All Comments on 'Altered Ch. 06'

I can't believe you made another story with the Same amount as for the main character ,I can't wait for the next chapter,keep the good work

I really enjoy your story and check weekly to see if you have updated it but when I started reading this chapter I was thinking I had missed one. In the last one I was reading Nate mind raped Mr Gio then blew him up. I was not seeing how this was related at all to the other story and confirmed I had not missed a chapter.

Was this Nate or were they playing some mind games with him? How did they capture him? You explained it all in the end and how it tied to the original story but that was very confusing for about 6 or 7 pages.

To answer your question, Mike is a totally different person than Nate. Chapter 6 is a split from the original story, I'll continue Nate's story next chapter where he will meet up with Mike and their fates will be linked either for good or for bad (I don't want to spoil it). Chapter 8 will focus on finishing up Mikes tale and how he got to the point where he Meets Nate. Chapter 9??? not sure yet, I need to write 8 first. I originally intended to make chapter 6 a spin off story but I thought it might be a good idea to try getting more characters into the universe and have them play against each other. I'm a first time writer so, I apologize for any confusion. Please note that Chapter 5 is the end of the first book and chapter 6 is the beginning of the second book, so I thought it might be good to start out with a fresh character rather than just continue where we left off.

Just to be clear, Mike is not Nate. Mike is a human/Ataruian Hybrid with vampiric psionic abilities. Nate is a created being and his own species. Mike has been altered to be a cure (or infection whatever your point of view) and force mankinds evolution. Chapter 7 will explain it further, I promise. Mike is probably about as strong and fast healing as Robin or Tracy but not even close to as strong as Nate. Mike can heal people, Nate cannot. That's the main difference. If this were a fantasy novel Nate would be a paladin/warrior/mage to Mikes cleric... lol.

Almost not worth mentioning, but there was a spot, I believe page 5 or 6, where you mixed up the name of Mike's benefactress. Catalina, Caterina and Catarina, got me a wee tad confused for a bit.

BUT, overall, this was one rollicking good read. I agree with you that adding this new character adds considerably to the overall story. And the fact that he is linked in such a fashion to the Illuminati could lead to interesting things in the future for both Mike and Nate.

As always, I am eagerly looking forward to your next chapter.

Feel free to go to my author page and send me any errors your find through the contact tab. I will correct anything you find and resubmit them right away.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=3729890&page=contact

Silly thing, but you could at least do some research if you want to use a disease. I know this is fantasy fiction, but credibilty or believabilty is still needed.

To answer your question, yes I did do research on Lupus (admitted mostly just read wiki pages etc). I don't have personal history with it so I'm not sure what your issues are with what I wrote. Please feel free to email me through the contact tab with specifics, if you like. I feel your anger in your criticism but maybe if that's the only issue you have with the story you could tell me why also. What exactly did I write that I missed? Lupus isn't a sexy enough terminal disease? Lupus isn't cancer (yes I know that Lupus isn't cancer but it does cause cancer the vast majority of cases). If you have a valid criticism I can go back and fix your issue with my next rounds of edits but as your comment stands, its not helpful.

Here are some story assumptions I made. A) Victoria is dying from the cancer caused by lupus. B) she went through a round of chemo and it didn't seem to help, C) she is on a lot of meds masking her condition. D) Mike only really knew Victoria for a couple of hours and most of that was spent on the dance floor or in bed, there wasn't much talking. E) Victoria was putting on a show, doing her best impression of a bimbo to attract a man knowing that most men wouldn't want to date a terminally ill woman. She had one of her sorority sisters with her the whole time to distract him from anything that would reveal her condition. F) Mike (the story alludes to this) make women super horny even when they probably wouldn't be. (I will actually explain this more in the next chapter).

Maybe those plot points are too cheesy for you... that's fine, but you didn't say that, instead you were as vague as possible. If you are going to comment, try to be helpful after all most of us writers aren't professional and the story is free.

You never mentioned cancer, only that she had lupus and was receiving chemo treatment, read as though chemo for the lupus.

Lupus does not necessarily cause cancer, only the person has a slightly higher risk of getting cancer. It is an auto-immune disease. Swelling and rashes are likely results of it. Lupus does not, in itself cause death, but can help towards other health problems. So in a way you could say it is not good for living a long life, but in itself not really lethal.

Again I only brought it up as I never saw mention of cancer, only chemo treating lupus which is totally wrong.

Next time forget the middle man and just say she or he has cancer.

Fair enough, I'll try to make it clearer in my edits. Thanks for your input.

MaximusTheMad, I didn't read your chapter notes/prelude otherwise I would not have been confused about the new characters. I just read the chapter and I did see where you said both Lupus and cancer for Victoria in the story. I am not sure how they are related as I know of nobody that has had them but I guess UltimateHomeBody needs to reread the story as well.

I really really enjoyed this little interlude. Frankly I think I like it even better than the main story. Thanks for writing this.

Trash... Way to go. Whatever your bullshit reasoning for ruining a story with a total pile of word vomit...