All The Young Punks Pt. 22

September 1979

---- LONG TRAIN RUNNING ---

Watching the state of Connecticut pass from his Amtrak window, Joe had a few hours to ponder the last eight weeks, a long train of thought running through his eighteen-year-old head. He sensed this was the most important summer of his life. Last summer, 1978, felt the same as the band spent weekends playing beach clubs, building a following, and making cold hard cash. What might next year bring... or was it all over?

It felt like he was at a crossroads in life, at age eighteen! These things shouldn't come so early. Teenagers aren't prepared for this. As the train rolled through pastoral southern Rhode Island, Joe wondered how he could manage a double life, with his sisters in Providence and Tina in New York. Could he pull that off without disappointing the most important women in his life... all four of them? He had no clue.

The rural landscape turned suburban, and then urban. Joe's chest tightened up. He was expecting to get roundly taken to task for overstaying in New York, not enough phone calls, and general worry and disappointment - the usual stuff. Walking through Union Station, he realized he'd never been inside the Providence train station before. He walked across Burnside Park carrying his guitar case, duffel bag, and backpack. He sat on a bench in Kennedy Plaza and waited for the Ten Bus. He was home.

Joe had six arms around his body before the door closed behind him. Jeanie around his waist, Jules claimed his torso, and Jackie had his neck. He placed his baggage on the floor and kissed the tops of their heads. It wasn't an excited reunion. Jeanie yelped when he walked in, and they quietly went to him.

The hugs were silent until Jules looked up. "What did you get me? You said you had a surprise for me."

"Take it easy," Joe said as Jackie released his neck. "I'll get around to that."

Jackie had a look in her eyes Joe knew too well. "You lied to me," she said. "You broke your promise."

"I didn't lie, but I did break my promise, and I feel terrible about that. Can we talk about it later?"

That's all it took to initially disarm Jackie, admit you are wrong, or did wrong, and she could get past whatever it was... in time. She and Joe both had the grudge-holding gene. They got it from Mom. Those kinds of people need apologies.

"Okay," she said. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," Jeanie said, the last sister still hugging.

Mom watched from across the kitchen. She was smiling. That's weird. Joe was expecting the traditional shrill scolding and finger-wagging, and then... Mom put her arms out. Joe hesitated. Glanced at Jackie, and then he went to Mom... cautiously. As they embraced, Joe couldn't remember the last time they shared a hug like this. It wasn't a forgiveness hug following a fight. They weren't hugging out tragedy or sadness. It was an embrace of love. That's weird.

Mom exhaled audibly, "Welcome home. I'm glad you're safe."

"I'm glad to be home. I have something for you." Joe reached into his pack. "It's not a big deal." He pulled out an envelope. "I think you'll like this."

He watched his Mom open the envelope and remove prayer cards from St Patrick's and St John The Devine in Manhattan, as well as postcard photos of each grand cathedral. Mom held them in her hand, with a faint smile.

"This is sweet of you," Mom looked Joe in the eyes. "Did you go to mass?"

"Let's not get crazy here, Ma," he smiled. "I went into the candle altar thingy. I was going to swipe a candle for you but they were giving these away, so that saved me from breaking a commandment."

Mom smiled, actually finding something Joe said amusing. Joe glanced at Jackie with an expression of confusion. Mom hugged him lightly. "Thank you. Now give the girls their gifts. I think Jeanie is going to pee herself."

Joe's jaw dropped. He looked at his sisters. "Did she just make a joke?"

"I told ya," Jackie said. "It's been really weird around here."

Joe looked at Jeanie and pointed. "Go to the bathroom. I'll give gifts as soon as you get back." Jeanie ran off. "And don't forget to flush."

Mom followed Jeanie to the other side of the house. Jackie leaned against her brother. Jules sat at the kitchen table, hands folded, waiting for her surprise.

"I have so many stories," Joe said. "New York is... I don't have one word that would do it justice." He lifted his duffle bag onto the table.

Jeanie returned, sliding in her stockings on the kitchen linoleum. "I'm back."

"I can see that." He unzipped the bag and pulled out a package wrapped in brown shopping bag paper, he had scribbled in colored markers, skyscrapers, the arch, the ferry, a slice of pizza, punk rock cartoon characters with mohawks of various colors, and one girl with purple hair. He handed it to Jules.

Joe knew his cartoon sketches would mean as much to her as the books inside the paper. She began carefully unwrapping to preserve the artwork. Joe handed Jeanie a long cardboard tube, also decorated with his cartoons.

Jeanie smiled, "What is it?"

"A baby elephant," Joe shook his head. "Open the end."

Joe reached into the bag and pulled another package out, wrapped in tissue paper. He handed it to Jackie.

Jules was still opening her gift with paper-saving caution. Jeanie couldn't figure out the tube. Jackie began removing her paper.

This is so cool, Jules said, looking at the first book.

"Pull the and of the tube off," Joe instructed Jeanie.

Jackie gasped, "This is beautiful." She held an artsy-hippie blouse up. She looked at Joe. "You picked this out?"

"I know the girl who made it by hand. She hopes you like it."

"I love it."

"And her classmate made those bangle thingies."

"They go perfect with this top."

"I know."

"Posters?" Jeanie asked, looking into the tube.

Jules held her book up for Jackie to see, "It's about how all the New York City parks were built, with lots of pictures, and maps." She held up another book. "And this is ancient."

"That's a first print from 1895. I have no clue who that author is, or if it's good, but you love mysteries." Joe smiled at Jules. "That's a musty old mystery. Smell the book."

Jules sniffed it. Her eyes got big. "That's amazing. It smells like an old library."

"Isn't it great?"

Jules got up and wrapped her arms around him.

"What's wrong with you," Joe took the tube from Jeanie as Jules held him. He removed the posters and then handed them to her to unroll.

Jackie leaned against him. "Thank you. This is so cool. I can't wait to wear it."

"She's working on another one."

"For me?"

"I need to know if that one fits."

"I hope your boobs fit inside." Jeanie smiled as she revealed her first poster. "David Bowie!" She peeled it off to see the second, "Freddie!" and the third... "Blondie!"

Joe turned the tube over. A pile of stickers fell onto the table.

"Oh, cool." Jeanie hugged his waist. "Will you put my posters up for me?"

"Yes, I knew I was making work for myself with those."

"What did you get Dad?" Jackie asked.

"I'll give him what he likes most, stories. Where is he?"

"Helping Uncle Ray with his car, again."

"What would Dad do with all his free time if he didn't have three brothers?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah, being the oldest can be a drag," Joe said, making wide eyes at his sisters.

"You love us," Jeanie smiled.

Joe nodded. "That's why I came back... and why I'll always come back."

Dad arrived just as dinner was being served. He smiled at Joe, they embraced, and the family sat down for pot roast dinner. As Mom said grace, Joe looked around the table to see if anyone opened their eyes.

"Foul," he declared. "Grace doesn't count. Jeanie peeked. We need a redo."

"How would you know if you had your eyes closed?" Jules asked.

"I don't do grace. I just keep an eye on you."

Mom did not redo Grace.

"Tell us about New York," Jackie said as she served herself. "I bet it was amazing."

"It was. I met so many cool people, we played in three clubs, and we have a fourth lined up for when we get back. I visited a recording studio and so many record shops I lost count."

Joe told his family tales of freaky punks, his new friend from London, and how incredible his time in New York City was. He did not mention barroom brawls, heroin, Simon's assault, or the main reason he stayed behind, the cartoon girl with purple hair.

---- BORN AGAIN ----

Mom pulled Joe out to the front porch after dinner. "I had a long talk with your sister." She sat in a wicker chair.

"Which one?" Joe leaned against the porch railing.

"Jackie."

"I was gone eight weeks. I would hope you talked."

"Why do you always wisecrack?"

"Some people like that about me."

"When you called to tell her you were staying longer than planned, she was very upset, for two days."

"I know. I felt bad making that call."

"I don't understand why you had to stay in New York for two months."

Joe felt a scold was brewing. "It doesn't matter, Ma. I'm home, and everything is fine."

"I know," she reached over and touched his hand. "But you should have called more, as you had promised her."

"I understand, but..." Joe decided to make no excuses. "I'm sorry I didn't call enough, but I did send seven postcards. It's not like I forget my family."

"Jeanie loved them. After the first card arrived, she ran to the mailbox every day hoping for another. Each card made her so happy."

"So, I didn't do so bad after all, right?"

"I suppose not," Mom said with a slight smile. Then her expression turned earnest. "I sense you're leaving us, maybe not now, but soon. I feel sad about it, but I'm learning to accept it. I'm trying my best. I talked to Jackie, and she feels the same. She says it's fate, she has the..."

"Yes, your Dubois ESP. "

Mom always insisted that she gave Jackie an ESP gene, a trait Mom got from her mother. The Dubois women had clairvoyance... or so they claimed.

"Ma, why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted you to know that I understand, and I love you. I think you're going to be okay." She put her hand over his. "I'm praying that you will be. It seems to be working."

"Oh, yeah," Joe smirked. "It was your prayers that kept me safe."

"They didn't hurt. You came home and made everyone happy."

"That's a first."

"No, it's not. Some of us just had trouble showing it."

"Pfft.' Joe shook his head. "Some of us?"

Mom stood, looking Joe in the eyes, and embraced him for just a moment. She cupped his cheek with her hand and walked inside. That was weird.

After hanging Jeanie's posters, which meant moving other posters, and rearranging two walls of teeny-bopper decor, Jeanie sat on her bed. She held a metal, hand-painted box Joe had made her years ago to hold the trinkets she collected. He sat beside her on her bed as she opened it.

"Thank you for the postcards. I love them."

"You're welcome."

"Did you really go to all these places?"

"I did, but I have a confession. I bought five cards all at once when I first arrived. I didn't send any until I went to the thing on the card."

"That was smart," she said. "That gave you a list of places to go."

"Exactly. I bought the last two when we decided to stay longer."

"I will save them forever."

"That's fine, but you're gonna need a bigger box. I plan on sending you postcards from every city my life takes me... all over the world."

Jeanie looked up with love in her eyes.

After his time with Jeanie, he sat with Jules in the living room, looking at her NYC Parks book, showing her all the parks he'd been to, with stories of who he was with... like Sal stepping in dog shit and his friend Tina walking along the Hudson River.

He then he instructed Jackie to meet him in the dungeon in ten minutes. The moment she walked into his room, "Who's that lady upstairs?" Joe got to the point. "This is some Invasion Of The Body Snatchers shit, isn't it?"

Jackie smiled and sat on the end of Joe's bed, perpendicular, back against the wall. "I told you she's been chill. She's been like this since you left. It's like your going away made her realize she couldn't hold you back anymore, and she finally let go."

Joe stared at his sister thinking, 'How does an almost fifteen-year-old deduce these things?' "It's fucking weird," he said. "Are you sure she's not taking meds?"

"I don't know of any."

"We'll have to do a spy mission like the old days."

"Except we're not looking for Christmas presents."

"Our mother is on drugs!" Joe made a horror face of terror. "Argh!"

"Can you do me a favor?" Jackie asked earnestly. "Since you broke your promise, I think you owe me one."

"What is it?"

"Just go with it. Don't question her. If it's medication, so what? She seems happy."

"We'll see. Maybe my coming back will trigger her anxiety, like a delayed reaction. Let's give it a week before we celebrate her rehabilitation."

"We're all happy you're back, but I know it's not for long."

"Okay, Miss Nostra-dumb-ass. If you say so."

"Joe, you broke a promise, and that hurt. It really did. Then I realized it was the first time you ever broke a promise to me. I thought about it and figured something amazing must be happening in New York for you to do that, so I'm getting over it."

"A thousand amazing things happened."

"You still owe me."

"I gave you a blouse and bangles."

Jackie shrugged. "I can't be bought like the others. What's her name, your girlfriend who made the blouse?"

Joe smiled. Detective Jackie Theroux cracked another case. "Tina."

"So, she is your girlfriend?"

Joe nodded, "And she's amazing in a thousand ways."

"I want to know everything about the girl who made you break your promise to me."

"Will that make us square?"

Jackie smiled. "It depends how good your story is."

Joe told his sister all about Tina, how they met, how smart and beautiful she is, and that he'd never met anyone like her in his life.

"I can't even explain what it is," he said. "She has this fun positive energy. She's weird, artsy, and passionate. It's just the way she is. It's unlike anything I've ever felt."

When he finished, Jackie sat quietly for a moment. Jeanie walked in and jumped on the bed just as Jackie was about to ask a question.

"So, you're done with Sandy and Claire, and the others,"

"Yes, I am."

"Sandy called, like four times."

"And now she's at college in Vermont. She'll be fine."

Jeanie scrunched her nose. "Do you have a new girlfriend?"

Joe nodded. "Can we keep it a secret?"

"I'll try." Jeannie then changed the subject. "Is the subway fun?"

"I don't know if fun is the word I'd use. It's crowded and stinky, but convenient, so we used it a lot."

"I want to go on the subway."

"Someday, you will."

When Joe tucked the girls in that evening, Jules pulled him in close for a hug and whispered in his ear. "I heard you have a girlfriend in New York."

"I do, but let's keep it between us, okay?"

"That's why I whispered."

The odds of three sisters not telling Mom Joe had a girlfriend in Manhattan were a gazillion to one against him. Two days later, after helping Mom get the girls off to school, they talked over a cup of coffee.

"Okay, hon. Tell me about the girl."

"What girl?"

"Do you think you can keep that from me after you told the girls?"

Alice demanded the details: name, rank, serial number, height, weight, hair and eye color, how they met, what she was like, and so on.

"Tina goes to mass. Her Mom is like you, a super Catholic."

"That's nice, dear," Mom scrunched her nose. "Did you say purple hair?"

"I did," Joe smiled. "And it's absolutely fabulous, luxurious hair."

Mom shook her head. "Jesus, Mary & Joseph."

"T has better hair than all of them combined."

"Ya know," Mom said, thinking. "You always had a thing for hair. You do your sisters' hair all the time."

"That's because they're helpless."

"No, the girls like you doing it for them, and you always enjoyed doing it."

"If this music thing doesn't pan out, maybe I could become a hairdresser."

*****

Very late in the evening, after the women were down for the night, Joe and Dad sat in the living room. Bill wanted details, and Joe gave him all of it, even the bad stuff. Dad asked a few questions but offered no judgment. He pondered Joe's predicament. His son had made it clear; that the band was at a crossroads.

"You want another beer?" he asked.

"Sure," Dad said.

Joe went to the fridge leaving Dad to his thoughts. When he returned with two bottles, the old man had something to say.

"You have to give Sal a chance to prove he's on this, that Johnny is getting help. I agree with you that John Senior should be involved. If Sal drops the ball, you go to Johnny's Dad."

"I don't trust Sal will get this done."

"But he promised you he would, right?"

"Yes, he did."

"Then you should give him a chance to keep that promise."

"How long should I give him?"

"You're a smart kid. I think you'll know when the time comes."

Joe breathed in deep, then exhaled slowly. "I can't go to bed like this, my mind is running a marathon. I have to end with something positive." He looked up at Dad. "That's a trick Dr Nichols taught me."

"Okay, what good happened?"

"I met someone special I want to tell you about."

"Alright."

"This Brit I mentioned at dinner, Simon McManus, he's the bee's knees."

Dad laughed. "I thought it would be the girl."

---- FLASHBACKS ----

Janie twirled like a ballerina in the street. Her shoulder-length blonde hair flew outwards. She smiled, showing a gap where a tooth once was, a new tooth poking through. Her arms extended like the wings of a delicate bird. Her eyes met Joe's. Her voice whispered.

"You must go, Joe. Your life is not here."

"Janie!" He abruptly sat up in bed, sweating, his breathing erratic. He calmed himself and took a cleansing breath; a deep inhale, he held it a moment, and then slowly exhaled. He fell back to his pillow.

The next morning Joe walked Jules and Jeanie to school, one in middle, one in elementary. It was a flashback to his younger teens. On the way back, he stopped at the market, the deli, and a bakery. He would spend the entire day at home, with his born-again mother, and be there when the girls got home. Mom was so chill that it kind of freaked him out. He cooked dinner for the family, his cheese ravioli and meat sauce recipe, learned from Pops, with crusty bread, and a Caesar salad.

On day two, he walked the girls home from school and helped Jackie cook dinner. He was happy doing what he had been trying to escape all these years. This surprised him. He suddenly found it hard to be alone. The solitude he once valued now felt lonely. Jules and Jeanie hung out in his bedroom listening to the records he brought home. He and Jackie snuck off one evening and walked to DePasquale Square for an Italian Ice. Two days later, they would take the girls along with them. The four siblings sat at a cafe table in the plaza, talking and eating ice cream.

Joe had no interest in going to the garage. Sal had been home for twelve days, and Joe five days. He was afraid to go because he felt in his bones that Sal would not come through for Johnny. Sal was an enabler. He learned about that in therapy and from books he read on addiction at the New York Public Library. Joe dreaded walking into the confirmation that his instinct was correct, so, he put it off.

Janie twirled like a ballerina in the street. Her shoulder-length blonde hair flew outwards. She smiled, showing the gap where her tooth once was, a new tooth poking through. Her arms extended like the wings of a delicate bird. Her eyes met Joe's. Her voice whispered.

"You must go, Joe. Your life is not here."

"Janie!" Joe sat up in bed, sweating. He put his face in his hands. "Fuck." He fell back on his wet pillow.