Alice in Lonely Land Ch. 02

Man, he was blowing my mind in all sorts of ways. "Twenty bucks is pretty steep for a kiss"

There was a twinkle in his eye when he replied with, "I'm expecting one hell of a kiss."

My breath and heartbeat sped up. I had no idea how to process this. Colin, of all people, was coming onto me. "You definitely know how to make things interesting."

He shrugged. "Some mystery guy is sending you flowers and love letters. I've got to be memorable."

"Oh this is memorable." My half laugh made him smile.

"Am I taking your twenty bucks?" Moving up onto the couch he looked at me with one brow arched high above his eye.

It felt like a dare, and I pride myself on being fearless. Standing I moved closer and when he patted the couch beside him, I straddled his lap. We both sucked in a sharp breath and I shrugged. "You said one hell of a kiss."

His hand reached around my lower back, pulling me closer. "I'm not complaining." Those massive hands slid up under my shirt making me shiver. Colin's eyes dropped to my lips and he pulled me closer. "What are you waiting for?"

I didn't wait, my hands cupped his face bringing it up to meet my lips. I started slowly, softly, but that wasn't good enough for him. With a tug he pulled me flush up against him and took over. His hand brushed mine away and he wrapped it around my neck. He kissed me with passion, need, and something akin to desperation, and God help me, I kissed him right back

Part way through he flipped us over so I was laying under him and he stretched out over me. It made me want more but that was a line I didn't want to cross. Turning my head, I gasped when he started kissing and nipping at my neck.

Cupping his face I brought him up so I could look in those lust filled eyes. He looked between my lips and my eyes two or three times before finally settling on my eyes before asking "Are we done?"

"I'm not prepared to go further." It was little more than a whisper but he heard it and smiled.

"I'm not asking for more Allie." His eyes searched my face when he said, "I'm not saying I wouldn't want to work up to that, but not now."

I groaned and he smiled. "Sexy, respectful, and interested, yeah this has been a good day." He paused for a second, and brushing my thumbs over his lips I asked, "What's that look for?"

"You got that flower and letter today, that must make it a really good day."

I laughed a little, "I forgot for a minute there. This is better," I said. "A guy who's interested enough to actually make a move, is better."

Now he frowned. "What if it can't be more?"

I froze, my breath came in short uneven bursts. He rushed to get it all out.

"This is going to be super weird, what if it's an issue for Calum? It would upset my mom to see us fighting about a girl."

My first thought was 'what the f * * k' followed quickly by, 'what were you thinking'. Pushing Colin up, I slid out from under him and headed for the door. I'd grabbed my shoes and made it all the way into the elevator before he caught up.

"Allie wait."

Holding up my hand I shook my head. "Nope, not interested. You just came onto me with no intention beyond getting into my pants. I don't want that, I'm not that kind of girl."

"It's not like that," Colin rubbed the back of his neck.

I pushed his hand off the door and threw out a bitchy, "I don't care what it is," as the door shut.

I may or may not have cried for an hour before sitting down at the table and pulling out a piece of paper and that letter. The tone of my letter was tainted by the hurt from my night with Colin.

Dear Stranger

Aren't you full of surprises. First the flower, then this mysterious and incredibly sweet letter. You intrigue me. Secondly, why now? Why me? Why keep me in the dark?

What's the point in writing if it can't ever go further? I want to understand.

Sincerely,

Alice in a Lonely Land.

-

The rain poured down for the next week and I ended up putting a lot of money into taxis. The Friday after Valentine's day I was standing in the lobby when a wide form got out of a taxi, opened an umbrella and ran to the doors. Colin stood there for a minute then opened the door and called out to me.

"I waited half an hour for a taxi. You'll get home faster if you share with me."

It was a peace offering, clearly, and I had two choices. I could suck it up and be a big girl, or I could wait another twenty minutes for a cab that may or may not come. After a minute I crossed the lobby.

A line was drawn when he put his hand on my back and I shook it off. With a sigh, Colin ran beside me and opened the door. We drove in silence then ran into the lobby in silence as well.

At the mailboxes, my heart kicked up a notch when I saw the red envelope. Colin saw it too and he sucked in a deep breath.

"You wrote him back." This keen observation made me roll my eyes. "What did you say?"

"Why is that any of your business?"

His frown deepened. "It isn't, call it jealous curiosity."

I ignored that and went to the elevator. He followed and stood across the way watching me as I read.

Lonely Alice

You're asking all the tough questions. First, the flower wasn't me, although in hindsight it's a great idea I wish I'd thought of. Looks like you have a few admirers, not surprising.

Why you: I think about you. I've watched you. Ok, that sounds creepy, but it's not like that. I know you, you know me. I see you. I see how you are with people, how much of yourself you give to people whether it's a stranger, your family, or a friend. I can't help but think about you. God, that really does sound creepy.

Why now: If not now, when? You're single right now which doesn't make this completely inappropriate. Knowing what I know about you, it won't be long until some great guy snatches you up. It's now or never.

I think why keep you in the dark, and why contact you if it can't go further can be answered the same way, at the same time. Telling you and not being able to take it further would make you hate me, and I couldn't handle that.

It went on for another paragraph but I'd had enough and crumpled it up in one hand. Closing my eyes I let my head fall back against the wall. What a hellish February.

"That bad?"

Opening my eyes I saw Colin watching me with carefully guarded eyes. I looked up to see that we'd passed his floor and were nearing mine. When I looked back at him he shrugged.

"Call it jealous curiosity."

The doors opened and I tossed the paper at him. "Might as well be you. Only I'm betting he's got a girlfriend or he's married."

I left before I could see a strange look cross over his face. The doors slid shut as he was straightening the paper so he could read it.

I didn't reply, I didn't have it in me.

-

A week later I got another red envelope and it took me three days to open it. Every time I walked past it, I'd run my hands along the scratch marks that made up my name and my address, and then put it back down. I just couldn't bring myself to open it. Not until the next red envelope came.

Only then did I sit down in front of both and open the first envelope. The page looked blank but it, in fact, had two words written in the center of the page.

I'm sorry.

It took half an hour to settle myself and deal with the heartache. It seemed silly to be so invested in this but fruitless communication with a guy who didn't want more but wanted me, coupled with Colin and the mess that came with him, it felt like too much.

I hadn't lied when I'd called myself Alice in Lonely Land. God, I was lonely. My mom lived halfway across the country, my best friend was lost in a new relationship. It made life hard since Calum and I split.

The second letter had a little more meat to it.

Alice.

I promised myself that the last letter would be my last, but I can't do it. I'm walking around imagining everything you must think. You probably think I'm married, I'm not. I'm not seeing anyone either, which probably doesn't make this any better.

You probably think this is a joke or that I'm playing a game. maybe it's a sick and twisted game where I just want to know you're thinking of me too, because I do want you to think about me but I don't want it to be all bad.

I want to be someone that makes you feel good. Someone that makes you happy. So I have an idea. Meet me at 6:30 on friday at The Blind side, just dinner. Not a date but an apology.

The reservation is under Red.

A friend.

-

The Blind Side was a sensory experience. A pitch black restaurant where patrons experienced what it would be like to eat blind. He wanted to eat with me, but he didn't want me to see him.

I thought about it for the next two days and against my better judgement I got dressed up in a sexy little black dress and took a cab to the Blind Side.