Allie has a Check-Up

Allie has a Check-Up

I'm just finishing up my morning routine when I hear a knock on my apartment door. I quickly glance at the clock as I pull my hair back into a pony tail--10:30, right on schedule. I open the door for my boyfriend, Jordan, and he pulls me into a hug.

"Hey babe," he says as he kisses my forehead.

"Good morning," I answer with a smile. I'm looking forward to today. Classes haven't started for the semester yet, and Jordan and I are going to make the most of our last few days off for a while. I notice Jordan hasn't taken off his shoes yet, and he's still fidgeting with the keys in his hand. He sits down on the couch and motions for me to join. I sit down next to Jordan and he drapes his arm around my shoulders.

"Hey Allie, I'm so looking forward to today, and I've got a few ideas about some fun things we can do together. First, though, we need to go get your school check-up done." I feel my skin start to get prickly and I look up at Jordan, my eyes widened. He continues, "I know the last time you went to the doctor you had a really hard time, so I get that you've been a little scared to go back even though you got that notification saying the deadline for turning in physical forms is the end of this month." He's right, the last time I had a physical I had called him crying from the car as soon as I got out of there. I've always been a little anxious about doctors, but last time I had no idea what to expect and ended up super uncomfortable in pain as I got examined and then had blood drawn. I kept repeating to Jordan that day that I wasn't going back to the doctor.

"Please babe," I halfheartedly respond, wanting to deal with this problem another day.

"I know babe, but I'm here to help you. My friend, Tyler, from the basketball team is a couple years older than us and since he graduated he's been working as a Physician's Assistant at the family medicine clinic near the athletic fields. I made an appointment for you with him this morning. He understands what's going on, and we can trust him. Everything's going to be fine sweetheart." I don't try to argue because I know it won't make a difference. Jordan squeezes my shoulders and we leave the house. My anxiety is already starting to intensify. I see what Jordan was trying to do by scheduling the appointment with someone I've met before, but now I have the additional worry of what I will be like to have an exam with a guy.

We pull up to the office a few minutes later and Jordan leads me in with an arm around my waist, gently rubbing to try and reassure me. He checks us in, and I slide into a chair in the waiting room. A couple minutes later, a nurse enters the waiting room. "Allie? I can take you back now." I squeeze Jordan's hand and look at him.

"Don't worry, I'll come back with you sweetie." The nurse smiles and leads us back to an exam room.

"You two can just have a seat in here and we'll get some vitals started". We sit down in the two chairs next to the door, and the nurse gets out her blood pressure cuff. "I'm just going to slide this onto your arm and take your blood pressure, okay?" I feel the squeezing of the cuff on my arm as she asks "you're here today for a physical for school?"

Jordan answers, "yep, just a checkup." The nurse smiles again.

"Okay, great. I'll just grab your temperature and confirm some of your history and then I'll let Tyler know you're ready in here." She quickly places a thermometer in my ear and asks me about my current medication list. "Alright, you're all set with vitals. You can stay sitting where you are and Tyler should be by in a few minutes. Try to relax, okay? Tyler's a super nice guy and I promise he'll take good care of you." I didn't realize my anxiety was that obvious.

The nurse leaves and I rest my head against Jordan's shoulder. He rubs my back and I consider pleading for him to just take me home now. We don't talk much while we wait, except for a few times when Jordan guides me through a couple deep breaths as he feels me start to shake. "Everything's okay, my love, it's just a checkup and I'll be with you the whole time."

I hear a quick knock on the door and Tyler enters the exam room. I remember him from some of Jordan's basketball practices last year. He's tall, black, and young-looking. I notice that he isn't wearing a white coat like I'm used to. He immediately flashes a friendly smile at us and reaches for my hand to shake it. "Hey Allie, it's good to see you again! Is Jordan still being good to you?" He laughs and pats Jordan on the back.

"Hi," I manage. "it's good to see you too, Tyler." He sits down at the computer and quickly glances over my chart.

"So looks like we're doing a check-up for school today. No problem at all... Allie, Jordan let me know you're a little nervous, is that right?" I blush, thinking about Jordan and Tyler talking about me and my fear of doctors.

"Yeah, a little," I respond.

"Okay, well it's totally normal to be a little anxious about going to the doctor, but my goal today is to make sure you're comfortable the whole time. Are there any questions I can answer for you right now to help you feel a little better?" I start to shake my head, as this already feels awkward.

Jordan looks at me and says "it's okay baby, you can tell him what's on your mind."

"Well...," I start, "will anything hurt?" Jordan rubs my hand with his thumb. He knows I worry a lot about this. Tyler nods in acknowledgement.

"That's a great question, Allie. A lot of people worry about that. Nothing I do in the exam today should hurt you, and I want you to let me know right away if you're feeling any pain."

"Okay," I say quietly.

"Alright then, I'm going to start by asking some questions about your history so I can best take care of you. Some of them might feel awkward, but just try to relax and be as honest as you can. If you don't feel comfortable answering something, just let me know." I nod, and the prickly feelings start to come back.

"Okay Allie, first of all, are you having any pain or discomfort anywhere on your body today?" I shake my head. "Alright, good to hear. Now, can you tell me when the first day of your last period was?"

I blush a little again. "Uh, I think it was around two weeks ago."

"Okay, great. Are you having regular periods?" "Yes."

"Any pain with your periods?"

"Just some cramping, but nothing serious." Jordan chimes in. "Her breasts also get a little sore sometimes." I shoot him a look.

"Okay, I'll make a note of that," Tyler says.

"Okay Allie, are you currently sexually active?" I blush even harder and shift in my chair.

"Um, yeah."

"Sorry, I know some of these can be a little embarrassing to answer, but they're important for me to know." I nod again. "How old were you the first time you had sex?"

"18."

"Do you have oral sex?"

"Yes." I look away.

"Okay, and what about anal sex? Have you ever done that before?"

"Yeah, a couple times."

"Okay Allie, you're doing great. Any pain when you have sex?"

"Um, sometimes," I admit.

"Okay, thanks for being honest. That's something we can look into. Can you tell me about how often you masturbate?" I really wasn't expecting that one.

"Umm. I guess maybe a few times a week."

"Okay, totally normal and healthy. Are you able to have an orgasm?" I fully look away and squeeze my hands together. Jordan gives me a reassuring half-smile and speaks up for me.

"She can normally have an orgasm when she masturbates either with her fingers or with a toy. When we have sex she can usually have one if she gets oral." I about die right there in my seat.

"Ok, got it. Sounds like sexual responses are doing alright then," Tyler remarks, as professionally as possible. "Okay Allie, we're all done with the uncomfortable questions now. Thanks for hanging in there. I'd like to move on to the exam now, if that's okay with you."

"Okay," I answer. Not really sure there's much of a choice, but I appreciate him at least trying to get some consent.

"Perfect. So I'm going to step out of the room and let you get ready. He opens up a drawer and pulls out a paper gown. What I'd like you to do is undress down to your underwear for me. Everything else including your bra can come off and then you'll put on this gown with the opening to the front. When you're ready you can have a seat up on the table here and I'll knock before I come back in."

"Ok," I manage, my eyes starting to burn. Tyler leaves to give me privacy and I start to cry, my whole face now burning with embarrassment. Jordan wraps me up in a big hug.

"Sweetheart it's okay, he's just going to check your body to make sure everything is healthy. Remember he said nothing is going to hurt you?"

"I know, I just want to leave my clothes on. I don't want to do this."

"I understand baby, I'm going to be here the whole time and if you get too uncomfortable you can let either of us know and I promise you he will stop. You're in control. Here, let me help you change--you start getting undressed and I'll hold up the gown for you. Remember you can leave your underwear on babe." I suck a big breath in and exhale slow, coming back into my body a little. Now I'm nervous that Tyler will walk back in as I'm in the middle of changing, so I quickly pull off my t-shirt and slide off my shorts while Jordan holds the gown in front of me for some illusion of privacy. Jordan and I lock eyes, and then I reach back and unclip my bra, trying to hold my arms in front of my chest as I slip the straps off my arms. Jordan gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and helps me put on the paper gown. Then he lifts me onto the exam table and I'm super aware of the paper crinkling under me.

Jordan is standing at my side trying to make small talk when Tyler softly knocks on the door and walks back into the room. He glances at me and I know right away he can tell I've been crying. "Are you doing okay? Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" he asks.

"No I don't think so, I'll be okay," I reply, trying to convince all of us. Tyler flashes another friendly smile and Jordan squeezes my hand.

"Okay, well let's go ahead and get started with your exam. I'll walk you through everything." I nod, and Tyler approaches the exam table. "Just going to get started here with your head and neck." He looks in my eyes, ears, and mouth, then feels around on my neck. "Alright, let's take a listen to your heart and lungs. Sorry, the stethoscope may be a little cold." He gently slips the end of the stethoscope inside the opening to my gown, careful to keep me covered as he moves it around on my chest. Then he places it on my back over my gown. "Give me a couple good deep breaths now so I can listen...nice job." The deep breaths helped to ground me for just a minute before I hear Tyler's next request. "Okay Allie, everything's looking great so far. Now the next thing I need to do is a quick breast exam." I feel my face get warm, and I don't even respond. "I totally understand it can feel a little weird to be examined with your clothes off, but I just want to make sure everything is okay. This won't hurt at all and it will only take a couple minutes. Now, when you're ready, all you need to do is lay back on the table and put your arms behind your head for me." I pause for a minute, then Jordan gently guides my shoulders and back down onto the table, lifting my arms up to get me settled. I can't help but start to shake. "It's alright Allie, let's try taking a couple deep breaths. Once you tell me it's okay, I'm just going to open up the top of your gown one side at a time so I can take a look." I squeeze my eyes shut for a second and nod my head.

"Go ahead."

"Alright, so I'm just going to open the left side of your gown here, and then you'll feel my touch." I flinch a little as Tyler's fingers make contact with my skin. "I'm just feeling around of any lumps or anything unusual; let me know if anything I'm doing feels tender or painful." His hands don't actually feel that bad on my chest, but as he moves closer to my nipple I blush a little as I notice them start to harden. Tyler moves his fingers in to take a closer look and I look up at the ceiling. "That's a totally normal response to touch, Allie, don't even worry about it," he remarks with an empathetic smile. I try to stay still as Tyler covers the left side of my chest and opens the gown on the right, repeating the same process. "Ok, Allie, your breasts look and feel really healthy. As always, don't hesitate to come in and get checked out if you or Jordan ever notice anything that seems different."

"Ok, thanks," I answer, not really sure what the appropriate response to that is.

"Ok, so while you're still laying down I'll go ahead and examine your belly if that's ok."

"Yeah, alright." Tyler is careful to keep the gown covering me as he slips his hands underneath to push around all over my stomach. This part is alright, though I do start to squirm a little as I feel his hands pressing close to my hip bones and around the waistband of my underwear.

"Sorry, is something feeling a little tender around here?" Tyler asks as I shift around on the table.

"Uh, no, everything's fine, just got a little surprised for a second." Tyler half-grins.

"Yeah, sorry, I know that's a sensitive area, but it's definitely important to know if anything is feeling out of the ordinary around your belly or your ovaries. But anyway, your abdominal exam is normal. You can go ahead and sit up now." I sit up and Jordan comes to stand at my side. "Alright Allie, you've been doing great so far, and we're almost done here. Now, I wanted to ask, have you ever had a pelvic exam before?" My whole body goes tense, and I look down at the floor, not at all liking the direction this is going in. Jordan rests a hand on my back and jumps in to answer.

"She had her first one last year, and it didn't go well. That's actually been a big part of the reason Allie's been scared to come back to the doctor." Tyler nods and gives me an understanding look.

"Ok, thanks for letting me know that. Allie, do you feel comfortable telling me a little bit about what didn't go well or what scared you about that last exam?" I hesitate for a minute, but I feel slightly comforted that Tyler has taken the time to even ask about it.

"Well, um, I didn't really know what was going to happen and then it really hurt and I started crying and the doctor just told me to relax and kept going even though I asked her to stop." All of us take a minute to process that. Tears start welling up in my eyes, and I feel Jordan start to gently rub my back.

"Thanks for being brave enough to share that with me," Tyler starts. "I'm really sorry you had to go through that, and I can definitely understand why you may be scared to have another exam. We can certainly wait for another visit to do the exam if you really aren't comfortable, but I promise I'll take care of you and there won't be any surprises." I look up at Jordan and he squeezes my hand.

"It's up to you baby, but we just want to make sure every part of you is healthy."

"Ok," I say quietly. Jordan kisses my forehead. "I'll be here with you the whole time sweet girl, I don't want you to be scared." I rest my head on his shoulder. Tyler puts on his best smile and starts to give instructions.

"Ok Allie, now I want to remind you that we can stop or pause the exam at any point if you start to get too uncomfortable, and I'll talk you through everything that will happen." I nod. "Alright, so the first thing I'll have you do is slip your underwear off, and then I'll help guide your feet into these footrests." My face turns red and hot from embarrassment, but I don't want to draw too much attention to it, so I quickly pull down my underwear underneath my gown and hand then to Jordan, who tosses them on top of my other clothing. I feel Tyler gently touch my ankle, and I allow him to nudge my feet until they settle into the footrests he's pulled out from the exam table. "Good job Allie, now go ahead and slide your hips all the way to the end of the table and lay down." I slide all the way down, remembering the routine, and I try my best to keep my knees together as I lay back. Jordan takes his place near my head, holding my hand in his and smoothing my hair with his other hand. It's hard to see Tyler now, but I hear him setting up some supplies and then take a seat on his stool between my legs. "Ok Allie, I know this part feels a little weird, but I want you to try and relax your knees apart as far as you can for me." He gently touches each knee, encouraging me to spread wide. I do so reluctantly, and now I'm super aware that Tyler can see everything down there. "Thanks Allie, that's great. Try and keep your legs in a position where your hips and thighs can relax, that will make you a lot more comfortable." I'm not sure that's possible, but I nod anyway. "Alright, so the first thing I'm going to do is take a look at the outside of your vulva. I'm checking for any redness, bumps, or problems with the skin here. I'm going to gently touch your inner thigh now." I feel his gloved hand on my leg as he pauses for a few seconds. "Ok, you're going to feel my touch on your vulva now, is that ok?"

"Yeah, ok," I respond. I feel Tyler gently separate my labia, starting from the top and moving down toward my opening. I try not to squirm as he exposes me more and more.

"Everything is looking healthy here on the outside. Is anything hurting when I touch?" I shake my head. It feels weird to be talking about my body while he's physically touching my private parts. "That's good, you're doing great. Now this next part is what might have made you feel a little scared the last time you went to the doctor. I'm going to use a tool called a speculum to take a closer look inside your vagina and also check your cervix." I feel a wave of fear come over me, and I instinctively try to close my knees and sit up. "Hey, hey, I said no surprises, remember?" Tyler says reassuringly. He lets me sit up and walks over to my side with the speculum in his hand. "I want to show you what it looks like so hopefully it won't feel so scary." He demonstrates what will happen and points out that he has selected a small size for me. I appreciate his effort, but I'm still having trouble calming down.

"A lot of patients find the speculum exam to be a little uncomfortable or strange feeling. You'll probably feel some pressure inside your vagina when I insert it, but I want you to let me know right away if you feel any pain," Tyler explains. I can't hold it back any longer and I start to cry quietly, still sitting up.

"Oh, sweetheart," Jordan consoles, "everything is okay. I promise you're safe." He pulls me into a hug and gently wipes my eyes. Tyler chimes in.

"Hey, Allie, we're here to take good care of you. Can you lay back on the table and spread your knees apart for me? I promise you have nothing to worry about." I hesitate, but both my boyfriend and Tyler have proven trustworthy so far, so I slowly start to lean back and relax my hips. "Yes, there you go. Just like that. Now, Jordan, I want you to come and stand next to Allie's hips for this part." I glance at Jordan nervously, and he repeats his reassurances as he moves a couple steps down toward my legs.

"Thanks," Tyler acknowledges. "Allie, Jordan and I are going to work to keep you extra comfortable for this part of the exam since it's been a little scary for you in the past. Your only jobs right now are to keep your legs spread wide and relax into your body." I'm not exactly sure how he intends for this to go, but I nod and continue doing my best to lay still on the table. "Great, so I'm just starting to put a little bit of lubricant on the speculum now to get it ready. Jordan, for your part, I'd like you to turn toward Allie's hips and use one of your hands to start gently massaging her clitoris." Jordan looks a little caught off guard, looking at Tyler, then locking eyes with me before looking back at Tyler. I feel my face starting to get hot, not knowing what to make of the current situation. Tyler speaks up. "Don't worry Allie. Jordan's going to touch you just the way you like during the exam so you can focus on pleasure and I can observe your response as I examine you. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Are you okay with that?"