All I Want

"Do you really want me to stay?" she asked, still not sure what was happening.

"Dana. I know how crazy this sounds, but yes. I'd like you to stay. Unless there's something...or someone...making you want to leave."

"No. Just my aunt, but I'm going home for the holidays anyway," she said, still rather quiet as her eyes bounced back and forth between his, trying to figure out what this meant.

"I know you and I...we just met. Literally."

He tried to smile but kept going.

"But I can't ever remember feeling like this before. About anyone. And I know I'm, you know, older and...."

Now it was his turn to find it surreal as she leaned over.

"You talk too much," she said before she kissed him.

"Does that mean...you'll stay?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm warming up to the idea rather rapidly," she replied a look in her eyes that told him she just might.

"Really?"

Ross felt like a kid again as she told him, "Yes. Really. I like Provo. I just didn't have anything--or anyone--here to stay for."

The two of them sat and talked until the shop closed at 1am, and they continued talking on the way back to her apartment.

"So are you packed yet?" he asked when they pulled into the parking lot.

"Almost. I have a few more things, but I'm nearly done."

"Ah, so you don't need any help."

She thought he was hinting around about coming upstairs with her and laughed.

"Ross. I have roommates."

She looked up just in time to see the curtains close again.

"And they're watching!"

The curtain opened again but just a tad, and Ross had lean Dana's way to see what looked like two heads without bodies stacked on top of each other.

"Should we give them something to talk about?" he said, his face just inches from hers.

"Ross!" she said before remembering she'd decided not to go back to church again. But she'd also decided she wasn't going to throw away her morals. At least not the big ones, and that was huge.

"I didn't mean that," he said with a laugh. "I meant this."

He kissed her and she kissed him back, their longest kiss yet, and it was amazing. For both of them.

"You get me, too," he told her as the lingering kiss finally came to an end.

"If I still believed the Church was true, I might think you and I meeting was a sign of some sort."

"Maybe it was, but just not the kind you're thinking of."

"I do know one thing," Dana said with a bright, happy smile.

Ross raised an eyebrow in anticipation as she said, "You're a really good kisser."

"You're pretty good yourself."

She looked at her lap for a moment then told him, "That's all I've ever done is kiss."

"And?"

"I just wanted you to know."

"I'm glad you told me, and I want to tell you it doesn't matter. At all."

"I wish we could talk some more," she said as she looked over at him.

"We can. I don't have roommates."

"I...I don't know."

"Dana? We'll just talk. I give you my word."

"Ummm...okay," she said a little pensively but very happy that he wanted to.

It was 6am before they were so exhausted they couldn't stay awake. They'd talked more about the Church and about his job and her future job and the possibility of their future and even about a family. All in generic terms.

The last thing she asked before she dozed off on his couch was about what she'd worn the night they met.

"Did you really like the way I looked?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Oh. So you were just being nice."

"No. I loved the way you looked. That's kind of my favorite look."

"A bare midriff?" she asked, assuming that was what he liked.

"No. Just the whole look."

Too tired to care she told him she'd had a wonderful time. He asked if she wanted to go home, but her eyes had closed and he just smiled.

He laid her upper body down then covered her with a blanket before going to bed himself. He was nearly asleep when his head hit the pillow, but the sound of someone entering the bedroom caused him to sit up wide awake.

"I don't want to...sleep with you," Dana told him. "I just want to sleep next to you. Is that okay?"

Ross held out his hand and pulled her in next to him, fully clothed. She snuggled up close, kissed him, then turned her back to him and pulled his arm around her then fell into a deep sleep as they spooned.

It took him a few minutes, but Ross did, too, as he realized he might be in love with this gorgeous, younger woman lying next to him.

He woke up first just before noon and smiled when he saw her there. He watched her sleep for a few minutes and marveled at how young and beautiful she was. It was then that he knew he would indeed fall in love with her given half a chance.

Ross got up and put on a pot of coffee and finished a cup before going back to check on Dana. She was still out cold so he quietly got in the shower and let the hot water beat down on him. He was leaning against the wall using one hand to keep him from falling as he thought through the last 12 hours or so when he felt two arms wrap around him.

Too tired to react like any person would who was startled in that way, he didn't even move. He just let her hold him from behind for a few more seconds. When he stood she whispered, "No sex, okay?"

He nodded then felt her hands run across his chest then down his arms and then his back. Dana moved closer and stood on her toes so she could kiss his neck as she continued to run her hands across his body.

Unable to control it, Ross was rock hard within a minute and was wondering if she would explore that part of his body as well. But her hands stayed above his waist, and for the first time in his life he didn't care. This was...pleasant. And romantic. Knowing he couldn't and wouldn't make love to her somehow added to the pleasure.

When he turned around a couple of minutes later, he saw her look down then smile at him before moving closer. He lifted his the steel rod up so she could press against him as she then pressed her lips to his. Her tongue joined in almost immediately, and he pulled her close as he engaged in the most passionate kiss of his life.

Dana took his right hand and placed it on her breast while continuing to kiss him. She moaned softly as the water continued streaming down. For a brief moment she ran her hand up and down his shaft but stopped. Ross had tremendous control during sex, but that brief touch nearly triggered a long-overdue release.

"You are so beautiful," he told her after pulling away from her relentless kisses.

She put her arms around his neck and smiled.

"I believe I want to lodge with thee," she told him, a look of love in her gorgeous eyes and a smile on her pretty face.

"Please don't say that unless you mean it," Ross pleaded without begging or sounding needy.

"I do mean it," Dana told him. "I need to go home, but I want to be here. With you. For the rest of my life...if you want me to."

"More than anything," he replied, a smile on his handsome face.

"Would it scare you if I said 'I love you'?" she asked.

"It would make me happier than words could describe."

"Good, because I love you, Ross Cash."

"And I love you, Dana Mallory."

******

Dana flew home on Sunday and spent the holidays with her aunt whom she told about Ross within moments of meeting her at the airport. Her aunt was sad to know she wouldn't be staying and very concerned she was being too hasty. However, she'd raised Dana since moving in with her to make wise decisions, so while she had her doubts, she trusted her niece's judgment and wished her much happiness.

While she was there she went to see her father on Christmas day. He was seeing someone, and she was there. Nevertheless, he asked her to come in.

During a tearful confession she apologized to him for destroying their relationship after letting him know she was no longer a Mormon. Like Ross, her name would remain on the roles, but she was done with the religion. She stressed her intention to remain a moral person and to try and be someone her father could be proud of.

For the third time in her life she saw her father cry as he embraced her and told her he loved her and that he was proud of her. He'd cried when his wife died and again when Dana told him she was choosing 'the Church' over him. This time, she cried with him, and her father also apologized for being so rigid and unforgiving. By the time she left their shattered lives had been patched up as well as was humanly possible.

On the 31st of December, Dana returned to Utah where Ross was waiting with a bouquet of red roses and a hug that swept her off her feet. She squealed with joy as he swung her around and told her again how much he loved her and she did the same.

They'd talked every day by phone and FaceTime, often for hours, but being there with each other was the happiest moment of their lives. Dana moved in with him that day but again told him there would be no sex--for the time being, and Ross didn't even bat an eye. He was just thrilled to have her in his life, even on those nights he wanted her so badly it hurt. His back also hurt from sleeping on the couch, but he considered it a small price to pay to have Dana there with him.

For the first three months, there were a number of changes to include Dana finding a job. She had an offer to work in an emergency room, but the last thing she wanted was to see the horrors people inflict on one another from gunshot wounds to children beaten to nigh unto death.

Instead, she took a position at a family practice with a doctor who, coincidentally, had once been LDS, as well. She, her husband, Ross, and Dana all became good friends and had a lot in common on their journey out of what they considered a 'well-respected cult'. All of them had no issue with the good people they'd left behind. Most were honest, patriotic, decent people, and all four of them respected their right to worship however they pleased. It just wasn't for them.

Dana knew from her earliest days with Ross that while he would never make demands, he really had loved seeing her dressed like she was on that first cold night. Freed from the requirement to cover her body from the neck to the knee she chose things to wear that she thought flattered her figure and that her handsome, older boyfriend loved. Nothing slutty, though. Just the kinds of things that let her show off what...nature...had given her.

Their make-out sessions were almost always intense. Gradually, Dana grew more comfortable with touching and being touched and found that she absolutely loved oral sex. Receiving and giving. Still, there was no consummation of their love until the day Ross asked her to marry him.

The Four Amigos were on a double date at a bar, of all places, when the subject of love came up.

"Speaking of love," he said before standing up in front of the woman he loved, "I want to let Dana know how much I love her."

When he reached out his hand and the doctor's husband placed a small box in it, Dana's hands flew up to her mouth, trembling, as she covered it while the man she loved got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife--til' death do us part.

All four of them laughed, and the two women cried, knowing Ross meant, "In contrast to Mormon temple marriages which are supposedly for time AND all eternity."

They were at a bar, but none of them were drinking. Ross chose the place because they played live music on Saturday nights. When he finished proposing and Dana showed off the huge diamond solitaire ring, Ross turned to the band and nodded.

His fiancé knew how much he loved the song, so when it started playing, she understood it was for her. He took her hand and twirled her around then danced as the lead singer sang the lyrics.

"All I want is to feel this way, to feel this close, to feel the same...and it won't matter now. Whatever happens will be...."

When the song ended Ross kissed and told her yet again how much he loved her. That night Dana showed him how much she loved him as she gave herself to a man completely for the first time; a man she loved more than anyone or anything on earth.

That was true until just over a year later when Mrs. Ross Cash gave birth to a beautiful little boy they named Eric after Ross's best friend who'd been killed in Iraq. He never spoke about what happened other than that he'd died a horrific death, and while Dana had only seen a couple of photos of him, she agreed when her husband asked if that would be okay.

As she held their son in her arms, she smiled at Ross then said, "You know what?"

"What?" he asked as he gently touched his son's cheek.

"All I want is to feel this way...forever."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a tear fall from her husband's eye as he smiled and told her, "Me, too, honey. Me, too."