An Accidental Parent

With a Marlo boy and an Orbost boy on the card, half of Orbost College seemed to have turned up to support their school-mates. Though Jake had no interest in boxing, he always came to see his boyfriend Luke fight, and when Luke rejoined us after having showered post-fight that night, Jake gave him a massive hug and held him tight for long enough to get noticed by a few of the locals.

Once upon a time that might have been unwise, but anyone involved with the local boxing club in Bairnsdale knew that Luke was an out gay boxer and they also knew their straight star boxer Robbie was Luke's best mate. By being upfront about his sexuality Luke was challenging dumb stereotypes and setting a strong example for other kids, and I was insanely proud of him for that.

Planning for the future.

Luke turned 18 in November 2016, a few weeks after Jake's 18th birthday, and we'd had a dinner party for each of them to celebrate their reaching their majority. Both and been getting plenty of logbook entries in preparation for getting their driving licences, and each passed his test so they could now drive our vehicles, giving them added independence. They could head off to the Cape for a surf without Laurie or me having to play chauffer.

Both of our young men knew what they wanted to do at the end of year 12. They were bemused when I told them once that I had left school with absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do. Jake was set on becoming an emergency paramedic, while Luke planned to be a primary school teacher.

They had looked at their study options carefully. They had decided the only way they could be together while they pursued their tertiary studies was to live in Melbourne, where the courses were most numerous and the choices most flexible. After they finished year 12 the two boys received admission offers from university and accepted them.

Laurie and I both wanted to live together under the same roof, instead of sleeping at each other's homes as we had been doing. And we needed to work out what do about our properties, our wills, and our responsibilities to our sons. So we had spent a lot of time thinking through various scenarios, and eventually had a long discussion about it with our two boys.

We were all agreed that we were in this for the long-haul and so Laurie would sell his home in Orbost and live with me in Marlo, and we would alter the title on my home to be in both our names.

Laurie would use the proceeds from the sale of his house to purchase a small house or flat in Melbourne near where the boys were going to start their studies, and the title deed for that new property would be jointly in Jake and Luke's name. They would live there as long as it was convenient but if they needed or wanted to move elsewhere later on they could rent out the property to get an income stream, or could sell it.

Laurie and I made new wills nominating each other and our sons as beneficiaries, and our sons each made a will, naming each other as beneficiaries.

So in late January 2017 we helped our sons move into their new home in Melbourne, and made sure they were set up comfortably for the start of their university course. And Luke had already scouted around on the 'net and found a boxing club not too far away, easily reached via the bus route near their home, so he was going to check them out asap.

Laurie and I both took a while to adjust to not having our boys around. We missed them more than we had realised we would. But we did regular video chats with the boys on our phones or on the computer, and it cushioned the separation somewhat.

Out of the blue.

In March 2017 I had a late-afternoon phone call from Brian, the Bairnsdale police officer I knew from the boxing club. Brian said he had just spent some time with a social worker discussing a thirteen-year-old boy who needed a foster care placement. The boy had been in care for two years since his parents had died in a vehicle accident; but he was an angry kid with a bit of a foul mouth, and the couple who had fostered him had essentially been rebuffed despite their best efforts.

"I thought about how well you'd done with Luke", Brian said, "and I wondered if you'd consider giving things a try with this kid - his name's Danny, and DHSS need to get him settled somewhere asap".

I felt very reluctant about this, and told Brian so. But he asked if I would think it over and discuss it with my guy tonight. So when Laurie arrived home and had showered, I told him about Brian's call.

We mulled it over, and finally Laurie said he would respect my decision, but that his inclination was to give it a try. So I picked up the phone and called Brian, and told him we'd do it.

The following day, Laurie was able to take the afternoon off and we headed to Bairnsdale in his 4WD. Brian met us at the DHSS office and the social worker introduced us to Danny. He had been told he was going to be offered a home in Marlo, but not much more.

So when the social worker brought Danny into the room and introduced Laurie and me, the boy responded with "what the fuck, you ain't gunna fix me up with a couple of fags".

Before Danny had a chance to let loose more negativity, Brian told him that I had fostered a 15-year-old runaway three years ago, and that he was now my adopted son. Laurie then added "Denis's son and my son have both just moved to Melbourne to start university. I think you'll find they reckon we make pretty good parents".

Danny seemed to reflect on that for a few seconds, then said "will I get my own room, with a lock on the door" and I laughed and said he could have as many locks on his door as he wanted, but that Laurie and I liked men, not boys.

"We raised our sons to be strong and independent young men", I said, "and we're prepared to give you the same chances they had. So are you game to give it a go?".

The reply was hardly enthusiastic, but it was settled. I went out to the social worker's office to sign a pile of paperwork and she gave me a folder with Danny's medical history and some notes about previous placement issues, thanked me for taking a chance with the boy and wished me luck. I got the feeling we'd need a lot of luck.

Eventually we loaded Danny and his meagre possessions into the vehicle, and headed back to Marlo. I asked Danny if there were activities he enjoyed doing, and he replied "giving people the shits". I countered with "that sounds like a pretty weak sort of enjoyment, we can give you better alternatives".

"Yeah, like what?" he snarled at me.

"You ever tried surfing?" I asked and he dropped the bravado and replied "Nah, can't swim".

"Laurie is a damn good swimmer and surfer and a good teacher, his son Jake learned to surf when he was about five years old, now he's really classy on a board. You could have a go at it".

Danny asked me if I "did surfing too" and I said I was hopeless at it and preferred to keep my feet on the ground. "So are ya any good at anything, then?" he challenged, and I said I wasn't too shabby in a boxing ring.

"Boxing?" he shot back, "you can't do boxing if you're queer!".

"Well, I'm too old and slow to be competing, but I train in Bairnsdale every week and do sparring on Fridays. The cop you were with earlier is one of the guys I train with. None of the people at the boxing club give a stuff about me being gay, so why should you?"

Danny went quiet for a while.

We stopped at the Orbost College, having rung ahead to confirm we were bringing in a boy to get enrolled. Danny had missed the start of the year's classes but we were going to pay for some tutoring to try to get him up to speed.

Once he'd been shown around the school a bit, and more paperwork had been signed, we agreed he would start school there on the coming Monday. We'd have a couple of days this week to get him fitted out with a uniform and anything else he needed.

It was around five o'clock when we got to Marlo and I drove us down to the beach and we got out of the car to show him the view. Laurie suggested we would take Danny for a walk around the shoreline and the river sometime soon, and we'd also drive to the surf beach at Cape Conran on the weekend. The boy just said "yeah ok", so that seemed like a small win.

We showed Danny his room, which was the second largest of the four bedrooms, and had a desk and a computer. Danny muttered that he'd "never had a room this big" and I said it had been my son Luke's room till recently.

We took Danny around the rest of the house and then showed him the garage. My ute was parked in there but the rest of the garage was still set up for boxing training. I told Danny that Luke and his mates used to train here with me, and the boy asked "what about now, if he's in Melbourne?".

I said one or two of the Orbost boys still came over occasionally and trained with me but it would be good to make more use of the gear. He didn't comment on that, but I was hoping he might take the bait sometime. Danny was a bit skinny, and would benefit from some strength training.

Laurie made dinner that night - steak, chips and salad. We ate quietly for a while then Danny asked us how long we'd been "you know, doing the gay shit". I told him I had lost my partner of over twenty years to cancer about six years back, had moved here, and had met Laurie a couple of years ago through our sons when Jake was teaching Luke to surf. Laurie added that his wife had died some years ago and that I was the first man he'd ever fallen in love with.

"So do yer sons have girl-friends?" Danny queried.

Laurie responded "My son Jake is Luke's partner".

"Fuck" the boy muttered, "is very one round here queer? I'm gunna get shit-on at this school for living with queers."

"Not likely", I countered, "the kids at the College all knew Luke and Jake were a couple, and two other boys we know in year 11 are out as a couple. You'll find being gay isn't a big deal with most people."

Laurie brought up the subject of Danny's rather lurid language. He explained that we used a bit of bad language sometimes ourselves, but that when someone swore constantly it got boring and people stopped listening.

He suggested Danny be a bit more selective about when and how often he used strong language, because swearing excessively really wouldn't do him any favours in the long run.

I told Danny to come look at the framed poster-sized photo hanging on the wall of our bedroom. It was of a young boxer fresh out of the ring, holding up a medallion in one hand and with his other arm around another boy. I said "that's my son Luke and his partner Jake, after Luke's first fight a couple of years ago".

Danny commented "no shit, he does boxing too?" and I answered "he's had quite a few fights and has won most of them."

I showed Danny how to login to the PC in his room. Luke had backed up all his own stuff to USB stick before he left so I had wiped the drive and reinstalled Linux so that Danny had a clean system to work with. I had also switched on parental controls on the router so his machine couldn't access inappropriate content and I told him that.

Then I gave him the password for the machine and suggested he might like to change it to something of his own choice, which he did while I looked away. I have super-user privileges on the machine and can access anything on it if I really want to, but I hoped I wouldn't feel the need to spy on Danny.

Danny didn't have a phone, and we wanted him to have a way to contact us and vice-versa, so we told him we'd get him a decent android phone with a 4G SIM tomorrow, and warned him about scams, grooming, sexting, and all the pitfalls a teen could fall into with an internet-connected device. We told him if we found him sending explicit texts or pictures the phone would be confiscated.

He also didn't have an email address so we got that up and running on the PC and I told him I would also set it up on his phone when we got home from shopping tomorrow.

We were ready to have an early night and suggested he do likewise, and I couldn't help quipping that in case he hadn't noticed, there was already a lock on the inside of his door. Then Laurie told Danny that we expected him to treat our home with respect, because it was now his home too. The boy grumbled an "ok, thanks" and went to his room.

Danny settles in.

The next few weeks were only occasionally turbulent. Danny could be a really cranky kid, but at least he seemed to have toned down his language around us. He hadn't really made any firm friends at school yet, as far as we knew.

Declan's straight friend Robbie had finished school and got a job in Orbost, got his driver's licence,and was looking forward to buying a car so he and Jessica could get out and about more. I continued to train in Bairnsdale twice a week, taking Robbie and Dec with me, and I noticed Dec was really improving with his sparring.

Robbie was helping to coach the school's junior footballers this year and Danny had decided to try footy training. Danny had used the "faggot" word once in an angry exchange with one of the other players and Robbie stamped on it fast by reminding them his best mate Luke was gay.

The juniors had a novelty this year - two girls had asked to train at footy and their parents supported them so the school gave them the green light. Early on in the term one of the kids had slung off at another boy telling him "you kick like a girl". Robbie had pointed out that the two girls in the group could kick better than quite a few of the boys.

By the end of first term, Danny was playing football passably well and had become less surly around the house. His school-work was nothing to rave about, but it was tolerable. Robbie and Dec had come over to our house on several Sundays to do extra training with me, and when Robbie first suggested to Danny that it would help strengthen him up for his footy, he joined in the training sessions.

He was using the weights in the garage regularly and going for runs along the beach with Laurie, and things were reasonably peaceful. Vigorous exercise seemed to help the boy stay settled.

Given the report I had read about Danny's previous foster care placement, I had been expecting a lot of trouble, but so far it had been relatively painless. The DHSS people had been in touch a few times to see how Danny was faring, and were pleased he seemed to be doing well with us.

Come the end of June, Jake and Luke had a uni vacation fortnight and were coming home to Marlo to spend a week with us. They had been flat out with their study courses and were keen to see us and meet Danny. They would be sleeping on the big pull-out divan in the lounge, as Danny had the second bedroom.

Sure we had four bedrooms, but one was now our office and the other was our "nowhere else to put it" room and was embarassingly full of "stuff". I guess that tends to happen when two households merge as ours had.

Luke had managed to get a fight in April in Melbourne and had won it handsomely. He was now training for a fight in Bairnsdale during the week they would be here with us, and his mate Robbie from Orbost was on the program too. Much to my surprise, Declan had registered for competition early in the year and was hoping to have his first bout at the same show. Dec's boyfriend Rory was not impressed but he didn't try and talk Dec out of it.

Laurie went into Bairnsdale on Monday afternoon and did the grocery shopping before meeting our two boys arriving at the coach terminal, and bringing them home. I hugged my son fiercely, I had missed him badly.

The boys shook hands with Danny, and he asked them straight out if they were really "ya know, queer" and Jake had said "totally and forever, mate".

I made lasagne and salad for dinner that Monday night. Luke had smiled at me when I put the big dish of lasagne on the table. "Remind you of anything?" I asked, and he stood up and put his arms around me, and whispered "the best meal I'd ever had", and I whispered back "the best day of my life". This was the meal I'd fed the 15-year-old runaway I'd taken into my home three years ago.

The next afternoon I took Luke into Bairnsdale, collecting Robbie and Dec in Orbost on the way. The guys were really happy to see Luke again after five months, and they exchanged news and banter as we drove into town for our training session.

Luke and I did some light training on Thursday afternoon in the garage, and that was it for the week as he was fighting on Saturday. It was a good night. Luke boxed a guy from Leongatha, and won by a majority decision. Robbie duked it out with a tough Bairnsdale guy in his mid twenties. It was a thriller, but Robbie got a clear decision in his favour. He hadn't lost a fight yet.

It was Declan's turn shortly after Robbie's bout. Being a novice, the age,weight and experience restrictions were tighter but they had found a youth from Warragul whose coach was prepared to take the fight provided our club paid for a motel room for them overnight on Saturday. We had a fund set aside for such contingencies so the fight was on.

Dec was pretty nervous in the first round and the other boy clearly won the round. I don't know what coach said to Dec in the one-minute break, but in round two Dec came out firing on all cylinders and punished his opponent.

But early in the third round Dec dropped his guard and copped a hard right-hook. The referee applied an eight-count, and although Dec was able to resume his opponent dominated the rest of the round and won the bout, which I felt was the correct decision.

When Dec emerged from the ring Rory was waiting for him; as they embraced I snapped a couple of shots of the two boys and then got them to pose with Dec's silver medal in his hand. Our club always used medals for ordinary fights, we presented trophies for special events.

On Monday I got the photo of Dec and Rory printed in A4 size in high resolution & had it framed. We presented it to Dec when we all went out for a meal together in Orbost on Monday night. I asked Dec if he was going to have any more fights, and Dec turned to Rory, who told him to go with his heart. Dec said "you already have my heart, but I do want to fight again".

Danny had been super-impressed by Robbie's fight. He had turned to me that night and asked if I could teach him to fight like that. "Not me", I said, "I'm no coach. But you can start coming to training with us from now on and learn from the same guys that taught Robbie."

At this rate I reckoned the boxing club should be paying me a recruitment commission. First I had bought along Luke, then Robbie, then Dec and now Danny.

Christmas 2017.

Luke and Jake had finished their first year at uni, and had done well. They wanted to spend Christmas with us and get in some surfing time at the Cape in January, and we'd agreed they would stay with us at Marlo for a couple of weeks.

Laurie and I had a big tidy-up and de-cluttered the house so that the "junk room" could be converted to a bedroom. We bought a good quality sofa bed that would fit the room, though there wasn't a lot of space when it was folded out as a bed. But it would be fine for our boys for a fortnight, and this way they would have more privacy than if they were using the fold-out divan in the lounge.

This Christmas it would just be Laurie and me, our sons, and our foster son Danny. The young boy was no longer the surly bad-mouthed kid we had taken into our home last March. He still kept his feelings guarded but the boxing training had given him a new perspective. He always trained hard and we figured that Robbie's prowess in the ring was a huge inspiration.

Danny's school grades hadn't been stunning but still within an acceptable range, and he hadn't had any major disciplinary problems at school. One thing that had emerged however was that Danny had been "sprung" by a teacher on lunch patrol, kissing a girl from his class behind one of the buildings.