Alaska

The problem was, I didn't know what I could do that would fix things.

I swallowed my pride and went to my father. I told him everything, including all the things I had previously kept secret. I was in tears by the end of it.

He hugged me firmly and let me cry it out.

"K.C., I didn't know things were this bad."

"There's no way you could have. I kept this all from you."

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Dad...I need help. I need to make things right with Drew and I don't know how."

He paused.

"Dad?"

"Son, can I be blunt with you."

"Uh, yes?"

He took a deep breath.

"Okay, I may be off about this, but I'm starting to suspect that there's something else you're not telling me."

Now I was confused. "There isn't. Why would you think that?"

"Well...alright, I'll just say it. The way you talk about Drew, the relationship you boys formed, the way you're falling to pieces now...all signs point to you being in love with him, too."

I blinked. Did I just hear him right?

"I...what?"

"I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you love him back."

I thought about our relationship and what he meant to me. He seemed like more than a best friend. I could open up emotionally to him, show vulnerability that I wouldn't show to anybody else. He probably knew me better than I knew myself.

I missed him being in my life so much it was like a constant ache. I didn't just miss his voice and his presence, though. I missed holding him. I missed falling asleep with him, waking up with him next to me.

That one night when we were camping was one of the most traumatic things I'd ever been through. The thought of losing Drew was completely unfathomable. It was one of the happiest moments of my life to see him finally wake up.

I looked in my heart, and saw the truth.

Dad was right.

I was in love with Drew.

I started crying again. How could I possibly be so stupid? I was so selfish, so attached to the relationship we had formed that I didn't just ignore his emotions, I even lied to myself about my own feelings. At that moment I hated myself more than I ever had before.

"D-Dad," I sobbed, shaking. "Y-you're right. Why didn't I kn-know that? Why d-didn't I know that s-sooner?" I wailed, fully broken down.

He did what he could to comfort me.

I sniffled. "Wh-what do I d-do?"

He pursed his lips.

"I don't think it's my place to tell you that, son. Matters of the heart are ones that the heart's owner needs to handle."

"H-how am I s-supposed to know?"

He pulled me closer. "Look in your heart, K.C. What is the one thing you want to do the most in the entire world right now?"

I tried the best I could to do what he asked.

"I...I want to g-go to Drew. I want to t-tell him I'm sorry."

He smiled warmly.

"Then go to him."

My eyes widened. "Right now?"

"Right this second. This house isn't where you're supposed to be at the moment. If you need to go to Drew, I won't stop you."

"But...but Christmas—"

"Why are you still hesitating? Christmas doesn't mean shit to me if my son is this sad."

I felt more tears.

"Thank you so much, Dad."

He gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"Moments like this are why I do what I do. If I can help you be happy, I'm happy. Now go."

That's exactly what I did. I knew where Drew's new apartment was, and did the entire 6-hour drive through the dark and snow to get there as fast as possible.

I tried to prepare myself for what I would say to him, especially given the atomic bomb of a fact that I had fallen head over heels for the guy.

I was terrified that if I just opened up with that, he wouldn't believe me. It would come off as me using him even more, but now as a fuck-buddy or backup partner until something better came along. I wanted him forever, but I had already spent way too much time thinking only of my feelings. I knew that I had to fully apologize first, and then, only if he forgave me and still loved me after it all, would I beg him to give me another chance, this time as a lover instead of a friend.

What if he couldn't forgive me? What then? If that happened, I would lose not only my best friend, but also the love of my life. Would I be able to handle that?

No! I told myself. You're being selfish again!

I was right. I was starting to back away from laying everything out because I was scared it would lead to an outcome I didn't like. Once again, I was thinking only of myself and nothing of Drew.

I strengthened my will. I promised, swore to God above, that even if it killed me, I would do what was best for him. For both of us.

After an eternity, I got to Drew's apartment. It was cold, dark, and snowing, 6 PM on Christmas Eve. I must have spent two minutes in the hallway, trying to gather all my courage. At long last, I rang the doorbell.

He answered the door, his eyes widening as he saw me.

"K.C.? What are you doing here?"

I felt those damn tears again.

"Drew...I came to apologize. I have been an absolute piece of shit to you. I'm so sorry."

His eyes widened even more.

"No, if anything—"

"Don't you dare apologize to me!" I snapped. "I saw all those hints you dropped and ignored them! I showed off my girlfriend and then got mad at you for feeling sad about it! I've been so terrible that you had to move away!"

I fell to my knees.

"I'm so sorry, Drew. I'm such a bad friend."

"K.C., you didn't do anything wr—"

"That's a crock of shit and you know it!" I cried. "I don't want you to just look past all of this, that would make me feel even worse! You're the kindest person I know, and I hurt you. All I can ask for, all I want, is you to forgive me."

He put a hand over his mouth.

"I know I don't deserve it, but I'm sorry."

I could see his eyes get shiny as well.

"K.C...I forgive you."

I looked up incredulously.

"Really?"

"Of course. It's not like you're the only one at fault here. I continued being so close to you even though I had feelings that you couldn't return. I acted like a brat. Do you think you could forgive me?"

I didn't hesitate.

"I forgive you, Drew."

For the first time in what felt like forever, we hugged. It felt so perfect.

He grinned a little when we pulled back.

"You were right that time at camp. We're both idiots."

I laughed lightly. "We deserve each other."

I looked at the apartment behind him.

"Are you spending Christmas alone?"

He nodded. "I don't have a boyfriend, and you went home for Christmas."

Everything was perfectly set up. The only thing left stopping me was my fear.

I gently cupped his cheeks in my hands, something I had never done.

He raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?"

I prayed for strength. "I'm so much more of an idiot than you are. Not only was I so dumb I couldn't see that you loved me, I was so stupid that I was somehow able to not realize that I...I love you, too. Not just as a friend. I'm in love with you."

He put his hand over his mouth again.

"You...what?"

"I missed you so much. I missed your touch, your presence. My bed feels so cold and empty without you."

A tear fell from his eye.

"I..."

"If you forgive me, if you still love me after everything that's happened, I want a second chance. I want to be your boyfriend."

More tears fell.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. I love you more than anything. I want nothing more than to kiss you right now."

He gave me the weakest, shakiest smile.

"Well, if that's the case...what are you waiting for?"

I needed to be sure.

"I'm waiting for you. Do you still want me?"

The smile got a little stronger.

"Of course I do. Now shut the hell up and kiss me."

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. Electricity flowed through my entire body. I wouldn't have been surprised if I was actually glowing with happiness. His lips were more perfect than I ever knew possible. I applied more pressure and his mouth opened, inviting me in.

I lost control, pushing forward with my tongue and giving it all I had. He returned the kiss with just as much energy. He held my face just like I held his and we made out for so long we only pulled away to breathe.

"I love you, Drew!"

"I love you, K.C.!"

We kissed again, now letting our hands wander. Like we could simply sense what the other wanted, we both started walking the bed, still not breaking the kiss. We made out laying down, probably for about ten uninterrupted minutes.

At long last we were able to calm ourselves. I held him right up against me, so close our noses touched. I knew that I never wanted to let him go again.

"Please, Drew. Live with me again. I need you."

He nuzzled our noses together.

"If that's what you want, I'll pack my shit and move back in with you right now."

I shook my head.

"No, I want to stay here with you tonight."

He brushed his lips against mine. "So do I."

We cuddled and kissed on his bed some more.

"You know," he told me. "The night is still young, and it is Christmas Eve. Do you wanna do something with me?"

I nuzzled his neck. "To be perfectly honest, I want to do absolutely nothing, as long as you're doing nothing right next to me." I was reminded of a song I liked when I said that.

"Drew, if I lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?"

He recognized the song lyric and laughed.

"I'll try, but I don't know if I could. How can I forget the world when my whole world is right here beside me?"

I kissed him again.

For hours we just laid in his bed, not saying much. We didn't need anything except for each other. Eventually I broke the silence to ask him a question.

"When did you first realize you loved me?"

He smiled.

"I'm pretty sure it was when you saved my life last summer. That was the point when I realized that I saw you as more than a friend."

I nodded. "I'm starting to think I fell for you around that time, too, even if I wasn't aware of it."

He looked me dead in the eye.

"What's up?"

"Look, K.C., I'm happy that you love me back. You being here in my bed is the greatest Christmas present possible, but...I thought you were straight."

Huh. I never actually looked at things like that before.

"Well...I have been straight my whole life. I had only ever been attracted to girls. I don't really feel any different now. I'd say I'm bi-curious, but that would imply that I'm not sure. I'm sure that I love you. I've never been more sure than anything."

He kissed me.

"You don't have to put a label on it. You can still see yourself as mostly straight."

"Well, okay then. I guess I'm almost completely straight, except for the fact that I love you."

He grinned. "That's good enough for me."

The night got to a point where it was time for us to go to sleep.

"I'm genuinely excited about this," I told him. "I haven't slept well ever since you moved out."

He smiled. "Well now you have me. Forever, if you want."

I kissed him. God, I couldn't stop!

"K.C.?"

"Yes, love?"

"I think the first sign of me liking you as more than a friend was that when I woke up in that sleeping bag and figured out we were both naked, I really liked the idea."

"Well, I don't see any reason why we can't do that again."

We both stripped nude. We'd seen each other naked before, but now I was seeing him in a different way. His body was soft in shape. He was so cute, but when I looked at his face he was so sexy.

He had a perfectly respectable dick. Unlike me, he was uncut. His member was a little shorter than mine, but as far as I was concerned it was a work of art.

We got under the bed and I pulled him close. His skin touched mine and I knew that I was right where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

I felt myself harden. Before then, it was always awkward when I got an erection as the two of us slept together. It was one of those things we had to learn to ignore. I didn't have much control over it, but now I knew exactly why I was hard, and I liked it.

My cock was probably poking him, though, so I adjusted myself. I moved it so that it was resting in the crevice of his ass.

"A perfect fit," I told him.

"We've always been a perfect fit, K.C. That was just the last piece of the puzzle."

I kissed the nape of his neck.

"Goodnight, my love."

Within seconds I was asleep with my boyfriend in my arms.

*****

We told our loved ones the news the following day and he had moved back in my apartment by New Years. It's almost embarrassing how much joy it gave me to see Drew Sanders next to Casey Green on the forms for lease.

The two of us continued our lives and jobs. Around a week into January I needed to talk with Drew. I knew better than to not say what was on my mind.

We were cuddling nude that night when I asked the question.

"Drew, when do you want us to have sex?"

He pulled his head out from my chest.

"Well, I'm down whenever, but you're the 99% straight guy, so I wanted you to set the pace. There's no rush. I like what we have going."

I kissed him. "I love you so much, but you have experience in gay sex and I don't. I want to be the best lover you've ever had."

"You already are, K.C."

We lay in our bed for a little longer.

"I want us to be lovers. I want us to be as close as two people can get. But maybe we should take it slow."

He nuzzled my chest.

"I've known you for almost five years. I can wait."

I tilted his face up towards me.

"I want to start now."

He nodded, and I worked my way downwards, kissing his body until my chin touched the head of his cock.

"Do whatever feels right, love."

I tentatively licked the head of his dick. It tasted salty, and there was another flavor I couldn't pin down. I licked him all over. I liked the taste more and more as I continued, and I finally realized what it was. I was tasting Drew, and he was delicious.

I swirled my tongue around the head and under his foreskin. When I did he moaned and bucked his hips a little. Suddenly my tongue didn't feel like it was enough. I needed more of him in my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his manhood and started bobbing up and down.

"Oh, K.C., that feels nice...you're a natural..."

It wasn't good enough, the angle was wrong. I adjusted my position, getting lower down so it went deeper.

"FUCK!"

I smiled. Still, I couldn't get all of him.

I got off the bed and approached it at a more extreme angle. I pushed forward and he slid right down my throat. He nearly jumped off the bed.

I gagged and pulled away to cough a bit.

"Sorry about that," I told him.

"What in the world could you possibly be apologizing for? Just keep going."

I tried again, forcing my throat to relax. After some practice, I could feel him glide in and out of me. It felt wonderful.

He moaned. "I'm getting close."

I increased my speed until he came, his release flooding my mouth. Just like his cock, his semen was delicious. I gulped it down gladly.

I got back up and held him.

He was panting. "Shit...K.C., are you sure you haven't blown a guy before?"

"Never even dreamed of it before you."

"So what, are you a sword swallower? Because you can deep throat like a pro."

I blushed. "I guess I'm just eager to please."

He laughed. "Well now I need to return the favor. I can't have a rookie show up a seasoned vet such as myself."

He adjusted his position and marveled at my dick, which was fully erect at that point, dripping pre-come.

"Ooh, so eager already."

He attacked my penis with gusto. There was none of the slow exploration of my blowjob, he knew what he wanted and went full throttle. It felt like my cock was an instrument and he was playing it perfectly.

"Oh, shit...that's so fucking good..."

He could take me down his throat, but also used his teeth and tongue and lips in ways I would never have thought of. I was ready to blow in three minutes, but to my horror he pulled off.

"Am I the master?" he asked me.

"Yes, Drew, you're the master!"

"Is this mine now?"

"Yes! Please! I'm all yours, just let me come!"

He smiled. He took me all the way and swallowed around the head until I shot in his mouth. It was the most intense orgasm I ever had.

He got back up to me and nuzzled my neck until I calmed down.

"You're mine, K.C., and I want you all for myself." He kissed me. "But I'm also yours."

I kissed my boyfriend and murmured into his mouth.

"That's exactly how I want it."

*****

The two of us decided to go all the way a few weeks later. He said that he liked both topping and bottoming, and I had no clue what my preference was, so we just settled on doing both that night. After we were each clean, primed, and ready for action, we got on our bed.

Drew kissed me. "What do you want to do first?"

I thought about it. "I'll make love to you first."

He handed me the lube. We both got tested recently. I told him that I trusted him and believed him when he said he had no STIs, but he did it anyway, so I took the tests as well out of courtesy. We were both clean. There wouldn't be any condoms that night.

I followed his instructions and put lube in his hole, loving how slick and tight it felt around my fingers.

"What position would you like, love?"

"Missionary," he said. "I want to see you."

I got him on his back and he pulled up his legs.

"I love you, Drew."

"I love you, too."

Not breaking eye contact, I pushed forward until I was inside. Gently, carefully, I inched my way in until I bottomed out.

I kissed my lover deeply. I started moving, slow and sensual. I wanted him to feel my love in every stroke, every kiss.

He felt incredible, hot and tight and absolutely perfect.

"Oh, K.C., that's it right there...just keep doing that..."

I went a little bit faster, but no less passionately. His eyes shot open.

"Oh, fuck! Oh, I love you so much!"

I made love to Drew for as long as I could, but eventually I could feel myself reaching the edge, and he could sense it.

"Come inside me. Don't hold back, I want to feel it."

I sped up, going faster and faster until I came so hard I think my heart stopped. The pulsing of my release and my seed flowing into him was enough to topple him over the edge and he came not long after. I stayed planted inside of him, holding him as I tried to catch my breath.

"K.C.?"

"Yeah?"

"That was the best I've ever had. I've been fucked before, but you're the first person to make love to me. Thank you so much."

I kissed him.

"It's my pleasure."

We uncoupled and relaxed for a few moments.

I was embarrassed, but needed to tell him something before we continued.

"Drew?"

"Yeah?"

"I, uh...I think I want it a little differently than what we just did."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Oh yeah? How so?"

I could feel my face redden.

"I...well, when you go down on me, I kind of like the power you have over me. It feels like you're the one in control, and I like that. Do you...do you think we could do something like that here?"

He blinked. "So you want me to be the dominant one?"

"I mean...I guess, if you're okay with it."

He grabbed my chin and made me face him.

"Look at me. You need to be sure. Do you want me to dominate you?"

More blood went to my face, but I knew better than to be anything but honest.

"I want you to dominate me. I want it fast and rough. I want to give you control."

He kissed me, and I made myself submit. He owned the kiss, and his tongue ravished me.

"Alright then, but if you want me to stop, tell me."

I nodded. "I trust you."