Alcohol Stupid

Our silence stretches on for minutes.

"I hear you went out with Denise a few times. Is it true you set her up with your cousin?"

"We had a few dates, if you want to call them that. She's a really sweet girl but too young and too inexperienced for me. I think she's begun to see me as a big brother. Jimmy's more her age and a great guy - you met him at our wedding but he was he was only fourteen then. I babysat him when we were young so he knows me and that I would kick his ass if he ever hurts her. They're a cute couple.... might be a future there. I like to think somehow I was meant to be there that night - maybe not her Prince Charming - but at least there was something good came out of that night. She gave me back the necklace once they got serious. Told me she had found something better and he would protect her from dirty old men like me. Said if I ever got my head out of my ass I should give it to my woman since my track record along those lines wasn't too good. I thought she liked me until that comment! What about Brent? Still seeing him?"

"You knew that when I was putting you through paying off your debt, Brent called me asking for a date. I still thought life would go back to normal at the end of the month but told him to call afterwards 'just in case'. He called and we went out a couple of times. I told him up front they were just dates....that we had had quite a romp but that it would never have happened except for the booze and the dare. Turns out he's a really nice guy. A school teacher and he loves his job. His vision is to find a good woman, a cozy home for the two plus 2 point 5 kids and a golden retriever. To grow old together, maybe fat, maybe bald; you know the picture. You also know that isn't me and it would kill me. Not the kids and the dog - I think I might like that. The stereotype suburban life would be too stifling. So, no more Brent and - in case you're wondering - I don't even have big cock fantasies. I ditched 'Eveready Brent' and got something a little more in line with my preferences. Still call him Eveready though. Girl does have needs.

I'm still seeing our psychologist but you know that. More than you've been going but I suspect I've a lot more to resolve. Still can't understand how I could do what I did.... Don't interrupt... Somehow, we both lost track of what we had together. The competition took over and changed us. I went way further than you did, however, and I can't - won't - let myself be that person again. I'll understand if you say "No" but if you ever think it might help I wouldn't mind another joint session.'

Can't believe we're already at the parking lot but time has flown. Suddenly we can't seem to find anything more to say. Looking at her now, I can't tell if it's sweat or tears. I wipe my face quickly but know she can see what mine is. Alison gets in her car and fires it up. As I turn to go she's rolling down her window. I wonder if today was enough to lay the demons to rest and we've come to "goodbye".

"Jeff, I've had a great time today and I hope you didn't mind me butting in. We needed this talk. I don't know how far this has gotten us but it's more than we had with all the marriage counselling. Maybe we could do this again next Saturday so I'll be back if you want to join me. Nothing intense. Just jogging. And a talk. No winner, no loser. But hey, if things work out we both might just 'get lucky'. If you know what I mean."

A soft smile, blows me a kiss and drives away.

And here I stand. Goofy smile on my face. Already thinking of next weekend. Might be just a 5 km run - need to save my energy.