All Comments on 'All Fun and Games'

Best story I've read in a looooong time. Loved the build up/ teasing and the end part was done fabulously with hint of mystey

Really great story. Loved the gradual build up and naughty play throughout. Love to read more.

Can't wait for the next part. Make it sooner rather than later

The second part needs to include a threesome with roxy, him, and the sister.

I'm actually kinda shocked that this is your first submission.

it was a very good story. slow and sensual ... if you ever planning to add another chapter, please keep it clean and no inclusion of any other character. thanks

That was a very well-paced story with good descriptions. Excellent for a first submission and I want you to dig deep and make descriptions even better next time!

Please continue this story.

An astoundingly delightful story, both in feeling and in smut. I do dearly hope you choose to write a few more chapters to their tale, as I'll eagerly be checking back with anticipation.

I can't wait to see how it turns out.

this was a good idea ruined by careless sloppy writing that was never edited. you should be ashamed to have posted a FIRSTDRAFT. find a good editor and do a total rewrite but delete this first.

Impressive for a first story, and better than half the shit I read on here. I don't normally comment on anything, but I was impressed enough to bother with this. Keep it up.

PS - Ignore that other Anonymous twat who's trolling. He makes a semi decent point about editors, but their quality varies: You need to find a *good* editor, otherwise they'll just be pooing in your creation.

Dont listen to that fuck face bad mouthing. Great story and grammar wasn't that bad. Some people get on here to enjoy the stories.And others like him just get on to talk shit

By the way don't stop now I want more

Firstly ignore the troll who told you to get an editor - he does that to everyone - wanker that he is!

Doubt he could even write a story on his own......

I laugh at his comments even if they do wind me up a bit because I'm a qualified proofreader and editor (of science journal items) for my sins.

Secondly, this was enjoyable to read not least because I didn't have to spend all my time trying to make sense of it; trying to understand what the writer meant and sorting out spelling and grammatical errors.

It was also enjoyable to read because you kept us hanging on - hoping for more - which you kept providing.

The only other comment I'd make is that I thought there were a few too many delays before they got down to the main event.

Nevertheless 5 stars with my thanks and appreciation.

I was very surprised after reading this story to learn it was your first post. Well done. I hope to read more by you in the future.

Loved the story and hope you will continue it for at least 2 more chapters. Keep up the good writing and looking forward to read more of your story.

Your story drew me in from the very beginning and kept me there. The storyline was not all that implausible. The love that Lynn felt for James was strong and so very sweet. James is one very lucky young man. I was hoping for declarations of undying love at the end, but it all worked our anyway.

I do see the signs of an intent to possible write a sequel. I don't think that anyone would object to that.

Thank you, Ron

then listen to the honest complaints and ignore the fake raves. you have a lot of wrong words and extra words that distract the readers IF you had properly proofread this it could have been excellent but your rushed ruined the flow. if you stay here you will find the rave reviewers are all fake and the complainers are the only honest comments you will get.

Excellent job, really enjoyed it and was happy you didn't rush it.

don't get roxy knew about them even suggested it but they still had to sneak around behind her back hopefully roxy gets involved next chapter

A big thanks for all the (mostly) positive feedback, it is much appreciated.

It really is the first story, erotic or otherwise, I've ever written and as English isn't my first language, I was anxious how it would come across.

It took me about six weeks to finish this and more often than not, it proverbally felt like shitting bricks. I've other story-ideas I persue at the moment, but I've left enough room for a possible sequel (though I'm honestly more a fan of one-shots).

So thank you and be patient. :)

Until they sucked the boogers out of each others noses and ate them. Seriously, this was a beautiful story and very well written. But why did the sister stuff Grannie's false teeth up her brother's ass.

This is a great first story. Why are the whiners always anonymous? Yes, there were a few wrong words and a few articles and other parts of speech missing but your English is way better than my -- pick any language you want. It also is easily as good as your critic's, the story-less, nameless pecker-head. This story line really deserves another chapter or two. I would look for an editor; it will help both you and the reader. Gave it 5 stars. Context for the erotica is so important and you did a good job.

one if the best i read in sometime... thanks and please continue

Been waiting a long time for something at least this good to appear on this site! Now of course I need more! Can you tell I'm pleased? Just look at how many exclamation marks I'm using!

Editing was fine, story telling was great, and you need to ignore the idiots who leave the "we need more HONEST comments here" type comments. Fucking idiots like those don't realise that someone is less likely to learn or improve if the comment is written by an arse-hole. Sure, the story could use some minor editing. But there would be no noteworthy changes to the story. Seriously, fuckwits like these are the types of morons who would return something they got for free to ask for their money back. Idiots.

Anyway, thank you author for a truly delightful tale. I for one, am grateful to have read it.

reluctance is natural between siblings.

Let them get to know each other, they do Not need to include Roxy in their relationship, they have enough to worry about with themselves.

Excellent story, unbelievably good for a first effort!! Continue with your writing! I am looking forward to your next story. Possibly another chapter to" All Fun and Games".

You have talent and it is certainly appreciated.

Thank you,

SliperyRox

Oh a P S ... A response to FeyGranddad95's thoughtful question re: Anonymous Whiners. It was recognized shortly after L & M put the Lit World together in '99, said Whiners would henceforth be referred to as "Trolls". Trolls can be found peeking in kinder garden bathroom window and sucking farts out of dead dogs, Don't pay anymore attention to them than the creep who passes gas on crowded subways while hilariously giggling.

Keep up the good work...Wink Wink,

S R

NO need to apologize for the slow pace....... it only added to the build-up..... question is....how can you top this??? LOL

I liked and appreciated your willingness to sacrifice the quick thrill in favour of the slow build-up, and for a first effort written in a foreign language it really is outstanding. Please keep going, and ignore the sour, petty comments from a disgruntled few who obviously feel you owe them something (and why are they like that? They never paid you to write for them, so they really have no grounds for complaint, surely?). The vast majority of comment here is extremely complimentary, so well done you!

"Then...I wouldn't stop you, I guess." WTF???

I had better social skills at 15 yrs. old! It's a thousand wonders this lame fuck ever had a girl friend and no wonder she dumped his stupid ass!! And no surprise that "only" his lezbo geek sister would fuck this lame ass looser.

I'm glad you wrote this. The characters had a very believable dynamic. Their personalities read as siblings far more authentically than most submissions to the incest/taboo category. I also enjoyed reading distinct personalities. I think it helped me believe your story. Good job.

I've been on this site for yeeeaarrrs and this is the best I've ever read. Please keep it up and make more

You have a very pleasant writing style.

The building was good, and of a perfect length.

The only problem concerns the sex scenes, particularly the last one. I'd have appreciated them to be longer.

Really nice work though.

The only part I didn't like was the last scene with roxy standing in the doorway is a little creepy otherwise then that it was very good .

"Me three," said neither of us.

Best line!

Truly the best story I've read on this site... ever! I'm supposed to be working right now but I took the time to read all five pages. It was that good. Keep up the good work.

Yes great story. Well put together. It is believable in many ways as this brother / sister relationship is a lot more common than many believe.

I (like one or two other commenters) also happen to be a proofreader and a bit of a grammarian, so I'm offering my two cents concerning those who (above) mentioned your mistakes.

And my point is - your story was so good in style and content that I didn't even notice any mistakes!

But I'd like it more if you had made Roxy to have sex with James!! ;)

Honestly, one of the best stories i've ever read on literotica and i've read a lot!

please continue writing (a sequel or other stories, but do it! <3 )

This was one hot story. I enjoyed the character and plot development. I thought the build up form the final sex scene was very good and created a definite eroticism. I did find a few errors but nothing that would distract from enjoying the story.

It was a great story, just enough build up and character development to keep it interesting, but it didn't take so long that I got bored. I did have a few moments where I questioned James' better judgment, and I was convinced that Roxy would play a more important role in the end, but other than my head hurting over James and his sexual blindness, I loved it!

really doubt he would act that way. seems he would not have been home when the sisters friends were over if he was as uncomfortable around them as you said. he sure wouldn't have joined them in the game or asked his sister to go swimming afterwards. just to way out there stories in this area have to be believable otherwise they are a waste of time.

I hope there are more chapters in the future! One coupling is way too short.

Please tell me you're working on more of this story! It's so good!

I was genuinely interested in the characters. Page 5 wouldn't load and I was devastated, but a quick google search and new tab solved my problem! Overall a great little read, enough to keep me both smiling and aroused :P

he has to fuck Roxy too!

Thought it was a very good story, great personalities and rolls. Especially James as been big brother. But hope there is more story to come.

Awesome story hope more to.come maybe threesome

I've never before read anything like this with good character development, a deep background and detail.

If only there was a second part to the story, it was amazing, good job on just everything

I HATE threesomes. I like it but hated the end with that slut Roxy peeping. Totally ruined it... :( But i really like it other than that.

Awesome loved it so much, you should write a sequel to it for sure

A well written, delightful and sexy story. However, I'm not sure about Roxie's cameo at the end. Although it didn't ruin it for me, it was a letdown. Call me old fashioned but I think involving third persons, however briefly, detracts from these sibcest stories. And, should you write a sequel, then by everything that is holy I implore you not to include her or the parents in the mix.

Just adding constructive criticism. He seemed a little too inept at some parts. I understand where you were going with it but to me it seemed a bit forced. Also it would have been nice for a bit longer build up of teasing and/or testing their limits. That being said, I really enjoyed the story and in the end, if you are happy with your work then that's all that really matters.

Ps: I will be following you now and look forward to more.

Side note: if you feel inclined, it would be nice to have them include allie in another story. Maybe even have his sister share him with her friends as a willing toy.

This is currently my favourite story. James' sister has the perfect 'sister' personality and her playfulness adds a comedic element to the story which keeps the reader entertained. Please continue to write more stories like this! thanks

I've just browsed through the previous comments and I'm really tired of anon's who criticize authors for spelling or grammar to the point of being abusive. Fine, point out that they might need an editor but this was this authors first story and some of the crap that was written in the comments, I suspect was from one anon, was just pathetic.

This is a good story and the interplay between the characters was just perfect. It's a real shame that the author hasn't published anything for 4+ years now and I really hope that it wasn't the crap comments by an anon that put them off writing anything else.

one of those guy who doesn't like to be a "boy toy". Couldn't get past the first page.

You get used and end up being alone in the end.

I really liked this story. There's very good romance, which is very rare. The only thing I missed was the more graphic part of their sex. There needs to be more details and descriptions. Since it ended too quickly. Thank you!