All Comments on 'An Unexpected Weekend'

Nice story so far. I can see a few different angles you can take this story.

WHERE IS THE FIRST PART OF THE STORY???? never ever start a story in the middle the first chapter should introduce the people and explain their relationship to each other. in this case the first chapter should explain how they got sexually involved with each other then move on to this chapter as chapter two. never ever post a story without going through a good editor first to many spelling errors and NEVER USE TEXT SPEAK spell the words out don't shit like DTF. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS USE A GOOD EDITOR, START AT THE BEGINING AND ALWAYS FINISH WHAT YOU START. EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL PLEASE DELETE THIS AND DO A PROPER REWRITE.

Clearly, you only read the first couple paragraphs and never got to the part where IT WAS A DREAM! It wasn't a bad place to start, hope to see more.

p.s. leaving an anonymous flame is a cowardly and pathetic action.

Maybe, but slamming people for being anonymous on the net is superficial, ignorant, and just plain moronic. If you don't like people being anonymous on the net, stay the fuck off it.

I agree with with what is said about the anonymous comments! I'm not saying all of them are bad but there are some ppl who should actually read the story before saying anything,and there are some who can,and should be more considerate of the authours! Was for the story,great job can't wait for the next part!

It was a good read, but I do have a bit of advice/criticism. Next time can you make their names not so much alike because it can make it a little bit confusing. Also I hope you make another chapter to maybe explain a little bit into what led into the sex, because in my opinion it just kind of jumped into sex out of nowhere.

Then all of a sudden she came on to him and said she loved him. That was curious of her doing that. Maggie had always been sweet to him so her behaviour wasn't so strange.

I hope that all is explained in the next chapter.

Thanks for the read.

Great story.. lookin forward to the next chapter

Really enjoyed reading your story and hope you continue to write more chapters

It is a great read I am looking forward to seeing more chapters

True, some anonymous comments are useful and constructive. Yours, however, are purely useless and spiteful drivel. I've seen essentially the same comment from you on multiple stories here - you use the same wording ("Show some pride in your work...", "Respect your readers..."; "Use an editor..."; "Delete this and do it right..."; "Never ever" this and "Never ever" that and blah blah blah). You must have this inane boilerplate stored somewhere to make the process of creating your vitriolic crap comments more efficient. And after posting, you anxiously wait for someone to criticize your comment and attempt to jump down their throat. This time you were well caught: you never finished the story. And you never answered that particular challenge.

You're a bloody troll. Looking to stir the pot; no attempt at all to help authors with your moronic comments. Shame on you, you dickless anonymous coward. Stay away until you have the balls to create an account (three minutes' work). No, stay away until you have the balls to post something that others can critique.

Done with you, you little prick.

Anonymous is just short phony baloney. Please post a story so the rest of us can rip it like you do to us. Your just plain gutless so I'll post this as anonymous just like you do now. It's obvious you don't like to be called out Mr. (?) Baloney.

PS I enjoyed the read and gave it a five

Needs to be thoroughly edited...you mix up their/there, you left out letter of words, and it is apparent that you changed sentences, yet kept certain words, thus making the story confusing.

Overall good plot line, however.

loved the story. keep them coming

For a first try at writing erotica I don't think you did to bad, but I didn't find that good either. Definiatly needs improvement. You need to check it and re-check it for typing errors, don't have all their names be similar please as it's confusing, Molly avoided him then she loves him? Also the sex scene came out of no where, you could fit a whole literotica page in before the sex as build up. Either way I'll look out for the next chapter or another story, be nice to see if you've improved. Also you have to be the first American I have ever seen use the word 'twat' lol, only ever heard/seen it used here in the UK. To all those saying people that post as anonymous are cowards please shut the fuck up, if I be arsed to sign up the only difference is I am now commenting under my literotica name regardless if I Have written any stories of my own, yet that is fine? You always attack when some anonymous person gives an author bad feedback and you don't agree, it's even worse when it is the author themselves. Stop being so pathetic, if you can't handle negative feedback then fuck off. In fairness though this time the guy didn't even read the whole story so yes he was being a prick.

Normally I don't like it when a story jumps into the middle of a sexual encounter, but I had to smile when it was reviled it was a dream. Guess someone didn't read enough or skipped over that critical part. Very good for a first story but as some readers have pointed out there are questions not answered.

Hope to see a chapter 2 and the surprise that Mom is bringing home. How many women can a guy fuck at one time??? Hope we find out. Thanks

never start a story in the middle, never post a story without going through a good editor first, never post a dream story in any area except the fantasy area and learn to write.

I think your doing a great job, the story has a good start.I would like to read more of this, keep up the great work.

Really enjoyed Chapter 1 Ignore 04/15/12 you have had long enough now it's time for it to be continued.

The guy is a virgin and lasts an hour without blowing his load? What a load of crap. Also, keep the characters' names straight...

The story starts with a nuclear explasion. Where's the 'how-we-got-here' that sets the stage, creates anticipation, and buuilds eroticism? I don't know, but it'snot in your story.

Molly must have wanted David for a while, by what she has said and the way she went after him, and she had to keep her distance from him or she would have spilled the plan she and her sister had for getting him.

I have the though it was Molly that was causing any girl that was interested in David to drop him to keep him for herself and her sister.

Now Maggie is a different story altogether. She must have wanted him for a long time, not to be involved with anyone and being that she is more than five years older than him and not with anyone.

I still want to see mom get in on a wild fuckorama,with both of her daughters and her son, and get her little boy's huge cock stuffed up her pussy and stretch her out.

Perhaps that is the surprise she has for him when she gets home.

A good start and thanks for the read.

you can't just start in the middle of a story WHERE IS THE BACKGROUND AND BUILDUP? you totally fucked it up no start a rush to sex and then we get left hanging. delete and rewrite using a good editor or ghost writer but don't leave it like this bomb. as badly as molly was treating him there is no way he would want anything to do with her keep it believable please.

the best thing you can do for this so called story is DELETE IT. delete both chapters and get a good editor to help you rewrite it PROPERLY. be sure to start from the begining giving proper background on the characters and develope the plot. you waste your time and the readers by jumping into the middle of a story. i seriously doubt YOU would ever read a story by any writer by starting with chapter two instead of one, and i seriously doubt YOU would watch a movie if you already missed the first part. do a total rewrite before posting anything else and be sure to DELETE THE ORIGINALS FIRST.

I won't be as mean as some of these but you really need an editor. Like bad. And an hour for a Virgin in his fantasy three way, he'd be lucky to last 5 minutes

Another one with a big dick syndrome. Can't everyone in these stories have a dick so big, most women would scream and run away from it. The law of averages kills that theory. An average sized five and a half inch dick works for most people and they're quiet happy with what they've got. Get real people. I'm seventy five years old and not once in my lifetime did any woman I've been with ever complain about my average sized dick. And I've been all over the U.S. and Asia.

And you couldn't leave the anal out of it could you. There's a category for anal. Use it.

The old fart.

The idea of starting a story in the middle and then backtracking is called en media reis. Many great authors use it. Shakespeare starts quite a few plays that way. So just because you didn't like it doesn't mean that it isn't a bad style to write in.

Yes, many good stories start in the middle, but not erotica stories. Never have, never will. Bad idea, dude. 1*