Almost Pt. 03.1

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? - Scott Adams

Still, no sex but the adventure continues. This story is not a traditional romance story. If you're looking for that kind of thing, move along, nothing to see here. But if you enjoy an occasional trip down the rabbit's hole....come along, get ready, and dive in.

*

The next morning at Cheryl anxiously called Samantha to see if she was interested in seeing Dan again. Brian's comments last night had this gifted woman questioning her fine-tuned abilities as a matchmaker for the first time. Darn him! Brian could be so exasperating at times.

Samantha seeing who was calling answered on the first ring, "Hello Cheryl, what's up?"

"So, how did it go last night after Brian and I left? Tell me everything and don't leave anything out. Are you interested in going out with Dan again?"

"Oh Cheryl, Dan sent me a really sweet text afterward. He is a nice guy, and I even gave him my number, but...."

"But what Sam, he's not your type? Oh well, that's fine. People meet. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't work. It happens. I'll keep you in mind for later, ok?"

Samantha pulled down the phone to see if it was Cheryl's phone number, then put it back to her ear and laughed, "Cheryl, is that you? Are you not going to attempt another shot at putting Dan and me together for another date? Come on! This doesn't sound like any "Cheryl the Queen Matchmaker" I know. What gives?".

After a calculated pause for effect, Cheryl continued, "Well, after we left Brian and I were talking, and Brian told me you probably wouldn't be interested in seeing Dan again. And that's fine."

Now Sam was curious. This didn't sound like Cheryl at all. "Cheryl, what else did Brian say to give you that impression? Just asking....".

"Oh, you know Samantha...how do I put this... Brian can be a bit over-protective of his friends at times. He just thinks Dan is naive and not as experienced or worldly as you."

Confused, Samantha repeated the statement, "What did he mean by that ... not as experienced or worldly as you?"

"I don't know; he thought maybe the age thing. Brian thought that might be an issue for you. That or you would probably think Dan was beneath you or something like that. You know, because you don't run in the same social circles. He said to me if you had any "buts" I should give you an easy way out instead of bullying you. So, if you're not interested, you're not interested. But I pinky swear to you Samantha I will keep looking for someone special with you in mind."

Suddenly, Samantha didn't feel so comfortable writing Dan off and feeling unsure now questioned, "Cheryl, do you feel the same way too?"

"I would never have introduced you to him if I did. Honestly, Sam to me it seemed like you and Dan were having a nice time. I think you would be perfect for each other and I told Brian those exact words. We had a bit of a back and forth thing later. Personally, I feel if you give Danny a chance and get to know him you'll learn how fine of a guy he is. The total package. That's why I wanted you to meet him. You're a good person Samantha, and so is Dan. Good people should be with good people. And together you'd make a good-looking couple who would have the cutest little babies. I'm just teasing you, Sam. So..ahem.. Anyway...now that you've met him, first impressions and all, tell me how you feel."

Sam thought a moment, "Cheryl, first I feel a bit unsure how to answer you. After listening to Brian's comments, I'm feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. That stuff about, 'not as experienced or worldly as you?' It makes me sound; I don't know... superficial? A whore? Is that what Brian thinks of me? I'm not you know! I loathe people like that."

"Sam, that wasn't what Brian was suggesting at all and..."

"Wait, let me finish Cheryl. Truthfully, I can say last night I enjoyed spending time with Dan. The nicest in a while. He's easy to be around. You know, considering it was a first date and all. I certainly don't consider him "beneath me"! That makes me sound horrible."

Sounding sincere as she could Cheryl smiled to herself, "Sam, that's not what I intended it to sound like at all. Please, let me explain..."

"I'm not finished Cheryl yet. I love you Cheryl, but your boyfriend is a weirdo."

Cheryl paused to reflect and then replied, "Your right of course, but Brian is MY weirdo! Anyway, Samantha, you should get one too. I think Dan may be good weirdo for you."

"Cheryl, just how much did you drink last night after you left with Brian and what are you talking about?"

"Sam, just hear me out. Don't you agree Dan is a fine looking man? He's funny, charming, intelligent, and polite, yes? If you could capture Dan's heart, you could train him to an extent. I am not saying men are dogs. Men.... are more like lovable puppies that need simple potty training. The end results could be the making of the perfect relationship that will make all of your friends jealous. But the another thing...."

Cheryl's craft required measured patience to achieve maximum results.

Samantha listened for Cheryl to finish. She love Cheryl but the silence was too much! Sometimes Cheryl was too much drama!

"OMG Cheryl! What?!! What's the other thing?!!".

"Sam, Dan has no idea who you are. No idea who your family is. No idea who your father is. He thinks you're just some girl. He's clueless."

Samantha was speechless. Could anyone be that innocent in this day and age? Where had Dan grown up? In a bubble? Anyone who had watched, "Entertainment Tonight", knew her family or at least of her father.

She tried to recall the evening again. Come to think of it; Dan didn't mention her family at all. And the way he behaved. Some of it was funny. Some of it was confusing. All of it was easy. She would catch him trying to impress her at times. She seen it all before so she played along. He spent the whole night attempting to humor her. She suppressed her laughter more times than not. Why let him know she was having a good time? It was stupid and playful. If anyone asked how far she went with Dan that night, she could honestly say, " Stupid and Playful!"

"And Sam, one more thing...."

At that point Samantha promise herself she would bitch slap Cheryl the next time she saw her for dragging this out.

"Phew! Cheryl Please! Enough already. Are you trying to kill me??? What is this...agh..., 'one more thing'?"

Cheryl spoke softly and reverently thru the phone to her friend. When she finally finished, she paused for Sam's response. Samantha's head was swimming now. Was it possible?

She felt it was. She also felt a shift in her thoughts about Dan. The way he acted last night made complete sense now. She could test him later for sure to see if it could be true. But if Dan didn't know who her family was and his behavior last night was to impress just 'any' girl, this was 'Coo-Coo for Coa-Coa Puffs' stuff.

"Cheryl, I don't know what to say. Are you sure? And how do you know this?"

"Samantha, I've known Dan for almost a year, and he always seems a bit unsure of himself. It's hard to explain, but let me ask you this. After being alone with Dan last night, did he seem like any player?"

The gears were spinning in Samantha's head. This was fucking ridiculous. His family better have a lot of money or power or what ever. "Damn it Cheryl, what am I going to do with a man like..... that?"

The hook was in the mouth of the fish, but the fish had yet to bite.

"Darling Samantha, listen carefully. Men aim to please, and Dan is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Think of it this way: no puppy trainer expects their animal to behave properly without training them to be so, right? So, if Dan comes across not so experienced, YOU teach him how by telling him what you want. If you are interested in him, don't fake it and pretend everything is okay. On the contrary,as I said, men aim to please. So, if you nicely tell him that what he's doing isn't working, there's a 100% chance that he'll do everything in his power to make you happy; and by happy I mean orgasm. "

Her friend must have had too much to drink last night, "Cheryl, you so full of it sometimes. Where to get this nonsense?"

"I probably shouldn't go there, BUT, I'm going to go there. Do you think BRIAN didn't need some help to find his way around? It's such a shame when a man is perfect everywhere except for where it matters for any woman; her body! It's an even bigger shame when he has the equipment but doesn't know how to use it. "

"CHERYL, what do you know about Dan's equipment??"

"SAMANTHA! Shame on you for suggesting such a thing! I quit! I love you, but if you're so put off with what I'm saying to you, ...grrrrr...then fine. I will find Dan... a woman... who can see beyond his good looks. Sometimes I have NO idea why I waste time trying to find a good man for you. If you don't apologize right now, I will never... EVER....attempt to find the perfect man for you!"

Time to back up a bit. Samantha was no fool. Cheryl did this out of love. Time to STFU!

"Cheryl, I apologize." To the average reader this may sound like a simple apology but that would be wrong. Samantha's Daddy wasn't President Donald Trump, but he was close enough for the IRS to keep a keen eye on his books yearly.

Samantha had her Fathers intellect. She had been taken advantage of in her youth. But now she was a shark.

(1) Cheryl was a true friend.

(2) That council was worth it's was in gold.

(3) Cheryl had never ask her for a favor. Either in money or influence.

(4) Samantha father taught her the guiding light of success. Loyalty above your personal honor.

A person who will tell you the ugly truth you despise and you don't want to believe at the cost of that persons personal wealth or well being is worth any advice coming from people trying to kiss your ass.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Cheryl was a friend for life. But..still

She thought Cheryl was still buzzed from the previous evening. Trying to backtrack without hurting her friends feelings, "Cheryl, I get it but I don't know if Dan is perfect for me..."

Cheryl decided to push with a reality check.

"Samantha, I'm going to tell you a little secret. Nobody's perfect, including you. So rather than reject Dan for his lack of experience if that's what you're considering, take the time out to train him into becoming the man you want him to be. Seriously! Consider this. What if Dan is what 'I' think he is? Would you just toss that aside for some fantasy man that doesn't exist? Those kind of men are a dime a dozen and are self-centered jerks. They've either used women like a sock to masturbate in or have been used by women making them worthless to honestly good women like you and me. Damn it Sam! The only reason I connected you two together is I believe that if you gave Dan a chance, you would find he has a very high code of loyalty."

Cheryl was on a roll and pushing a full court press.

"BTW Samantha,how are you doing in your relationships with men? Are you happy? Fulfilled? Pleased with your womanly self? I love you like a sister Sam, but don't fault men for the lack of respect, love, and romance in your life. The responsibility for your pleasure is yours — not any man. The secret is that men want to contribute to a woman's pleasure. They just don't know how! By the time most women get to a man they want, those men already have acquired so many bad habits from other women, that in their minds they believe they know what they are doing."

"Jesus Christ Cheryl, how much coffee have you had today?"

"I'm on my third as we speak. So? Tell me something I said that isn't true. "

WTF??! Was Cheryl pulling some Jedi mind nonsense on her??? "Just give me a minute to think. Phew! Cheryl, I don't know where to begin."

"No problem Sam, I told you if you weren't interested I'd find someone else for you."

"I didn't say I wasn't interested..."

The definitive matchmaker smiled inside as she heard her friends voice waver. Ha! Brian was wrong, and I was right!

Time for the slam dunk!

Now ready for the close. As casual as can be, Cheryl threw casually it out there soft as a feather, "So you're interested seeing Dan again? I'm sure he would ask you out if you returned his text."

Samantha didn't see that coming. They never did. Cheryl was a master of her craft.

Samantha couldn't think straight and grasping for something coherent to say blurted, "Well sure, I guess...I have nothing else going on...but..."

"Just do it Sam! Look at as an adventure. K?"

"OK...later then I suppose. I'll text him in a bit. Bye...." Samantha replied after Cheryl had already hung up. Looking down at her phone, Sam wondered what the hell had just happened?

Cheryl could feel this match was going to work! She loved her dear friend Samantha. She also felt her pain. The pain of being alone when you didn't want to be. Cheryl was determined to bring her friend to a caring, loving relationship with a decent man no matter what. If she had to drag Samantha to that place like a mother drags a child who is kicking and screaming thru a department store to buy them new shoes, so be it. --------------------------------------------------

All day Saturday morning Dan kept checking his phone for a reply from Samantha. Nothing. This dating game stuff was unchartered waters for Dan. Thinking about her was hurting his head.

If you can't get someone out of your head are they supposed to be there? Yes/No? Piss off. If he kept busy with his Saturday routine, he was fine, but any pause brought her to mind. Then came the questions.

(1)Maybe she was just being polite the other night night?

(2)Did he text the right thing when he got home?

(3)Should he text her again?

(4)Should he discuss this with his Dad?

(5)Maybe his sister Deb?

(6)Was Samantha even thinking about him?

(7)FINALLY! He even looked himself in the bathroom mirror and asked aloud, "You IDIOT! Is this even fucking normal behavior for a man?"

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Agent Smith and McDonald came in on Saturday to run the car tag of Dan's date and write detailed reports of the events of last night to hand in. McDonald found out for once Smith was right. This report WAS embarrassing to write up. McDonald had come to like Dan. Dan was a younger version of himself. A simple,good guy. That's the way good people see each other. There is NO color or religion or gender. You look for the good in people and that's it.

When that tags came back both agents of the United States of America, both good Americans and solid citizens didn't know whether to laugh or shit their pants. When they found out who the mystery girl was, they just looked at each other with uncertainty.

"Son-of-a-gun!. How did Danny-boy luck out with her?" Agent Jeff Smith said speaking while looking at a photo of Samantha Harrison.

McDonald looked up from the report he was writing and laughed, " Agent Jeff, you jealous some?"

"Fuck yeah! I always wanted to meet a woman whose daddy was rich."

"Jeff, a woman like that would know you're after her for her daddy's money dumb-ass."

"Fuck you, William. It's easy to love a rich girl as it is to love a poor one."

McDonald says, hard all of a sudden. "Woman aren't stupid Jeff. It's obvious if a guy wants to use her for her money or be famous. Let be ask you this, if you go on holiday, who pays?"

"Daddy's rich! She should...... of course."

"JEFF, you really think she would want to lug your FAT ASS around and pay your way?!"

The first shot of the "war of insults' had begun.

"Will, who you are calling fat ass? When you walked into the office the other day, I had to stop Greenpeace from trying to tow you back to the ocean."

Jeff put down the picture and added, "And as much as I like Dan, he doesn't stand a snowball chance in hell to hooking up with her on a regular basis."

Agent McDonald put down his pen, leaned back in his chair, picked up the picture of Samantha Harrison to examine it.

Still looking at the picture Will said," Uh-huh... Well peckerwood, rumor around the office is your folks had to go to Sea World to get you baptized."

Returning to his report, Jeff considered, "That's all you got Will? Friday morning when you walked into the break room, I heard all the secretaries shout out, 'Kool-Aid'!"

Laying down the picture and smiling across the table Agent McDonald returned fire, "Jeff, did you see CNN last night? The report has it that the National Weather Service has decided to start giving names each one of your farts. "

Jeff with another thing on his mind even Agent McDonald could read in silent meditation paused before responding and leaning away back from the desk.

"Will, I hate..no...I more than HATE writing these MOTHERFUCKING reports. Maybe the C/O could give us a secretary we could dictate to. Then she could write them up and hand them in for us?"

Will stopped a moment pretending to be in deep thought, " That a good idea Jeff. It's also a good idea to chill your crab cake mixture for a few hours before frying because they'll hold together better."

Knowing his partner Smith pushed forward."Will, come on buddy, we don't have to hand these reports until Monday. Do wanna go to a bar and get a drink?"

"Goddamn Jeff, it's 9:30 in the morning...."

"Yeah, what's your point?"

McDonald looked down at his report. Fuck. This as bullshit! "Fine, I guess then we could check on Dan later, but I'm driving."

"What's your point?" Smith replied.

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Brian woke up close to noon and found Dan in the kitchen staring at his phone. Still shaking off his sleep he poured himself a cup of coffee Dan had brewed up earlier. "So Dan, How'd it go last night with Samantha? Found your soul mate yet?"

Dan looked over at Brian. That mother fucker. He couldn't tell if Brian was reading his mind or jerking his chain. He decided to play it cool. Well, as cool as Dan could play it.

"I was impressed. If Cheryl was going for a knockout, she did it with one punch. I may have screwed things up a bit after you guys left but Samantha gave me her phone number, so I don't know what to think. Anyway, I text her after I got home and told I had a good time and that I would like to see her again."

Brian leaned back against the kitchen counter and took a sip of coffee. He looked over at Dan and smiled. Poor dumb fuck. He wanted to give Dan a heads up, but the first thing to come to mind was Cheryl. This was her show, and he had decided to be positive no matter what until the end for her. "Dan that's really good news. So, when and where did you plan to take her."

Dan avoided Brian's look by casually looking around the room and said, "I just texted her I would I like to see her again. I didn't think about giving her a time and place. Just a general invitation for another date."

The first thoughts to cross Brian's mind were, "MOTHER FUCKER! Jesus please help me! How can I help a helpless fuck?"

Brian deciding to be upbeat, "That's good Dan. That's really good. You did really good with that. Might be a good idea to check out some nice restaurants, clubs, upcoming concerts, that kind of thing. Float a couple idea's past her, give her some dates and times, that kind of thing. Women expect that."

Dan looked up to his friend. "Wow, thanks, Brian, those are... great... ideas. Shit, I didn't even think about that. You're the man!"

"Yeah, may the Force be with you and all that Dan."

Dan looked up to his best friend and smiled before walking away to 'Google' those suggestions in his room. How did he luck out with Brian as a room-mate? How did they meet again? Oh yeah, a Movie Criticism elective? S.O.B. The Lord works in mysterious ways. "Now he had something concrete. Now he had a plan of action to take!