished so bad that he would divorce her, but he never did. He just took it. I think that's why he never dated, he didn't think women were worth it. He was afraid of being stuck with another mom."

"He must have seen something in her once."

"They dated since highschool, got married as soon as she turned 18. For as long as I can remember all they did was fight. Well, she fought. She yelled. Daddy wouldn't fight, he always tried to calm her down and talk to her, but that just made her call him names. She would say he was condescending to her, acting like she was being over the top and he was better than she was. Then she would say he thought she was weak and couldn't handle him yelling back. Things like that, always something. It sucked. Daddy never lost his temper that I can remember. He left a few times when she got real mad and threw things at him, he'd go take a walk until she calmed down, then he would come back. When she died... I was relieved. I felt bad about that, but... I was relieved Mikki would never have to see the really bad side of her. She can remember when mom was super nice and happy. After the tumor changed her. She was always laughing and making jokes and smiling all the time. Me and daddy didn't know why she was so different and we didn't know why until after. He blamed himself, said he should have known. Seen the signs. He'd thought she had suddenly decided to try. To stop being so miserable and try to be happy. He should have known something was wrong. For a while, I hoped he might date a lady he worked with, she was nice and always coming over, but daddy said they were just friends. Then I met her girlfriend and I felt like an idiot. She was dad's therapist. She's the one who told us we should move here, make a new start. It had been forever and he still wasn't moving on. She had an old classmate who was out here and had some tough cases he specialized in so he moved out here and picked them up and sort of retired to be a mostly stay at home dad. The day he met you though... he just sort of lit up. He wasn't pretending to be happy for us anymore, he was really smiling. Even when we weren't right in front of him. It's super cool. Wow. Sorry for all the word vomit..."

"No, it's ok. It probably felt good to talk about it a little."

"Yeah, I guess. I feel bad about not missing mom some, but also not really. Mostly I wish that she had been someone I could miss. Does that make sense?"

"Of course."

"Is your mom nice?"

Aislynn smiled sadly. "I don't know, but I don't think so. She left when I was too little to remember her, left me with my dad. He did the best he could though. He spoiled me and always made me happy. I never felt like I was missing out."

"That's cool. So... do you like daddy?"

Aislynn smiled, blushing. "He's pretty amazing."

"Even if he is older?"

"He isn't that much older, but yeah."

"Is he cuter than your ex?"

Aislynn shrugged. "It's been a long time, my last boyfriend was in college. He was my highschool sweetheart. He was cute, but in a jock kind of way. Your dad is kind of nerd cute hot."

"You haven't dated since college? How long ago?"

Aislynn shrugged. "What about you? Any cute boys to speak of?"

Dani grinned. "Don't tell Daddy, but there is a boy. David Harper. He was at the trivia event?"

"I know David, he is big into true crime novels and alternate history fantasy."

"Yeah, that's him!"

"He is super cute and smart too. Isn't he a little older than you?"

"A little, not too much though. We snap each other a lot and he flirts with me."

"Order up!" Lee called, coming in. "Mikki! Grubs on!"

Aislynn was quiet as she ate her bagel and listened to the girls talking. It felt good to be there, to be a part of all of it.

Dani leaned up. "Sarah? We are going to the ride through jurassic exhibit at the stadium this afternoon, you should come!"

Aislynn shook her head quickly. "Oh, no, no thanks. I really can't and not just because I don't do well in cars. I have to get home and get a ton done before work tomorrow. I have to go as soon as breakfast is over, the buses will be running by then."

"I can take you home," Lee said quickly.

"No, it's cool, I prefer the bus."

"Really, Sarah, I insist. I want to take you home."

"It lets me get my exercise, walking to the bus stops and it's so nice outside. There's no reason to trouble you when I do better on the bus, really. I want to ride the bus."

"How far do you live?" Dani asked, picking at the last few bites of her bagel.

"Other side of town, on the outskirts. A simple little house but it suits me."

"Cool, maybe we can hang out soon," Dani smiled. "Hey! We should start a book club! Like a YA book club for the books we like!"

"That sounds like a perfect thing for you to set up and organise!" Aislynn told her, her heart happy. "I really do need to go though. Thanks for breakfast, I will see you all Wednesday?"

"Oh! I should get your number and we can text!" Dani said, jumping up.

Aislynn half smiled. "I have a land line at home, no texting."

"How do you get ahold of your friends?"

"If I am not at home, I am at work, and... I work with my friend."

"Oh, wow, really?"

"Dani," Lee chided. "Let's table this until next time? I will walk you to your bus stop, Sarah."

"You don't have to..."

"I want to," he promised, walking her out. He got to the sidewalk then looked at her. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Sorry about last night... the breakdown and falling asleep both."

"Don't be! I'm glad I could be there for you and I am super happy you felt comfortable enough with me that you could sleep. Aislynn... you can trust me. I promise you. You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything."

"I'm not," she said softly, looking up at him earnestly.

"Including where you live," he said softly.

She blushed and looked down. "I just... No one has been to where I live since... I mean, I had roommates sometimes when I was afraid to be alone, but after... after that night, I always lived alone and no one ever got to know where I lived. P.O. boxes and fake addresses on the applications. I... it's a hard thing to do because I can't undo it."

"I understand. Have a good day, Aislynn," he said gently. He bent and kissed the top of her head, then walked home with his hands in his pockets.

She wondered if she would ever see him again now that he knew how much of a mess she was. He probably didn't want her around his girls.

The next day at work, a dozen roses were delivered to her along with a big fuzzy blanket that had a card attached.