All The Young Punks Pt. 22

---- FACE THE MUSIC ----

Joe walked to the garage on day six. It was time to deal with the band. He had put it off long enough. He went to the garage on a Saturday morning after a Captain Crunch and Fruit Loops breakfast watching cartoons with Jules and Jeanie. He found Sal outside, working on the van. The garage door was open on a crisp sunny day.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Sal asked, looking up from his work. "We thought you weren't coming back."

"I got home Sunday afternoon. I needed time with my family."

"You couldn't let us know you were in town?"

Joe shrugged. "How's Johnny?"

"He was sick the first few days back but he's good now."

"Have you talked to his dad?"

Sal hesitated, then spit it out. "No. Johnny asked me not to and said he'd clean up on his own."

"What the fuck, Sal? That was our deal. His old man would straighten his ass out and get him to rehab."

"When you see Johnny, I think you'll be surprised. It's been two weeks since he last used. He looks great."

"You negotiated with an addict and let him set the terms. Are you really that stupid?" Joe regretted that last line as the words left his lips.

Sal took a step towards Joe. "You better watch yourself."

The heightened voices attracted Pops from inside the garage. He stood on the loading dock and saw Joe staring at Sal. Two feet away, Sal had a big wrench in his hand. Pops noticed Joe looking at that wrench. Sal then pointed the wrench at Joe.

"Who the fuck are you to decide? Who put you in charge?"

"I'm in charge of one thing, my life and what I do with it. How many times do I have to tell you? I won't be in a band with a junkie."

"What you decide affects everyone."

"One more time. Sal." Joe leaned in. His nose was inches from the wrench. "I won't watch Johnny kill himself. He needs rehab." He glanced over, seeing Pops for the first time. Joe lowered his voice. "You decided to let Johnny off without treatment. That affects everyone."

"He's seeing a doctor."

"You're still in denial, Sal, crossing your fingers and hoping for the best."

"Fuck you, Joe! I know your goddamn game. You want Simon in the band."

"Hey, lovebirds!" Pops yelled from the loading dock. "Enough of this shit. Calm down and come inside."

Sal and Joe glared at each other. He wiped his hands and closed the hood of the van. They walked in silence to the loading dock steps. Inside the garage, Pops offered Joe a coffee.

Sal softened his tone. "You need to see Johnny before you write him off. He's seeing the same doctor who treated him a few years back."

Joe took a sip of coffee at the kitchen table and stared silently while Sal rambled.

"He's going to an outpatient clinic he used back in high school. The doctor knows him well. He's taking care of this. He looks good, Joe. You need to see him."

Sal just kept talking, repeating everything he'd said since he'd arrived, without anger. Joe knew Sal was wrong. The punks at Tommy's said full rehab was the only way out. Even then, it was a long, hard road. Zip's words rang in Joe's ears, "Once an addict, always an addict."

"I'm not going to argue about this," Joe said. "You know where I stand."

"When you see Johnny, you'll feel better."

"You lied to me, Sal. You promised me you'd call Johhny Bats."

"Things changed. He's working on it. You need to see him."

Nate walked in at the perfect time. Near the end of the New York trip, Nate was beginning to see things Joe's way, especially after the canceled job. Nate immediately knew what he walked in on.

Sal threw him into the fire. "What do you think about Johnny right now?"

Nate stood silent, for a few seconds, thinking. "I think he looks good and we should give him a chance."

"You're okay with this outpatient plan?" Joe asked.

Nate remained calm, not wanting to get drawn into the drama. "He's done this before. Johnny has doctors. What more do you want?"

Joe was disappointed in Nate. He honestly believed he was with him, standing against Sal's denial. But he had caved in after Johnny had a good week.

Sal had other news. "Most of our messages are club owners wondering when we'd be back. We have a new club in Portland, Maine interested in booking us."

"None of that matters if Johnny's not clean."

Sal stared at Joe, slowly realizing he was having none of it. He knew finding clubs up north was part of Joe's master plan and now he didn't give a fuck about a bar in Portland. "You're really gonna be an asshole about this, aren't you?"

Joe got up and walked toward the back of the garage, found an empty box, and went to his locker.

Nate shouted. "Your girlfriends called too, Kelly and Claire. Claire left three messages." He relished knowing Joe's ex-girlfriend dread.

"Yeah," Sal said, "Claire called. I forgot to tell ya."

"Okay." Joe nodded. "I'll deal with that later."

He went back to his business. At his locker, he removed his notebooks and personal items. He placed them in the box. Sal and Nate watched Joe walk that box across the garage to the stereo. He flipped through vinyl, picking his records out and putting them in the box.

Joe walked his box to the kitchen where Tony watched the silent drama. "Thanks Pops. If you ever need a favor... something I can do for you, just tell me. You have many chips. I owe you."

"Be good, kid." Tony shook Joe's hand.

Joe turned toward the heavy steel door.

Sal stood up. "What are you doing, moving out?"

"I never really lived here. I've always been half here and half home. I need these things, that's all."

"Are you gonna come back and see Johnny?" asked Nate.

"Yes, I will, but it won't change my mind. He needs rehab." Joe stopped and looked back. "If he's not clean and you won't replace him, it's over."

As Joe walked out and the door closed behind him, Nate called out. He caught up to Joe on the loading dock stairs. "Hey, man, I almost forgot. How's Simon doing?"

"Not good, but he'll recover. He's got a long road ahead, months of rehab." Joe gave Nate the barely perceptible nod. "Thanks for asking."

Joe had made the walk between his home and the garage hundreds of times. The sixth-tenths of a mile never felt so long. He had hoped Sal would put Johnny on the right path as he had promised. That hope was gone.

---- BIG EARS ----

Since getting home, Joe had spoken to T every evening. He didn't have a phone in his room, so he sat at the kitchen table, the center of Theroux family life. He was under surveillance by three sisters and their spymaster. Sure, Mom was softer and more chill these days, but she did not dismantle her spy network. Joe felt like a fourteen-year-old dealing with his prying siblings.

"I told you," He said, his stocking feet up on the table. "two of them are really smart, and one... " he looked toward the girls. "we're not so sure about."

Jules and Jeannie looked up from their homework. Joe hooked them on half of a fake conversation. T had put the phone down to pee. Joe was talking to no one.

"I don't know. She's been to the doctor. No one knows."

Jules furrowed her brow. "Who are you talking about?"

"Hold on T," he looked at Jules. "Don't be rude, big ears. I'm on the phone."

"Are you talking about us?"

"It's not your business. Stop being so nosey."

He went back to the phone, with T back on the line, confused.

"Yeah, I told you, she has no manners,"

Jules yelled. "Mom! Joe's telling Tina that one of us is dumb and I don't have manners!"

Everyone in the house heard the tattle-tail whining. She caused a ruckus that got the little sisters sent to their room. Joe laughed. "T, did you hear her? That's literally the soundtrack of my life, sisters snooping and prying and whining and needing things done for them. It never ends."

"And you love it."

"I love that I just used Jules' big ears to get her banished to her room so we can talk privately. I do shit like that all the time. The girls are gullible, even Jackie. They trust me too much and I use that against them,"

"Oh great," Tina said, "Is this my future?"

"Seven years of therapy will teach you a few things." Joe paused. "I have powers of persuasion."

Joe needed the privacy for this phone call because he knew Tina had a terrible day. She was part of Simon's rotation of visitors. She had promised Simon she'd be present on the day his bandages were removed for redressing.

She talked through tears. "It's horrible, Joe. He has hundreds of stitches. They had to shave his head and peel back his scalp to treat his cracked skull. The scars are going to be hideous. His cheek is a mess, but they'll fix that soon."

"I'm sorry I wasn't with you."

"It was hard watching Simon see his injuries for the first time. He tried to be strong, but he broke down and wept on my shoulder."

"Was anyone else there?"

"Yes, Tommy and Monk."

"Well, at least he cried on the right shoulder."

"How can you make jokes?"

"I'm sorry. It's either that, or cry, and that's not helping Simon."

---- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ----

Joe heard the doorbell ring from his room. Someone answered the door. He strained to hear voices and then followed the footsteps across the house, looking up at his ceiling.

"Joey!" Jackie yelled downstairs. "Claire is here!"

"Fuck."

Joe knew this moment was coming but he had no intention of seeking it out. Claire was one of the passengers on his long train of thought. He slipped his Levis on.

"Okay. Send her down."

Joe opened the door to his room and watched Claire's silhouette come down the basement stairs. As she walked through the shadows of the basement, her facial expression was not, 'Good to see you.'

"Where have you been? I've called the garage. Are you getting my messages?"

Joe let her pass and closed the door behind her. "I've only been to the garage once. Yes, Sal told me you called..." he paused. "I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now."

Claire sat on the end of his bed. "Sal said you spent the summer in New York. You never told me you were going there."

Joe sat on his bed, but not too close. "I didn't know at the time."

"And he said you stayed longer because a friend was in the hospital."

"Yes."

Claire stared at him. Joe offered nothing.

"So, what's the problem? Why haven't you called me?"

"First of all, I've never had your home number and I don't have the number for your new dorm."

"I left Sal my number."

"That he didn't give me. He only said you called."

"How long have you been back?"

"Nine days."

"What problems are you dealing with that took up so much time you couldn't try to reach me for Nine days?"

Joe exhaled, "I can only tell you if you promise it doesn't leave this room."

Claire furrowed her brow. "Okay."

"You promise?"

She scooted a little closer. "Yes. I promise."

"Johnny's a drug addict. This is not new, but I didn't know how serious it was. I only knew that he did rehab years ago. In New York, he hooked up with some druggies, and now he's on heroin."

Claire exhaled, "Whoa, that is bad news."

"Our summer was fun, but he made it... stressful at times." Joe then told Claire the story in more detail; the change he saw in Johnny, the shitty gigs, babysitting, and drama. When he stopped talking, she moved closer again and put her hand on his.

"I'm sorry. I really missed you, Joe. I've been doing a lot of thinking." Claire moved in to kiss him. Joe didn't back away, but he flinched a little. Her kiss landed on lips that didn't feel welcoming. Claire leaned back.

"What's wrong?"

Joe had weeks to think about this moment. He decided to use Dr. Nichols' advice... when in doubt, honesty is the best path.

"I met someone in New York."

Claire's expression went flat, no reaction, and then she ever so slightly slumped her shoulders and looked away. There were no words for a painfully long seven seconds.

"What do you mean... met someone?"

"I met a girl, and we're... " Joe thought for a moment. "Her name is Tina. She's an NYU student and we're now a couple."

"You? With all the girls on the road?"

"That's over. I promised Tina that she would be the only one."

Claire's arms went up, "How does that even work?" She stood abruptly and looked down at Joe. "She's in New York and you're here. How are you planning on making that work?"

"I'll be spending a lot of time in New York,' he said quietly, pausing. "...because I love her."

"Love?" Claire rolled her eyes, "so soon? You're in love?" She stepped away and faced the wall.

Joe didn't like Claire's tone. It sounded condescending, but he let it slide and kept his half of the discussion calm. She was quiet for a moment, then turned to him with regret in her eyes.

"I had an awful summer," she said, stepping closer and sitting down beside him again. "I left camp early. I've been home for over a month."

"What happened?"

"I was fine when I got there. Kevin and I did our usual thing but it didn't feel right. I was thinking of us. I didn't want to be with him. That didn't go so well. He was an asshole. I stuck it out for a few weeks. All I could think about was you. So, I decided to come home two weeks early, but you weren't here. I heard you guys went to New York but didn't know the extent of it until Sal got back."

"I'm sorry," Joe put his hand on hers.

"Not as sorry as I am."

There was another moment of silence.

"I fucked up, Joe. I felt it before I left but it didn't fully sink in until I got to camp. I was hoping we could..."

Joe interrupted, "You're the one who didn't want that."

"I know," she said, "but the truth is, I did want us to be more. I was just selfishly thinking of my summer away and this trip to France, and... " her eyes welled up. "I was wrong."

Joe hugged her. Claire's eyes were misty but kept her composure. She wiped her eyes and sniffed a bit, but Claire wasn't the emotional crying type. She didn't say another word about her feelings, her mistake.

"Tell me about her. NYU? How old is she?"

"She's a few months younger than you." Joe then gave Claire the Tina Costello basics without the glowing review of how incredible she was.

"And you're done with girls on the road?"

"Yes, I am."

"And you think you can do that?"

"I told you long ago that's what I want."

"I guess I never believed it."

After an awkward few minutes of Joe telling Claire about New York, he escorted her out of the house to the front. Standing on the porch, she turned to him, made eye contact, and exhaled.

"I'm gonna be keeping an eye on you. If that New York deal falls through..." She stepped off the porch. "Bye, Joe."

"I'll see you around."

"Yes, you will."

Joe watched her drive off in her green Plymouth Duster wondering what she meant by that.

---- YOUR LIFE IS NOT HERE ----

Joe stayed away from the garage for another full week. He had become skilled at sending passive-aggressive messages; canceling a gig, having Simon step on stage, saying what needed to be said knowing Johnny was listening in a stairwell, the whole box-filling drama, and his kind words to Pops. There was purpose in all of Joe's words and actions regarding his band. Then he went dark when they wanted to talk.

As much as he grumbled about his sisters being a pain, he was enjoying his time at home. Which was still weird. Two weeks in, Mom remained chill. When he got bored at home, he figured it was time to check in on the band.

When Joe walked in, he saw Johnny in the kitchen and went straight to him, walking right past Sal. When Sal tried to make small talk, Joe didn't reciprocate. Sal was correct, three weeks after leaving NYC, Johnny looked good.

"How's Simon doing?" Johnny asked before Joe spoke a word.

"He's not great. Obviously. His injuries will heal, but it's more than physical. He can't look in a mirror without breaking down, so he doesn't look."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Give him my best."

Joe glared at Sal. It didn't escape his notice that he didn't ask about Simon when he last visited. Nate did, and now Johnny, because they genuinely cared.

Johnny motioned to the back of the garage. "Can we talk?"

He led Joe back to Tony's classic cars. Joe enjoyed that Sal was annoyed Johnny had excluded him.

"You look good," Joe said. "I don't know if you realize how bad you were."

"I do, and I'm sorry, Joe. I fucked up and I want to make it right."

Joe was afraid Johnny might apologize and put him in the position of accepting his gesture while standing his ground on the band. His apology meant a lot to Joe. It washed away some of his doubt, but he couldn't give him a free pass on words alone. Joe silently nodded.

"I've been through this before," Johnny continued. "and I came back. I'll do it again. I have a doctor and a therapist at the clinic. They're helping me."

"What was that, six years ago, in high school?"

"Yes." Johnny looked away. "I was hospitalized for a while. Then they monitored me at this clinic on Eddy Street."

"So you've been going there for years?"

"No, only when I need it. I got fucked up at URI, during my sophomore year. I went back for outpatient treatment."

"Does Sal know this?"

"I don't think so. I wasn't so bad off that time. I was able to keep my treatment quiet."

"I don't know what to say, but I know I can't do what we did in New York, never again."

"Sal told me how you feel, and I overheard you at Tina's place. I can't go to the hospital, Joe. It makes me fucking crazy."

"I can only imagine."

"I'd like a chance to prove I can fix this. I just need a little time."

"Time we have. I'm taking the train to New York to visit T later today. I'll pop in when I get back, see how you're doing."

"How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know. I'm in no rush."

Joe lightly embraced Johnny with one arm, then slipped out the garage door without speaking to Sal or Nate, another passive-aggressive play.

As Joe rolled out on the Amtrak to NYC, he watched the modest skyline of Providence thinking his life may not be here. From his window he observed the same countryside roll by. He had spent thirteen days with his family. Things were weird with Mom being a better version of herself, but good. His sisters were happy. Each had told Joe how pleased they were he and Mom were in a better place. He thought about Johnny and how this outpatient thing seemed like a loophole they were exploiting. Joe did not feel good about not involving Johnny Bats.

He moved his mind to positive thoughts. As the train rolled into New Haven, a major stop on the northeast corridor rail line, he considered this city in Connecticut might be a marker, the boundary between his old life in New England and his new life on the other side, in New York. He dozed off thinking of how happy T will be in a couple of hours when he walked back into her life unexpectedly. He slept a while.

Janie twirled like a ballerina in the street. Her shoulder-length blonde hair flew outwards. She smiled, showing the gap where her tooth once was, a new tooth poking through. Her arms extended like the wings of a delicate bird. Her eyes met Joe's. Her voice whispered.

"You must go, Joe. Your life is not here."

"Janie!" Joe lunged forward in his seat, sweating. He looked around. His fellow passengers met his eyes and then looked away. He took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled very slowly. He leaned back in his seat looking out the window. The New York skyline grew nearer.

"Fuck," he said under his breath. "The dream is back."