All Comments on 'An Artificial Life Ch. 01'

a good start to a novel concept. a few minor typos,such as where instead of were, and you called her Ashley once after waking. otherwise well written and i hope to read more.

Allan

Wow, you put more thought and creativity into your story than most literotica stories i have seen!

I particularly like your abbreviation and "techy talk", it show care and effort was put into the story.

Thanks for the great read, Please don't stop too soon, as far as I am concerned this is the first story I have five starred from the first chapter.

Looking forward to the next chapter

Very entertaining story, you had me reading faster and faster also. In the story you said Ashley three times, plus a couple of little things I picked up. Looking forward to reading more.

love to see this continue

That was a fascinating first chapter. I really liked the characters and found myself wondering how he could restore NFX Vanessa, and somehow find a new body for Ainsley!

I'm eagerly awaiting chapter 2!

This is one of the best AI themed stories I’ve ever read on this website. I’m eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. Well done DigitalDreamer, this is hall of fame material so far.

Great first chapter!! Can't wait for more...

Thanks for sharing.

Great, hope to see the next chapter soon.

I loved this story so far can't wait to see where you take it from here.

I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter and am really looking forward to reading more.

I like the premise and I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Seems like I’m going to be waiting for updates on this story. You say this is your first submission, but it looks like this isn’t your first time writing. The characters are unique and I’m curious and excited to see what’s coming next on the journey to get Vanessa back. Just a thought from me: I really hope that Ainsley and Vanessa end up merging or something, the idea of a sentient being being replaced after gaining a physical body doesn’t appeal to me, but that’s just an opinion. Keep up the good work and I’ll be keeping an eye out for your next update.

Excellent start, and a thoroughly fun Read. Exciting to read all the advanced computer jargon you put in there, I had know idea what it all meant, but it flowed, and worked seamlessly. Ashley popped into a para or two towards the end, we know who you meant. Can't wait for chapter two. Five well deserved Stars!

While David might not pass the Turing test (some graduates I worked with couldn't) I think than Ainsley will.

As someone with a background in the tech industry, the "tech talk" segments are firmly in the uncanny valley for me. Are they more accurate than most portrayals? Yes. Are they actually accurate and/or do they preserve the suspension of disbelief? No.

For example, you mentioned Vanessa's laptop - *laptop* mind you - as having eight terabytes of RAM. At current, even with the most advanced technology, as little as 1TB of RAM requires eight 128GB desktop-form-factor modules, at $4,000-$8,000 a pop. Even ignoring space and power constraints, just 1TB of RAM makes that a minimum $50,000 laptop. Not to mention requiring a four-socket motherboard (even more space constraints) to even come close to 128 cores, or how she's going to fit 32TB worth of 4TB-max drives into that laptop.

The "advanced bluetooth" is sketchy as well - if it's so advanced, why is it not a separate protocol, or simply rolled under the umbrella of the existing bluetooth protocol? Where did Ainsley come up with an *entirely separate* physical module to replace the existing bluetooth hardware in the gaming system? I certainly did not get the feeling that advanced, in-situ fabrication of complex electronics - whether by nanites or any other means - was something that existed, or that the protagonists had access to.

Now, I understand that these details are driven by the plot and not necessarily by real-world constraints, but the way the story is presented very heavily implies that it is set in the present or very near future, and that our main characters are not tenured professors operating with an entire department's budget at their beck and call, leading to the SoD issue I mentioned earlier.

Most of these issues are easily remedied by simply setting the story a little further along in time - at the current rate of progress, between 2025-2030 would likely do. For the rest of them, I would suggest finding a editor to double-check the details and flow of the "techy" segments.

An original theme, in the sense that I've never encountered a plot like this.

You've got yourself a devoted-fan-in-the-making sir, keep it up!

I appreciate the feedback given so far, and I am working on chapter two which should be done in a few days. The comments I looked over so far have been encouraging and thoughtful, which speaks volumes about the good nature of the Literotica community.

This actually is my first attempt at writing a novel: I am definitely not a professional writer. And this is my very first submission. I am an avid reader and consumer of many genres of fiction, however, and I have taken inspiration from many of the writers on Literotica. Thank you to those who feel that I am more polished than I am.

Thank you for the suggested edits, they were all good catches. I'd beat my editor, if I had one. Those mistakes are all mine (as are any in this comment). I write quickly to get my idea's down, and then I spend several days painfully editing and trying to catch the gremlins that managed to slip in. The gremlins are sneaky, and they hide well.

I am very familiar with tech, and although the story does not mention the year it takes place, there are several hints that it is in the very near future. In addition to the hints in Chapter 1 (12th generation processor?), Chapter 2 gives hints that suggest it to be at least two to five years from our timeline. In addition, the tech companies have unfamiliar names (VidLabs for example) on purpose: they don't exist in our present. In fact, there is no indication that this story occurs in our universe, it could be set in an alternate universe -- we just don't know yet. The slow reveal occurs through the characters on purpose, there is no omniscient being doling out information in the story so far (I am not saying there never will be).

An anonymous reader was concerned with the "uncanny valley" for reasons of miniaturization and cost of the RAM (claiming Vanessa's *laptop* would be huge with 32TB of RAM and 128 cores), utilization of existing hardware to create the advanced bluetooth interface, and other issues. While I do not comment on the size of her laptop (no gentleman or lady every would -- even further evidence of Vanessa's lack of good graces), David refers to his laptop as a "beast" and Vanessa's is implied to be even more so. I am aware of tech projects in the theoretical real-world pipeline which would satisfy these concerns. But the comment was well-reasoned, and well-intentioned, and made with a sincere amount of good will. "Anonymous" is correct in suggesting I cut a few too many corners trying to get the story out, I may need to go back and rework or fill in some of the tech holes on a rewrite. Can one submit a re-write on Literotica? And if it can be done, does it come in as a new post or just an edit? I will have to look into this when the time comes.

I am humbled by and grateful for all of your comments. Thank you for taking the time to read my work and support my efforts. I need to get back to work, trying to breathe a little life into chapters two and three.

I love this type of story, you have a way of drawing the reader into the story to see your point of view. Please conteue.

Love this story and your writing style. PLEASE bring us more!!

Though I'm not quite done yet you do seem to repeat yourself frequently when you write. Observe near the end of page 3, where you end one paragraph with the following sentence;

[Of course, the model in a training video would have pulled up her panties and shorts, first.]

And then begin the next with much the same, in dialogue form:

["Normally, Ainsley," I began, "before washing your hands, you would want to pull up your panties and shorts when you were finished on the toilet."]

I do like the story, but on reflection bits like this were more than a little distracting. In this example, wording the sentence of the preceding paragraph differently would help, let David's dialogue alone explain just what Ainsley here did wrong.

{Of course, the model in a training video would have done just one other thing.}

But this is all my opinion and observation. Still a good read so far! Gonna finish up...

Now the hard part - keep going! I can really feel some passion behind your writing, you've put some thought into this.

I do not comment often. But I must say they I enjoyed this story. It intrigues me on many levels. I won’t say how much I am already speculating about the directions it could take. You clearly have a mind for detail and quality. Please keep writing. I might even go so far as to risk distracting you with encouragement to consider writing professionally. That’s a sentence.

Good story overall but a few minor issues. First David seems way too accepting of Ainsley, and not quite concerned enough about Vanessa. If I was in his shoes I would be a lot more freaked out, probably call Ainsley a monster definitely be demanding my friend back ASAP.

The other problem is the way Vanessa pretty much handed her entire life over to Ainsley for the foreseeable future, and now there seems to be some implication that bringing her back would involve a massive ordeal when transferring over in the first place seemed relatively easy. Is Ainsley a lot more manipulative and ruthless than she lets on, was Vanessa secretly battling depression and effectively just comit suicide. Both of these issue are going to have to be addressed at some point.

Look forward to the next entry. I hope Vanessa comes back, and if Ainsley isn’t a villain please don’t take to long finding a way to keep her around that doesn’t envolve taking over someone else.

Please keep going as this is a good story with great potential!

I love stories like this, on artificial creation of life and on exploring a new world (as Ainsley does). You wrote this beautifully.