All Comments on 'Alisha: A dark Romance Ch. 01'

Can't wait for the next.

1.He loves his wife.

2.The wife is a slut and betrays him.

3.He leaves the whore.

4.Years later, the whore brings their daughter.

5.He forgives betrayal and lies.

6.Everyone is crying from happiness.

RAAC ending !

But this was so hard to read through. I realize you have a set up to make in the first chapter and taking that into consideration I still couldnt relate or get behind either of the characters. Very slow moving with no possible buried gems to be uncovered later. Will hang in there for the next chapter at least.

Finished this on the other site.

It just dragged. Kept waiting for something different in the plot. Some new character with a unique interaction. Nothing.

Only my desire for fairness made me finish slogging through this story.

Andyhm calls this dark. What a joke. It end with reconciliation.

Gave you 2*s.

Possibly Andyhm should switch to romance. That is a more accurate description of this story.

AMerryman

No rush to judgement here .As a setup , this did the job in continental style as long as one is inveterate romantic which I usually espouse to be.

The symbol of narrator's extra large houseboat bypassing the line of crowd of envious aquatic peers, entering canal lock then raised above the rest via flooding waters.All of this hubbub witnessed by bourgeois tourists seemed to cross over to narrator's early romantic life where the ownership of beautous Alisha's heart sets him above the rest of world at large.

Now the inciting incident launches with Alisha's runaway runway career. No critique to make, save the anecdote with acting coach might have been more visceral and forboding with " show" not tell presentation.

Bottom Line : I'm betting this proven author will not leave his true believer fans high and dry.

I can see where you go and I believe you are trying to get your readers emotionally involved. It works and I can already feel the dread.. I liked it. This has a lot of potential. Please continue...

Let's see how things turn up

Almost read all your stories. I wont say they re perfect lw stories but your stories re like specific premium brand i couldnt nitpick even if i wanted to.

That being said i really am starting to see a pattern in your stories. Your female characters re not very smart, i am not complaining but the plot is always about more mature, sacrificing, domestic male and imperfect but likeable female making stupid mistakes.

Really love if you would write a story about a poweful and smart female character, and maybe switch the role in your basic plot outline. Like a story driven by the female character rather than male like where male character makes mistakes etc etc, i actually challenge you to do it.

TWW, TAW, TR were epic tales, such a emotional ride, love the stories. Your stories are do much real than crap here in LW category.

I have to ask i read one of your stories in your fav list, that damn valentine's day card, such a crap story with childish characters and dumb plot; you write such fantastic stories why suggest us to read such crap?.

Keep on writing, your stories make my day.

I would love it if you would suggest your fans to read stories that re good, some stories even having a good rating just piss me off. Danielqsteelie is prime example of that. I swear one day he will write a story where husband takes back his wife after she murders his kids and paralyzes him permanently after mind fucking torture.

We must wait and see what @Andyhm brings us this time...A 5 part story can't be analyzed just in one part...3* for now

Good sense of tension building and a foreboding doom on the horizon.

Gave a 4 for that by itself.

Very well written but then you are British!

I loved the tension you built into the story and can't wait for the remainder of the tale. Hopefully there will be surprises!

But lacks credibility in key spots. The handling of meeting the daughter he doesnt know existed for 13 yrs, just doesnt ring true. Then Ali keeps making same mistake, and he is like aboetulant child complaining about lack of attention.

That said, was entertaining enough to get me to read entire story on SOL.

Your vile attack on GirlInTheMoon will be removed if author values HIS WORD ONCE GIVEN!

Will check in few days when last chapter posted!

Bought barge because of name did he!

The found lost found indicative of cliche

My take on cliche created copyrighted poem...will share intro verse but remember my copyright. Ha!

Now as I view the setting

Of this my final sun

Everything I ever said

I'd never do

I've done

√&√

The garbled first and second paragraphs are beyond belief. Nobody could read this and not catch it. I grant it was garbled after Blackranl did her editing, but still. Quite bad.

Story is pretty turgid so far.

He's a great writer and a great friend. There is a mistake and a credit got done twice. I made more than one today. It happens. Sorry about that. I'm not that good that I don't make mistakes. I'll try harder.

haha ha hahahahahahahha! I can't stop laughing.... aw, man, yer killin' me, lol!

Thanks for all your hard work!

The foreshadowing pointing out the breakup and pregnancy, hovers over the story like a vampire, sucking vitality from the prose...

Please don't take this as a criticism, as I don't know how it could be changed or if, perhaps, you intended this shadow? I'm really Ha ha ha ha omg... phuguing turgid? ROFLMAO! :) :) :)

enjoying the tale but that foreknowledge lends such a Gothic air to the story, against which the bright descriptions of their love, and her beauty, can only wave their hands ineffectually..

Hm, hm, hmmm, ha ha ha.... You know, LOL! Oh please!

I HATE the secret kid trope. And RAAC endings. I'm not reading this.

I haven't read the rest yet, of course, but I presume that something is going to part them, and it seems so far-fetched at this point that I hope it isn't going to be the old "Martian Slut Ray"!

We're waiting for the relationship to collapse.

Please keep to one font size, pref the default one. I have to keep adjusting my settings with every change. Takes stars from the rating due to annoyance factot.

Not sure what you are seeing. Checked the chapter and I can find no issues with the font size. Checked in both standard and reader view. Might possibly be a glitch with your browser.

I hate the longer stories that have a sudden change in character with nothing prior ever established to indicate a change is coming. The groundwork is laid here nicely, for whatever happens.

I feel slightly dismayed (or, put off?) when I read stories starting with a jump into the future, before reverting to the present. Reminiscent of someone reading you the ending of a book before you begin. Or, if not the ending, a later scene.

What is the intent? To telegraph 'trouble ahead'? I see no need of that. If there were such a need, it's already taken care of by posting it in Loving Wives category.

I'll wait to rate.

Paul in Oklahoma

Well constructed story, though I get tired of the long, long back story in these stories.

Surely it could be handled better in a more succinct way. It has built the background well, but it has also highlighted where the plot will go next far too clearly.

But, I am hopeful of a surprise... and some originality.

Mind you, the future scene on the barge was very well done, until the girl and mother showed up. Then it got a little trite.

Also, no resolution yet of Angelique's puzzling attitude.

One thing that should have been made more of is the euphoria and excitement that Alisha must be feeling at being the center of so much positive attention. It would go to the heads of much more mature, experienced people, let alone to someone so young.

And lastly, why do we hear so little (read, NOTHING) of her parents?

This was a great start.

Thanks for sharing your immense talent.

Hooked

Such promise for young love, so it is painful to know where things are headed. If you are riding so high, you have a long way to fall.

Great story, such angst knowing the pain that is coming.

5/5

"The bad years." what happen to the bad years w was written after that didnt sound very bad actually didnt sound bad at all

Our author is a very talented. I say this because he has somhow put a kind of foreboding into this story from the begining. It's like you see this happy inlove couple and everything is going grear, but there is something lurking behind the scenes and your expecting something bad to happen. A very good story, though I'm almost read to quit reading because something really bad may happen..............

Giant RAAC. Psycho manipulative wife, moonstruck money husband, and she tells lie after lie.

It starts out innocent and light, then the narration has a foreshadowing of darkness like storm clouds on the horizon. Tension is building as things are too good to be true. (Like the 'Pearl of Great Price', avarice is the serpent in their garden) what will happen?