All Comments on 'All nighter with my brother'

I couldn't write something this bad on purpose.

In serious need of an Editor. Run on sentenances lack of punctuation etc. Same old worn out bro/sis incest story. Rather bland at that.

1 star

DragonRider55

Please continue!!! I added you to my favorites so please continue with these two.....BTW....The title is so right!! I'm waiting with baited breathe for your next installment.

Not too bad for your first story. If I may, it was dry and not much interesting. I have found out that if you want to get interest in your characters and story, you need more dialogue and banter. Writing a story in narrative form is boring. You need to explore your characters and get the reader interested. Also, be more descriptive of them as a couple. Let the reader feel their heat and emotions. That is my opinion. Please keep writing and I will see you again. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Looking forward to more.

A couple of things were small problems; a few typos/grammar - but hey, everybody can do better. But I was a little confused. Were they step siblings with different dads? Not sure about the man at the window. Voyeur / exhibition is kind of cool. Was it Dad?

Anyway, I enjoyed it and am looking forward to more of your stories.

Please refrain from writing anything without getting someone to proof read it.

Five stars for a first go. Some nice twists to give the forbidden more jeopardy. But go deeper in the writing.

This reads like a user manual... and seven paragraphs isn't a story.

Just weird

that, before attempting to write anything else, you should get some help, especially someone who knows spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc to teach you to PROOF READ!!

Frankly, I wonder about the people who have 'favorited' this nonsense!

What are THEIR abilities like??

How did this get published? You have some material to work with here, but it pretty much sucks overall.

Try again.

Good ideas, just a really lousy presentation. Horrid gaps and inconsistencies.

You will improve, keep it up.

Look, if you are wanting to write, then slow and easy, learn to use a thesaurus and a dictionary. Grammar is key to being a good writer.. This was half hearted, and a total waste of time to read.

Your story does need work but dont give up it was still hot

Good luck in the future...get some help editing the grammar. Develop your story to have substance beyond the sex. Example: Why is he her brother? It didn't sound like they had the same father. Why didn't the girl get hysterical when a stranger was watching them have illicit sex? I'm 6'5" tall and weigh 285. I would have been hysterical, especially if I was doing something illegal...I wouldn't want a witness.

don't stop

You need to ‘flesh’ out your story just a little more. But I loved it! Please keep writing!!

...stop writing. NOW.

This only, very vaguely, resembled English. Aside from being far too short, the spelling was atrocious, the grammar just as bad, there's punctuation issues... etc, etc, etc.

A writer should not annoy the reader - this was VERY annoying.

this was difficult to read. Work on making sure your story makes sense and ask for someone to proofread.

The premise was nice, and some of the detail was good, but it would be better to flesh out the story some and give some motives and backstory to the characters. As someone who is in an incestuous relationship take it from me that family members do not often just jump into bed with each other without some serious build up and pent up desire! Also I found the voyeur did not add anything to the story other than pad the word count, now if it had been someone they knew and who knew they were brother and sister or had some other kind of greater involvement with the story that would be different. Don't let some of the other commenters scare you off, keep writing and refining your work and it will improve! Writing is a marathon, not a sprint

but needs work. try getting a proofreader. keep writing you'll get better with time.

very hot and very horny i do hope theres going to be a a next part whos knows may an ass fuck added to more of the same kinky hot play . with you letting the cat out of the bag while sleep so your mother over heres what you bother and you are getting up to turnning here on as well listen till finaly asking you if you and your bother are still having hot sex . then telling you that she was so turned on she stated fucking her self , then ask if you could drop this into your brother that mom would love to join in on there sexy nights.

This reads like it was written by a teenager