All Comments on 'An Unexpected Tryst'

"Once he gained conciseness" should be "once he regained consciousness." This is just an example of the errors which an editor would find and correct for you. You should also focus on more character development. If you were trying to tell a story about a girl fucking her brother, it was moderately successful. If you were trying to tell a story about two siblings who love each other, it failed. However, your writing style shows potential and you should continuing writing and contributing . . . with the assistance of an editor.

This is a really good story other than the silly grammatical errors, if you get some one to proof read your next piece of work before submission it would make it so much better!

Great story though, keep up the good work

X

I thought it was wonder story. Could totally relate to it. It totally turn me on and love every second of it....

This was one of the best stories I have ever read you are an incredible writer and I'm glad I got the chance to read it!

Good story and plot. Well planed and written. Just would remind you to proof read before posting as there were a few typos and one or two words that seemed incorrect for the sentence and/or situation.

Want to see where this goes, if you write additional chapters. Which I think you should.

The type-o's mean nothing to me. As I have found them in books used in schools.

You always have some a__hole. That think they are here, to avise you on your typeing

It was a great story,well written, an awesome read. Thank you for shareing it with us.

Why is everybody complaining about the spelling?! An overall good story, However i would have preferred more background.

needs to have more fucking include the mother

For thise of you who are kind enough to read my story, know this. It's NOT a story! This is what actually happened between my brother and I. I appreciate your suggestions on improving it, like adding my mother, but this is a true account of what happened. Please keep that in mind if you choose to read this.

Tnx,

Brit

If what you say is true, about this being a real account in your life, I would love to hear more about you and your brother. its very sweet and proves love is blind. Also i recommend experimenting more. If you lost your V-card and anal virginity to him (and seemed to enjoy it) you should defiantly do some reading and find positions and/or toys and such, and eventually (if your willing or into it) some enhancement drugs. I do not recommend ecstasy though unless you can obtain it often because it changes sex completely, and normal sex after that just isn't the same. its like going back to masturbation after having very intense sex. Good luck to you and your brother and may you both live long very happy lives no matter the outcome.

Quid

loved it, looking forward to any sequels, especially loved how romantic it was

Loved hearing the story from the female perspective. Surprised that you were willing to recant something so personal and taboo. Thank you for sharing, excellent story!

The last paragraph was a little abrupt. I was yearning for more. Maybe another chapter?

Wow, what a fun and sexy time you had with your brother! But I'm curious: Are you still with him these six years later? How about an update.

Damn I wish I could have this happen to me

As far as i'm concerned, your brother would have had at least half a dozen opportunities to (briefly) visit home on leave during a six year service overseas.

i hate to be such a stickler for things such as this... but personally speaking, that minor, little failure in detail is what sort of "took me out" of it almost immediately. i always immensely appreciate when attention is given to the real-world plausibility of, at least, the mere backbone to a story's setup/premise. In regards to your story, obviously the significant, primary factor in which the subsequent events follow is based around the fact that they haven't seen each other in so many years. perhaps i'm a rare bird when analyzing stories such as these, but i would absolutely love to see an ever-so-slight tweak on the very beginning, so that the developing chemistry and desire/lust between them comes off as much stronger and believable — towards what i imagine would be legitimately felt or experienced in the scenario played out in real life.

Cheers!