All Comments on 'All the King's Horses Pt. 01'

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Thanks for Reading!

One of your best first chapters. Looking forward to more of this story please.

I don’t know where Dragon Cobalt is going with this plot, but I do know that I’ll be enjoying where he takes me. Keep up the great work and the amazing stories

Great stuff so far.

I did not know if I was going to like this story, the more I read the more I liked. thanks

Great

5/5

I like the addition of the Puazi! (Gal'Sem)

Yay, someone else recognized my BLATANT THEFT.

Not sure about this story. I'll read chapter 2 to make sure

...but good golly, in need of an editor.

I run a local writers group and we have some published authors (some self, some 'actual') as well as a bunch of true amateurs.

We have put out some anthological work as a group, even...and nobody would have put out work without an actual editor taking a pass at it first.

All I'm saying is, have a bit more pride (or less, perhaps) and find somebody to read your stuff. It isn't really that hard. If you're getting paid, don't sully the work of other professionals. Poor editing always detracts from the content, no matter what the mopes that post on Twitter (groan) say.

Aside from that, story is pretty good so far. Tiffany having a very singular 'dialect' is both humorous and slightly annoying, but does form part of her character. It is sort of annoying she isn't a bit brighter, but then one remembers she is a teenager, not a fully-formed adult yet.

So far, pretty good. 4 of 5 stars, and I'm (unsurprisingly) a stingy scorer.

Keep writing, though, this is a different story line in the otherwise-overused vampire genre.

Well, Anon, the stories I put up for free on this website are the first drafts. My patreons get access to my second drafts.

i love this. the buffyisms. the brief shoutout to tamora pierce. the world building

Holy shit that one commentor is insufferable.

Editor? Nah.

It's hilarious, just as it is.

I've been reading a lot of your stories and I generally like your style. We all make errors now and then and usually I just gloss over them (unless they're in my own writing in which case they drive me nuts when I find them after the 100th read and wonder just how I managed to miss them).

So, Sunnyvale California.

You've just given me a tell that strongly implies you're not from out here and/or have never been near here.

East mistake to make here when one picks a location away from where they are.

Sunnyvale, CA is the heart of the Silicon Valley. It's full of companies like Google, Facebook, Apple, and more, and has been for decades. Before that it was full of military research and semiconductor companies ever since the build up during WWII. It's a part of the San Francisco Bay area so in WWII this larger region was were were built our ships for the Pacific Theater. But that's going back too far. Suffice to say, Sunnyvale has been a major tech city for a long time, and is quite famous despite being a rather dull grid of office space, wide boring roads, no nature, and no culture.

Tiffany notes she's met like, one Asian in her life - yet she lives in a city that has been almost majority Asian since the end of the Vietnam war when so many South East Asians settled in the South Bay alongside the already present Chinese, Korean, and Japanese communities - some of which had been there since the 1840s. These days, it's full of people from South Asia who are likely to be the majority soon if not already. But in the late 1990s they were probably only 30% or so of the population, a little less than East Asians. The place is also full of 'part-Asian' folk like myself - and that's been true of coastal California in general since the 1800s, whereas inland is more Mexican since this all used to be Mexico.

It's like living in Paris France and having only ever met one French person before - it could happen. ;)

Love your work. But that threw me. :)

Not too much. I'd make the same mistake if I tried to set a story in the UK. But when it's a place I regularly commute through or work in, I grin and push on as the story is still a fun one.

I was born and raised in Sunnyvale, lol.

Sunnyvale also does not have as many vampires as Sunny*dale* which is what Buffy is based on - and there are extremely white parts of Sunnyvale. That, plus the fact she's from the 1990s and not the early oughts, is why Tiffany has a less racially diverse portfolio of people she's met.