All Comments on 'All Grown Up Ch. 01'

I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPER SWEET I LOVED IT IT WASNT LIKE I DONT KNWO USUAL IT WAS REALLY GOOD AND WELL WRITEN HOPE TO SEE MORE OF THE STORY LINE THING YOU NO MORE CHAPTERES I LIKED IT ALOT

Could have been a good story - with an editor that is.

This is a really great effort. What would make it even better is a little editing and a final decision on which point of view you want to use, third person or first. The switching between the two tends to take away from the great story line. I hope you continue with it. I'd like to see what more these two characters have to offer.

I loved how you had such a good background for both of the main characters. More and more stories just throw some people together and that's that; we have to know where they came from.

I DO love this story but you alternate between first person and third person. That is VERY disconcerting. Stick with on point of view! It is best in third person because then it is MUCH easier to tell the story from the POV of two people.

Loved the story. Great setup and good job on using emotional tension!

I really liked the beginning of this story. I can identify with it easily. There was a time when I had a relationship with a girl I was close to and acted very much like Ryan did.

Nookiehunter

you don't want 'entitles". that means it's something owed to him, his by rights, etc. you're looking for "entails". that means "whatever that consists of, whatever that includes, etc". i love how this story is going so far. :-)