All I Want

He thought back on a 'cadence call' from his Marine Corps days that went, "United States Marine Corps. This is what we asked for", and changed it to, "Mountains of paperwork, you're a stupid dumbass jerk."

It was childishly foolish, but he had to try and keep a sense of humor as he grabbed the folder on top of the stack and started reading.

The next morning, the stack that had dwindled significantly thanks to six hours of uninterrupted reading and editing, was back, and while he wasn't about to measure it, it looked even bigger than the one he'd started working on the day before.

The good news was that it was Friday. He had Saturday and Sunday off this week, but that changed on a regular basis. He didn't have any particular plans other than getting to the gym both days, but for some reason he was really looking forward to the time off. He took another look at 'the stack' and laughed as he understood the reason why.

He was on his way home a little after five and had the radio on when a song from the 90s came on called "All I Want." It was by a group called Toad the Wet Sprocket which was absurd, but the song wasn't, and he turned it up as it made him think about the first girl he ever had the hots for.

"All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to the feel the same, the evening speaks, I feel it say...."

He couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but he was singing along and feeling melancholy in a big way when BlueTooth interrupted his song. It was his private cell, so he answered with 'hello'.

"Hi. Sergeant Ross?" he heard a female voice say.

"Dana?" he said, not telling her his last name was Cash because it was on the card he'd given her.

"Yes. Hi. Am I interrupting?" she asked with concern.

"No. Not at all," he said, telling a little white lie. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yes. Well, mostly. I'm packing up to leave, but I can stay in my apartment until the end of the month. I'll be leaving Sunday to go home, but I'm trying to get things done, and I really wanted to talk to you before I left Provo."

He was surprised at the disappointment he felt knowing she was leaving town, but responded cheerfully.

"Listen. I'm just heading home, but we could get together this evening if that works with your schedule."

"Sure. Yes, that would be great," Dana told him. "And I want to apologize about last night. That really isn't me, but I've been so confused lately, and the other girls kept asking me to go and...I...I caved to the peer pressure."

"I understand," he told her. "You seem like a nice person, and I look forward to talking with you."

"Me, too," she said with sincerity. "It's hard to find people you can talk to about, you know, doubts and concerns. Especially where the Church is concerned, and the girl who was driving, Terri, is so rabidly anti-Mormon now that I can't have a rational discussion with her."

"You struck me as being...different...last night. In a good way. And now, after just talking to you for a moment, I know I was right."

Dana smiled and thanked him for saying that.

"I often hear I'm whatever age I was--going on 30."

She paused then said, "Lately it's been 'going on 40'."

"Forty? Oh my goodness. That's ancient!" Ross said with a laugh. "Rocks don't live that long."

He laughed again and Dana had a realization.

"You're not 40, are you?"

"Ah, but alas, I am," he said with feigned resignation. "And they tell me it's all downhill from here."

"Stop! You're a really nice looking man. For an old guy."

He 'heard' her smile and laughed.

"Guilty as charged, Officer," he said, still chuckling. "Old and alone."

"Oh. You're not married?"

The way she asked wasn't odd, but it sounded like it had meaning.

"No. Never have been," he said, ruling out adding something about how he'd like that to change.

Dana also stifled her thought then asked when and where he'd like to meet.

"Do you have a car?" he asked.

"No, but I can take an Uber. It's fine."

"Uh-uh. Don't waste money on a ride. If you're not too embarrassed to have...an old guy...come pick you up, I'll stop by and we can go somewhere private."

"I wouldn't be embarrassed at all," she assured him.

"Good. I didn't want to have to duck down when I got there," he said with a laugh.

At 6'1" he could barely fit in the new sports car he'd recently bought after putting over 200,000 miles on the car he'd bought while on active duty.

Dana laughed, too, then gave him her address, and Ross promised to be there at 7 o'clock.

"You don't drink coffee, do you?" he asked, almost certain he knew the answer.

"Not since I joined the Church," she told him, "and after last night maybe I should give violating the Word of Wisdom a rest for a while."

"Good call," he told her. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay. And thank you."

"My pleasure," he told her before hanging up.

His song was over, but when he got home he pulled it up on YouTube and put in some earbuds and cranked it up.

"All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel the same...."

When it ended, he got in the shower and the way he felt was all he wanted to feel. Dana was too young, leaving town, and most likely still committed to the Mormon Church, but the way he felt after talking to her was something he wanted to hold onto. He even gave returning to church a quick thought as a way to meet someone before he realized that would never work, because he no longer believed the doctrine, and he was no con man.

He still believed in God, generically anyway, but as far as Mormonism went, he was as certain as he could be that it was a manmade religion started by a fanciful dreamer with a vivid imagination who'd have several run-ins with the law early in life. Add to that that the Church had admitted over a decade ago after 150+ years of denying it, that Joseph Smith had "between 30 and 40 wives", one of whom was just 14, and all he could do was shake his head about him being 'a prophet of God'. He could never go back to believing in any of that. Not even to find a wife. Not even one as beautiful as Dana Mallory.

Ross rarely wore anything better than jeans and maybe a decent shirt. So he was asking himself why he pulled out the only decent sweater he owned and a pair of slacks--a word he hated. Marines made a point out of saying 'trousers', but even that had a snooty ring to it. Nevertheless, he was wearing a maroon-colored sweater over a black dress shirt with black slacks and shoes that matched. Cologne was his 'bridge too far' and nothing on earth could make him wear it.

He grabbed a black leather jacket and wondered if he'd come across as a wannabe 007 but he was about to go change.

It was cold again, and the flashing sign he passed said it was 39 degrees. Snow was in the forecast, but so far the streets were still clear and dry. So why were his palms sweaty when he pulled up to Dana's apartment complex?

He'd been called out there many, many times over the years for loud music, drunk and disorderly, and even spousal abuse quite a few times. He remembered one in which a very large, very drunk woman beat the hell out of her stickman husband who ended up in the hospital. That call disabused him of his belief that only husbands hit their wives.

He made it out of the car and took maybe five steps when Dana came bounding down the stairs.

"Hi," she said as she walked up to him.

"Hi," he replied, wondering why she was there so fast.

He saw a curtain pulled back and two women about Dana's age looking out. She saw him looking and explained that those were her roommates who wanted to see the hunky police officer.

"Hunky? You told them I'm...hunky?" he asked with a laugh.

"No. I didn't use that word. I only mentioned that you were a kind of...decent looking guy. That's all. They came up with 'hunky'."

"Decent looking," he said as he walked her to the passenger door.

As he opened it he said, "I can live with that."

Dana smiled and even laughed as she got in and thanked him. Ross noticed she was wearing pants, too, so no short skirt tonight. He scolded himself for even thinking that as he hurried back around to get in.

"You do look really nice," she told him when he got in.

"Oh. Thanks," he said as though he always looked like that.

"It's freezing, huh?" Dana said when she realized he didn't say it back to her which was fine, but it did bother her a little for some reason.

"The wind is up a little, too, and that's a killer combo."

"It'll be nice to get back to slightly warmer weather," she said.

"May I ask where home is?"

"Independence, Missouri where it's just a little bit warmer this time of year. Sometimes."

She laughed nervously then said, "I've lived with my aunt since I joined the Church. My mom died when I was four, and my dad was livid when I told him I was getting baptized."

"Sheesh. How come?" Ross asked, wondering what could have made someone so angry.

"His mother was a member of the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

"Oh, okay. The ones who didn't go with Brigham Young out West."

He laughed then said, "Well, out...here."

"Right!" Dana agreed, enjoying the discussion already.

"That church no longer exists, but its headquarters was, and maybe still is, in Independence. It became The Church of Christ back in...maybe 2000 or 2001, but my dad was super close with his mom, and he felt like I was stabbing her in the back."

"Was he Reorganized?"

"No. He didn't even believe in God, but he believed in his mom. He told me if I got baptized I'd no longer be his daughter."

"That's harsh," Ross said before asking where she wanted to go.

"Wither thou goest I will follow," Dana told him with a warm smile as she quoted the Book of Ruth.

"I'm glad you stopped there," Ross told her.

"What?" a confused young woman asked.

"The rest of that verse says, 'Where thou lodgest, I shall lodge."

"Oh, my gosh! I had no idea."

"Yeah, you probably don't want to um...lodge with me."

She smiled at him then said, "I'd say that remains to be seen," in a way that brought another stirring.

He laughed then said, "Okay. So no coffee shops. Are you hungry?"

"I'm not hungry, but I do drink hot chocolate," Dana offered.

"Okay. I know the perfect place," Ross replied, and as he backed out he said, "do you find it interesting that hot chocolate has caffeine it but the Church allows it whereas decaffeinated coffee and tea aren't?"

"Yeah, that's just one of a bajillion questions I've been wrestling with lately."

When he put it in drive Dana said, "I'm really sorry about last night. I need you to know that isn't me."

"Thank you for saying that. I deal with a LOT of...disorderly people...and it's easy to start lumping them all together."

"The only reason I even went was because Terri practically begged me to go. She's so anti-Mormon now it's hard to even talk to her. In my opinion, she's thrown the baby out with the bathwater."

"I've used that saying with regard to my own life where the Church is concerned more than once."

"So you're a member but you don't go to church and you don't believe in it?" she asked with genuine interest.

"In a nutshell, yes. I'm a returned missionary, for what it matters."

"Oh, my goodness. So am I! Where did you go?"

"Rural Alabama."

"I've got you beat," Dana announced with a laugh. "I was sent to...wait for it...Salt Lake City."

"No. No way!"

He knew the Church sent missionaries to the heart of the Mormon empire. He'd just never met anyone who had. He also knew they baptized quite a few people which surprised anyone not familiar with the subject as there were plenty of non-Mormons ripe for the picking.

"Wow. Small world, huh?" he said as he looked over at Dana who was looking at him.

"Yes. Yes, it is."

He pulled into a parking lot a few seconds later and parked in front of a place called Peace on Earth, a quaint little coffee shop he loved.

"I've seen this place many times but never been inside. It looks nice."

"I like it," he told before asking her to wait so he could get her door.

She thanked him, and as they walked inside she said, "See, that's one of things I don't want to lose even if I were to, you know...."

"Stop believing in the Church?" he asked as he opened the next door for her, too.

"Right. I don't want to become like Terri. I want to remain a moral, um...law-abiding citizen."

She watched his reaction when she said 'law-abiding' and got a smile.

"So the baby stays even if the bathwater goes out."

"Right. Absolutely. I'm not going to start drinking and drugging and cheating on my taxes or even start lying."

As they walked up to the counter to order Ross told her she reminded him of himself.

"Only not as beautiful."

She laughed then said, "You're kind of beautiful, Ross. For an old guy."

He pulled the old, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" thing and got a laugh.

"You're also nice, and I like talking to you."

"I think you're nice, as well, and I also enjoying talking with you, too, Dana."

He ordered two hot chocolates which they had a minute later and sat down near the window.

"It's so dark and cold outside," she said as she looked at the street. "That's how I've felt inside for the last couple of months."

Ross waited until she looked at him then said, "But it's nice and warm...here."

He didn't say 'in here' on purpose, and Dana picked up on it.

"Yes, it is," she said with a smile before taking a first sip. "Mmmm. This is perfect. Thank you!"

What he thought might be a 30-minute conversation was still going strong at ten o'clock.

"Unlike the Bible, you can't find one city or place named in the Book of Mormon anywhere on earth," she said.

"True. Good luck finding Zarahemla," Ross chuckled.

Dana was thoroughly enjoying herself and was now completely at ease with the older man who was also a police officer. And the more they talked, the more she thought he was even better looking than she'd remembered.

"Right! It would be one thing if there was someplace like...Machu Picchu that was once called Zarahemla, but there isn't."

"Did you know the Church finally admitted it has the hat and the stone Joseph Smith used to 'translate' the gold plates into the Book of Mormon?"

"Terri harps on that a lot! He sat and looked into this hat and the words would appear in English on the stone. He would then say them to Oliver Cowdery, his scribe, who wrote them down."

"Yep. And 'Brother Joseph' had a curtain between them making it easy to read from a manuscript Brother Oliver couldn't see."

"A manuscript written by one Samuel Spaulding, maybe?" Dana asked, knowing he would know the name of the man most often credited for inventing the Book of Mormon.

"We'll never know for sure, but when you add in how many chapters from the Book of Isaiah are literally word for word copied in the Book of Alma, it doesn't look good for the home team."

"And...those words are in the same 1611 English used in the King James version of the Bible. Why? Why are they exactly the same?"

Ross knew it was a rhetorical question and only nodded.

"You still not hungry?" he asked at 10:15.

"A little," she said, a smile on her very pretty face.

She was wearing a plain, rather drab blouse, but Dana was a very attractive young woman with beautiful eyes and an amazing smile. He'd seen her figure the night before and it was, well...smokin' hot.

They headed down the street to have breakfast for dinner which wasn't really dinner, but it tasted great. As they continued talking Ross asked if she'd mind him posing a personal question.

"No. You can ask me anything," she told him in a way that said she meant it.

"Why isn't a beautiful young woman like yourself married? I mean, by Church standards, you're...."

"An old maid?" she offered with a laugh.

"Your words," he told her as he held his hands up.

She laughed some more then tried to explain.

"The mission was one thing. Then I met someone at BYU my freshman year, but then he went on a mission."

She told him that it was always one thing leading to another and now she was 24 years old and still single.

"Well, there's no reason to rush into anything," he said. "You have plenty of time. Unless you plan on having a dozen kids."

"Oh. Please! No. No way. Two sounds nice, though," she said, another smile on her beautiful face.

"How about you...old man?" she asked before taking a small bite from the waffles on her plate. "Why aren't you married?"

He gave her his story, and also casually threw out how tired he was of being alone and that settling down sounded pretty good to him these days.

"I'd tell you there's no hurry, but at your advanced age...." she teased.

Ross played along and said, "Yeah. I have to be really careful. You know, one foot's already on the banana peel, right?"

She laughed then told him she thought he was cute.

"Not...hunky?" he replied pretending to be hurt.

She stared at him for a few seconds then said, "That works, too."

During the course of their earlier conversation he learned that her degree was in nursing and that she was now a fledgling RN.

"Do you know where you want to work yet?" he asked rather carefully.

"I sort of assumed I'd go back home and find a job while I stay with my aunt until I can afford my own place."

He pushed a chunk of his waffle around in some syrup, then without looking up, asked, "Have you considered staying around here?"

Dana was young but she was also savvy and was pretty sure she knew why he was asking.

"Not until...recently," she replied.

"Oh?"

Ross looked up and perked up at the same time.

"How recently?"

She looked over at the clock on the wall then said, "Ummm. About...three hours ago...give or take?"

Ross smiled at her in a way he hadn't, and Dana smiled back in kind.

"But I could be persuaded to reconsider," she said with a coy little look that caused yet another stirring 'down south'.

"I know we just met, but I'd like that. A lot."

"I'm committed to going home, but after the holidays are over, and if someone still feels the same, I could see myself returning to...the area."

Their eyes locked, and when they did Ross extended his hand across the table. Without hesitation, Dana raised hers off of her lap and put it in his.

"I gotta tell you, Dana, I've never met anyone like you before," he told her, his voice now different in a more serious kind of way.

"I was just thinking the same thing," she admitted. "No one else understands me or how I feel or why. I don't think I can keep going to church, but like I said, I'm not going to...pull a Terri."

"I wouldn't let you," Ross told her with a wink that made her laugh.

"Right! You'd be there to put the cuffs on me, wouldn't you?"

She completely missed the innuendo in her comment until she saw the way he reacted to it. When it hit her she blushed again.

"You see! I'm 24, but I am still SO naive!"

"That's not a bad thing," Ross said. "I often wish I was."

"Oh, right. You were in Iraq," she recalled from before.

"I was. That made me grow up in a big damn hurry."

He immediately apologized but Dana only smiled.

"I don't consider 'damn' and 'hell' swearing."

She giggled then said, "But 'shit'? That's bad. Shit is very, very bad."

Whatever he'd been feeling went into overdrive as his legs moved as though he was possessed causing him to stand up enough to lean over the table and as he did, the smile vanished from her face. It was replaced by an expression that told him it was okay, so he kissed her for the first time and received an amazing kiss in return.

"That was nice, but...what was that for?" she asked very slowly and quietly, a lock of shock on her face.

"I guess I'm hoping you might want to stay here. In Provo," he said as she sat back down.