An Earth Day Voice

The cork popped and the beverage fizzed as Amanda put a glass in front of each of them. Mark poured.

Mark had never met Alan, nor had Amanda met Jill. Everyone knew who everyone else was so no introductions were made. "We have an announcement to make." Mark told them. He nodded at Alan. "Your mother and I are getting married. I just asked her this afternoon and she just agreed."

"To our parents." Alan said as he lifted his glass in the toast and then pursed his lips as the first champagne he had ever tasted touched his taste buds.

When they sat the glasses down, Jill picked up the bottle and refilled the glasses. Her father glared at her in disapproval.

"Daddy, if we can drink a toast to you two. Then we can drink a toast to us. We decided to get married this afternoon too."

"To Alan and Jill." Mark said.

Mark scowled at Alan. "This does not mean that you are ever to come into my house with my daughter again without me at home. Is that understood?"

"Yes Sir." Alan stammered, as Mark held out his hand to his about to be son-in-law. They shook hands as the elder tested the younger.

Amanda looked at her son. "How soon do you plan to get married?"

Jill answered. "We haven't discussed that yet, but I think we would both like to do it soon."

A thought of horror crossed Amanda's mind. "Are you going to quit school? How are you two going to live?"

"Damn, Mom. I haven't even figured out how I'm going to get her a ring. You know I can't really afford it."

Mark looked in his daughter's eyes and saw the love there and then he looked at Alan and saw that he loved her as well. "Alan, I'm sure that Alicia would be honored if her daughter could wear her wedding rings. They're yours if you want them."

Tears came to Jill's eyes. "Alan, I know that you think you need to pay your own way. But there is nothing I would rather do, than have my mother's rings."

"Sir, I don't know what to say." Alan said.

"Say yes Alan. Always listen to your mother. Besides it looks like it's three to one against you". Amanda told her son. He couldn't bring himself to answer but he nodded his head.

"There is no need for either of them to quit school. Jill has a rather large trust fund. The interest will be enough for them to live on. I still expect Alan to support my daughter though."

"Sir. I don't want your money."

"It's not my money, it's Jill's. I'll just release it from trust a little early."

Amanda thought a little. "Mark, we haven't discussed it at all, but my family is all gone. All my friends work for the city. Would you mind if we got married in the Park? I'd like to do it on Earth Day. There's already a celebration planned. We could be a part of it."

"Daddy, I'd love an outdoor wedding but more than that, could we do it together?"

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The next two months flew by for them all. It was more than a hectic time. The wedding plans were more complicated than Amanda had thought. Using the park required permission of the park board, but with the city attorney as the chief lobbyist and the deputy clerk polling the board members, the approval was really a formality. Amanda would have been happy with a very simple ceremony, but it was Jill's first, and they made it much more elaborate in order to give Jill her dream wedding.

Amanda and Jill did most of the planning and the work. It was a wonderful bonding experience for them both. Amanda rapidly became a combination mother/big sister to Jill. Amanda found it easier to see Jill as an adult than her own son, her baby.

The new "rules of the house" became almost a game for them all. There was certainly no secret that both couples were "sexually active" but the "not in my house" rule was one that the children thought should be applied to the parents if it was enforced on them. Both couples had a "rules are meant to be broken" mentality. Neither caught the other, although in truth neither couple wanted to.

As the day came closer, Amanda began to regret that she had chosen a day so soon, and the choice of Earth Day made it a double whammy. She found herself planning not only a city sponsored celebration, but a wedding at the same time.

Amanda had had a reason for choosing Earth Day, and when Jill became aware of the reasoning, she expanded it. It was going to be a long and complicated day.

There was more to plan than a complicated wedding, they also had to plan the future of four lives. They had to plan flowers and photographers, but also homes and cookware for two new families.

Pam became a godsend and a pain in the ass all rolled into one. She stepped in and helped with some of the arrangements, getting permission to use a couple of the exhibitor tents as dressing rooms at the end of the day as well as arranging a few surprises. She was instrumental in arranging the bridal shower.

Mark and Allan got to know each other, mostly from sitting in Mark's living room watching TV and trying to agree on something interesting in that awful time between basketball and baseball. They had to be together in case the girls called them to approve a color or a song or whatever the hell was important to them (but unimportant to the men). They struggled with their "you can't seriously be doing THAT with my sweet innocent daughter/mother" mentality and finally came to an uneasy peace.

The wedding was still a month away and Alan found himself sitting on Mark's couch watching something on the discovery channel that didn't interest him much. His soon to be father-in-law was a few feet away with his feet up in his leather recliner waiting for the girls to beckon him for advice on something that didn't interest or concern him, and whose call would certainly come within those final few minutes of the program when the conclusions became clear and he would surely miss them.

"You know... DAD." Alan emphasized the word to see if he could annoy Mark. "It's too bad you'll be too busy to be my best man."

The suggestion touched Mark although he tried not to show it. "Good thing you're too busy. I might be tempted to return the offer."

Their mistake was in saying it too loudly. Women have ears that seem capable of detecting the tread of the smallest spider in the neighbor's house, especially when that hearing is least expected or welcomed.

The chase went off in a new direction.

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Somewhere it MUST be written that weddings are supposed to be a zoo. This one turned worse than most.

Amanda was exhausted and so was Jill by the time the day rolled around. The pressure of the planning and the preparation had left both women with little time for mundane things like sleep. Amanda hardly noticed that she hadn't thought or dreamed about Jerry in over a month.

The day was perfect. The sky was a cloudless blue and the warmth of spring was upon them. There was only a fresh gentle breeze that barely ruffled the new green leaves. Life was taking hold again after a winter of snow and cold. New hope was blossoming, in the trees, flowers and plants; and in their lives.

The earth day celebration was both a distraction and a centerpiece for their plans. It was mostly a symbol of the renewal of not only the earth, but of their lives.

Amanda had wondered among the vendor tents, looking at trinkets and plants and things for the ecology. At first she enjoyed her examination of the what was around her, but then a touch of melancholy came over her. She didn't know where it came from but she managed to push it aside.

The ceremony was scheduled for noon, just after the Earth Day program ended. It made for a full park, probably twice the crowd they had expected, half there for their ceremony, half for the Earth Day displays. Most of the city employees were there along with some friends and the Earth Day crowd.

Pam had arranged a spare tent for them to dress in and Amanda and Jill had smiled and joked and hugged each other before the ceremony.

The ceremony itself was beautiful. Amanda was touched by all of it. It meant a great deal for Alan to give her away and even more for Alan and Mark to be each others best men, although it had caused a few changes in the traditional ceremony. She had kissed Mark with joy filling her soul. She had seen her son from the corner of her eye and been pleased and warmed by them as well.

Amanda walked toward the changing tent filled with joy, but each step pumped a touch of sorrow into her. Slowly, a feeling of betrayal to Jerry was creeping over her. As she pulled the flap closed behind Jill, a tear was running down her face.

Jill saw it and hugged her new mother. Neither said anything. Both understood grief all too well. Words tangled on the end of Jill's tongue, but she held them back, understanding all the things that could overtake her new mother-in-law, but not which was causing the tear.

Jill felt a strange presence, as if there was someone else there. Someone else trying to hug them both. Someone else filled with joy. Jill knew that her mother was watching and blessing them both. She wanted to tell Amanda, but she held her tongue.

They changed from gowns to jeans in silence.

Amanda sagged into a chair, suddenly overwhelmed by the exhaustion and the melancholy. She closed her eyes and sleep and sorrow came close to overwhelming her, but she forced her eyes open, dispelling the partially formed image of Jerry's face that was trying to appear in her mind. The next part of the day had been her idea, but suddenly, she didn't want to face it.

The four gathered and hugged each other, Amanda forcing an unfelt smile to her lips. The men collected tools that had been left for them as well as four healthy young oak trees that they had planned to plant in a corner of the park and dedicate to their lost loved ones. Living memorials that would outlast them.

The wind whispered through the baby leaves on the young oak trees as the first was planted. The city had made a brick ring with a brass inscription to Alicia. Amanda swore she heard a voice calling her, calling them both, as she tramped down the dirt around the roots. Through her muddled haze of fatigue she saw a face forming in the branches. It was the face from the picture that Mark still kept in the living room. She looked at Mark, but he was staring into the leaves as well.

"Thank you, Amanda." The voice seemed to say. "Thank you for loving my daughter. Thank you for loving Mark and making my love whole again." The vision seemed so real.

"Mark. Love this woman as you did me. It is time for you to let go of me. I love you, Mark. I'll always love you, but it is time for me to go. You've made me very happy. It was a beautiful ceremony and I'm so happy to have seen my daughter find her love. Now, Mark, you move on too and know it is with my blessing, my joy in your happiness."

The voice fell still and the face faded back into small green leaves. Amanda looked at Mark, her jaw slack. Mark had a strange look on his face and she wondered if he had see it, heard it too, or if it had just been in her mind.

Amanda felt a tingle go up her spine as they planted the trees for Susan and Mark Jr., but at least there were no visions. She looked around and knew that they all felt it. Marks children were here, watching.

Amanda watched as Alan stomped the shovel into the fresh earth. She heard the sound of wind in the branches and as she watched, a smoky image of Jerry rose from the ground and shook dirt from his ghostly translucent clothing. His image stood aside as Alan shoveled and planted the tree.

"I'm sorry, Amanda." She heard his words in her head and her mind replied.

"What are you sorry for, Jerry?"

"I'm sorry for so much. I'm sorry for how I treated you; hurt you in those last months. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for not having more money, more insurance. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you by going. I love you so much Amanda."

"Jerry, I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I'm betraying you now."

"You're not betraying me! I left you, deserted you when you needed me most. I am so happy for you. I want you to go on. Need you to go on. Amanda, I've been so worried about you. I felt I had to stay and watch over you. Now I can move on. I need you to let go. I love you Amanda, I'll always love you, but you need to love Mark. You won't forget me. I know you won't. I know you'll always love me, but you can love Mark too. Get on with your life Amanda, and don't drag me along as extra baggage.."

The image of Jerry burst in her head like a bubble. Suddenly he was gone. With that ghost went the last of her guilt, her anger, her pain. She turned to see Mark compressing the earth of Jerry's tree. Her dazed look slowly changing to an ear to ear smile.

As everyone stepped back, Amanda reached out to caress the branches of the baby tree. "Goodbye, Jerry, My love." She turned to smile at her new husband.

"Hello, Mark. My love. My life. I love you so much." She rushed to him, wrapping her arms around him and knocking the shovel out of his hands. The loss of his crutch would have made him fall if Amanda had not pulled him tight, steadying him. Her lips met his in an expressive kiss. The beginning of a new life.

The joy filled her soul, joy for her new love, her new life. The beauty of the day overwhelmed her as a tear of happiness slowly found her cheek. Suddenly she was glad that she had chosen Earth Day. A symbol of life, of continuation. For her, the start of a new life.