An Iranian Story

Ali stuck his head out of the opening of the safe room and looked around. The lights were still on, the smell of food was in air, but there was not one sound in the apartment. Before he left the safe room, Ava yelled, "If you get hurt, I will come up there and make it 100 times worse."

Layeh yelled, "Do I have to yell at you again? I have handcuffs in my apartment, and we could leave you there while we go out and have fun."

"Ali would not know what to do with himself, if I was not on his arm. I am not a lead weight, I am the source of his strength, and he knows it."

Ali screamed, "She is the source of my strength, when I am spanking her ass, and a beautiful ass it is."

"Ali, you are a dead man."

As he climbed the steps to exit the safe room he turned and said, "What, again!"

Ava wanted to scream, but Azar had her hands over her mouth.

"Do not make a sound. If anyone is up there, they will go directly for him, and you will never get a chance to kill him."

"Dammit Azar, that is cheating. That is fine when joy is in this life, but you are trying to take it away for me."

"Can I have your diamond choker, and your diamond ring?"

"Are you out of your mind? These things cost Ali a fortune."

"You just said that your only joy in life was going to be killing your husband. I thought removing those little baubles would mean nothing to you."

"Girl, you are the devil herself. You are very sneaky. I am going to have to be very careful what I say around you."

He kept low as he traversed each room slowly, looking for anyone, who was looking for him. Room after room he went, in his bare feet, and found nothing. He did not dare touch anything that would cause a shadow outside.

He said to Fannale, "Call the guy that called you and ask him to drive by the apartment to see if anyone is staking it out. If they are, have him call us. If they are not, have him beep as he goes by."

The call was made, and the guy said it would take him 15 minutes to do it. He said he would take two trips around the block just to be certain. Fannale said thank you.

As the moments ticked by, everyone got a little impatient. They heard a car go by, but nothing happened they heard the car go by again, but nothing happened. They did not get a beep, and they did not get a phone call. Something strange was going on. The car made another circuit and stopped in front of the apartment. The guy got out and shouted, "All Clear."

He got back in his car, and drove off.

Fannale called him immediately. "What the fuck happened to beeping your horn?"

"The horn God's worked against me. My horn would not work. I pushed on it, I jiggled it, I tried everything, and the damn thing would not work. So, I decided to yell at you, and tell you everything was okay."

"Thank you, Tenem."

They refrigerated a lot of food, froze some others, ate some of it, and unfortunately, they had to dispose of a lot of it also, especially the desserts. Sugar does not act as a preservative; it speeds up the deterioration of the other ingredients in the expensive desserts.

They closed the drapes, left the bedroom window open, but stayed away from anything that would cast a shadow. They did this for a day and night. On the second night, they turned on the television in the safe room to see the results of the election. In the beginning, it was a landslide for the military and the ayatollahs. This was expected. As the votes from the outer reaches of the country started pouring in, everything started evening out. By 1 o'clock in the morning, Ali was in the lead, 41%, to 33%, to 24%. It appeared the country was in for a runoff election.

Suddenly, news came in that 20,000 plus votes for the Baath party were fraudulent. They were counted by hand by independent investigators, and they all had the same flaw. The Iranian flag in the background was missing the Eagle's Talon. The Party's representative looked at each document and agreed that these votes were fraudulent and had to be discounted. The percentage of the Baath party's vote went down from 24% to 16%. The race now was finger nail close.

The rest of the evening, and most of the following morning, percentages moved by half a point, to a point at most. At noon the following day, the election was called. Everyone believed there was going to be a runoff. 16% +33% equals 49% of the votes. At last announcement King had 47% of the vote with 4% of the vote outstanding. 1% of the vote puts the election into a runoff. King would have to receive all 4% to pull off this miracle. No one had seen or heard from him in days. They did not know if he was dead or alive. They would wait and see.

The announcement of the result of the election was put off until the following morning, so everyone could look over the ballots and make sure they were all legal.

The people roared in disapproval. They believed the fix was in.

So did the people in the little apartment waiting to see if they could go outside. They washed their clothes, managed their hygiene, and ate regularly, but their nerves were getting on them, as with the rest of the country. 2 o'clock in the morning, 4 o'clock in the morning, they could not sleep. At 7 o'clock in the morning, everyone was in a mosque for prayer, and when they came out, there was a call from the minarets that the results of the election were in and it will be announced at 8:30 AM.

Everybody expected a military victory. They had enough time to change some votes, and change some minds. The ayatollahs did this all the time.

Ali said, "Screw them, take me to the Khomeini Center. I want to be front and center when they make the announcement, so that people can see me and the military can go to hell."

Ava said, "How many times do I have to remind you, that the only person you are allowed to screw is me!"

He replied, "I am sorry, dear, I am going to have to give you the little black book that I keep at home. You are going to have to call all the young ladies that are in there, and advise them that I will no longer be spending any time with them during the day, because my wife will not allow it. When they stop laughing at you, I do not know what to tell you to do. That will be at your discretion."

Ava was not sure what to do, so she hauled off and hit him in the jaw, knocking him out cold. He woke up two minutes later, with ice on his face, and on his neck.

Fannale said, "Sir, there is a good possibility, that you pissed her off."

"Where did you get your PhD in psychology, Fannale."

"Would you believe, "The School of Hard Knocks, sir."

"Yes, I would, some of the finest PhD's I know came out of that school."

"Would you like me to assist you to the car, sir?"

"I know I would not be able to get there any other way."

"Sir, the ladies are already inside."

"Can I sit up front with you?"

"Of course you can, sir, as long as you do not mind another right-hand to your jaw, just as you sit down."

"I will sit in the rear."

"You teach them, sir."

"Yeah, right."

As they approached Khomeini square, a loud roar erupted. They recognized his car and they knew he was in it. They began shaking it and Fannale was having difficulty controlling it.

Ali said, "Open the sunroof."

Fannale did, and Ali climbed up through it and stood on the roof of the car. The crowds went wild when they saw him. Ava yelled at him, "Get down here you idiot, someone's going to kill you."

"Let them do it in front of an adoring public and see how much grief they get from it. If they want another massive uprising, that will cause it."

As he was standing on top of the car, well-wishers joined him. They surrounded him in a cocoon of adoration. If someone wanted to shoot him now, it was impossible, at best. With the car moving slowly, bouncing, and jerking around, and 13 people all over the top of the limousine standing around him, the shooters of odds of hitting him would be nil. He would have to wait for him to give his concession speech when he lost the election.

As they reached the front of the square, everyone got off and helped him down to the ground. They escorted him to the speakers' platform and applauded him as he stepped up. He waved at them and thank them for their support. He yelled at them and asked them to get his wife out of the car and bring her to him. They immediately turned, opened the back door, recognized his wife, and pulled her out. She was in a panic, because she did not know what was going on. She was pulled and prodded, until she reached the platform. She saw her husband wave and said thank you to his supporters.

She said to him, "Did you do that to me?"

"Did you hit me?"

"Are we going to get into this now?"

"Only if you want to."

"You know I hate you when you do this to me."

"No, you told me, in front of witnesses, that you hated me all the time."

"That was a mistake. I must have been furious with you when I said it. I am not furious with you now. And I do not hate you now. I want to take you up to the dais and fuck your brains out."

"That would be my pleasure, darling. However, do you see those dummies with towels over their heads, wearing robes, coming this way. Those are the ayatollahs marching this way to read the results of the election. I believe we should wait until they have finished their work and have left for home. There is one more thing I must tell you, and it is important. If I accidentally win this thing, I have a list of 20 things that I promised the people I would do. I will not rest until I get these things done through our legislature and through those bastards in Qom.

"Honey, if it is a fight, you are looking for, I will fight with you all the way."

"You are going to break every fingernail on all ten fingers more than once."

"They will grow back, and there are always acrylics for temporary use."

The ayatollahs took the platform and a hush fell over the crowd. They announced the findings in a monotone voice: Gen. Abraham bin Salaam and his coalition has gathered 49.8% of the total vote. Ali Bin Sultan King has gathered 50.2% of the total vote, and is hereby elected president of Iran. He will meet with the ayatollahs in Qom to take the oath of office in 10 days.

The crowd exploded in joy. They never expected an outright win. This was beyond all their expectations now all he had to do was calm them down so we could talk to them, and that was going to be a tall order.

After minutes of cheering and yelling, he had them under control, and he began thanking them for his victory.

He said it was only through them that he was speaking to them from this podium now, rather than the military, who would keep them under the yoke of oppression for another four years. I do not know if I will live long enough to give you every-thing I have in my heart to make your lives better, but I will try my best, every day, to do it. You all know that I have a list of 20 items I plan to present to the legislature for their immediate approval. They will say no. I will force them to change their minds. I will not let you continue to suffer as you are now suffering. This country deserves to be as great as it was once before. I want to make this country flourish as it did back in the days of the corrupt ruler Mohammed Reza Pahlavi. He may have made billions under his corrupt rule, but this country flourished like a field of flowers while he did so. I will not make billions, I want this country to flourish from East to West from North to South, until the people sing with joy. Starting tomorrow, I will take a helicopter and begin visiting every major city and town in this country. I have 10 days until my inauguration; and I will spend every minute of it meeting as many of you as I can. I wish to thank you for putting me in this position. I want to thank you for making it possible for me to change these unjust laws that keep the yoke of oppression upon your necks. No longer will there be a dress code. If women wish to show their faces, and not cover their heads, and bodies, they will be allowed to do so, and if anyone tries to tell them otherwise, they will be arrested, and put into prison. The Army that oppressed you, no longer has the might of the judiciary behind them. They can no longer beat you without due cause. They must have a warrant in their hands, with your name on it, and show it to you, before they arrest you. If they try to do it any other way, it is illegal, or it will be, as soon I take the oath of office.

Children will be allowed to play at any time they wish to play. God has said so, and I will obey him. Children are God's gift to us, and anyone that abuses them will be arrested and sent to prison. Anyone, and I mean it.

Anyone who abuses a woman, even if she is your wife, will be arrested. A woman is not your property. She is a human being, and she is entitled to be treated that way. This country will move into the 21st century, along with every other country on this planet. We must grow along with them if we wish for them to accept us.

Our atomic ambitions are hereby put into stasis until the International Atomic Energy Commission can have complete and unfettered access to it to be sure there are no military ambitions attached to it. If there are, those portions of the atomic energy project will be dismantled by an international coalition and removed from this nation. We are not looking for a nuclear war, and we do not wish to be involved in one. We are looking for energy independence, and we will continue to move in that direction, with our nuclear project.

I will ask the International Monetary Fund to have us join into the euro. This will be a long process. The Rial is nearly worthless outside our borders. There will have to be negotiations between us to make this transition equitable. It may be painful in the beginning, but it will be beneficial to us all in the end.

Now, I know it is early, but I am going to get some sleep. I will be at the airport at 6:30 AM tomorrow, to leave for my first destination, which I have not been advised of at this point for security reasons. It is wonderful to be in a position of power, with enemies all around you. I thank you very much for putting me here. Good day my friends, and thank you for placing this target on my back.

The crowd roared their approval, and as he got into his car it seemed that they picked it up and carried it from the arena. There were so many people around it, yelling and screaming their dedication at him, he was overwhelmed.

Ava said, "I do not care how powerful you are Mr. President, you better for make tonight wonderful for me, or you will not wake up in the morning."

"Ali, you cannot disappoint those people. You must come through with everything you promised them, and more if you can do it. They are thinking of you as a God, sent from heaven, to release them from 50 years of oppression under these idiot ayatollahs. Religious rulers are the worst. They go by books and not by their heads. Their books are at least 3000 years old, and sometimes I think their heads are further behind than that. Mohammed would be ashamed of them."

"Ava, you did not yell at me. That is something new from you."

"You fucking idiot, did you listen to the speech you gave, or did someone write it for you, and you were on autopilot, as you read it."

"No, no one wrote that speech. This speech was off-the-cuff. I just said what was in my heart and told the people what I wanted to do. I did not lie to them, I told them exactly what I was going to do."

"Do you remember the part about the woman not being owned by her husband?"

"Did I say something like that?"

He fell to the floor immediately ducking for cover under the fusillade of lefts and rights his wife was throwing at him.

"You rotten son of a bitch. If I was not going to punish myself more than you, you would never get laid again. I would stick a gun up your ass and fire it multiple times, making sure I did not miss anything. You are the nastiest man I have ever met, and when I get you within range, I am going to kiss you and so often you will not be able to breathe."

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"You know what Azar said to us. Get up here you pussy."

"I did not want to show up at the airport in the morning, all black and blue, from the beating you were going to administer to me. I remember saying all those words about women in my speech, and I meant every one of them. How often do I beat you? NEVER! I smack your rear end, but it is all in play. I wish to the Almighty I could get you pregnant, because we would be wonderful parents to our little one. I would love to see you with a baby bump. I could torment you about getting fat, and I could see you running after me with the devil in your eyes. We have such a wonderful marriage, no one would ever realize you were born and raised in France. Your temperament is so mild, you were born in the Bordeaux region, among all those vines growing wonderful grapes. I could see you hanging there, day after day, month after month, with nothing to do, and no one to talk to, just soaking up the sun. At the end of it all, they pull you off the vine, put you into a tub and then press the life out of you. Then put the residue into a grinder to make fertilizer for the vines to grow on for next year's crop."

"I just knew you could not end this talk nicely. You had to jab me and make me angry at you. When we get to the hotel, and you get into bed, something horrible is going to happen to you, and I am going to laugh and get even with you."

"Ava my dear, you do not get even, you get a mile ahead of me."

At the hotel, there were thousands of people lined up outside waiting to greet him. He was tempted to tell Fannale to go around back, but he could not do that to his supporters. They stopped out front and they made way for him. He and Ava got out of the car, and they waived at both their fans and the press. They walked swiftly into the hotel, and breathed a sigh of relief. Security led them to the elevator, which brought them up to their suite on the top floor. It was wonderful to be the King.

While he went in to take a shower, she asked security for a bucket of ice. It was brought to her swiftly. She added water to it, until it reached the top. She covered it with a towel, and went to bed, naked, of course. She lay there, waiting for him, and he did not disappoint. He looked at her and smiled.

"Is this my punishment?"

"It all depends, can you survive it?"

"You could be charged with killing the president."

"You are not the president yet. You have not taken the oath of office. I have 10 days to kill you."

"Technicalities, technicalities, technicalities. You are on lady, do your worst."

"I intend to. If you feel pain in your right arm, and in your back, know that your heart attack is imminent."

"Lady, you do not have a prayer of causing me a heart attack, unless you stick a needle in my neck."

"I am sorry sir, but I have no needles. I will have to do it with my feminine wiles. Should I ask what you are waiting for, or are you frightened of me?"

"Me, frightened of the tiny little slip of a girl like you, that will never happen. Look at that little gash of yours and see how it is dripping. It is waiting for me to fill it, and I will in due time. I am waiting for you to heat up, and when I think you are hot enough, I am going to throw water on you, ice water. The ice water you had in store for me."

She screamed, "Ali, No, you will get the bed all wet."

Ali, picked up the ice bucket, removed the towel and approached his wife. She scampered to the far side of the bed, and even tried to get out of it, but there was not enough room.

She pleaded, "I give up. I will be good for the rest of the evening, and for the whole trip during the next 10 days. I will do nothing wrong; you have my word. Please, do not throw that ice water on me!"