All Comments on 'Al Andalus'

Pathetic nerd…always the backup…whether for Ginney or Esther…

He was the cucky backup plan! And he is happy being the rebound backup!!!

Sadly, it seems this author has passed on. He was one of the very best: someone other fine writers look up to. As for the trolls' dislike? Meh. Send 'em back to their formulaic BTBs where they don't have to think. 5*

Great tale. LP

Thomas is a loser. A bigger one to take back Esther

Pretty good story and I was able to get rid of some problems by willingly suspending my disbelief. However there is one glaring flaw: The scene where he gets turned on by this really agent at Oak Ridge we're contrived and just plain stupid I'm sorry I'm not trying to hurt your feelings what it was.

You wrote a very good story and I don't know why you threw something in his cheek and tawdry into the works as that You wrote a very good story and I don't know why you threw something as cheap and Todd Reed into the works as that.

See if you get a proofreader to read these things because you have real talent and I love the story.

Wow that was amazing.What a talented writer you are.one of the best stories I’ve ever read.I do not agree with the faulters the story is just that.magnificent in fact

Ending was lame... He was Esther's fall back and he should have walked away. She wouldn't have been there if 1) she hadn't lost an eye and 2) her lover hadn't rejected her. What is with all of these stories where the MC takes another man's scraps? She should have come back to him in a bolder manner, shown that he was who she wanted first and foremost. Seems the MC isn't first choice in anyone's mind. Disappointing ending to an otherwise fun and engaging story.

Only the one flaw, when he called to tell Ginny to leave, & he knew what she did and w whom. Major flaw. Totally. He knew better after being tracked down.

Third story of yours I have read ....annnd you are 3 for 3 for excellent story telling.

10/10!!!!

Second time for this one and I wish I could vote another five. To those that would criticize because of lapses in reality I would say this is the author’s reality and he has presented it in a beautifully wrapped package

Well done

Enjoyed the story. To those naysayers who want reality in even their fiction stuff it. Nice pace and fun adventure. I was entertained greatly. That’s why I read folks. To experience emotion and suspense and tension all those things good writers create to entertain me. Well done I am happy. Thanks John

Good yarn, well told.

For a real life story of catching foreign hackers by the person who did it I enjoyed "The cookoo's egg" by Cliff Stoll.

Others here have said enough re the story line, etc. Suffice for me, and I hope the Author also, simply to say “I liked it”! Good job.

The government basically giving credit to someone else is believable.

Ginny is another shallow idiot whom flattery will get everything. Her husband told her she was beautiful all during courtship and marriage despite her birthmark.

Then after it is gone, she forgets about his love all along and falls for the first line of crap that comes along.

I would have told her that her infidelity almost got him and several others killed. There is no coming back from that.

Extraordinary well crafted story. Remarkable pacing excellent logic train, and a series of cunningly crafted surprises. I was particularly satisfied when the key objective switched to his response to the government’s betrayal.

Masterful job… 5 stars

This was an incredible story, I thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end.

Thank you so much for sharing,

I'm not rating this work because it's so far below the normal Macomber standard. The story is good, the research is excellent, and the resolution is adequate. But, the character development is woefully shallow, and the descriptive narrative is clumsy and far below the standard that I would expect from this author. I skimmed through to get to the action sequences, just to avoid the narrative. Sorry.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

So for woman #1 he's a cuckold and a meal ticket and woman #2 he's plan B? What's there to like about this?

You belittled him most of the story and made sure he's extra small at the end.

Wonderful story. Especially interesting for me as I live only two miles the Andover Raytheon plant.

Very well written. Wish I could give it a 6

Excellent. I agree a little with nogravy re character development but also disagree somewhat. Ginny is a shallow person. We get some of her backstory in the effect of her scar, Thomas's defense of her, attention from men after its removal, etc. You develop her partly shallow character well and use it to explain her actions. We find Esther intelligent and brave during the few days they save the world together, but then much more when she meets Thomas again. And we get to know Thomas throughout, partly because the story is written in first person. But I agree with nogravy to a degree. Thomas' character is not developed to the extent you did it in the case of Father Mac. Now that was a great study in character development. Are you still writing? If so, where can your readers find your work?

You face adversity together and danger and you learn to admire each other and that turns into love. Great story, even the second reading!

The only thing I nitpick over is her coming after him after being rejected by her lover. It would have been more satisfying if after returning to her lover she realized that she was in love with Thomas.

Another marvellous story so well told. You are growing on me. What a shame u stopped writing.

Scores 5/5

Excellent,ripping yarn.Thanks for visiting NZ.Cheers.

This guy writes brilliant stories with astonishingly original plot. Kudos!

With as much clarity as I can muster after reading this great novelette for the second time, I absolutely loved it, again.

4/5

Nato_

Wow he ends up with a fried chicken for a girlfriend oh well he probably loves having someone dependent on him🤣🤣🤣🤣

Great story, with great characters who act and speak like adults, with a solid and nuanced view of human emotions and behavior. Clearly written action scenes, and a real knack for presenting and explaining nerdy computer/tech matters in a concise yet accurate manner. The plot was complex without being cumbersome and it moved along nimbly and effortlessly. Very well done - a great read. 5*!

I agree with RubiconX completely! An exciting adventure, real people in understandable situations, feelings that you might expect from those real characters. This may be your best story to date, Davezq!

Very beautiful and complete story. Action, romance, betrayal, etc...

Hard to stop reading even for a minute.

This was truly awful, it was so bad I stopped reading at the point where the Raytheon guy magically appears. This had to be written by some one in high school, it is nothing but a series of tired, worn cliches and tropes posing as something worth reading, which it definitely is not.

It's the BEST!!!

Excellent!

Great plot and outcome

"After a minute I led her inside and back to my bedroom, both of us panting and aflame with desire. It took us three tries to douse those flames."

A hotter love scene than most all those written with graphic slippery detail. Papa would approve.

Really, really enjoyed your story. More filling in areas and this could be a novel.. Well Done, a big 5+ in my opinion. Thanks for sharing.

I dumped this story at chapter 3. He calls his wife and bitches her out? Like is he to stupid to realize that she's now, for all he knows, Amirs woman, and TELLS HER he's coming home?

After all he's been through, and knows, he compromises himself and the Mosad agent.

This is beyond stupid! He wants THE CONFRONTATION even though it's possibly suicidal.

God, STUPID writing really angers me.

You've written several VERY GOOD stories here. This one's not worth the time to finish.

Once again EXCELLENT

Very good

More descriptive sex please

Stupidity in action in the middle was not the most believable

Fucked up story!! Thomas was a weak pathetic CUCK!!

So a Mossad agent breaks down crying? Would have been better if as a tough field operative said that she thinks she's ugly without the crying and hysterics and he told her she looks more dangerous and sexier than ever...

Also much of the middle was poorly Thought out esp. his rant. Regardless of who he is he'd have known better to say nothing about working in NSA.

She should have been at home or a bug should have been placed to alert the baddies but would a field agent make the mistake of letting him go home... anyway an interesting take on the somewhat mundane existence of most protagonists in these series

Second read. I still like it.

What is the world coming to?, I watch and read thrillers and drift into thinking about the female characters and what I'd do to them, then when I want a bit of spice I turn to erotic fiction and get caught up in the thrilling stories. Something wrong methinks. Brilliant story read twice, thankyou.

About 90% spy mystery and 10% Literotica. I gave it two stars, my recommendation is to continue writhing but for some other forum.

This came up in "random stories;" read it and enjoyed it again. I don't care if a few of the details are implausible; Tom Clancy does the same thing for lots bigger bucks. I loved the characters and the writing flowed well. The anons who think this was "horrible" should go back to their comic books.

An enjoyable adventure romp, Thanks

One of the better stories. Agree heartily with the comment that those that didn't like this should go back to their comic books, and I will add their crayons.

(5/22/2023) This was an enjoyable read. I started reading this story late in the evening and went to bed figuring I would finish it the next day. I woke up in the middle of the night and had to finish it. It's 4 am. Five stars.

Daniel Silva couldn't have written a better Israeli spy story. 5 * doesn't give this gem the proper respect it deserves.

I saw JPJ's comment about this being a "Israeli spy story". My warped mind goes to imagining a secret agent going under cover as a mohel.

I'm probably going to Hell for that thought. 🤣

This could be a movie with Tom cruise or Matt Damon in it 4.7 ⭐️

2nd read, still very good. (07/2023)

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I wish you would keep writing, your good, very good and to date this was your second from last story posted under this pen-name.

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Thank you for the quality of your stories.

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6️⃣⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐, Hooyah, Salutes....

This is a good story.

I’ll give 5* because the story is quite engaging. The plot is good, bordering on unbelievable, but keeps enough realism to hold it together. Bravo!

My only complaint is that the women who cheat in your stories are so incredibly (literally) shallow. People are complex. The antagonist was the love of his life, the perfect mate, yet in a paragraph she becomes an egocentric simpleton.

I understand the need for brevity for some aspects of the story, but this practice annoys me.

Excellent story

Excellent tale!

FANTASTIC STORY!!!! AWESOME!!!!

Nope. Ok story, a bit iffy in parts but what's terrible is that Esther like Ginny before her is only interested in him because she has no other, options being that she's one eyed and has facial scars. Yes I'm sure she's still beautiful, to some, but not to her original love interest that she would have stayed with if it wasn't for the fact he now finds her ugly. Thomas is for all intents and purposes second best, a standby, a making do kind of character and his penchant for disfigurement is a little redflagish.

I wish this story could be continued.

Wish there was more! like Ginny flies to New Zealand, hires the local Mongrel mongrel to kill her ex-husband and his new fiance, only to discover the local mongrel mob have other ideas with Thomas's new found Wealth and hold Ginny as ransom.. and sex slave. lol

Would be nice to get Ginny point of view. Also get a little recognition from the NSA, FBI, Homos, even if he could never let anyone know. Be nice to see his boss in trouble for using him as bate without his knowledge. Loved the story. Gave it a 5 who cares what the haters think.

A vey fun read!

Well told story, and it flows nicely. Five stars.

Very very good

A really good story, FM, thanks a lot for sharing it. I just have one question about it. Why fly from DC to Nashville, 160 miles from Oak Ridge. when he could fly to Knoxville, less than 25 miles from Oak Ridge? Just curious. Still a great story, regardless.

Five stars.

What darrellb709 said. Six stars!

So he's back with another Ginny

refreshingly good and very enjoyable

Awesome!

Technical point: There is no remote access to the NSA, especially from home.

Great story, great suspense, great storyline, great finish. Thank you!

A well-written tale with an excellent story line! Thanks for a great read!

I don’t consider this to be the right category for this story, despite the cuckolding subplot.

Not going to say you can't write, you can. It'll just take a few years to mature beyond the level of teenage pulp fiction.

So much wrong with this from ISIS/ALiQ being as well organised in international Intel gathering, to routinely wearing bomb vests, to the 'life has changed so I'm going to cheat trope'.

/

3 days 3 years ago, when focused on more important things and having a life, family and friends to go back to only results in a love affair in films/teenage fiction and between cheaters... though the latter generally prefer immediacy rather than waiting 3 years.

/

As someone already mentioned, the choice of insecure 'disfigured' women is a bit of a red flag and their choice of the MC seems a little last option available.

Overall a pretty good story line. Unfortunately the MC came across as a very smart puzzle solver but also an immature cry baby nerd!! What did he expect would happen?? He is working for a super secret government agency doing super secret work!! So the bells didn’t ring out and the president didn’t come to shake his hand so what?? Poor f’n baby!! Totally lost interest in the story from shortly after they (NOTE: It was several people working not just him!!) solved the problem!! Back to the old grind… THERE IS NO I IN TEAM!!!

Great story ! First I have read with this type of story line. A nice change of pace.

Excellent story telling. FIRST CLASS. TOP SHELF. VERY WELL DONE!!!!!

I don't get this, perhaps.I will get an explanation soon, as I am only half way down page 1. The top spy agency knows his wife is meeting a terrorist, but they have no idea were the man is, is it me, or couldn't they just follow the wife who would take them to him, or is it not quite that simple.

The wife

Helen1899: That's a very large hole in the plot that never occurred to me. Nice pickup! Still, it was a fun story to read with lots of twists.

It's a good writing overall. My only complaint is the closure by Skype. The whole scene was disappointing for me. His wife's part during the conversation was not convincing at all, considering their relationship, even love which seemed to exist early in their marriage. The author was more interested in the cloak and dagger stuff than in the loving love side.