All Comments on 'Alter Ego'

Great story, very well written and very sexy!

A very, very nice story! Good development of characters and plot! Very believable - it could happen !! Hope you have many more successes!

Five stars!!!

I hope you have more stories! Very nice!

If this is your first story, you have serious talent. I would definitely read any other stories you choose to write and I hope you do.

Really well done. Thank you.

Great story, full of surprises. some predictability, but that's good.

The ending was a bit of a twist, but missed a scene I felt should have been included: A walk with Demarcus to discuss certain confidentialities that as a player he would respect, before the big reveal.

Not my story, and this was great.

A most impressive first story. I will be watching for more. Soon, I hope. Five stars.

This one has become one of my favorite stories in this site.good story and well flowing.thanks

5 stars aren't enough

Current comments on what appears to be your first story here can only be endorsed with regard to natural talent which has to be encouraged. My disappointment is that there is no indication of an intention to develop this story in which you only hint at the directions it could take (eg the potential for battle between the main male character and the Svengali dominance of the girl's father, and indeed the battle that he will now have to maintain/regain credibility with the girl having broken his promise to keep her secret - albeit in an effort to avoid potential violence and hurt to himself). Believe me I know the problem as a, now retired, journalist who has spent many long hours rewriting copy. You might consider at some later stage revising this and exploring the alternative of your hero putting himself in danger deliberately to keep his promise and protect the girl's alter-ego perhaps develop the age mismatched lovers' relationship? Whatever you decide I wish you well and trust you will not leave it for FTDS to add his suggested ending at some future point.

Awesome story

Too many stories in Literotica concentrate on the sex scenes; even if they don't really fit the story. This author has a knack with words and ideas that makes the sex fit well, but be almost an afterthought. It's so much more enjoyable to read the story and look forward to the plot development rather than the sexual fulfillment. I hope our author's imagination holds up for several more stories. And I apologize for the corny paraphrasing of the Bard's words (MacB).

Like, 50 miles an Hour? Even life guards boats don't achieve that!

Awesome story though

For the record, a stock Riva Aquarama does 46 mph. I am aware of at least one that has an upgraded powerplant and can hit 55. The Riva Ribot III, a one of a kind, can reach 60 mph (though that one is likely worth millions). So my number was not unrealistic.

I love it when an author can spin a tale around real people. People with unique personalities make it even better. I certainly hope coldwater1 will be contributing for a long time.

I'm really sorry, but you need to learn how to write. The morons in this section drop high ratings just because a story has three sentences with okay grammar.

Thank you. Really good piece of romance.

i'd like to see you continue this.

Not the least of which is to have him date her and tell his ex-wife FU!

I like this story very much.

I have now read 3 of the 4 stories that you have posted so far and currently this is my favorite

Thank you for sharing it.

Well written.

It was a bit predictable that the show he wanted to watch would be Emma, but I liked the touch where her boot had been found.

It's a bit of a shame the story doesn't easily lend itself to continuation.

Metacomments (comments about comments):

1. Lo_pan - Can you do/have you written better? I'll be checking your profile to see what you think is good writing.

2. The one who suggested he date Emma and use it against his wife: a) we don't know he's not still seeing Emma, and b) he has no beef with his wife - the marriage just died.

3. Betrayal comment: not telling was no longer necessary, with Mace retired.

Again as I have said before, what I judge a story by is it entertaining. Is the tale enjoyable, are the characters and the plot well developed, and somewhat believable. This story met this criteria so it earned a 5.

As a former, I formally chastise you for using an acronym without defining it. Just wait until THAT catches up with you!

This is Romance, not Mystery... applies to comments, get in genre, dude.

Oh, BTW, Coldwater, good story. Very good CD, (character development), for a short little spin. One question, comment: You placed Emma/Mace at Marshfield High, and had her older sister off to Portland, (Oregon), for a job.

Did you intentionally choose Marshfield as an Oregon high school? Or did you know t is a school in Coos Bay, (alma mater of Steve Prefontaine, BTW)?

There is a fair sized lake to it's north, Ten Mile Lake, with a small town, Ten Mile, adjacent, (used to live there, many, many years ago). I think there was also a bar with boat access. There were other businesses with such, as people did live out on the far shores of the lake, with only boat access.

If you did, then the awkwardness of the sentence telling Eric about Emma's departure to Portland could have been avoided, and 'Oregon', removed from the sentence. (anyone in the Coos Bay region is going to know, and assume a reference to Portland, means Oregon, and not Maine.

I find it nearly impossible for a dialogue sentence to be 'smooth' when including 'city, state'. It just seems to come out stilted. People don't talk that way, normally.

If this is all coincidence, well, at least you know about the diaglogue challenge.

GeoD

oops..

I refound this story, still one of my favorites. Would love a sequel! I know you're talented enough to make it work. Somehow fixing her fathers attitude and getting the girl would be perfect. Thanks

but it's hardly a romance. nice erotic coupling story...

I have read a few of your stories and this one has your usual excellent character development. You make it very easy to become attached to these people. As a female reader, I find your sex scenes very creative, realistic and palpable. They are edgy without becoming silly or too "out there." I agree with the others here who have commented that you have obvious talent. I hope to see more contributions from you.

Plot to sex ratio great. Another 5*

Congrats to MC, since he broken his promise, now the FMC will get blackmailed and I hope he will defend her. What's the point of it?

Very good story.

Thank you, coldwater I really liked this story.

But is it a romance? Hardly….

Another great story! All this Authors stories were submitted 6 years ago. Too bad he's inactive. Writes great stories so far. 5 BIG FAT FUCKING BLAZING STARS!