All Comments on 'Alii Drive'

Another great twist on the old creep seduces air-head bitch wife...but with plenty of bite!

When something is in the water and a shark wants it, you can kiss it good bye. In a couple of seconds a 200 pound tuna on the line becomes a tuna head with a hook in it's mouth. The sad thing is that if it got someone you might hear them scream but not for long. It will drain a critter's blood like a popping balloon. No knife can cut meat faster. One shake of the head and everything inside it is history. In the world at sea when a critter gets the chance to eat it had better swallow and not chew. And when the frenzy starts it is like flipping a light switch. One shark or one hundred, makes no difference.

BTB and kill the bastard!!!

A lot of obvious setups early in the story. Made the ending anticlimactic.

"Bryan, why are you so hung up on the sexual part of my healing and self realization. I was doing this for us."

"Hillary, why would you think I'd ever want to have sex with you after you've healed yourself and realized yourself on Banks' cock? I would think you'd have 'realized' by this point you're just a stupid cheating slut."

Clearly a 5*. I had to comment because of your closing remarks - there are technical errors, enjoy, if you want. The stories in this section are great fun. In general, there is adultery, discovery, reaction, and resolution. Two of the main camps of readers like the resolution to be reconciliation or destruction of the adulteress. Many commenters like to point to some lack of realism in the story-line, that always makes me smile. I think a strength of these stories is a credible plot line toward some outrageous solution. This had all of that. This story creates a villain, not liked by any of the characters in the story, other than the stupid, cheating wife - who the reader celebrates by enjoying his becoming chum. It is great fun; I do not question my own sanity for laughing at taunting a doomed man, nor the writer's for creating it. This particular resolution is known as BTB and scores are awarded for creativity and (politely) finality. This was very creative and quite final, it deserves the highest score. Had it been "real" I can't imagine reading the whole story. Great fun, thanks,

There is a trend in this author’s stories, with wives who are too ditzy that it’s a wonder they don’t drown themselves when it rains. It would be more satisfying to actually have her realize all the BS, admit she has strayed at least twice, etc. Having her just wandering around in a confused daze is like being cruel to puppies.

As a well-written fun piece of fiction, this would deserve a five. But the smug murder of someone, albeit a self-important jerk in an imagined tale, cannot be overlooked as morally acceptable--no matter how "smart" seems the denouement; so that bumps it to 4 imo.

Very original method for revenge on a predator. This was a fun read. There could be some more validity if she were more complicit in the acts of being seduced. But none the less great job making me feel like i was in Kona for awhile. Again

This is the one that brought Gumbo25 to my attention, finally getting around to giving it the five it well deserves. Every other month or so he posts, usually a five, many based on this template. Hard to beat "Alii Drive" but "Pheasant Construction" and "Hidden Valley Farms" have at least equaled it. "Spontaneous Combustion!" even more so. But this was the original, and it's richly satisfying. On all levels. And contrary to some of the anti-murder comments, Banks got what he deserved. And as for Hilary, she's lucky they didn't "lock her up!"

All the way in first 3 pages there is a stink to high heaven about the "Banks" character and the husband is not picking it up. Then he finally does get "bad vibe" but refuses to talk about that to his wife just before 12-day trip while leaving her behind to a snake.

I know you are building up suspense but the problem is this is all cliché and the direction if obvious which means your plot writing abilities are not good. You are still better writer than many on LW but it is seriously lacking. The characters are one-dimensional, the motivation is obvious, the female is foolish (another LW cliché) etc. If you cannot see that then there is no hope for improvement.

-JT

Keep on writing, good plot. A little too obvious, perhaps even quite standard LW stuff but not bad for a short story. You are one of better writers around here. At least one of those that can manage to construct a plot.

This story could have been alot better had you not put so many red flags up in front of the supposedly jealous husband. Shortly before moving to Hawaii, he confirms his wife is a liar and a slut, but continues to allow her to quash his honest inquiries and suspicions. If he wanted to save his marriage in spite of this then he has to get proactive, not play games. Hard to root for a dumb ass.

5 stars from me and really enjoyed this reread.

But since negative comments are apparently the "thing" here, I was married to a nurse - NNNP, actually - and know a LOT of female nurses - and none of them are anywheres near this weak and stupid a woman. More likely to just deball any male dumb enough to try that weak psychological manipulation BS.

Also my second reading of this story and I probably gave it a 5 star rating the first time around also. While Bryan's inaction seem to be a weakness in the written character Gumbo25 did let us know that there was so whoop ass coming in the future for Banks the chosen method was still interesting. The only problem is that Hilary, who was lying and cheating even during the early stage of the story didn't receive the level of punishment she deserved.

Fantastic story I really enjoyed it and hope to read more of your work!

"Deep in my thoughts the events of the day swirled. Despite the horrific attack and Banks death I felt not one bit of remorse. I know I could never speak of this day to anyone." danger danger will roberson danger lol so hmm let us see here murder<cheating

Best BTB ever!

Loved this!

I guess Banks found out that

sharks are the apex predators

of the sea. Good riddance.

Literally, every one of this author's stories are the same. The hero husband is not the brightest bulb in the drawer, but competent enough. The wife is someone who causes trust problems even before there are married and, after they are married, the problems resurface. They all fall for somebody about whom it is hard to understand why the wife would fall for the guy. And although the marriage was supposedly fine, the marriage sort of drops off to nothing and the husband is clueless. He has suspicions, but either doesn't have the will or the brains to verify those suspicions. Finally, everything is resolved in the husband's favor where he keeps almost all the money, the interloper is dealt with severely, and the wife is shocked - shocked mind you - why the husband doesn't want to be with her anymore. Lastly, there is that gorgeous girl on the side who immediately falls for him and he for her making the hero husband whole and happy again.

One of my favorites out here in LW land, I just re-read it again as well as some of the more recent comments. I loved the payback on Banks and being asked about his apex predator status as he's about to get chomped by sharks. Some say that Hillary got off too easy and I disagree -- she lost her lover and her husband and hubby even hid substantial assets from her, so I think she got her just deserts without the story going too over the top. Well thought out revenge. Bravo!

I must say, I was hoping like hell that Hilary wouldn't cheat so I was disappointed at her stupidity. Perfect ending for Banks. Usually, I don't condone murder...usually. A fitting end that fed my dark side.

The irony of Banks viewing himself as an apex predator proves to be absolutely delicious. Seems quite apropos for a story authored by Gumbo25.

Well done, Sir. Please write more.

SWAMP DONKEY... joins the herd

Hmm, felt like deja vu all the way thru.

Just like your other stories.

Same characters, different names.

Same plot, different details.

You got the LW formula down pat. Time to write something else.

Thanks for writing, though.

banks glazed with brown sugar, sliced and served with sharks fin soup.........ummmm...ummmmm ...good

They left Seattle because their marriage was in the rocks over her nearly cheating with a doctor and it takes him that long to realize she's screwing around with Banks?

This author really had some of the slowest, densest husbands in this genre. The funny thing is all of them are suspicious and have trust issues going into their relationships and still take forever to realize their wives are cheating.

5 but the authors stories definitely have a sameness to them, clueless husband who wife cheats on, the guy cheating with her dies, hubby finds a hotty related to someone in the story, happy ending the for the MC and not for the ex. Nothing wrong with having a formula but having some things mixed up would be nice.

A very good story that was well developed in my opinion. Banks fell into his own trap believing he was above it all and no one was smarter or better than himself.

This story could have been a lot better But in almost all of these types of stories this author and almost every type of author in the loving wives category manages to screw up the critically important conversation.

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In this instance the husband has found other people including the surfer guy and from Clarence.... how is how twisted and sneaky and underhanded Banks is with married women.

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But the husband does not convey that information to the wife. Screaming at the wife I want you to stop saying him I don't trust him is not going to work. It is ridiculous it is forced to do this contrived and it destroys the story.

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The husband should say to the wife ..."Hey I had a interesting conversation with Clarence today and the quarry white guy and they told me some information about banks. Maybe you should talk to them if you don't believe me".

.

This is kanipathetic and really ruins the story

Good story. Screw the naysayers, they publish NOTHING!

Banks hand was reaching out for help....oops...too late!

Great story. I read this stories on this site for entertainment, you have done an excellent job in that respect 5 stars

Great story, enjoyed immensly!(sp) Shark attack was an excellent way of removing Banks! Entertaining read!

to harryinva, wrong, he tried but she was either already hooked in or arrogant and entitled to care, it was all about her, she had probably fucked banks way before he knew the scumbags m.o.and plan. so what i hoped for was a P.I. getting hired and 2- her getting eaten by sharks also, him looking into her eyes after she says it was only sex and him saying it wont hurt for long, bitch. It was a great line as banks was begging for help, "but i thought you were the apex predator?"

Sorry, but I can't buy into murder as a solution to a bad marriage.

I thought the writing was good, great story structure, however the murder was a little bit too far for me, even though the plot device worked. I think the challenge is that the act takes him away from being the victim that we cheer for and makes him more like a villain.

Good story though, well done.

Decent story, the tenses and some grammar are odd. Murder seems extreme, but this guy was no lose to humanity. I think the husband should have rubbed it in more before the sharks got him.

Ha! Cue the soundtrack to Jaws. 5 toothy stars!

I read this when it first came out and now, after visiting it again, it still resonates and entertains just as much as the first time.

~

I had no problem with the way in which Banks, the human "apex predator", was taken down by another apex predator. Very allegorical, and it satisfied my sense of justice.

~

One other aspect I really liked was the end. This is often a difficult part of any story where we expect some karma to be dished out, so I thought it was a brilliant move to have Kiki and Bryan use the same justifications as Hillary for extramarital sex - they were just "expanding their horizons" and being "the best person they could be".

~

Just wonderful. 5 stars from me, and thanks.

Well done.....*5*

Oh, Hillary, Due to your naive cheating ways, you will over the HILL before getting marry again

Ok. I’ll Bite! Simply Outstanding!

5 stars for a very funny enjoyable read.

Really good stuff. Kinda felt a little sorry for Hilary, though. D

Expanding their horizons. Priceless

Nicely done. Great play on the apex predator. Good read.

Once again, using that old, tired out troupe of effectively punishing the seducer, but letting the cheating wife off relatively easy.

Excellent story! 5 BIG FAT FLUFFY STARS!

would have been nice if you laid some punishment on that whore hillary , but whatever .

it was fun anyway .

5 Stars as I love Shark week .. Maybe Banks can help the Sharks be the best Sharks they can be

Loved it. Finally, I found an author who knows the true meaning of retribution, revenge, payback.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Great read, and while sometimes in these stories the cheater just inexplicably does some horrendous shit out of the blue. With this the author took the time to paint a model of a husband with classic anger management issues, and a wife with parental and self esteem issues. Throughout the story you can see where these personality traits affected their decision making choices and how it led to the conclusion.

This is the dumbest story i have read in a long time. Hubby is a total idiot. Most of this story is yak, yak, yak bullshit just to add pages. I forced myself to finish reading it. I wish i had not wasted the time.

Brilliant! After the first 2, I read your stories, paying attention to the details. They clearly point towards the expected ending, and it’s fun seeing how the parts unfold..

Good stpry

Loved it.

Ed

what a slut . wish the shark got her instead of the dude

Should’ve set it up for the sharks to get both of them!!!

ZK

Title change - beware of sharks

For once the "Apex Predator" get his due ! His bullshit will not seduce another woman or break up a good marriage. 5*s.

Great story! All 5s

Hehe

Excellent! Loved it. I'm moving to HI!

So good to find the arrogant pussy hound sorted out permanently. In a lot of these stories , it's the seduced wife who bears the brunt of the punishment, while the asshole goes scott free. 5*s.

Wife was delusional and easy prey. But why did the husband almost seem to push her out to the beach to be hunted by the Asshole?

That's how sharks are supposed to be used. Taking out the trash.

Great writing.

“How’s my wife, old chum?” Sorry, been dying to say this since part 3. Odd how comfortable, fulfilling and entertaining tropes and genres can be.

There are many predators out there and a lot of them have 2 feet and walk upright. My wife and I experienced one who took our teenage daughter away. We went to a counselor, our daughter, the preditor and us. When we finished with the counselor she told us it will probably take 10 years and she will be back, The counselor was right. Our daughter finally had matured enough to realize she was married to a cheater, he was screwing the baby sitter. Anyway Karma got him pretty good but he is still alive. Hmmm I wonder where I can get some of that shark attractant? 5 stars

So husband could not compete with Banks, and so had to kill him. Big hero. A lot of typical stupidities. Husband cannot evict wife from marital home, and any decent attorney would ferret out husband's secret accounts. There was a lot of good narrative, but would have been much better if author did not take cheap cop-out of killing Banks and di not include the silly tropes.

Sorry husband that he never did anything to stop what was going on. She was under the influence of a master manipulator and should have been cut some slack early on. How can any husband sit back and do nothing? At the end she was at fault but he was weak and stupid.

@aomwoneother and all the other would be layer/investigators make me laugh. You think “any decent attorney” could find as easily find hidden accounts; really? We have entire divisions of law enforcement yhat fcus exclusively on locating hidden assets, who are as often not successful as they are successful. Also, the search for assets can be time consummimg and expensive. It’s not as simple as sitting in your basement at a keyboard typing a few key strokes, even for you law enforcement/ lawyer ennnabees. Also, there’s nothing in the story to indicate that Hilary or her lawyer had any reason even to suspect there might be hidden assets to look for.

. I was in law enforcement for decades and depending on the account and how it’s hidden, it may not be so easy to fimd at all, let alone trace back to a particular person. There’s a reason for Switzerland and the Caumans, geniuses.

Also, Bryan “couldn’t compete with Banks? Rally, that’s your predator defense? Couldn’t compete with him in the bullshit department perhaps. But further, he shouldn’t have to complete with him. Hilary was his wife, not Bank’s. That should have been it. I think Bryan’s retributive course of action was, under the circumstances, proportionate to the serial marriage wrecking offenses. Seducing wives while husbands are off making a living while you do nothing but practice series predation because you’re kicking off of your wealthy wife. Can your say lowlife who the world is better off without? His elimination is a perfect outcome, as is Bryan’s budding relationship with Kiki, also wounded by the predatory asshole. Perfect, notwithstanding all the sanctimonious and silly blubbering about how wronged Banks was. Really, defending Banks is where some of you idiots want to spend your moral currency?

Great story, and plausible, if unique circumstances and outcome.

Missed the lack of real life confrontation. No one is as delusional to casually think “oh yes he banged my brains out but it was no big deal” . She had no upper hand to delude herself with, the murder was also gross, but every author has their style.

Well-written, lotta fun. But also a bit annoying...... MC watched too much for too long doing nothing to mitigate her obvious intentions.... the prototypical LW slut (equal parts stupidity, duplicity, and vanity). But gotta say, the one thing that catches me is that the author had the MC dump the dumbass slut wife for fucking Banks, only to hook up with the other dumbass slut wife that also fucked Banks. That one sorta made the whole unbelievable tale a little more unbelievable. But alas, I did enjoy the tale.

They got what they deserved 5*****

"Again, I knew she was a bit wild before we were married."

Then why would you marry the slut? Tigers don't change their stripes, scorpions sting and sluts can't keep their legs closed.

Save yourself the trouble, don't try to wife up a slut.

Another cracking story Gumbo you describe the feelings of Bryan perfectly exactly how I would feel in his position well done 5⭐️👌

Love the story. As a Big Island boy, born and raised, Ioved reading about a part of the island I grew up on. In fact a friend of the family used to own a unit in the same condominium! I've yet to read a less then great story from this author

I have to say, that I almost always mark down any story containing murder, but not in this case.

Like a earlier Anonymous I don't think murder is an good response to a cheating spouse but the use of one predator to eliminate another was an interesting way to solve a problem. At first i thought he should have made it a voyage for three but leaving poor misguided Hilary to find her inner self seemed to be the caring thing to do for her.

Once a slut Always a slut. Never let the simps and sluts tell you any different. The murder was too far but still a great story.

Ok it was way over the top and had the main character committing murder and perjury (since in the divorce action he'd have to give oral or written evidence about his assets and he didn't include a hidden bank account) but the story was a hoot and I enjoyed it.

One thing we sometimes see here on LW is confusion between a restraining order and an order for exclusive possession of a home. Abandonment and adultery may be part of the grounds for an order of exclusive possession but they are not grounds for a restraining order, which is intended to keep one party safe from the other and requires some reason to think the party obtaining the order is at risk of physical harm such as earlier violence or threats from the person the order is obtained against.

Still a rollicking 5/5

So, he left a slut wife for fucking Banks, then hooked up with another slut who fucked Banks while she was married???

Saw the writing on the wall by the end of page three, just wasn't sure if it would be a two-for or a single place setting for the other "apex predators". Even though Banks got his due, Hilary got served a heaping of 'shut the F up slut' when she was kicked out of Banks place by Chloe and then when Kiki strolled into the room in her panties. Nice story where it's a BTB in epic proportions.

I enjoyed the story but felt that it was a bit harsh on Hillary. I think JackinYerBox's comment is relevant but also that Hillary was under the influence of some form of hypnosis; although this isn't mentioned specifically and, perhaps some compassion is due her

Great story, thank you.

5*

Lots to nitpick, lots of over-the-top characters/situations/etc. Still a fun read.

Good story, but as long as it was, the ending was very short!

That was spectacular on so many levels. One of the best BTB stories I have read. What more can i say but 5⭐️

This is a great story. Well written with such fantastic characters. Hilary is a total airhead slut that cannot help chasing shiney objects. Got to hand it to Bryan as he eliminated the Cancer and ended up great. Again the woman cheater demonstrates why she struggles with a room temp. level I Q. 5/5

"Oh, nothing Banks was just trying to be funny," she said and I think she may be blushing.

Pick a tense and stick with it. She said, is past. I think, is present. It's difficult enough to follow when tense skips between paragraphs, but in the same sentence it's worse, and it draws the reader out of the story. Leave the reader in the story. I thought she may be blushing.

Comma after Banks. The story is missing about 800 commas. Grammar matters.

I feel like use of proper grammar or the lack of, is only noticed when you just have nothing else to criticize but you still want to bitch about something. Shit didn’t we all pass English class with a B- but to this day we have no fuckin idea how to use commas and certainly have no idea how to stay in the present or past tense: I for one have absolutely no idea if I should use a comma or just end this god damn ridiculous comment. I liked this story and thought it was hilarious. I like this story and it was hilarious

Jumping back and forth between present and past tense is confusing.

I can never understand why men in these stories never hit the roof when wives are spending time alone with another man, but then there wouldn't be much of a story if they did what most blokes would do in that situation, so I suppose i answered my own question.

Him getting involved with Kiki is wrong, she did the same as his wife and ended up loosing a husband, so really if he can overlook that you would think he could stay with his wife after counselling and a lot of work.

I know most would say he lost trust in his wife, fair enough, but by the same token how could he trust Kiki, she did the same thing, if she learnt her lesson why couldn't his wife.

Enjoyed the story, but getting involved with Kiki didn't sit right

i really liked the idea of attracting the sharks !! he got what he deserved !!

Agree with previous anon. Kiki did the exact same thing as his wife. What’s the difference????