An Accidental Parent

It wasn't a matter for real worry but the principal had rung the parents to let us know about it; he was unconcerned about the kids kissing but wanted to make sure they understood that there were boundaries, given that both were both barely fourteen years old.

Not long after Danny came into our care, we had bought a couple of sex education books and told him he should read them and feel free to ask us anything. We had chosen books that treated gay and straight relationships as equally valid, and one had dealt with bisexuality in an especially positive manner.

Danny had never asked any questions about sexuality, so we had been unaware of his feelings, but the call from the principal alerted us that perhaps we should be talking with Danny about relationships.

So Laurie sat down with Danny that evening and told him we knew he had been seen kissing one of the girls at school. Laurie asked Danny if he liked this girl specially, and Danny had revealed he wanted to be her boyfriend. Laurie had said he hoped that would happen, but that sometimes relationships could be difficult, and that we wanted him to trust in us if he needed advice.

Danny had said "but its different for you, 'cos you're gay" and Laurie reminded Danny that he had been married himself and knew what it was like to be keen on a girl. Laurie added that relationships had much the same ups and downs whether they were same-sex or opposite-sex situations.

Laurie had then outlined the legal boundaries about sex, and also emphasised that even when he was old enough at sixteen, sex must always be something that his partner wanted and felt good about.

We always gave Danny a weekly allowance so he had a bit of cash to spend, and we had noticed he bought a motor-cycle magazine now and then. Laurie had casually asked him one night whether he liked motor-bikes and Danny had said he did but had never been on one.

So we had done some stealthy shopping and on Christmas day took him into the garage to show him our latest acquisitions. Laurie had bought a trail-bike for himself - he used to ride - and we had bought a bike for Danny.

He was over the moon. We had bought a helmet for him too, of course. They loaded the bikes onto our trailer and Laurie and Danny headed off in the 4WD to a patch of scrub down the road that other locals used as a dirt-bike track, and Laurie later told me the boy had the time of his life having his first riding lesson.

On boxing day Luke and Jake took Danny to the Cape and the boys let him paddle a board around while Luke and Jake took turns to ride Jake's board.

Early in January Laurie probed Danny about the girl he had kissed at school. Danny said he would like to go out with her but she lived in Orbost. So Laurie had asked him if he had Tricia's phone number - he did of course - and suggested we could invite Tricia and her parents to come and have lunch with us soon.

Danny made the call and Tricia put her dad on the phone to speak with Laurie, who knew the father a bit through his work. Laurie had invited them to lunch on the following Sunday and it went off well.

We let the two youngsters disappear to Danny's room for a little while after lunch, and they emerged later holding hands.

It turned out that Tricia could surf. Danny was suddenly dead keen to learn to surf, and Jake volunteered to give him lessons over the coming fortnight. The kid was game and worked at it. A week later Tricia turned up at the Cape with her mother, and she encouraged Danny as Jake tutored him. Then Tricia and Jake did some board-riding while Danny watched on.

Near the end of January, Jake and Luke went back to Melbourne to resume uni study. After they left, Danny asked if Laurie would give him more surfing lessons, which Laurie happily agreed to do. We had no boxing training in Bairnsdale in January but I brought Robbie and Declan over from Orbost on Sundays and they trained with Danny and me so we stayed in shape.

Danny had asked if we could bring Tricia over on a Sunday to watch him train, and we suggested Tricia should join in the training. She was happy to join us; Tricia was an assertive girl whose parents encouraged her to try any activity she wanted to.

Over dinner one Sunday night, I remarked that Tricia was a very confident girl, and Danny suddenly blushed bright pink. "Something you want to tell us?" Laurie had prompted. "She kissed me first" the boy confessed in a low voice, "I was too scared to make the first move."

Between boxing training, surfing, bike-riding and spending time on the phone talking to Tricia, Danny was a busy kid and we were feeling chuffed that he seemed to be enjoying life with us.

We had sometimes wondered why Danny had failed to get on with his first foster parents, yet seemed to be doing well with us. One night as we finished dinner, I decided to broach the subject with the boy. "Danny", I asked, "can you tell us why things didn't work out with your first foster parents?".

Danny wasn't accustomed to talking about his feelings, and sat silently for a moment. Then he said he had wanted his real parents back, he didn't want to replace them with someone else.

I commented that he seemed to be settling in ok with us. His reply was blunt. "You were two guys, so you weren't replacing my parents".

I then asked "Danny, are you happy here with us?". He coloured pink before telling us that "you guys are really nice to me" which was probably as close as he could get to expressing his emotions.

Laurie decided then and there that it was time to tell Danny what Laurie and I had been discussing privately for some weeks. We said we had something important to say to him, and Laurie told him that we would like to adopt him as our son, but only if he would like that too.

He should think it over and let us know what he wanted to do. Just as I had told Luke years ago, I now told Danny that we wanted him to stay with us even if he decided not to be adopted.

His eyes went a bit damp and he asked if we were sure we'd want him to be our son. And Laurie had said we were absolutely certain about it.

And so a couple of months later we went through the process of amending our wills yet again, to make sure our new boy was provided for. Danny was now our son.