All Comments on 'An Accidental Family'

What a great debut story - congratulations on the characters, storyline and dialogue.

Please keep writing - I would love to see how the story ends

Great first story. Eagerly waiting for your next stories. 5 🌟

A sequel would do well, with JT and Jen perhaps adopting Lisa and her sisters, as well as having children of their own.

Simply outstanding! Funny and touching in the best way. Hard to believe its your first published story.

Time to dig some more out of that drawer! 😊

Outstanding. A sequel would be awesome.

Let me say first that I scored this a five. You are a very good story teller with a great feeling for plot. Your timing on events was a pleasure. That said, I suggest an editor. Men don't look at a lady's 'waste' if they can help it. You have an issue with "your" and "you're". You left out a ton of quotation marks. Misspelled words and wrong words do not ruin a story, but with the very solid score you managed, you have the looks of a top tier writer. To become that, the final step would be to clean up your punctuation and word usage. You have no real limits here once you master those items. Thanks for writing and posting this very nice romance.

I loved this story, but lisa and her sisters are a huge dropped subplot. Since they were such integral parts of the main story, they deserve a conclusion of their own. You opened up so many possibilities for them, but left it to hang. This was one of the best stories I’ve read in a while, but it’s absolutely not done!

I'd love to see a sequel too! Lisa and the Sisters' story needs depending. Maybe the accidental family grows by three officially? They seem to be a big part of it already so...

A good editor who works with you, and not just tidying things up for you will definitely make you a top tier writer. As a retired Lit writer I know good editors who you gel with can be hard to find, but they're a blessing when you find them. Just keep your eyes open and see who's available in the editors board. Also please remember that just like you they are doing it for free and voluntarily.

Awesome awesome first tale!

I do wish you had spent a little time 'explaining' a few of the terms you've used. We don't all speak American !. (Would you be as confused if I wrote on featuring Cricket ?)

Well written, tho'.

Thanks

I was expecting JT and Jen to take in Lisa and her sisters

Several occasions where extra words left in sentences probably from edits, spelling mistakes a spell checker would miss, but a read through wouldn't, and a character misnamed once. For a first time story this really good, with a bunch of well developed characters, a nice steady plot progression, and an ending at a suitable story point, while leaving room for a follow up. I'm giving it a well deserved 5.

Definitely need more of this story.

Really enjoyed the story and I 100% agree a sequel would be great. Adopting the kids and Jason and Lisa's relationship moving forward.

Great five star story! I look forward to the next chapter when Lisa's uncle gets arrested and J and J come to the rescue. Lisa seems more like a sister to Jason and girlfriend to Sneaky who will be an all pro DT with Jason as his team coach

Great Story! Enjoyed it immensely and looking forward to more from you.

I really enjoyed your story. You have a gift and thanks for sharing your talent. Please continue writing!

Sequel!!!! Solve Lisa’s problems, Jason and Lisa together, the ex- showing up now that Jason is good at football, wedding, etc

Well told story. 5+

Please have a continuation of the story.

really enjoyed the story. Looking forward to many more.

Great story! Keep writing please.

Incredible. 5⭐️

I need more of JT Jen Jason Lisa and her sisters.

So good!!

Excellent. And well worth a sequel.

Okay, 5 stars right off the bay! Amazing story, and I hope their is more; Lisa and her sisters are a subplot that needs an ending and the two main protagonists need a better conclusion, but aside from that, one of the best romances on this site! And I especially enjoyed how you described how beautiful Jen is but didn't have JT think in any lewd or lecherous ways. Hoping you continue with this story, and looking forward to what you write next.

Pls do a

Sequel

Good job please keep going.

I totally agree with Icarusascending: Lisa and her sisters just dropped ourt of the story just when I thought they might be rescued from their deplorable home life.

Incredible! The story was wonderful. You can continue the story. Continue the love story. Incorporate Lisa and her sisters.

You have an incredible talent and I want to see more.

Great story! Romance is built first on building a relationship with depth and feeling before the physical part of the relationship can grow. There is definitely room to expand on in a sequel with the subplots already in place for continuing to develop (Jason and Lisa?, Lisa and her sister?, etc.)

Really enjoyed the story. Hard to believe it was your first submission.

Very well written. Yes a sequel would be perfect. I want to see how you develop the continuing relationship between JT and Jen. And the relationship between Jason and Lisa. As well, how JT and Jen help out Lisa's little sisters. I truly enjoyed your background knowledge of football and working on cars. Your main characters are well crafted and well developed. Your story is truly a gift for those who read it. Thank you! K

Amazing for a first go

Exceptional story, loved every page (kinda got a little confused with the "Date" changes, but easy enough to overlook). I really hope this has a follow-up. Nice job!!!

Really great. Looking forward to a sequel.

Great first story!!!!

Need to wrap it up though, too many loose ends

Awesome story

Best I've read in a long long time

A 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. It absolutely needs at least one sequel following them through Jason's life and Jen & JT's marriage.

Greatly enjoyed. Thank you. You tugged on my heartstrings. I suppose some of our British and Aussie readers (I love our writers from around the Commonwealth!) may find the American football references perplexing (it's OK, I don't understand cricket at all), I enjoyed the reference to the SEC, the one true home of American college football.

Ted and Sue seemed to drop off of the face of the planet and the cheerleading kerfuffle was smoothed over a little too quickly for my non-USA tastes, but on the whole a very agreeable read that easily warrants five stars. I won't ask for a sequel because I don't think popular demand fuels creativity, but I will read whatever you put out next and I'm looking forward to it.

Perfect! Couldn't stop reading. Please add more from this wonderful group.

A great story and a lot of potential for continuing with a sequel! Thanks for posting it!

Wow -- that's a truly impressive debut story! It has a nice balance of character development and plot, and deals with some complex human issues as well. My one caveat would be that there's such a cast of characters that some get a bit of a short shrift, and there are more than a few loose ends that are left untied. That said, the story is extremely well done, and the flawed narrator's perspective carries you along nicely -- I particularly liked the comment about Jason being clueless about Lisa in the face of JT's obliviousness about Jen. I don't particularly need a sequel, though I can see how one could be done, and look forward to reading more from you!

Excellent. Great story and told beautifully. 5 stars. Please keep writing.

I agree that the characters deserve a sequel. If story "2" is as good as story "1" the read will be worth the reader's enjoyment.

I have worked with and for humans diagnosed with autism. I feel you have described high functioning autism well. As a writer you did well to keep my attention with out any real distractions. Thank you! A continuation would be excellent if you have the time. Well Done!!!

Great read! Loved it. Hope you finish and share a few more with us.

What a lovely story! Please keep writing!

Loved this story!! Very hard to believe that this is your first story. Please continue it with a sequel.

Oh my god. I loved this story more than I love football (the real kind where hands are not allowed), and that's saying something. I'm only sad that it ended so abruptly. There are many loose ends here - do they merry? What happens to Jason? Lisa? Her little sisters? I reeeeaaaally hope you find the will to continue this story. Thanks for making my day!

Excellent. Grabbed me, wouldn't let go, dragged me through.

Thanks.

I loved this story, that's the quick of it. Very enjoyable main characters, nice quirkiness to JT and Jason and a nice main lady if underdeveloped.

You are probably looking for some detailed feedback to a story you obviously put a lot of effort into, so here are a few quick points in terms of my observation not in terms of them coming from a knowledgeable critic. I did like the two friends you introduced, Ted and Sue, but other than the football game watch party where they met Jason they are hardly ever mentioned again. The mother as well seems like a great character that JT admired and cares for but we don't actually meet her until Thanksgiving and then XMAS and yet she has a huge impact on moving the JT & Jen relationship along. I wouldn't say those points are distractions just that sometimes in stories I am not sure why certain characters are fleshed out and then not used more. You do introduce a lot of characters and side plots so I guess with a sequel or two you will have the opportunity to revisit someof the characters we met in the current story.

Great job, thanks for sharing this story, I will certainly read a sequel or other story you put out. This was well packaged in the end as a very good stand alone story but I am sure it will do well in a series.

A wonderful story.

The main character showed just that, character.

You portraid the strengths and weaknesses of your culture (American high school ballgames etc).

And your other characters beg for more chapters in their own right.

Cheers.

All the accolades are well deserved this is a great story. Hoping you can find your way to a sequel.

Thanks for sharing your story.

DP

Wow! I agree, sequel please!

Loved it, a nice traditional romance without sex being a reward, although we all know that is just around the corner. Great character development.

Great story!!!

I have to agree with many of the other comments posted here. an absolutely awesome story, even more so considering it's your first story posted here. like some of the others here, I would strongly urge you to find yourself an editor that 'clicks' with you as they can and will offer you valuable insight on making your story even better as well as help to correct your mistakes on spelling and punctuation among other things. you show a tremendous amount of promise and talent so I encourage you to continue with your writings. like others, I am looking forward to seeing your next works!

Outstanding effort. I started reading and could not put it down. Thank you so much for sharing.

Now it’s time to start on the loose ends and get the sequels published!

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

A 493 rating as of this comment, puts your story in the top 99.9961% of all the romance stories on this site. If I were your I’d take that as a definite yes to your last question about if there was enough interest….

Good read. Please continue the story line.

Best story I have read in quite awhile

Great story, well told. Finish those other stories, and a coda to this one would be nice.

Great. More please.

Seriously impressive story of some fascinating people. A sequel would be wonderful but does not detract from this outstanding story.

A wonderful, wonderful feel good story

I see the possibility of a number of possible sequels

and look forward to getting to read all of them that you turn into great stories like this one.

Awesome story. Yes continue. After getting married, do they take in Lisa and her sisters?

Well done! No erotica, but to be honest, it would have detracted. As much as I'd like to read a sequel, I'm not sure it wouldn't detract from what you've written. We can imagine what happened. 5 stars without doubt.

Marvelous story.

Yes, we would like more. Jason and Lisa for a start. Then saving Lisa and her sisters, perhaps?

Well written, great characters. A very pleasant story to read, well paced and great descriptions.

Very nice 5-star romance story with good character development. Interesting that you are writing about US football, but based on the spelling of words, you're likely from a British country. Keep us happy and write!

What a fantastic debut!

As wholesome a tale as you will ever find on an erotic stories website.

Looking forward to more stories created around this miniverse.

Great story the only thing that could make.it better would be if they adopted Lisa and her sisters. But hopefully you do the sequel and that's part of it. Great job

Part 2? Yes!!!

Great story & can only benefit from us knowing the next chapters of all their lives.

You stoled a nights sleep from me. I couldn't quit reading. I loved your flow, loved you characters. Thanfully, You left a lot undone...Ted and Sue, Rescuing Lisa and her sisters, fucking wife Jens brains out on the hood of your Shelby, and naming their daughter Shelby... (what? We all wanted it) ...get busy writing dude. This was the best. I really like characters that have issues, but do the right thing.

I have no new praise to add from the previous comments. Looking forward to more stories.

Fantastic!!!

Holy smokes, where have you been hiding? Very good story, well told, well paced, great turn of phrase throughout. Bravo. Thanks for sharing.

This begs for more!! Excellent story!

Wow! Fantastic story telling. Thank you. Easily, 5*****.

Now, how are you going to rescue the three sisters?

Jason is going to need a much larger home.

Well done! A thoroughly enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

Great story... of course we need a sequel. Bonus points for the Mustang.

I don't believe that I have ever read a more compassionate, caring, and down right adorable story. You come right out of the gate with this, and wow did you ever hit a grand slam. I look forward to more. 5 * !

It had me crying! Great love story.

Excellent story! Really, really good!

Need to follow up with a solution for lisa and the girls.

Would love to see Jason’s senior year.

Please continue this story loved it !!!

Lovely story - the characters feel real and genuine; their situations are not filled with luxury, but they manage to find, help and support each other. Very well done.

As noted below, this story is more than good enough to support a sequel (or two).

Thank you

Congratulations on posting your first story on Lit. What an auspicious start! I look forward to reading your next story.

Superior work for a first time. Just the right amount of detail. I look forward to your next submissions.

Perhaps they can adopt Lisa and the two little girls?

CleverGenericName that was a game winner! Easily a match tor Jason's 57 yard game winning audible, and he would be first to tell you so. Looking forward to seeing your next toss.

What arrowglass said! I'd love to see those girls have a loving family like Jason gets now. Amazing story and thank you so much for sharing it with us!

MORE !!! Please

Great story,thank you. It definitely has legs ! Please think about letting it run it's course.

Great job. Five big ones.

Excellent. Can't wait for the next part!

I’d love to read a follow up. It was a great story

Great story. I have tears

I wish I could give this story 10 stars but 5 will have to do. Please write some more, you do it so very well!

Keep going pt2 would be very welcome Great writing

Would like to see Jason make the NFL/engineer lol

I love this story! It augurs many more excellent submissions. You have several threads open that I and I’m sure many others would enjoy following. Please consider continuing with these likeable characters. Your writing is straightforward and descriptive without being terse, qualities I wish many who submit here had (but really don’t). Kudos!