Aislynn

'Yours, but to leave at my house so you know you have something to curl up with besides me.'

She smiled and set the roses out to display and went about her morning. She was surprised when he come in at lunch time and brought her lunch with a mischievous grin. He handed her the book she had given him. "It was amazing! I am going to need the next book!"

"I will get it for you," she laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"Bringing you lunch and getting the next book?"

"Where are the girls?"

"Dani is watching Mikki for me, Mikki was reading about cryptids? She wants to hunt and find a sasquatch."

"Nice. Here, this is the second book, and here's the third as well."

"Perfect. I also wanted to ask you about your plans for Friday?"

"A book?"

"Boo. No, you are coming over, I have something planned for you."

"What?"

"You'll see!" he laughed. "Blanket," he demanded, pointing at the blanket he'd sent her.

She only smiled and shook her head, handing it over.

He was grinning as he left.

Wednesday, Dani was talking a million miles a minute about how excited she was about Friday but Mikki wouldn't talk at all.

"Daddy told her not to spill the beans and she wants to tell you so daddy said if she's afraid of saying it out loud she shouldn't talk at all. So what time are you coming over on Friday?"

"Not sure, what time should I be there?" Aislynn asked with an amused smile.

"Early. Super early so we can hang out!"

Aislynn was starting to get super anxious about Friday, badly enough that when Lee called her at work on Thursday, she told her coworker to say she was on break. He left a message that it started at 5 on Friday. She went home and had every intention of flaking and not going, she was too nervous. She hated surprises. She had trouble going to sleep even with her medication and she woke up early feeling sick to her stomach.

She decided by nine that she wasn't going to go. The decision made her feel better, it took a huge weight off of her shoulders, even if she knew the girls might be disappointed.

That decided, she curled up in her jammies with a blanket and a cup of tea and opened a book.

She was lost in it when the doorbell rang. She frowned and looked at the clock. 10 AM. About the time the mail came, but the mail lady only rang if she had a package. She wasn't expecting anything.

She peeked out the door with the chain on and Lee grinned down at her.

She stared, her eyes wide as she took stock of herself. Her old, ratty t-shirt that was so soft and thin it was see through, the pajama pants that were so big on her they seconded as socks like footie pajamas. Her hair and wild curls piled on top of her head in a very very messy messy bun. She probably looked like a homeless person.

"Wh... what are you doing here?!?" she demanded breathlessly. "How do you know where I live?!?"

His grin never wavered and his eyes were shining. "I did a little investigating."

She closed her mouth. "You followed the bus."

"I followed the bus," he agreed, still laughing. "You gonna let me in?"

"No..." she answered softly, shutting the door. She paused a moment, then undid the lock and opened her door, stepping back so he could come in. SHe stared down at the ground, her face burning with shame as he stepped in.

"Hey," he said softly as she shut the door.

"Hey..."

"You doing ok?"

"I thought you said it wasn't until 5?"

"It is, but I knew you were going to talk yourself into cancelling. So this is your place. It's adorable. As tidy as I knew it would be and as full of books as i knew it would be," he grinned. "I love the color scheme."

"What color scheme?"

"Exactly," he grinned. "I think you have every color imaginable in here. It's like a gypsy wagon threw up in here, I love it. It's very cozy."

"Thanks."

"Super eclectic. A little victorian, a little far east, a little middle east."

"Yeah."

"You ok?"

"Why are you here??"

"Like I said, I knew you would cancel and the girls worked pretty hard on this. I am here for moral support, spend a little calming time with you to let you know it's nothing to stress over. Wanna sit down?"

"I... was just reading a bit. Umm... I'm not really dressed..."

"You look fantastic to me," he shrugged. "And I am NOT just saying that," he told her, his eyes taking her in.

She crossed her arms quickly, hiding her chest and he chuckled.

"Not for that reason alone," he teased, "though the view is nice. Look at me please, Aislynn? You want to sit down?"

"Ok," she answered quietly, still reeling.

There was someone in her house.

Her house.

Her safe place that no one knew about. No one.

Now he knew and it wasn't her safe place anymore.

Was it?

She didn't feel like it was a horrible thing that he knew... He was safe. He would never hurt her and he would never let anyone hurt her.

"Aislynn? Did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I asked if you wanted to talk about why you are so upset?"

"I don't. Umm, I'm fine. Umm... do you want a drink? I have tea, water or milk."

"Water would be great, thank you."

It was so alien to Aislynn, getting a drink for someone in her home. Having a guest. It felt unreal to her. She brought him out the glass and he took it with a mile.

"Thank you, Aislynn. Are you ok?"

"Yeah... I just..."

"I know. Come sit down here with me."

Aislynn sat down and looked down at her hands, feeling awkward.

"Hey, can you look at me?"

She looked up at him and he gave her a gentle smile.

"Tell me about why you picked this neighborhood."

"I like it."

"It's very remote out here, you are almost considered where the city leaves off and the country starts."

"It's quiet."

"I bet. Your neighbors are all mostly retired, grandkids, travel a lot?"

"Yeah?"

"It's sort of considered a gated retirement community without it literally being one."

"Yeah. It's safe... no one bothers me here."

"I can see how they wouldn't. Is it a little lonely out here?"

"No... I always have a friend with me," she answered, thumbing her book.

"Yeah. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"You are starting to get that spooked look again. Do you think you would want to move closer over here and I could just hug you for a minute? Hold you for a little while?"

She eased closer, a little wary of him. Was he about to try something?

Did she care?

She let him turn her around facing away from him and pulled her back against his chest. He laid back on her sofa so she was laying on him slightly, her back to his chest. He put his arms around her gently.

"Ok, Aislynn. We are going to just breathe for a little while. I will count to five and we will breathe in the entire time. I will count to seven and we will breathe out. Ok? Big, long, slow breaths, relax as much as you can," he said gently, his voice soothing. He began counting and she closed her eyes as he held her and breathed with him.

She felt herself getting less stressed, calm taking over. She felt herself relaxing into him and going languid as his voice whispered to her, guided her. After a while, he stopped talking, but they kept breathing, and then he just held her.

She was relaxed enough to fall asleep, but he felt so good. His body felt amazing under her. She wanted to hold on to the moment, afraid she would never have it again. She wanted to relish every second.

After a long while, she began feeling uncomfortable, her back hurting, so she rolled, turning to her stomach to lay draped over him. He hugged her close against him and stroked her back gently.

"How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

"Good. Like I could stay right here all day."

"Mmm. I like the sound of that. I have a few errands to run for this evening, do you think you feel up to going with me? I would love it if you did."

"Ummm..."

"Why don't you get dressed? Come on with me and run a few small errands. Little ones."

Aislynn got up and went to her room to get dressed. When she came out, he was in her kitchen, looking at her vintage appliances.

"These are in amazing shape, where did you find these?" he asked, running his hand over the fridge.

"Reproductions. They look vintage but they are new."

"I love the whole 50's feel in here," he offered, meandering out.

She watched him walk right back to her bedroom and she followed him.

"Wow," he commented, looking around. "I feel like I am in a jungle or woods or something. Woods with houses built in," he said wondrously as he looked at the mural she'd painted on the wall.

"It's Lothlorien," she half whispered.

"What is that?"

She blinked and stared at him in horrified shock. "The elven city? Near the Misty Mountains? You've never read Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit?!?"

"Oh... No. Sorry," he smiled. "But I am almost done with the second book in the series you suggested. I like it so far."

"You've never even seen the movies?"

"I think they have been on while I was in the room, but we had guests over at the time and we talked through it."

Aislynn made a noise of despair.

"I see a movie in our future?" he teased.

"Marathon. A movie marathon!"

"Well, wherever it is, this place looks peaceful and relaxing. I love all the green in here, it's very zen. Your house is pretty perfect for you, I love it."

"Thanks..." she offered, pulling her hair down to brush it.

"Oh... wow. Wow! I've never seen you with your hair down, you always have it up and twisted into a bun."

"Yeah... it gets in the way and it's hard to keep tidy."

"All those curls, I bet. You really do look lovely."

"Thanks," she answered, her face heating with the compliment. She quickly brushed her hair and put it back up while he looked around her room.

He led her out to his car, holding her hand and got in, smiling at her. "Hungry? Want to stop and get a coffee and bagel?"

"I don't do caffeine."

"Good for you, I wish I could live without it," he laughed.

"My stomach can't handle it."

"Makes sense. Tell me, Aislynn, how often are you triggered when you are alone?"

She shrugged, looking out the window.

"Is it just words? Smells? An event?"

"A few things... it just happens sometimes. I'm there or he's here, or I am in my room where I shot him."

"Aislynn? You aren't seeing a therapist, are you? Or anyone. You aren't medicated for your episodes or your other problems at all. Just your stomach issues."

She shrugged again and stared at the window.

"You understand how important it is that you get help? You can't live your life in a book to escape."

"I work!"

"Aislynn... you can get better. Stop seeing him at all, stop reliving it and being afraid. Stop shutting down and closing people off. Don't you want that?"

"I can't... I can't tell anyone... It would mean being found and not being safe..."

"You said no one was looking for you anymore."

"I don't think they are, and I made some friends at work... And I told you."

"You did and that was a huge first step. Monumental. I can't tell you how proud I am of you and that you chose me, but it is just a first step."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course. This series I am reading, it's your favorite?"

"Yeah."

He talked to her about other things, letting the subject go, then opened her door for her when they got to the little farmers market near the old downtown square. He smiled at her, his eyes shining as he held her hand and it made her feel a little giddy holding his hand in public.

He went from booth to booth, getting a few things and was standing and picking out peaches when a man came up.

"Lee? Hey man, how you doin?"

"Hello Van, it's good to see you!"

"You too man, this your girlfriend you were telling me about?"

Lee went stiff for a moment and Aislynn had a moment of panic. He had a girlfriend?!? Then she realized it was her. She was the girlfriend. He had been talking about her and had referred to her as his girlfriend and he had just got caught.

"Sarah," she told the man politely, smiling.

"We, um..." Lee cleared his throat, spots of color on his cheeks.

"Were just picking up some fresh fruit for the girls," she answered quickly, not wanting to put him on the spot and make him explain to the man. "Do you work with Lee?"

"Sort of," he smiled. "He freelances through my wife's office and he comes in to talk with her partner sometimes. We've gone to a few dinners and social things and Lee and I usually end up talking most the night."

"He doesn't talk about work much," she told him.

"You're a librarian, right?"

"Yes."

"I thought he was full of shit at first, you sounded too good to be true, but he was right. You are adorable. Lucky bastard!" he laughed, mock punching Lee in the arm. "We going to see you next Saturday night, Sarah?" he asked her.

"She works on Saturdays," Lee said quickly. "She heads up all the childrens activities and she makes a day of it. Mikki loves it."

"That's awesome, you must have the patience of a saint! Hey, Lee, it was great seeing you, I'm looking forward to Saturday and hearing your take on that paper."

"Me too, Van, see you then."

"Nice meeting you Sarah."

"You too," she smiled, then he was hurrying away with his bag of tomatoes. She looked up at Lee. "He seemed nice," she said, then went back to looking at peaches.

"Yeah... Ai... Sarah, I..."

"How many did you want to get?"

"Two cartons is fine," he answered mildly, still blushing slightly. He took her queue and let it go until they were back in the car. "Aislynn. About what he said..."

"It's fine, it's not a big deal, you don't have to explain. I don't care."

"I want to explain. Van... he's a man's man and he's got odd ideas about how to cure a man who he sees as broken hearted. He kept inviting his wife's single friends to everything, trying to play matchmaker, like the best way to get over loss is to replace her. I couldn't explain to him that things aren't that way for me, it's not that cut and dry. It's complicated. So I fibbed a bit and told him about you. I made it sound like we had gone out even though we hadn't yet and talked about our conversations like they were private and not public. Nothing personal, just little things. I made it out to be more than it was and I fed into it the next time I saw him too. He is no longer bringing extra women to the gatherings and he leaves it alone mostly. He's not the kind to talk about women and romantic things, so it's a few words and he lets it go."

"Complicated... because it's not about not wanting another woman, but deciding if women are even worth it?"

He looked over at her warily, a little shocked. "Yes... in so many words. It's a little more than that, but basically. It's very astute of you to notice, I didn't know I was so easy to read."

"Dani told me some of it," she admitted.

"Ahh. I see. Danielle has a very outspoken opinion of things, but also a little skewed. I love that she is so fiercely protective of me, but I wish she wouldn't be so hard on her mother. In some ways she is right, but it is more complicated than what Dani knows."

"I understand," she said softly.

He reached over and took her hand. "For what it's worth... I am much less jaded now since I found you. The joy in your face when you work with kids... it's such a beautiful thing. You have an understanding about you, an inner child that keeps you so on their level and joyous in that moment. And also... for the record... I kind of consider you my girlfriend," he teased, smiling at her with his shining eyes.

Aislynn smiled and looked out the window, her mood a little lighter than it had been a moment ago.

"That look. You think I am joking with you, don't you? I am so not teasing, Aislynn. I wouldn't bring you around my girls the way I have if I wasn't serious. I wouldn't have asked you out if I wasn't serious and ready to take the next step in my life. You understand that, right?"

Aislynn looked up at him, her eyes wide. What did she say to that?!?

"I understand," she answered softly, turning back to the window and blushing. A smiled tugged at her lips.

"Though... eventually, there is one thing you need to know about me before we take the next step."

"What?"

"It's... something you will have to see. Not real soon probably, but definitely something you will need to know."

"Now I am curious," she said lightly, smiling up at him.

"You'll have to be patient!" he laughed.

They ran the rest of his errands, then he drove her back to his house, holding her hand the entire time, his thumb stroking absently. She noticed every movement, every shift, every little squeeze, holding onto it and letting it fill her heart full.

She wanted to remember this feeling.

He pulled into his garage and opened her door for her quickly, giving her a smile that was more sexy than pleasant this time. It made her pause a moment and just look up at him in a sort of wonder.

What did he see in her? She was a broken girl with nothing and he was this handsome guy with everything.

"You gonna get out of the car?" he asked with his grin as he held his hand out.

She came to herself with a blush and took his hand, then helped him carry things inside.

"Sarah!" Mikki squealed, running to hug her. Dani was right behind her, hugging her too, which shocked her to her toes.

Kids had hugged her before, lots of them, but always at work and when she was 'in character' as she called it. Never just her.

"Hi!" she said brightly, fighting back the overwhelming feeling that she didn't deserve all of this affection.

"Did he tell you?" Mikki asked, her eyes bright.

"Tell me what?"

"About the..."

"Mikki hush!" Dani whispered loudly. "Sarah, come on!" Dani laughed, pulling her into the living room."

"I need to put these things away!" Aislynn grinned, hefting the bag she had.

"Girls, give us a few minutes, ok?" he laughed. "Let her help me in the kitchen real quick."

The girls let her go, but they followed, chattering excitedly about how much fun they were going to have.

Aislynn helped Lee pull things out of bags and washed all of the fruits and vegetables that he was about to put away without doing it. Mikki teased her for having to use the stool their cook used to reach the top shelf in the pantry. Aislynn only smiled at her, she was so used to being teased about her height.

Lee moved next to her and started cutting vegetables as she washed them and she joined him once he finished, watching what he was doing.

"Kebobs?" she asked, noting the size.

He only gave her a smirking grin and went back to what he was doing.

"What meat will you be using? Is it marinating?"

"Marinating?" he asked, confused. He dropped his knife and turned to her, his hands on his hips. "Listen you," he teasingly growled, picking her up and setting her on the counter as she giggled. "I can make them the way I always have and you can just pretend to like them! You hear me?" he asked, his joyous smile making her heart light up with an aching yearning. His smile faded slightly as he looked down at her, going more serious. She stared up at him as he looked over her face in a sort of awe. He slid his fingers up to her hair and started pulling it down, undoing her hair tie and pulling pins. It fell around her face and he dug his fingers in as he looked down at her face. He leaned in suddenly, his fingers tightening in her hair and kissed her. It was so full of need and adoration, she didn't even hesitate as her hands went to his face and she kissed him back.

It was Mikki giggling that made them let go of each other, but even then they didn't look around. They stared into each other's eyes, their heads pressed together and clutching each other close.

Mikki giggled again and Dani hissed a 'shhht!' at her.

Lee turned his head, looking over at his girls and grinning sheepishly.