All I Want for Christmas is Her

Nodding her head, I'm so relieved when she heaves a sigh, and says, "Okay."

But as I watch her disappear into her apartment, I still can't believe how this thing blew up in my face. One kiss -- I couldn't even get through one kiss without giving myself away. Damn, I really have it bad for her. But at least now I don't have to hide who I really am anymore -- a guy who's pretty much head over heels in love with her.

When I let Bridget into my apartment the next day, I'm not sure what to expect when she hands me a bag filled with mimosa fixings, gives me a little smile, says "Hello," but then heads straight into the kitchen without saying another word. I know I've got a lot of explaining to do, but I'm not exactly sure where to start.

Finally sure turns around and says, "So, you've always been into women?"

I nod and tell her the truth, "Always." But I wish I could tell her that she's the only woman I want, hopefully without upsetting her again.

She shrugs as she reaches for some champagne flutes, to start fixing our drinks. "Then I guess we'll just have to find you someone worthy, then won't we?"

What the fuck? She had to know last night at the party, when I kissed her like my life depended on it, how deeply I'm into her, yet now she's hoping to fix me up with somebody else? Obviously, I've got to find a way to make her understand that there's only one woman I want, and it's her.

She grins as she hands me my drink. "And lucky for you, there's a girl in my office who I think you'd really like. She's gorgeous, with long dark hair, but a little timid. But you'd probably be able to connect with her, seeing as you've been able to work your way around me."

Heaving a sigh, I tell her, "I swear I never tried to deceive you, Bridget. But you just seemed happy so have a friend you could trust, that you wouldn't have to worry about hitting on you."

"Yeah, silly me." She looks sad as she looks up into my eyes and tells me, "It just feels like I don't know who you are anymore, Evan, now that I've discovered that you're not who I thought you were." And then she tosses back her drink in one gulp, shuddering as the coldness of it washes through her.

As I refill it for her, I tell her, "But why does it matter which way I swing, when I'm still the same old friend you knew before we..."

"Kissed?" She sets down her glass. "I'm think us practically making out on the dancefloor like that, was because of all the wine we had a dinner, and we were probably both a little more tipsy than we realized. So maybe we shouldn't drink anything more today, because if get drunk, now that your secret's out, we could find ourselves naked in bed. And I'm sure we both know it would be a really bad idea."

God, what a thought. I set my glass down on the counter and approach her. "But the way you kissed me back last night has me thinking that you wouldn't exactly hate it if we ever were to hook up."

Bridget tips her head. "You know you're probably one of the best looking guys I've ever known, and I can only imagine how hot you'd look out of your clothes, but I don't want to ruin what we have by complicating it with sex. I still want us to be friends. And if we go any further, it might destroy what we have. And I really like having you for a friend, Evan, knowing I can tell you almost anything. And I'd hate it if things were to change between us."

Though she's serious, my lips twitch as I think about the how complicated we could make it and how many positions we could explore. But then I nod. Because part of me know she's right. And I definitely don't want to lose her as a friend. Especially since she's the best friend I've ever had, no matter if she keeps me hard as brick all the time or not.

Bridget's more like herself as we cook together, side by side at the stove, happily hip bumping to the jazz I've got playing, with her flipping pancakes and me frying up some bacon, we laugh just like we always do. It's just so much fun to do stuff with her, and I'm glad we still can. But I notice later, once we sit down to eat, that she seems to be studying me, like she's seeing me for the first time and trying to figure me out. Before I imagine she'd put me in a box that said; safe, gay and harmless. But now that my secret's out, she's probably wondering, especially after that smokin' hot kiss we shared just how harmless I am, since she knows I'm sure as hell into women, and her in particular.

"So, I've been wondering if you're into women, and not men, then why aren't you dating?"

I put down my coffee cup and look at her. Now might be a good time to tell her that she's the reason I've kept my dick in purgatory for an entire year. I could have banged twenty or thirty chicks or more by now, but I just couldn't find it in me to have meaningless sex with women I know I could care less about, just to get some relief. Especially since, in the back of my mind, I'd been holding out for the day when Bridget finally began to see me as more than just her buddy, but someone she might want to enjoy getting naked between the sheets with. Afraid to upset her again, since she's just coming to terms with the fact that I'm straight, I lie, and tell her with a shrug, "Guess I just haven't met anyone I want to be with."

She reaches for my hand and covers it with hers. "But you're gorgeous, Evan, and I think all you've got to do is look around and I'll bet the woman of your dreams is out there, and just waiting for you to find her."

I don't know how to tell her without blurting it out, that I'm looking straight into the gorgeous blue eyes of the woman who haunts my dreams, and all the hours in between, and she just doesn't know it.

I'm relieved when she lets me off the hook and changes the subject. "Well, much as I'd like to, I can't hang out with you today. I started a Christmas food drive at work, and now I've got to go in and help sort everything into hampers. I'm really glad the staff has been so generous, but now there's a ton of stuff to sort."

"I could come, if you need some help."

Disappointed when she doesn't smile and say, 'Sure,' like she normally would, I know that we're still not back to where we were before I 'outed' myself as straight.

Finally, she says, "It's okay, a couple of others have offered to come in too, so we should be fine."

After I offer to clean up, so she can go, she gives me an odd little smile, reaches out and brushes her hand across my cheek and says a little sadly, "See you later, okay?"

I sure hope so, because I've got a sinking feeling that we might never be the same again.

At just after eight that night Bridget is back knocking on my door, and she looks upset, so I hold the door open and tell her to come in. After she's rushed into the room, she turns and says, "God, now I wished you'd have come today."

"Why what's wrong?"

She looks shaken as she says, "Armando showed up. I think because he knew I'd organized the food drive, that I'd be there. And at first he was okay and just helped out, sorting cans and stuff, but then when nearly everyone had left, he followed me into the supply room, where we were storing the donations, and he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me. And ugh, the shithead jammed his tongue into my mouth so deep, that I choked. And I was nearly sick after, I just felt so violated."

"Oh, my god, Bridget, so, what did you do?"

"I gave him a good hard knee to the nuts, that's what I did. And he backed off, called me a bitch and left."

I could feel my jaw tensing, as I clenched my fists, and knew if I'd been there, I'd have knocked the bastard out cold. "But you're going to report it though, right?"

She shrugged. "I can't. I'm up for a promotion in the New Year, and I can't make waves or they'll never give me the job. Women who complain don't get ahead. It's as simple as that. And I think he knew he could away with it, too, because even though I kneed him as hard as I could, and hopefully did some damage, he still looked pretty smug when he left."

When I held open my arms, she didn't hesitate and she let me hold her and run my hand up and down her back, just like I always did. "Isn't there anyone you can tell? And you know I'd love to set that asshole straight. Just tell me where he lives."

She shook her head. "No, it's better if I just let it go. But believe me, I intend to tell every woman I know, that he can't be trusted."

But I couldn't believe what she did next, when she pulled back a little, looked into my eyes, reached up, cupped my face in her hand, and she kissed me. It wasn't the kiss we'd shared at her party. It was more tentative and kind of sweet. And I've got to say I really liked it, as well as the fact that she was trying me out as her new straight friend to see what it would feel like.

Then she smiled into my eyes. "I'm so glad I've still got you as a friend, Evan, and nothing seems to have changed."

"Nothing's changed, Bridget, and I'll always be your friend," I told her.

She wrinkled her pert little nose. "It's just too bad we're friends or I might just be tempted to --" She gave me a saucy grin as she squeezed my ass, "—find out what it would be like with you in bed."

My dick twitched so hard, the moment she said it, that I wondered if she felt it practically tapping against her belly. I brushed the hair from her eyes, smiled right back and said, "I guess there's only one way to find out."

Still grinning up at me, she shook her head. "As tempted as I am, seeing as you're definitely the hottest guy I know, I'd be too afraid to spoil things by stepping over the line with you."

Damn. Though I knew what she meant, I also knew we'd be so good together, that nothing would change. Well, except that we'd have more fun ways to enjoy and explore each other whenever we were in the mood. Trouble was, I knew once we crossed that line, it would take an eternity for me to ever have enough of her, once I'd had her. And I'd probably never let her out of my bed.

Finally she stepped away, and said, "I just had to tell someone, I was so pissed that he'd try something like that, especially when he was only supposed to be there to help out with donations for the needy."

"Well, you know I'm always here for you."

"I know, and that's why I don't want to do anything to ruin it."

Once she left, I sat down in front of the television and started to wonder if we really could be happy just being friends and nothing else. Since I'd been lusting after her since the moment I first set eyes on her, I wondered if maybe I needed to stop looking at her like someone I needed to get naked with, and try thinking of her more as family. Since we're sure close enough. And I've got plenty of good looking women in my family that I'd never consider as sex objects, but for some reason, what I feel for Bridget is so much more than just platonic. I've fallen for her, and though she doesn't know it, I'm sure she's 'The One.'

Since Bridget loves a real Christmas tree, I've bought one for my place. I've got the perfect spot for it, in the corner of my living room. Last year we decorated it together, playing carols and stuffing our faces with cookies. And I'm glad she's looking forward to doing it again this year. She's baked some cookies, and I've got rum and eggnog and a few deli sandwiches, so we don't OD on sugar, and now I just need her to waltz her gorgeous ass in here so we can get busy trimming the tree.

When she knocks on my door, as always I'm blown away by how pretty she looks, with her hair tied back in a long pony-tail with a bright red ribbon, skin tight jeans that really show off her ass, and a Christmas sweater emblazoned with Rudolph and his nose is so bright, that it even lights up. Without even thinking, I smile the moment I see her, pull her in for a hug and press a kiss to her lips. And she just flashes the prettiest smile and happily pats my cheek, and says, "Hi." I don't think it's my imagination that we've grown a little closer and definitely gotten a little more affectionate with each other since I've 'come out.'

Once she's put the big tray of tasty looking cookies on the counter, she turns and gives me the once over, and I can see from the look in her eye that she's enjoying what she's seeing. I'm in jeans and a body hugging black sweater, and the way she's eating me up with her eyes is giving me hope that one day, hopefully soon, our days of just being buddies might be coming to an end.

Finally, after she clears her throat she says, "I'd better get up on the ladder and put the star on first, so we don't knock off half the decorations trying to put it up at the end, like we did last year."

The tree is tall, since our building has ten foot ceilings, so when she gets up on the step ladder, and wobbles a little on the top step, I quickly reach out and steady her by cupping my big hand on her ass, so she won't fall. But once she's got the star in place, she looks over her shoulder at me, and grins. "I think you can let go of my ass now, Evan."

Though I drop my hand, as she comes down the ladder my eyes never leave her perfect round bottom. And I since I know how insanely hot she looks naked, naturally my cock starts to thicken just imagining how fantastic it would be to peel her out of her jeans and that fluffy sweater, and let her know just how crazy she's been making me, once she sees just how hard I am.

Since things started off with a kiss and a little unintentional groping, I do my best to behave and stick with the program for the rest of the day.

And we're both pleased with the results of our handiwork once we stand back and I flick on the lights and we agree that the tree looks like something from a magazine, it just looks so pretty and so festive. It's tall and full and shimmering with every ornament aglow from the little white lights wound all around it.

Bridget smiles and slips her arm around my waist as we admire it. "It's just beautiful, isn't it?"

I turn my head and look into her eyes, and say, "Yes, really beautiful."

With her eyes locked on mine, she anxiously licks her lips, and hesitates for only moment, before she pushes up on her toes and touches her lips to mine. But this time, I just give in, wrap her in my arms and before we know it, it's the party kiss all over again. And as she wraps her leg around my thigh, and I can feel just how warm her pussy is against my leg, I'm torn between calling a halt to what I know will be the most amazing sex either of us has ever experienced, and going nuts on her ass, stripping her off and letting her know just how much I've wanted this, for what feels like forever.

Finally, Bridget pulls back gasping and drops her leg to the floor. With her hand on her heaving breasts she says, "God, what are we doing?"

I don't know about her, but I was having one helluva a good time, nearly kissing her face off. Heaving a sigh, I own up and say, "Sorry. It's just that, I really think you're beautiful, both inside and out, and always have. So, I guess I just wanted to express it with a kiss."

Bridget looks torn as she eyes my lips. "I know, and I feel the same way about you."

But then before we can decide what it all means, she changes the subject and says, "I don't know about you, but I'm starving. You want to try one of my cookies."

"And I've got us sandwiches, too," I tell her, deciding to let it drop. But at least I know I'm not the only one who's been interested.

We put on the TV and watch an old black and white version of A Christmas Carol, sipping eggnog and munching on her amazing Christmas cookies. But this time when she dozes off, she curls into my lap and lets me hold her, and I've got to say, it feels pretty nice to have my arms wrapped around her as she sleeps. Though I'd never do anything to betray her trust while she's sleeping, but just being close to her like this feels like heaven.

Since Christmas is only a few days away, I still have a few things to pick up, and naturally the stores are packed to the gills with last minute shoppers. And everywhere I look are haggard looking people, desperate to get everything ticked off their lists.

Since my folks, who normally live in Florida, are touring Asia right now, I'm glad they are. Because as much as I love them, I'd much rather spend the holidays with Bridget than with my parents in their rule-heavy retirement community, with their elderly gaggle of friends. And I'm really looking forward to spending Christmas morning with Bridget since she usually waits till the afternoon to go visit her family, so they can all enjoy dinner together. And this year, since I won't be making the trek to Florida, or accepting any of the invitations from my well-meaning relatives, who offered to let me join them for a big turkey dinner, Bridget has kindly invited me to join her family, so I won't be alone. So, naturally, I'm looking forward to spending it with her, too.

Christmas Eve, Bridget is late coming home and explains to me once she gets in my place that she had to make sure that all the Christmas hampers got dropped off to every family on her list. And I've surprised her by having a seafood feast waiting for her, since I know it's what she always looks forward to on the night before Christmas. She dips a juicy shrimp into cocktail sauce as she tells me how relieved she was not to have Armando there while they worked at getting the hampers into the van. And I'm just hoping her kneeing him in the nuts has got him to back off for good.

After we've eaten, she says, "Oh, I've got to go back to my place to get your presents to put under the tree."

And while she's gone, I tuck the gifts I got for her under the tree and think how nice it would be if she never had to go home, if we actually lived together, especially since we spend so much time together that we almost do. Though I know it would be almost impossible to keep things platonic if we were shacking up, never mind now.

I pour us some more rum and eggnog, since we both love the creamy taste of it and only drink it at this time of year. And Bridget brings over more of her incredible home-made cookies, and once she's put the presents under the tree, she joins me on the couch and reaches for the remote control. Then she fiddles around with the movie menu with a little smirk on her face, till she's found what she looking for, and surprises me when instead of putting on Princess Bride, or some Christmas movie, she puts on Blazing Saddles, that she follows up with Young Frankenstein since she knows they've got to be my favorite movies of all time.

Then she cuddles under my arm, and we laugh our asses off till midnight. At the stroke of twelve, she looks into my eyes, stifling a yawn and says, "I was thinking, since we're going to be opening presents together in the morning, that maybe I should just sleep over here tonight."

Sounds like a plan. But when I go to get up, telling her, "I'll just get you a pillow and blanket," since she always told me how much loves sleeping on my big comfy couch.

She tugs me back down, smiles into my eyes and says, "I mean, I'd like to sleep with you tonight, Evan."

I blink. "Wait. Did you just say you want to sleep with me?"

She smiles into my eyes, takes hold of me by the chin, and whispers over my lips, "Yes," and then she presses her lips to mine and really plants on one me. And I can't believe this is really happening, and we're finally, after nearly a year of longing, going to wind up together in my bed.

Wow, maybe there really is a Santa Claus, 'cause I know my wish just came true.

Finally, when we pull apart, though she's got me too aroused to even see straight, I ask her, "You're not afraid of ruining what we have anymore?"

She shakes her head. "No, not when what we have is this good. Tonight at my office, I felt so happy watching those hampers going out, knowing how many families were going to be overjoyed and relieved to receive them, and just I kept thinking that the only thing that would have made it better was if you were there with me to see it. I think we're kind of already a couple, we're so close, except for the fact that we've never slept together. And I want that with you, Evan. I realize that I've grown to love you as more than just my friend, and the only thing that would make what we have even better, is if we were to finally just give in and accept the fact that we're more than just a little attracted to each other. Because even when I thought you were gay, and totally unattainable, I'd fantasize about how good it would feel to be skin to skin with you naked in bed, making love till we could barely breathe, and that's what I want -- and only with you."