An Absence of Trust

"Billy, I love you." She told me as she hurried up to her door.

Driving home I was a mixture of thoughts. Mostly positive that this beautiful, confident, and successful woman wants me. But I was also nervous. My own parents' dysfunctional marriage was a blueprint of what not to do. I wanted to make sure I got it right the first time.

Over the next several days I continued to think about marriage and Madeline. I've already described what an outstanding woman she is. What was my hesitation?

I pondered that question and came to the realization that I wasn't sure if I wanted to give up the freedom of not being married. But there was another side of that coin too. If Maddy wants to be married and I hesitate, am I in danger of losing her all together?

I could not imagine not being with her. So essentially I've defined my choices. Marry her, or potentially lose her all together.

These were the thoughts I struggled with, and I decided maybe I needed another perspective. I thought of the people close to me in my life that I could talk to.

My Mom was out. Though she is a very nice person, her life had been traumatic enough to leave just a shell of a person who went to mass daily and watched game shows during the day. She would not be a source of great wisdom.

I thought of my friends, and I mentally went through the list of them. Antoine no, Dallas no, Danny no, John Washington no, etc. I could not think of any of them that could provide the insight I was after.

I decided to talk to my brother Richie. Richie was the person I was closest to. He and I went through a lot growing up and I knew he was loyal to me and cared about me. We met at The Reef that Thursday night.

"Hey Rich," I said and gave him a brotherly hug. "How's it going.?"

"Billy, things are going great," he said, a bit more excited than usual. "I've got something I want to talk to you about." He said smiling.

Just then I saw Rich look up over my shoulder and a smile appeared on his face.

"Hi Babe," he said.

As I turned around to see who Richie was addressing, the first thing I saw were her large breasts.

"Hi Babe," she said back, and then, "Hi Billy."

It was Leslie. Did Richie have a thing going with Leslie I wondered? I soon found out.

"This is what I wanted to tell you Billy," Rich said as Leslie cuddled into the booth next to him. "Les and I have been seeing each other exclusively for about six months and she's going to move in with me." He told me, both of them smiling.

I was speechless for a moment digesting this information. As I may have said, Leslie is an attractive woman and certainly sexy. I had known that side of her up close and personal. But beyond that there was not much there I thought. At least for me.

On the other hand I didn't know what their relationship was like. Perhaps they had deep conversations on the meaning of life, volunteered to clean up the planet, and took online cooking classes together.

"Congratulations," I finally said, summoning up genuine happiness for them. "You are both very nice people and I am glad for the two of you."

They both sat back grinning, happy in their new relationship looking across the booth at me with alternating looks at each other.

"I'm going to get us a round to celebrate," Rich declared and shuffled up to the bar leaving just Leslie and me.

Suddenly Leslie began to act shy.

"Leslie, how are you doing?" I asked, she wouldn't really look at me, glancing away. Was she embarrassed because she and I had slept together I wondered?

"Billy," she began not quite making eye contact with me, "I've changed. You knew me in my wilder younger days. I'm not like that now. I really care about your brother." She said.

"I'm glad for both of you." I told her.

We made more slightly uncomfortable small talk until Rich returned with the beverages. He began talking about their plans. Later Leslie excused herself to use the ladies room.

"I'm glad that you and Leslie are happy Rich," I told him and I meant it. And they definitely did look happy together.

"Thanks, he said. "There is still one thing I kind of need to say," he began, "look I know you and Leslie, had a thing a few times and I just want to acknowledge that, but let's never talk about it again."

"Rich," I said, "I will never mention it," I said, and quickly glanced over my shoulder toward the bathrooms, the coast was clear, "I'm happy for you, she's a wonderful girl, and besides she does have great tits!"

"Hey!" He shouted at me, and then started laughing, "she most certainly does." He agreed.

"What are you guys laughing about?" Leslie asked as we returned.

"Nothing." Rich said as he hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

Driving home that night I was in heavy thought about several things. Deep down I was glad for Richie and I hoped it worked out with him and Leslie. As I had said, Leslie was a nice person, I just hoped their life was good beyond all the sex.

This then got me thinking about Maddy. I couldn't help comparing her to Leslie. It was not a fair comparison. Maddy was smart, accomplished, she came from a privileged family, and had ambition. Furthermore though Leslie was fun in bed, sex with Maddy was far better.

Approaching my Madison Park neighborhood I began to take all the information in and form a conclusion. There were plenty of girls like Leslie, and once again I wished nothing for her and Rich but happiness. But I came to the conclusion that women like Maddy were rare. And now I have one that wants me. I concluded I needed to act on this. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

I decided I wanted to do this right. I was going to buy a ring (with the expressed understanding that she could exchange it if she didn't like the style). And I was going to propose formally.

I also decided I would ask her father's permission. Robert and I have never been on terms that you would call friendly. I didn't trust him and I think he thought I wasn't good enough for his daughter. Furthermore we beat his team in the Apple Cup, and he blamed me. Rightfully as a matter of fact.

I believe by giving him the respect of speaking to him first, before I actually proposed, that may begin a general thawing of our fairly frigid current relationship.

I called him at work.

"Robert Doucette," he announced into the phone.

"Robert, it's Billy Damon." I said. I'd never actually called him before.

There was a beat or two of silence before he replied.

"Hello William," he began. "What can I do for you?"

I think I surprised him with my call but his arrogance managed to assert itself fairly quickly.

"I was wonderIng if there was a day this week you would be available for lunch?" I asked.

"Possibly," he replied, "I'll have Andrea get a hold of you."

"Thank you Robert, my number is...." But I soon realized he had already hung up. What an egotistical asshole I thought.

The following day I received a call from Andrea, Robert's PA, confirming lunch on Friday, 12:30 at Persimmon.

I promised myself despite his elitist attitude I was not going to let him get under my skin. It reminded me a bit of the trash talkers when I played football. The moment you let on that what they were saying was bothering you they had won. With Robert, his trash talk was his subtle and not so subtle ways of trying to tell me he was better than me. I would show him no weakness.

I was at Persimmon precisely at 12:30. Robert arrived at 12:40, without any apology. We chatted for several minutes, safe subjects, the Mariners, the weather, current affairs. So far, so good. At this point he was displaying good behavior.

"Robert," I began, "I wanted to let you know that I am planning on proposing to Madeline."

He just stared at me. He did not speak, he was beginning his intimidation game. I continued to stare back. We sat like that for over a minute. It felt like a long time, but I knew his game.

Finally he replied.

"You think you're going to marry my daughter?" He asked.

"Yes sir." I said. "I love your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

He kept up the intimidating stare. It had no effect on me.

"And you think you can provide for her the lifestyle that she is accustomed to and support her in her career as she continues to advance?" He asked, a smirk spreading across his face.

"I certainly do." I told him. "I'm restoring a nice house in Madison Park and my business is doing well."

"Your business," he scoffed, shaking his head.

I knew he was trying to goad me but this was just disrespect. He knew nothing about my business. In fact even Maddy didn't know the financial details of my business. And now this guy is making judgments

At that point the waiter came with the check, breaking the tense atmosphere. I quickly grabbed it and laid down my credit card.

After another moment even Robert's manners kicked in and he thanked me for lunch. Both of us knew this entire exercise today had been a failure. I failed at trying to create some type of detente with my future father in law. He had failed at trying to intimidate me and exert his will over mine.

Finally, in what may be considered the slightest concession to the topic of the day we had a short discussion out on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

"William, as you may know, Madeline follows her own path. She is intelligent and knows what she wants." He stated. "If that happens to be you," he paused and said, "well then I guess, congratulations."

"Thank you." Was all I said.

Later that evening we were together at my place just hanging out.

"Did you talk to my dad today about something?" She asked.

"Why?" I asked.

She told me that out of the blue he called her on her way home from work today. She said he was acting kind of odd, asking her what her goals were in life, and was she happy. Then apparently he asked about me, and if she thought I was the right type of man for her. He asked her some other stuff too.

Obviously Robert hadn't spoken about the lunch nor my intentions. It was at that moment I made a decision. I assumed I got about as much of a blessing from her old man as I would ever get.

It was showtime.

"I'll be right back." I told her, now really confusing her.

She looked at me with a thoroughly puzzled look on her face.

A minute later I walked up to her, hands behind my back. I then bent down on one knee.

"Oh my God, Billy," she squealed, suddenly understanding.

"Madeline Renee Doucette," I began, "will you marry me?" I said and then offered her the velvet jeweler's box.

She accepted my offering. Many women would quickly open up the box to check out the size of the ring. Not Maddy, she just looked at me.

"Billy, the answer is yes," she began, still holding the unopened ring box, "I love you, I want you, I need you, and I completely trust you."

Since this was slightly unplanned I had no champagne to complete our celebration. We substituted champagne with being naked in bed and doing all the things you do when you want to celebrate in that particular way.

Much later she called her mother and the process of the wedding began.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

And it was a process. But sitting there in the ballroom of the Edgewater Club surrounded by friends and family, for the moment any conflict between me and certain members of Madeline's family were forgotten.

Her brother made some dumb toast, trying but not pulling it off, to say something funny and slightly insulting to me. It didn't get the laughs and the whole thing fell flat.

I ignored it, because there were many nice toasts by others including my brother Rich and a surprisingly sincere toast from John Washington.

"When I did not have a home and needed help, this man," John nodded toward me, "lent a hand and helped me back on my feet again. I will forever be grateful and you, my friend, are a brother to me."

In this wealthy WASP-y country club to see this large black man make such a moving toast was certainly a unique occurence. I was glad I had friends like John.

Even Robert joined in and made his own toast.

"Congratulations," he began, "Madeline you are my only daughter and I wish you joy, happiness and success in your life."

No, still not any acknowledgement toward me but by now I was certainly used to that, and it did not bother me.

Later in the evening as the event was winding down and we were preparing to depart on our honeymoon I got a firm hug and a cheek kiss from Mandy's mother Myra. But the most surprising thing was the briefest of hugs from the old man.

He must have been drunk I thought as the limo whisked us away.

One other thing related to the marriage I have to note.

About thirty days before the wedding Madeline came home (we were living in my house by this point) a little disturbed as if she was upset about something. When I asked her what was wrong she told me her Dad had insisted on a prenuptial agreement.

"Who cares Maddy," I said. "That only matters if we get a divorce. And that's not happening." I told her.

She begrudgingly agreed and we signed the agreement. But as I thought about the legal form there were two things that bothered me about it. Number one was that a document like this feels like you're preparing for the failure of the marriage. Number two was, once again Robert wielding his influence on our lives.

Beyond the small road bump of her father, our married lives together were wonderful. We lived in a nice house that was now 90% restored in a nice neighborhood. Both of us were successful in our careers and money was not a problem for us. We had income and wealth.

Maddy was far busier than me and her schedule was something we always had to plan around, but we learned to do this with minimal interruptions. I knew her career occupied a lot of her time and I was independent. I had my business, the gym and the house to work on. I was busy too in my own way.

One particular Wednesday night some months after the wedding Maddy had some type of meeting. I never was quite sure between her law firm stuff and her political involvement, which was which. The two activities seemed intertwined.

That night, John and Junior Washington, Rich, Dallas and I all met at a newer bar near T-Mobil Park, where the Mariners play. A boys night out. The place was upscale, a lot of guys in suits, and women in professional clothing. But it was in an old brick building near an alley and there was a dark shadowy quality to the atmosphere. A place you'd meet someone on the verge of intimacy, but perhaps not quite there yet.

The five of us were all piled into a corner of the bar talking sports and just general bullshit not really affected by the atmosphere.

"Hey," at one point Rich said, "isn't that Madeline's brother, the guy who made the terrible toast at the wedding?" His head was angled back toward a booth in the restaurant section of the bar.

I craned my head to look back in the direction Rich had looked.

"Sure is." I said, it looked as if he was in hot pursuit of a blond woman who was attractive but looked a little older than Ryan.

I could see him really trying to charm this woman, she was playing the game too. I noticed his unnatural smile and occasionally heard his fake laugh. I had been around the family and seen Ryan enough to know what was sincere or not.

We went back to our discussion not really paying too much more attention to my asshole brother in law and his potential bedmate.

A while later I noticed Rich's attention left our conversation and focused back in the area where we had seen Ryan. All of a sudden Rich grabbed my arm.

"Uh oh," he said. "Looks like your buddy may have got caught with someone else's woman."

I turned to look. There were two guys, angry looking, both bigger than Ryan. They were clustered around the booth that Ryan and the blond occupied. I saw one of the guys focused on the blond and I saw her head shaking back and forth in some sort of denial. The other guy was blocking Ryan's exit from the booth, his finger pointed at my brother in law.

All of a sudden the one guy grabs the woman by the upper arm and the other guy yanks Ryan up by the back of his coat and they all exit through the side door. Ryan tried to put up a struggle, but as I may have noted earlier, he's a pussy.

We all had seen the drama unfold and we all knew what was going to happen next. One by one they all turned and looked at me. Finally John broke the silence.

"I know you don't like the dude," he said. "But he's going to get his ass kicked, and he is Maddy's brother."

I sighed, and looked around at the group.

"Okay," I said, "let's go rescue the asshole."

We walked into the alleyway and saw Ryan cowering at the far end. He was on one knee, coat ripped, and his mouth bleeding. The two guys were there but the woman was gone. It looked like his beating was still in the early stages.

"Hey guys," I yelled to them as we walked up, "that's enough."

Both of them turned in our direction, the angry expressions changing a bit when they saw us, especially the size of me, John, and Junior.

"This ain't none of your business." One of them said,

At this point Ryan began begging.

"Billy please," he began, "help me. These two asshole's are beating me up for no reason." Ryan pleaded.

"Shut up Ryan." I told him.

"Listen," I approached the two of them palms out in supplication, "I can imagine what's going on and He probably deserves it but," I said, "I'm going to ask you as a personal favor, can you let him go?"

They both looked at me. And then they looked back at our group. And then one of them looked at me again.

"Hey, aren't you Billy Damon?" He asked. "I was at that Apple Cup when you kicked the Huskies ass."

This began a brief discussion about the hated Huskies. Finally we all looked back toward Ryan who was still on his knees.

The two of them looked at him then looked back at me.

"All right," the one began, "I guess we're done with him." He said and looked at me, and then towards Ryan, "but if I ever catch you around Tracy again, none of these guys will be able to protect you."

Ryan was just nodding his head up and down and apologizing.

"You catch him with her again, I'll help you," John Washington told the guy.

And with that the situation was over. The two guys left, Ryan scrambled to his feet and offered to buy us all a drink.

"No thanks," I said, "it's getting late. But Ryan, word to the wise, you better quit fucking around like that especially with married women. Those two could have really fucked you up," I went on. "And you know what, you would have deserved it."

We all walked off, I glanced back for an instant and saw Ryan standing by himself in that alley looking utterly lost. No, he wasn't his father I thought, but that may end up being a good thing.

I never spoke a word of this encounter to Madeline or anyone else for that matter. I did notice a far more friendly attitude from Ryan when I encountered him at family functions. He and I never talked about the alley incident either, but I appreciated the new found friendliness.

For the next year I think of it as our golden year. My business was doing well, I had interests in over 20 properties now and I was converting some to straight rentals while selling equity in others. Both my cash flow and my wealth were on good trajectories. I even had a few financial companies sniffing around to see if I was open to selling all or part of my business.

My relationship with Madeline continued to get better. She was happy with her job and some of the political things she was doing and she was doing well. We discussed children but she said we needed to wait a while. I guess I would have preferred children sooner, but I knew marriage was all about compromises and sacrifices.