Alex 01

Alex 01

So, hey there, I'm Alex and I've never really had a reason to use a different name since Alex is already somewhat gender neutral and I have historical information and experiences that proves my point. And I'm not even calling out anyone who participated in my evidence gathering years. I mean, I grew up and evolved knowing that there were mistakes made with my DNA from the start, so maybe I can be held accountable for constantly taking surveys after school, but they all participated of their own free will and no animals were harmed or used as test subjects at any time, so it was all good, the end.

And maybe I gave certain surveys more importance than others if they responded that yes, my darker and shorter hair suits me best, but they were my surveys, so, again, the end.

Anyways, it wasn't all that bad and I'll even admit that being surrounded as I held my clipboard helped keep me above the bottom rung of the ladder, but it maintained, I maintained and they maintained, so, at the end of it all, it all worked out. And yep, all of that means that I subscribed to faggot flirting to make it through school basically unscathed, with so many nice comments about my hair and a great understanding of how normal guys operate. Which is, OMG, just a couple of gentle hand pats on the chest is exactly the same as actually saying words, right?

Also, tee he, I wiki updated the CD handbook with that savior tool. I mean, I can't stop doing it now and I've even developed a single chest pat, a double chest pat and a triple chest pat to signify my thoughts and intentions, but that's not important right now because what's important is that I maintained my position above the bottom of the ladder, right?

Now, for the record, tee he, being that different back then only kept me one ladder step rung above the pasty skin nerds, but I wasn't at the bottom, so, Viva La Chest Hand Pats! And nothing more, mind you. Then.

But here's the thing. I actually had a thing, um, a crush, on one of the pasty skin nerds back then, but he and they, would rarely lift their heads from their folded arms long enough to notice that someone had noticed them, well, him, I guess. Ethan, Ethan the pasty skin nerd, um, Ethan should have participated in one of my survey's, but he never did.

And don't even ask me why I noticed a pasty skin nerd like that. I mean, do you really know why the girl of your dreams is actually the girl of your dreams for sure, hmm? I mean, some connections just happen and there isn't necessarily any solid reason for it. But that was then and this is now, so, let me move on with my story.

And with a description of me, right? First, ahem, my dark and shorter hair suits me, of course, the end of that or you and I will not get along. Second, well, even though I was always fag surrounded when taking my "am I getting there" survey's, well, there isn't any photographic evidence that it was me in the middle of the circle because I'm that small, which, huh, helped, right? And thirdly, I'm not transitioning into anything. I'm just bringing to the surface that which was hidden deep down below. And what's really down below on me doesn't even deserve a fourthly mentioning. And that has to be the end of that, okay? I cannot do anything about that, so worry about the other 99% of me and take things from there, I guess.

Unless you're a girl (pause for possible girlfriend responses), no? Well, that's your loss ladies (pause for second thoughts), no?

Fine. I've become comfortable in my own skin and I've turned out looking like a mannequin, so, whatever. Oh, wait, not a V-shaped chiseled chest guy mannequin and (whispers) not quite like the female mannequin that graces my Den room because I'm only considering finishing things off with silicone breast implants, but a mannequin just the same. And nope (yep), I do not practice my infamous chest pats on Fabric Franny, the end.

Also, wow, to those who go that far, right? That's commitment, am I right? And maybe I have a survey on my Chang homepage about how far is too far and I promise, your responses will be held in secret. Unless you don't start out with something nice about my hair, tee he.

Which speaking of Chang, I mean, birthdays are a common announcement and birthday parties are a common event to respond to, except when they're not, I suppose. But the messaging service is always available.

"Message from Alex. Mrs. Palmer, are you hosting a 19th gathering for Ethan?"

"Message from Paula. Alex, I am, but it's a small affair."

"Message from Alex. So, no invite for me then, Mrs. Palmer?"

"Message from Paula. Alex, I have men in my house and all men like Homecoming Queens!"

Well, at least Mrs. Palmer didn't say the Homecoming Queer, right?

By the way, I was not the Homecoming Queer Queen. I was just the queer who took surveys.

And by another way, I mean, I think Ethan might be a little and I mean just a little, um, pudgy under his pocket protector shirt, so, saying "pudgy" is okay, right? I mean it in the best way and I don't think he has rolls or anything, so, um, pudgy is cool, right?

"Message from Alex. Ethan, can I host a small game day celebration for you?"

"Message from Ethan. Alex, you're talking to me?"

"Message from Alex. Of course, silly, I have a game console, so?"

"Message from Ethan. But you were always popular and (message abruptly ends)."

Well, I tried, so. And maybe for the best since I'm not much of a gamer, but my game console has a cool series of "on" indicator LEDs, so I turn it on like all of the time.

"Message from Peter. Welp, you killed him, Alex!"

"Message from Alex. Excuse me, Peter?"

"Message from Peter. Set it up and I'll drag his ass there! And showered clean too!"

"Message from Alex. Tee, he, I just had a vision of your scrubbing my boyfriend, I mean, Ethan."

"Message from Peter. Ha, ha. Also, can I go all "aha, aha, aha, then, Alex?"

"Message from Alex. Once and only once, Peter."

"Message from Peter. Aha, aha, aha, for you and Ethan hooking up. Not for me scrubbing him clean."

Hmm, hooking up, right? A way of life, for sure, but since I'm just barely passed my 18th myself, I mean, nope, I have not hooked up with anyone, yet. And never mind that the fore mentioned game console LED lights are a lot like the hypnotizing light array sites on Chang. They don't work, but maybe I think about some things, like lifting a pudgy belly roll and seeing what's under there, ahem, or something like that.

"Message from Alex. I heard that you nerds rub off in the shower together these days, Lee, so?"

"Message from Lee. OMFG, that is so not true, Alex! Also, are you actually talking to me?"

"Message from Alex. So, the three of you are still comfortable on the basement couch then, Lee?"

"Message from Lee. OMFG, well, that's true, Alex. Also, what's happening here?"

"Message from Alex. I'm just trying to figure out who has seen my old pudgy crush naked, that's all."

"Message from Lee. (No response)."

Well, he probably passed out.

"Message from Lee. Peter just told me that you're hosting a, um, a sex party soon, Alex! Which made me pass out."

Let me pause while I re-read the instant messages above for where I committed to hosting a sex party. And a slight pause to search sex. Which, tee he, three nerds whacking off to anime qualifies as sex! According to the internet.

"Message from Alex. I was thinking about a couple of games and cake, that's all, Lee."

"Message from Lee. Alex, cake is ass!"

Stupid modern slang terms! But Middleton is like two hours from the ocean, so. But I have a pretty nice slice of ocean cake.

"Message from Lee. Alex, did you pass out too? I promise that the three of us will use sun tanning lotion to hide our pasty skin tone."

"Message from Alex. We? This is not that, Lee! Also, OMFG, now I just had a vision of the three of you lathering each other up with tanning lotion! Who needs anime when you have that, tee he, right?"

Well, he probably passed out again, so.

"Message from Lee. Alex, I passed out again. Please, please, please host this party!"

So, listen, my pudgy friends, I mean this in the best way, again, but when you're watching your anime, I mean, is it a little reaching under situation or do you suck your gut in all the while or does it just happen naturally and you're not exactly sure what I'm asking about, hmm? Comments and decent videos may be dropped on the survey page of my Chang account. Um, side views only, please, but your thighs seem to be of importance to me, I mean, in terms of their support stance and movement. Oh, for educational purposes only. I have a pudgy crush already, but I don't know about the mechanics since I am not even close to pudgy.

[Ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop]

"Message from Paula. Damn it, Alex, now I have a basement full of crying nerds!"

"Message from Alex. Mrs. Palmer, I promise to be absolutely appropriate. And I promise to not tell people that you fuck my uncle on the side, so?"

"Message from Paula. OMFG, I do not fuck your Uncle Ray on the side, Alex! I just sucked his dick. A couple of times. Like six, so, what?"

"Message from Alex. So, Mrs. Palmer? My cheeks will as red as they can be, so?"

"Message from Paula. (No response.)"

Well, maybe Mrs. Plamer passed out too! Or jumped on her cell to call my Uncle Ray, but, listen, video droppers, wow, thanks for the decency of your video drops and a few of you seriously could use a little manscaping, but huh, ask and you shall receive, am I right? Also, tee he, what were you aiming at then, hmm? Not that I'm asking for another set of educational videos.

[Ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop]

Anyways, since I cannot see some of that now, I mean, my next survey is what do I do next, right? I mean, I could hit the Middleton Strip and find a hundred boyfriends with a snap of my fingers since those guys have given up on hiding their tendencies or I could host a side party for my pudgy belly crush and put up with Peter and Lee or I could (fill in the blank on my survey please)?

"Message from Peter. What are your terms, Alex?"

"Message from Alex. (No response.)"

Seriously? What are my terms? Does he mean something like "group sex is off limits" or what? And I'm actually asking. And "group sex is allowed" is not an option or a survey choice! But I can't stop you from using the blank "write in" line at the bottom of each survey, so.

Also, um, Pudgy106, um, you're perfectly pudgy and since you choose the sitting position on the floor, my 'best case' scenario would be that Ethan's body looks like that, ahem, if and when I ever peek under his shirt, but either way, huh, maybe I have a thing now, maybe. Also, Ethan, I hope that wasn't you in disguise then.

Also, also, I'm so already practicing a dual hand placement lifting, gently lifting of pudgy belly rolls!

Also, also, also, Pudgy106, hah, the flashing lights in the background of your video did not work, but I did save you in my favorites. Because some weird swirling feeling told me to.

"Message from Lee. Alex, you started this! What are your terms?"

"Message from Alex. (No response.)"

Well, passing out and having your eyes spin around in weird circles really quickly is the same thing, so.

Um, wait, um, yes, Pudgy106, you would deserve a triple chest patting from me if we ever met.

Which [shakes head violently from side to side] doesn't matter because what's missing in all of this so far is a real response from Ethan, right? I mean, what did I get then from him, hmm? A "are you actually talking to me" and a blank response screen? I mean, I may not know much, but I know when to throw in the towel and move on.

So, I moved on. Well, I moved on anyways.

"Message from Vicki. Alex, are you having a pasty skin nerd party? Some people are talking."

"Message from Alex. Vicki, it was a thought, but that went south quick, so, no."

"Message from Vicki. Oh, well, can it be a Hot Egyptian Nights party? The Costume Shop on the Strip has a few bad ass face veils, so?"

"Message from Alex. Vicki, that's ridiculous! And how bad ass are the face veils?"

Well, I may not have many "guy" features, but everyone who knows me, knows that I am a guy, so, maybe a face veil will help with that, right? And maybe just to see if such a face veil would get in the way of dipping under a pudgy belly. I mean, so, what if I still have a weird crush, right?

"Message from Vicki. Oh, they are black based sheer, they are string woven, they are perfectly speckled with shiny rhinestone accents, they go up over the eyes and they are hot."

"Message from Alex. Well, everything went sex south anyways, Vicki, so."

"Message from Vicki. Well, think about Millie Maye wandering around your house in such a face veil and a sheer matching "Jeannie" costume and get back to me."

Well, that wasn't fair.

"Message from Vicki. And we can fit your (@&@%@#*#*#) fricking mannequin with one too! Get back to me soon, Alex."

Well, that was just uncalled for, but Fabric Franny could totally rock a fancy face veil. She has perched back shoulders and perfectly bent arms for that, so.

"Message from Lee. Aha, aha, aha, Fabric Franny in a party mini skirt? You're the best, Alex!"

"Message from Alex. Lee, shut it and get a life. Why hasn't Ethan responded to me, hmm?"

"Message from Lee. You made him pass out, Alex! Is he going to get your booty?"

Oh, here comes another "no response" screen!

"Message from Alex. Oh, I thought that you and Peter would like my thong covered booty to shake at you both while I dipped my head under his pudgy belly, so?"

"Message from Lee. (No response.)"

Well, I'm sure that made him pass out. And by the way, the world is safer place when Lee is passed out, so.

"Message from Peter. We're getting raw over here, Alex! What are you going to do?"

"Message from Alex. Oh, I'm still struggling with all these visions that I have of you guys! And maybe a vision or two of Millie Maye in skimpy undies, but other that, I'm not doing anything, the end!"

Well, what would you do, hmm? Especially all of you who may or may not have access to a gaming nerd cave in a basement! And I'm not judging you in these modern times. I mean, I think I've made it quite obvious that I'm on a mission on straight up, um, see what's under a pudgy belly roll.

Also, Pudgy923, would you mind powdering your skin with a tad of flour and resubmitting your video to my survey page? Not white, white, white, pasty, but just a touch. Just so I know what to expect. Thank you in advance.

[Ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop, ping, video drop]

"Message from Mille Maye. Why can't I just the official "host" of your desert sand skin party, Alex? Why do we need to be co-hosts if you going to finally hook up with that pasty skin nerd? Which, is fine."

"Message from Alex. Millie Maye, there is no desert sand skin tone party, the end."

"Message from Mille Maye. Then why did Vicki, Gina and myself already pick out Hot Egyptian Nights costumes, hmm? Don't you want to see that, Alex?"

"Message from Alex. (An attempt at a response.)"

"Message from Mille Maye. I'll change in your bedroom, Alex, goodbye, love."

Well, fine, sometimes I pass out. But still right, no input from Ethan yet, so.

"Message from Ethan. Alex, would you please stop messaging with everyone? (Not shouting) this has gotten out of hand."

"Message from Alex. Ethan, I promise you that I said like two words and the rest snowballed out of control. Or bring your snowballs over here and scold me in person."

Well, I said that I was on a mission, so.

"Message from Ethan. Um, it would be embarrassing to handle my snowballs over you, Alex. Well, while you were there and all, so."

"Message from Alex. Well, the ball is in your court, Ethan, but I'm busy right now trying to figure out how twelve people can mingle inside of my house, so?"

"Message from Ethan. Twelve people? That's all the people in the world to me, Alex."

"Message from Alex. Let me count, Ethan. Vicki, Gina and Millie Maye as the Hot Egyptian Nights Princesses, Ryan and Hank so they can scold and spank Peter and Lee for being such nerds, Kenny, Leonard and Ernie for the Princesses pleasure and you and myself. That's twelve, right?"

See? Old crushes are a waste of time! No response again.

"Message from Peter. Ryan, I call Ryan!"

"Message from Alex. The guy chooses, Peter. Well, I think the guy chooses."

"Message from Peter. Well, Ryan could have his way with me as long as I'm across his lap and facing you and Ethan because I already know that you're on a mission to kiss him down low, so?"

"Message from Alex. Seriously, Peter? That's freaky or kinky or both, so?"

Huh, just when you think you know a person, right? Which also told me a lot more than I knew before about that threesome of pasty skin nerds. I mean, I know that he was at a keyboard or a keypad, but still, those words came across way to smoothly, so, ahem, my very first time is not going to be with someone's leftovers!

Also, um, how does that work anyways, hmm? I mean, I can understand how everyone is someone's first and everyone else comes after that, but within the crew, right? Not cool? Survey on my Chang page. And yeah, yeah, yeah, they were never my crew in the first place, but still, that's where my crush was, so. Right? Write in responses are an option.

"Message from Alex. Sorry, Ethan, but I'm throwing in the towel. I'm threw. Bye.

"Message from Ethan. What the hell? We never got started! Well, I started a few moments ago, but whacking off over you has been my thing forever, but still, what the hell?"

Nope, not even a "no response" screen from me. Also, huh, not one word about having to reach under a pasty belly roll, so, bye, bye.

Besides, I never confirmed a party and there certainly wasn't a time or a date, so it's all water under the bridge, right?

"Message from Gina. Hi Alex, I understand that the doors open this Saturday night at 9pm, so I dropped a list of party supplies into your inbox, okay?"

"Message from Alex. Gina, I'm sorry, but this has all gone further than south, so?"

"Message from Gina. Great, Alex, the South Market has the best stuff! I also understand that there have been a few drop outs, so, is it okay if I fill those spots? And be on your best behavior at the South Market since that fake bully you had back in the day, Ben, works there, so?"

Tee he, Ben was the worse fake bully ever! But gentle and generally helpful, but that's off track. Also, tee he, we did smack lips once while walking along the railroad tracks, but that's all.

"Message from Alex. Gina, I'm trying to say that it's all over! But what color of undies were you thinking about wearing, hmm?"

"Message from Gina. Tee he, teeny and tiny shimmery silver for my favorite pervert girly boy, silly. Also, um, I want to keep Ryan in the mix, so is Ryan someone that you might tap on the chest three times while casually chit chatting, hmm?"

Oh, I forgot, pause for a quick search of what teeny, tiny shimmery silver undies look like. I have some nice stuff, but not all that flashy since, ahem, nobody was ever going to see them anyways.

"Message from Alex. Gina, you know about my chest tapping thing? And it's chest patting, so?"

"Message from Gina. Well, your stupid surveys have always been public on Chang, so, is everything all set now, Alex?"

Well, stupid public domain stuff!

"Message from Alex. Gina, fine, everything can be all set, but I'm solo! I give up and I already threw in the towel, so?"

"Message from Gina. Oh, boo-hoo, rejection comes with life, Alex! But whatever, so, your mannequin lady friend then, um?"