All Comments on 'Amethyst Purple Pt. 02'

She fucking cheated?

And of course the kid will the be the arse she cheated with. You just ruined a glorious romance. I may need to rethink you as one of my favorite writers. 1 star.

The minutia of PREDICTABLE details are slowing down the whole story, I'm skipping paragraphs to keep the flow moving. Too verbose, do you intend to create a dime-novel or auditioning for a Hallmark movie?

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Marti's tryst is also predictable (even if she found condom wrappers), we know who is the baby's sperm donor - the long and slow story is predictable, just hope it doe snot remain boring. Ugh

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So far all are just 3*, Hooyah.....

Could have been a good story, but way... too much detail. How does blow-by-blow knowledge of the trial advance the story? Or Marti's research functions? Come on. The first part had so much promise. I was really eager for the second chapter. I'll give the next part a try.

OK, here we go. I told you at the beginning that this was not intended to be a simple-minded stroke story, if that's all you are capable of digesting then there are plenty of other 3k word stories on this site that will satisfy your requirements nicely. I wrote the story because it wanted to be written, not to satisfy a handful of wannabe self-appointed critics who continue to show, by the nature of your complaints, that this is the only venue that will allow your critiques to be seen by someone else's eyes. If my warnings at the beginning that this is intended to be an actual story, with details developing the evolution of a couple's lives didn't give you a heads-up the 'Novels and Novellas' category should've been a clue. If you gave the story five stars, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, if you feel it earned three stars, again, thank you, I appreciate your input and opinion. If you feel it only deserved a single star or no vote at all I still thank you for spending your obviously valuable time to read my wayward scribbling.

Snatch, the issue is not a want got a pump, grind, and squirt story at all, actually I hate those and will dump out ASAP if it goes there. So far this story only focused on two people and one aspect of their lives. It is so focused that it appears that they only live to work - the story does not develop any context of what their family, friends or special confidant sees in them.,,,,, [Since I'm circling back to view reply's, I'll point out (out of context) the lack of ANY of their children's lives being noted until the end.],,,,, You fill the story with the minutia of their work life and little to nothing about their out-of-work lives or relationships with friends/family/kids that would add body to the story giving depth to your characters.

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And yes, but no where as good as you - I write but under a different pen name, why? I do not want to get prejudice reviews slamming my brash direct personality (I am an Engineer and x-sailor) so YES there are that narrow of LW guru readers.

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Since I read your entire Quintology I find it interesting but very myopic on only two people over a lifetime - it could have been so much more with more inclusions (developments in family/friends/kids or even Ted's attempt(s) to save Marti's failure in personality).

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Hooyah, Salute....

KRD191354, Thanks for the rebuttal, I see and understand your point regarding the focus on the Ted and Marti, in fact that was the point I was trying to adhere to. I wanted to show a brash highlight on their personalities. It was the fact that their lives ended mired in their careers that caused them to drift apart. I purposely excluded their extended families and close friends because they actually played such a small part of their lives. I concede that more should've been exposed about the raising of the children but I felt that the implications and allusions served the nature of the story better than specific examples, because those incidents never really contributed to Ted's and Marti's losing sight of one another. The ending I envisioned before I began writing (because the ending is where this story actually began) had Ted making his discovery about ten or twelve years after a divorce and then he engaged an all-out BTB campaign on Marti to recover a lump sum she had been awarded because she caught him with another woman, making him believe she had always been faithful. She, however, had a long time affair with a well known politico in town so Ted brought both of them down hard. As the story progressed, and the kids were born I realized that Ted would never do that to the kids he raised and loved. I prefer the un-voiced forgiveness Ted eventually feels at the end as well. So I have no excuse, the shortcomings you've pointed out are actually intentional aspects of the story.

G.

KRD19254

P.S. I really would like to read what you have posted. Or maybe I already have. Look in my 'following' list and let me know if you're there, even. lol

G.

Okay, I made it to the end of this chapter and I'm done with reading anymore. I could have called the 'one drunken night' cliché on page 1 and we already know Ted is rushed to hospital 20 odd years later so it'll probably lead to a blood test to find out that the kid isn't his and a belated blow to the relationship that already died, if we're going off of the last sentence.

Was there anything in the court case that's relevant to their relationship? If not, then you made people read through some really dry writing for no good reason. It seems like you were trying to add 'colour' to their lives but all you did was give examples of what they each did for a living with too much emphasis on the details. It was just boring and I was waiting for a clever twist but nothing happened except for the expected dalliance.

3 stars this time -

I really really dislike courtroom dialog - watching paint dry would be way more exciting.

I am willing to bet that this baby is not the MC's.

I also bet that a DNA test will be taken to verify my suspicion.