Among The Gods 02: Giving In

It was a beautiful morning in the sprawling nation of Irnu. This was not a surprise: every day of every season was a beautiful one. Spring days were bright and bracing, the sun rising into a cloudless sky over dew-bedecked fields. Summer days dawned bright and hot, the heat of the day warming and tanning bare skin, warm breezes wending their way even into the cool shade. Autumn days were cool and damp, the trees gilded in all the colours of a sunset. Even the winter days were delightfully chill, snow and ice sparkling in the sunlight, the icy wind driving people inside to curl up together before an open fire.

It was no surprise because this was Irnu, the nation of the Old Gods. Other countries followed philosophies and idols, distant stars and veiled deities. In Irnu, however, the old gods still ruled - ancient gods of earth and wood, of storm and river, of pain, pleasure, sex, and blood.

There was a tension in the air of the Cardinal Inn - at least, for some of its occupants. Dina and Roth went about their days as if everything was normal, which for them, presumably, it was. If they had been embarrassed or affected when Mia and Eli walked in on them making love, they didn't show it. There was one important change, however: the noise.

It had only been occasionally that Eli or Mia had heard noises coming from their hosts' bedroom. Mia had assumed they were just the noises of sleeping; Eli had been a little more suspicious, but considered it none of his business. Since the young pair had walked in on their hosts' tryst, however, their inclination towards privacy appeared to have been discarded. The pair could now frequently hear them coupling in their bedroom, as well in other rooms around the inn. This meant that they could not escape the true, sinful nature of this place. On the upside, as long as they kept a sharp ear out, they could avoid walking in on the couple.

They had a larger problem, though. Now that they had seen the shameless behaviour of the Irnian townsfolk, they could not unsee it. Whenever they left the inn, they found their eyes drawn to the out of the way places, unconsciously seeking out signs of people engaging in sinful behaviour. It was not hard to spot: a young man, partially hidden in the shadows of an alley, hand busy down his trousers; the quiet corner, out of sight of the main market, where two women embraced, hands idling between each others' legs; couples old and young, kissing passionately beneath the boughs of the drooping trees, hands wandering shamelessly across each other's bodies. Everything they saw stuck in their minds, adding to the already lurid memories of Dina and Roth, of the young couple, and of the woman in the park.

For the next week, they followed the same pattern. They rose and worked in the inn, Eli chopping would and fetching and carrying, while Mia helped with the cooking and cleaning. At the end of the day, both washed, put on their night clothes, and slipped beneath their separate blankets. Eli would lie there until he was sure that Mia was asleep, then slip out of the bed and down into the year yard, where he would relieve the pressure that had built up over the day. As soon as he left (to use the bathroom, Mia was sure), she would promise herself that she would remain pure, struggle with herself for a few minutes, and then guiltily slip her hand between her legs.

As the days passed, a subtle but important change began to come over them. Despite their separate, private resolutions that life in Irnu would not change them, they found themselves growing closer and more comfortable with each other. They now touched often, gently placing their hands on each others' arms or shoulders. On the fourth day, Eli unthinkingly walked into their room while Mia was changing. Both were embarrassed, and he immediately apologised and backed out of the room. Still, Mia could not help but smile as she dressed, remembering the surprise and interest that had shown on his face. Mia, of course, featured heavily in Eli's mind that night, when he slipped out of their room to relieve himself.

Things came to a head on the ninth day, when they woke in a close embrace. At some point in the night, Eli had rolled over in his sleep, the blanket slipping from his chest. He had reached, or perhaps stretched, and his arm had come to rest over Mia's body; when morning came, it took both of them about a minute to fully come to, minds fuzzy and confused about the unfamiliar warmth.

For Eli, the first thing he became aware of was the smell. His face was buried in her hair, the scent of her filling his nostrils, and as he came to, he noticed the warmth of her body pressed against his chest, and the throbbing arousal between his legs. Warmth was the first thing Mia felt - Eli's heat against her back and over her waist, his hand resting gently against the blanket where her stomach was. The area between her legs was damp and hot, tingling with a subconscious anticipation she didn't quite understand.

They both jerked and moved apart at the same time, Mia clasping the blanket tightly around her, while Eli rolled away, right off the edge of the bet and onto the floorboards. "I'm sorry!" he croaked.

"I'm sorry!" she squeaked, pulling the blanket up to cover her face.

"I didn't mean - I must have - I'm sorry!" Eli was grabbing at his clothes, balling them up in front of him at waist height.

"It's - I don't - I'm -" Mia stammered form under the blanket.

"I'm sorry!" Eli said again, as he left the room at almost a dead run, leaving the door to swing shut behind him.

Alone, Mia flopped back on the bed, blankets still over her head. Emotions warred within her, making her stomach churn and her muscles shake. She was humiliated and ashamed, of course, that she could let such an improper thing happen. She was also more aroused than she thought she had ever been, fingers twitching with the instinct to tend to the aching need between her thighs. Most of all, though, she was filled with terror. Eli had become, in many ways, the center of her world, and she felt like she had just lost him. Maybe he would move to another room, or another building, or just leave her alone entirely and forever. She couldn't think of anything worse - literally, anything in the world would be better. Let Irnu corrupt her soul, let its demon gods eat her whole, let the Navian soldiers finally track her down and run her through. Just don't take Eli away, she thought desperately, tears pouring down her face. But she spoke to no-one in particular, for Thusea had no gods.

She didn't know how long passed before there was a gentle knock at the door. Mia froze wondering who it could be. Had Eli come back? Or had he sent someone with a message, saying he never wanted to see her again? Her shoulders shook.

"Mia?" a rich, gentle voice said. Dina. Mia heard the door open and close, admitting a pair of light footsteps. "I'm sorry to barge and pry, dear, but I just wanted to check if you were alright. Eli took off out of here like a racing dog -" A pitiful, mewling sound escaped Mia's lips and she yanked the blanket down, revealing her red-eyed, tear-stained face. "Oh!" Dina gasped. "Oh you poor dear!" She immediately bustled over, settling down on the bed beside her; Mia threw herself into Dina's arms, sobbing as the innkeeper stroked her hair, murmuring reassuring nothings.

Another impossible to measure period of time passed while Mia cried. Eventually, however, she could cry no more, and settled down into a near-silent, hiccoughing misery. When it was clear she wouldn't fall over, Dina left the bed long enough to fetch the pitcher of water from the sideboard, putting her arm around the girl's shoulders as she pressed the cup into her hands. "Drink up, dear," she said kindly. Mia accepted the cup, holding it in both hands and taking small sips. "What in the Gods happened?"

Mind exhausted, spirit haunted, and body trembling, Mia told her everything, the words rushing out of her in a desperate torrent: how they had run from the destruction of their village, how everyone here had been so kind, but were so improper, how she felt torn between living a good life - the way the Litany of the Monolith dictated - and the base, wanton desires she felt were taking her over. How she had somehow lewdly seduced Eli in the night, how he had run away and probably wasn't ever going to come back. Eventually, she lapsed into a heavy silence.

When she finished her cup, Dina refilled it for her, waiting for the girl to start drinking again before speaking. "Mia, dear - there's a lot to talk about there. But, easiest thing first - you know Eli's coming back, right?" Mia looked up at her, hope fluttering weakly in her eyes.

"You really think so? Even after I -"

"I know so," Dina cut across her. "That boy would walk through fire and salt for you. He's probably just as scared as you are, thinking that he somehow - what was it, lewdly seduced you?"

"But he didn't!" Mia objected. "I'm the one who's unclean! I'm the one who's been -" She snapped her mouth shut suddenly, cutting off the end of her sentence.

"Been what, dear?" Dina asked gently.

Mia stared down in the water of her cup. Saying it would make it real, would hammer home her disgusting impurity. But it was real, wasn't it? Whether she said it or not.

"Been... touching myself," she said in a small voice. "At night, when Eli goes away. Touching my... place."

"Oh, dear Mia!" Dina suddenly wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Mia closed her eyes and breathed, the warmth of the woman's hug soaking into her body. In some ways, Dina reminded her of her mother. Against all reason, she felt better.

"Am I... unclean?" Mia asked, sadly.

"I... can't help you with that," Dina said, uncertainly. "I don't know much about your Monolith or its rules. I only know enough to know that I don't agree with most of it. Things are just... different here. Irnu is different."

"I know," Mia sniffed. "I don't understand it. Everyone is so obscene. I mean - sorry!" she said, suddenly gaping at her own rudeness. When she had said that, she had of course included Dina and Roth. But how could she, after they had been so kind to her?

Dina's gentle smile put her at ease. "We don't think like that here. We just... believe different things."

Mia frowned at her water. "What... what do you believe?" It had never occurred to her that the Irnians might have an actual belief system. They just seemed to do whatever they wished, like animals.

"I'm not sure the answer would be helpful to you," Dina warned.

Mia looked into her eyes, grabbing onto the sudden feeling of curiosity that was distracting her from her current predicament. "Please?" she asked. "I want to know. I mean I - I don't want to suggest that you're living a less than good life. I just don't understand how everyone can do those... things."

Dina sighed, looking off into the distance as she chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Why do you touch yourself?" she asked.

Mia went red, thighs clenching, fingers twisting around the cup. "Because it... feels good," she admitted.

"There's your answer," Dina said. "We do the things we do because they feel good."

"But they corrupt the soul!" Mia protested.

"Says who?"

"Says the -" Mia stopped. The Litany of the Monolith, obviously. Which none of them knew.

"Look," Dina continued. "We are taught that our bodies are divine and beautiful, and that pleasure is an incredible gift from the deities. We don't associate nakedness or sex -" Mia blushed harder at the word "- with any kind of shame or taint. Quite the opposite, actually - sex for us is a kind of devotion. Our way of..." Dina cocked her head to the side, searching for the right word. "...praying," she eventually settled on.

"So," Mia frowned, "you don't have sex for yourselves, but to... give it to your gods?"

Dina shook her head. "Not give, share. We share our pleasure with the deities, just like we share it with each other. Sharing ourselves with others is a divine act."

"But that's not how the stories go!" Mia protested, "Irnians are base and evil! Nobles go around and force themselves on peasant women -"

"Absolutely not!" Dina snapped. Mia blanched at the heat in her words. Dina sighed, squeezing Mia's arm apologetically. Another thoughtless touch, Mia noted. But it felt good. It felt like... not being alone. "I'm sorry, dear," Dina said. "We don't though - forcing yourself on anyone is considered a grave sin in Irnu. It would be like... theft. Like taking pleasure from another for our own benefit. We don't take in Irnu - we share."

Mia's mind was awash with questions. A large part of her mind said it was wrong - of course it was wrong, it was wanton and wicked and weak - but her curiosity pushed her onwards. "I... saw a couple. In the park, they were - uh, having..." her voice dropped in volume - "sex. Under a tree. And there was a woman on a stone in the park she was... touching herself. There were other people watching, and they were... as well."

"We don't associated sex with shame," Dina repeated. "If anyone wants to couple outside on a nice sunny day, well, they're welcome to. And it sounds like the other people were in the pleasure garden - many people go there to... seek some release, I suppose you could say. Some people like to be watched, and some people like to watch. Some people just enjoy sharing pleasure among others."

"What about you and Roth? You were having - having sex," she pushed on, swallowing, "in the taproom."

Despite herself, Dina giggled. "Yes, sorry about that," she said. "This close to the border, we've learned to be a bit more... um, more discrete. But both me and Roth can get very involved with each other. We didn't mean to shock you like that, we really were trying to respect your sensibilities. But we thought you'd sleep for a bit longer, and, well..." she shrugged. Like it was nothing - just an amusing story.

"How long have you two been married?"

Dina frowned. "What's married, dear?" Mia stared at her, unsure how to answer.

"It's when - it's when a man and a woman swear a sacred vow to be together forever. You're not allowed to - to have sex, until you're married. Or with anyone you're not married to."

Dina shook her head. "I don't think we have that, dear. We have a Bonding, which sounds like it, but it doesn't restrict who we can have sex with, and it doesn't need to be forever. Or just between two people. Or just between a man and a woman, come to that."

Mia's mind swirled, trying to grapple with half a dozen new concepts at once. A marriage between more than two people? Or between, what - two men? Or two women? And anyone can still lay with anyone, even outside this... bonding? Then what was the point of it at all? But then, it made a kind of sense. The Litany said that - that sex was only to make babies. If these people mostly did it for pleasure, why would they need marriage?

Mia considered this for a long time. "Dina, do you know what the first five edicts of the Litany of the Monolith are?"

"Can't say I do, dear."

Mia told her. "They go, I am foolish; I stay to the narrow path of the Monolith in search of wisdom. I am weak; I stay to the narrow path of the Monolith for the protection of its strength. I am unclean; I stay to the narrow path of the Monolith so that I may be made pure. I am but one; I stay to the narrow path of the Monolith so that I may stand among many. I am petty; I stay to the narrow path of the Monolith, forged by those greater and wiser than I." Dina listened carefully, frowning.

"I don't think I could live like that," she said after a long moment.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I just can't imagine having faith in a religion that tells me every day that I'm somehow wrong or bad, just for existing. I can't imagine anyone being happy, going around believing something like that."

Mia prickled at the attack on the faith she had been taught her entire life. And the thing was, that... she was right. Mia had never known anyone she thought of as truly happy. Everyone just seemed to be doing their best, but there was always a rule in the Litany that told them why they were wrong. Wrong, and weak, and stupid, and unclean. Dina and Roth might have been the first people she spent time around who seemed actually joyful in their lives. And she had been happier here than ever before, despite everything.

"Thank you," Mia said. "I... do you mind if I don't help today? I have a lot of things to think about."

"Of course dear," Dina said, giving her another unasked-for but very welcome hug. "Take all the time you need. If you need anything, just call down for me."

"Thank you," Mia responded.

She spent a long time after that, thinking.

It was after dinner, the sun slipping down past the horizon, when Eli finally returned. He was calmer now, but contrite. He had been afraid that Mia would tell Dina and Roth to turn him away, but they welcomed him back as if nothing had happened. They even offered him dinner, but he declined. He had a difficult conversation ahead of him, and he didn't think he could handle food right now.

He knocked softly on the door of the room he had shared with Mia. "Come in," her voice said.

Eli awkwardly cleared his throat. "It's Eli," he informed her.

"Come in then."

Eli found her sitting on the bed, still dressed in her night clothes (though her hair was damp, he noticed - had she worked and washed today?). She was facing the door, looking up at her with a calm expression he found slightly unnerving. Pushing the door closed behind him, he cleared his throat, powering into the speech he had been practising for most of the day. "I'm sorry," he began. "I don't know what happened - I must have rolled over in my sleep. I would never do anything improper to you, Mia, and I know that I've probably hurt your trust in me, but I'm going to work hard to earn it back. I can ask Roth about another room. We don't have many guests at the moment, I'm sure they won't mind if I -"

"Stop talking." Mia's voice was calm and quiet, but his words died on his lips. She hates me, he thought miserably.

Mia stood up and walked towards him, her long, damp swaying loosely behind her. He tensed as she got near, sure that there was a slap - or worse - incoming. He was not expecting the long, lingering kiss she placed on her lips.

"I - uh - what?" he stammered. Mia took his hand and led him over to the bed, pulling him down to sit beside her.

"I've got a lot I need to tell you," she said.

He listened in silence as she spoke, spelling out everything she had learned from her conversation with Dina that morning. When she was done, they both stared silently at the floor for a long time.

"That... explains a lot, I guess," he admitted.

"It's so different here," she breathed. She looked at him. "Did you know? About... about sex, I mean?"

His face went red. "I... knew some stuff. You just... do, growing up on a farm. Animals do it to, you know, make more animals."

"So you know what they were doing? Dina and Roth, I mean. And the people in the park." He nodded mutely. "What about... the woman? Did you know what she was doing?" He took a long, careful breath, and nodded once. "How?"

"Uh," he tried. "I... know because, uh. Well, father told me some stuff. And I..." he tailed off.

"You what?"

Don't make me say it, he begged silently. "It doesn't matter."

There was another long, awkward silence. Then Mia spoke. "I've been doing it, too." Eli stared at her. She went red and looked away. "Like the woman in the park. After that day I - I couldn't help it." Neck on the line time, she thought. He'll think I'm a slut. He'll leave. I know he'll leave. I know -