All Comments on 'All That Glitters Ch. 02'

The table has been very competently set. Your exposition is very good. I’ve got a decent feel for the “world” in which this story is set now — but want to know more!

Sorry to be a bit geeky but WRT the FTL capability....one limiting factor seems to be range — 3 jumps in the high performance ship to go 70 light years = about 25 LYs per jump. But there must be another limiter that has mitigated the spread of the Terran Union....fuel? That is, a ship can only make x number of jumps before need to recharge or refuel?

Looking forward to seeing how the story plays out. I love good “space opera”, and this has great potential.

great story

Truly love how you have written this tale so far and cannot wait till the next chapter comes out. :)

I am impressed with the way that you have constructed this story. A rich backstory as well as very identifiable characters have breathed life into a fantastic sci-fi thriller. I do hope that you continue this story through to it's logical conclusion and don't get bored with putting it together. I'm a fan and can't wait for the next installment.

I anxiously await more of this story!!!

Enjoying it but the abbreviations in dialogue are jarring to read. Also, too much datadumping on the reader - work it in as discovery or part of dialogue. It makes it longer, but so much more enjoyable and it opens up opportunities to explore characters, concepts, and for growth.

Okay, so I've read the prologue and the first 2 chapters and I still have no affinity for any of the characters. I'm guessing you're setting up Raymond Clark up as your lead but other than being a 'badass' who doesn't know the meaning of pressure we know nothing about him and personally I feel no connection to him (or any other characters) so far. You've had two incidents/events, both happening in the Prologue and since then all you've done is expand on that, bringing to light the greater universe this is happening in. But right now, at this point 3 chapters in, I don't really care.

I should care as I should be attuned to at least one character and their plight but the one person who had something bad happen to him is watching crime dramas in a hospital while waiting for his legs to be regrown. Your 'main character', Capt. Clark is bedding willing women, getting billion credit cheques and building mines to outwit the Navy all while scaring everyone with the amount of distinctions he has pinned to his chest. To me, there is no character depth so I'm not feeling any emotion toward them and as such I just don't really care about what is going on, especially a build up as slow as this.

Lastly, I've notice a few errors here and there but can read past them, except there are a number of instances where the word 'vice' is used in this and earlier chapters and I have no idea what it means or refers to. The first use in this chapter is "...you will return here and take up on station with your current seniority level as a Level One Miner vice losing that seniority after having returned planet side for any length of time..." Now I've checked to see if there was some kind of meaning I was missing but I can't see anything or decipher if another similar word was meant and just misspelled. I also can't think of a term that I could inject to replace the word 'vice' in order to make that sentence make sense and the same is true of the subsequent use of the word on page one. Was it just an editing error?

Vice = in place of.

It's in the dictionary.

Events create and mold the character. You cannot have a fixed character sketch, just a base and hen everything else fluidly changes according to situations and circumstances. A good story and I think I'm going to binge read this in this lockdown.

How many times will the reader have to be told the same details? The situation has been described more than once. It's a good story, but I understood the first telling. This chapter describes the same thing for the third time.

Second time reading this for me and enjoying it as much as the first time, just brilliant. Thanks for creating it.

Babies for Annette, Fiona, and Aurelia?

Vice as in vice versus. I’ve seen versus used alone, but this is the first time I’ve seen vice used this way. Minor detail. More importantly, we were able to check in with Sean and his personal nurse. Good to see he doesn’t seem to be in a great deal of pain. I’m enjoying this very much and having fun imagining what I could do with an eight meter flawless diamond . . . 💎 💎 💎 💎 💎 🇺🇦 🇺🇦 🇺🇦 ☮️

"Respect?" Boy, that is asking for a lot in some parts of this site. LOL

Good space cowboy tale you've started. I found two chapters in the 3x range won awards, if you keep up the four pages as an average, it'll be something to sink my teeth into for a day or two. I appreciate it, and the quality of your work, and based on how I found it, that quality should only get better.

Aside from some incorrect word use, and a few technical grammar errors, the mechnics are sound. Natural sounding dialogue is always nice to find.

Something which threw me for a curve before I realized what you had intended was in this chapter. You wrote, "You will be receiving royalty checks at fifteen percent royalty rate vice the current five percent rate."

This is an unusual, and highly likely incorrect use of the word 'vice'. Structurally, from a wordsmith perspective, a better, (correct), choice would have been 'versus', or any other multi-word phrase which delineates two possible outcomes, actions, or options.

A more skilled editor would have caught this and the other items I referred to, above. But, with free help, you have take what you can get.

Thanks for sharing your imagination & creativity, and for all the work it takes to put together a Lit submission.

Not able to vote because of this messed up 'beta' UI which has been in place, and messed up for way more than a year. I gave up almost a year ago on sending reports about the problems, since I've seen no changes. Frustrating, to say the least.

Very enjoyable story, but as a veteran, i hope you switched the abbreviation to the proper XO vice your created Ex O in su sequent chapters. I understand the need for consistency, but it is visually annoying for me to read, and jars me out of the storyline ever time I see it.

As a budding writer myself, Capt Clark is too flawless. There is not even a hint of anything dark behind his character. I've met other veterans who've been to the "sandbox", and all of them have some darkness they've picked up from there. I hope to see some more development in future chapters.

I give it a 5 as it is defintely better than a lot of the other stories here on LE.